Football Flu: woke up with a stomach virus

I am terrified of vomiting. I have had a vomit phobia ever since I was a child. Anytime anybody else vomits, I have this mixture of fear and fascination. I can't watch, I can't stand to hear the sound of it, but also, I will ask people questions like 'What color was it?' or 'What were they eating?' I have to look at it, but I can't stand to look at it.

So this morning, I didn't know anything was wrong. I woke up thirsty in the middle of the night and took a couple sips of water out of my bottled water. All of a sudden I realized that it 'wasn't going down.' I just felt like the water was coming back up my throat. So I stopped drinking, and then I tried to lie back down, but it kept coming back up my throat, so I went into the bathroom and took a very hot bath and sat next to the toilet for a while. I came very close to vomiting, but didn't. My blood pressure went up, I felt this pressure in my head, I felt the adrenaline rush, my heart was pounding, but I stopped it from happening. I usually try very hard not to let it happen.

I get vomit viruses every time there is a football game. Every time large numbers of people travel from place to place, they bring new viruses. It happens every year. Last year I lost a lot of weight during football season because I was getting a vomit virus every single week. I don't let myself vomit - instead, I totally stop eating and drinking. It's like getting anorexia. I was skin and bones by the end of the football season. I actually took a picture of it. You could see my ribs showing through my skin. I hope that doesn't happen again this year.

The Great Chemical Purge of '09 - Toxic Fumes and Environmental Illness

This is hard to explain, because I'm sitting in my apartment, and I can't think clearly. I'm spending as little time in here as possible right now.

I've had severe fatigue for a while now, but I've had bouts of fatigue on and off for years, usually triggered by chemicals. I don't always know right away what's causing it. It takes troubleshooting and trial and error.

In the past couple days, the fatigue turned into the scary kind of sleepiness, where it's not like the usual chronic fatigue, but instead, it's more the 'Carbon Monoxide Is Putting Me To Sleep' kind of fatigue. I can't find my carbon monoxide detector - I think I might have left it at McDonald's or something, back in the great 'Poisonous Fumes At McDonald's' incident in December 2007. (I think I wrote about that one on MySpace. 'Go ahead and fire me!') But I don't think it's carbon monoxide.

(In addition to the fatigue and sleepiness, I also had almost two weeks of recurring Norovirus, which developed into appendicitis. The appendicitis is going away on its own. Viral appendicitis can happen when you get an ordinary stomach virus, but it's usually mild and it heals itself. I have had *mild* viral appendicitis many times before and I recognize the feeling. But with two weeks of Norovirus, it was getting bad enough that I was ready to talk to the doctor - and that's saying something. Just when I was about to look up a doctor in the phone book, the Norovirus went away and the appendicitis died down.)

So far I've had a couple theories. There is definitely bad air. I feel it when I breathe, especially in certain locations. It's very similar to what happened at McDonald's. And this is the third time that I have had a toxic fumes incident in my apartment. The previous two times, it seemed to have been triggered by cleaning chemicals.

Well, I just recently sprayed some Windex in the bathroom, and last time I had a toxic fumes incident, I had recently done something similar, except that it had bleach in it last time. This time, there was no bleach. I am not sure if the bad air is caused by the chemicals or if it has some other unknown cause. But it began shortly after I used that spray.

While trying to find the problem, I found a pool of mystery liquid which was in the middle of a pile of mystery powder. You don't know how messy my house is. This mess is the result of several years of unimaginable disaster and a lack of social support. (The lack of social support is finally being fixed right now, a little at a time.)

I had a whole bunch of bottles of cleaning chemicals sitting around in the kitchen on the floor, which I had been using to attempt to clean the herbal oils out of the laundry. (It didn't work, and the chemicals made everything much worse than it had been originally.) I just recently moved a bunch of junk around, and there was one bottle that I sort of kicked from one pile of junk into another pile of junk.

I had about a dozen different boxes and bottles of various things all around. There was Borax (I got rid of that long ago because it made me so sick), bleach, ammonia, PineSol, some kind of wood-cleaning oil, Windex, carpet shampoos, Mr. Clean, and other things. The one that spilled was the PineSol. Oh yeah, I also had de-limer and rust remover, and I remember that the de-limer we used at McDonald's was horrible to breathe, so I didn't trust the one that I had.

After cleaning up the spill as well as I could, I then collected every single bottle of every single chemical that I had, and I threw all of them away, out in the dumpster. (Definition of 'chemical': something liquid or powder, usually in a bottle or can, intended for cleaning, and able to react easily with other chemicals. It's a vague definition. I realize that, technically, all physical objects in the universe are made out of chemicals.) I don't use those things except on very rare occasions. I bought them all out of desperation when I was trying to fix the laundry problem.

Some of the bottles had been there for years. They are now no longer a hazard in my house.

I slept with the windows open last night. I bought a sleeping bag so I could keep warm.

Even though I wiped up the spill, there is still something wrong with the air. I am going to try a couple things. First, I've had the windows open. I will try again cleaning up the area where the spill was, and cleaning it more thoroughly. I am also observing the hot water heater because there seems to be bad air lingering in that area, although that could be just because it's back in an enclosed corner where the air doesn't circulate much. The water heater is electric, *NOT GAS*, thank goodness, so it isn't having a gas problem. I am afraid of gas appliances. They really can put out carbon monoxide. There are no appliances in my apartment or in this house anywhere that could produce carbon monoxide. It's most likely a chemical problem from the cleaning fluids.

So, I didn't sleep very well last night. I actually got a second sleeping bag just this afternoon. The first sleeping back was a lightweight one, and I used it while sleeping indoors. The one I bought today is a heavy-duty one and I am going to see what happens if I try to take a nap in my car.

This is deja-vu. It was the dead of winter the last two times that I had toxic fumes incidents. In 2007, the ephedra/tobacco/herbs cleanup triggered an incident, and I attempted to sleep in my car a couple times, and it was in the early spring or late winter, maybe around March, or April. In 2008, the incident was mild enough that I was able to handle it by just opening the bathroom window and putting a fan on - but it was also in the winter, around February.

This incident is mild enough, and I'm pretty sure it's the little pool of mystery chemicals that was on the floor in the kitchen. So I don't expect it to be that big of a deal to clean up and air out, and I expect it to be fixed in a day or two. In a way I'm glad it happened, because it caused me to throw away all of the bottles of cleaning chemicals that I wasn't using, and I'm happy to be rid of them. I will not buy cleaning chemicals again - I don't want any chemicals in my house except for just a couple of small, simple things that are less threatening. (Like dish detergent.)

The other positive thing is that I have spent the past few months meeting more people and making some (tentative) new friends, local people, so if it's an emergency, there are real people who I can go to if I have a situation so severe that I have to get out of the apartment immediately. This hasn't quite reached that phase yet, but if it did, I'd have somewhere to go.

The other aspect of this is that I recently changed my work schedule so that I'm on three days a week. I wasn't quite ready to do that, but I had to, because, as I said, I've had the problem with fatigue and it was getting worse, and I was having trouble going to work and having trouble concentrating and getting my job done. (There was an incident where I was supposed to make a whole bunch of salads because the salads were going on sale the next day, and I didn't get it done, and everybody was angry. And it was mostly because I was too tired to think clearly, and I didn't communicate with them about how many salads I could realistically produce in a certain period of time, while also shutting everything down and cleaning up. It would not have been possible for any person to do it, but I said yes, I could do it, and they all expected that I would do as I said.)

This is my very first week with the three days schedule, and cleaning up the house is exactly the type of thing I intended to do during that 'free' time. (I don't really feel like I have any actual free leisure time to do fun things - my life is still too full of problems and anxieties.)

This is the year of asking for help and getting more social support and meeting people. That's the only thing that can help me right now, getting more people involved in my life. The problems and disasters were piling up faster and faster, and they buried me. I could not clean up one disaster before the next disaster hit. And the time is passing. So I am doing something different now, and I am getting people to help.

So that's my day today. There's a lot more space in the kitchen with all of that clutter gone.

appendicitis?

i've had appendicitis many times before, every time a virus goes around. but this week i just keep getting the virus every time i go to the bathroom at work. it happened again today. about ten minutes after leaving the bathroom, i started getting nauseated. i ended up being unable to eat anything during lunch break. i was perfectly fine until i went into the bathroom, then i inhaled norovirus. i don't know if i'm inhaling viruses themselves, or the toxin. i don't know if maybe it's on the sink faucet handles. i don't know. but every time i go there, i get it again.

i almost lost it the other night. i was gently tapping on the right side of the abdomen because of a feeling of gas pain and i knew i had some appendicitis, but wasn't sure how bad it was. all of a sudden my blood pressure crashed. i felt like i was about to faint and vomit. my feet started tingling due to loss of circulation, within a couple seconds. i got up, took my blood pressure, and it was:

94/44, 63 bpm

almost bradycardia, and borderline emergency low blood pressure. it was very sudden. so sudden, i thought that i had suddenly ruptured the appendix. so i stood up, grabbed my wallet and keys, ran out the door without a coat on in freezing bitter cold, and drove to the hospital (which is conveniently only about a half mile away) and sat in their parking lot, waiting to see what would happen.

but my blood pressure went back up, and i started to feel okay again.

i was having problems with the socks i was wearing, because they were contaminated from the carpet. the carpet contamination causes low blood pressure and bradycardia - i've had it happen before. so i was already having hypopnea - not breathing enough - for several nights, and low blood pressure. but somehow when i did something to the appendix, something changed very suddenly in a life-threatening way. i was sure that something ruptured and that i was bleeding internally. i almost lost it.

it didn't hurt, though. it was just that sudden severe loss of blood pressure.

i bought new socks and immediately felt much better, and am no longer having the hypopnea, low blood pressure, and bradycardia that i had been having for several days.

however, like i said, i got the norovirus again at work today. i didn't get it as severely as before. but my appendix is hurting again tonight. to make it worse, in the week during and before the norovirus appeared, i was eating unusual foods that probably contributed to giving me constipation. i had indian food, which isn't usually a problem, but i was eating nothing but white rice for a couple of days, and naan bread, and those are the types of foods that will make digestive problems worse in some ways. i mean, if you eat nothing but that. during the virus, i had constipation, appendicitis, nausea, almost-vomiting and a constant struggle to control it, and salivation. i also had gas and burping.

but that weird incident with the crash of blood pressure was very threatening. if i keep getting this norovirus again and again, the appendix won't be able to recover. that's why i am looking at photographs of inflamed appendixes right now. (appendices?) they obviously look VIRAL. there is a certain style of how things look when they are infected with a virus. if it's lumpy, irregular, multi-colored, and 'messy-looking,' then it's probably infected with a virus. cancer looks the same way, and cancer is connected with viruses. warts look like that. and you see it not just on animals, but also on plants and trees infected with viruses. some of the appendix pictures had that multi-colored, irregular, lumpy look.

i don't want to REMOVE my appendix. i would like to drain it and conserve it as much as possible. i want it to stay right where it is, and continue doing whatever it's doing. if it can be drained out or cleaned out, and the pressure and swelling reduced, i want to keep it.

i am going to just wait for the norovirus to completely disappear...

(some people are probably going to think that it's an ovary instead of the appendix.  that's something i haven't researched yet.)

Norovirus, then a forced awakening in the early morning

this is for retmeishka.

I haven't been writing for a couple reasons. First, the snow has covered up all the St. John's Wort, and so I haven't been able to make any fresh batches. The stuff that I have is old, which means that it hardly does anything when I use it, except act as a sedative. I'm avoiding using it, because I need it to do more than just act as a sedative. It also sensitizes me to other chemicals, so I'm not gaining much if all I do is get a sedative effect and more chemical sensitivity, without the 'achievement/ambition' effects that I want from the antidepressant constituents.

I have been getting a stomach virus over and over. It's the norovirus and it's in the ladies' bathroom at work. People are going in there and vomiting in the toilets. There is no ventilation - the air is stagnant in there. So the vaporized, aerosolized viruses stay in the air for hours, the same way that the smell of cigarettes would linger in there for hours if someone had sneaked in there and smoked a cigarette. But instead of a little smoke, there is instead a contagious vomit virus that causes symptoms within five minutes.

I started salivating within five minutes of leaving the restroom. Sue almost threw up, and it was maybe twenty minutes after going to the restroom that it happened to her. There was vomit in and around the toilet in the second stall. People are throwing up in the bathroom almost every day, I think, because the norovirus is going around town and everybody's got it.

I have gotten it three times this week so far, and - or, make that four, I guess, if I count last night. Now I'm confused, it's either three or four times.

I finally fell asleep sometime after maybe three o'clock. They zapped me awake at maybe seven or eight AM. I can't explain to the managers at work that I got only three or four or five hours of sleep because mentally ill criminals zapped me awake even though I had been up all night with severe nausea for the fourth time this week because the bathroom at work has no ventilation. And because I have no social support (yet, although I will soon) as a 'targeted individual' being attacked 24/7/365, and nobody can provide me with an effective shield so that I can sleep in in the morning without being physically attacked and forced awake.

I don't know how many other mind control victims there are in Pennsylvania. I can find their blogs on the net, and I can find websites made by people that are meant to be helpful, but they don't have people producing effective shields and selling them. They also don't have detectives using equipment to detect and track down the type of attacks that happen to you and finding out where they come from and who is doing them.

So I might contact people through blogs, which is one way that I will begin, but local people might be hard to find. And I have been too sick for the past few months to even try doing anything challenging such as contacting other targeted individuals.

I would want to tell my managers at work that maybe, just maybe, I could have gotten over the stomach virus and managed to come in to work when I was scheduled, if only someone hadn't awakened me a mere couple of hours after I finally fell asleep after struggling with nausea and sickness all night long. And I can't tell them that, because non-fellow-sufferers have limits to their belief. They can say that I 'experienced' a 'mental phenomenon' of some kind, but that is the only way they can describe it. They can't say 'Yes, I agree: you were the victim of a physical attack, a crime, and that's why you couldn't sleep after having a stomach virus all night.'

I did tell them to schedule me on a three day week. I would want my parents to understand that I'm too sick to work, that all of the problems that have happened to me are real, that my observations are accurate, that my apartment really is contaminated with the essential oils of the herbs that I tried to grow, that I really am being attacked by mentally ill criminals and organized crime gangs and unknown people. I would want my parents to understand that I can't help it that there are economic boom and bust cycles that caused me to get laid off from the only two good jobs that I ever had that were high-paying and comfortable, in an office environment. When I ask for help from them and they help me pay my rent, they are reluctantly giving help to a daughter who they think is merely 'crazy' instead of an accurate, logical observer of reality. They think I'm just having another one of my outbursts or attacks or 'breakdowns' or something.