My life outside of work

Everyone just left the library. I thought it closes at 8:00 tonight? Oh, wait, I hear somebody moving around. It was creepy when everyone just walked out. There's only one person left and it's the librarian, and me.

I only have fifteen minutes, because I spent the first 45 minutes surfing. I could get on again and go another hour.

I had been thinking of writing a post about my life outside the workplace. What happens to me when I leave work? Do I disappear and cease to exist? I feel like most of my time is spent at work and not at home.

The drug contamination problem is the central problem of my outside-work life. It has changed everything I do and it is the reason for all of my strange behaviors. I can describe what it's done.

I moved to my new apartment in Bellefonte. I didn't unpack all my belongings. They are in storage. Why? Because most of them are contaminated with some amount of the drug residue. I have only a few belongings in my apartment, just a couple of basic things needed for survival.

There are some books, papers, and my calculator on the floor. I am having a problem with the calculator. I returned the first one, because the add button was sticking. Now, on my new one, the add button is doing the same thing again. Sometimes I hear voices at the exact moment when the add button sticks, so they could be making it happen, but other times, it happens without hearing voices. I don't want to keep returning and re-buying calculators forever when it's actually caused by an attacker instead of being a fault of the calculator. But I will buy a different brand this time when I return it, and see if it has the same problem. They used to make buttons stick on my Oxygen-8 keyboard when I was playing with Propellerheads Reason, and they would trigger the 'rage' emotion at the same moment that they did this, making me want to kill somebody to stop them from attacking me. They would also make the song I was writing play over and over and over in my head so I couldn't think while trying to write music. So again, the calculator problem might be entirely an attack, or it might be a badly made calculator, and I don't know yet.

But anyway, the calculator, books, and papers are my most visible, obvious possessions, and they are sitting on the floor, not on a table.

I also sleep in a sleeping bag, and not in the bedroom, but in the living room, on the floor. The bedroom is more noisy because it's next to the road, and also, it has a tiny bit of moldy air coming out of an access panel in the closet (don't worry, the mold level is very, very low, and I keep that door closed, so it doesn't get into the rest of the house). I don't have a pillow, because I have thrown so many pillows in the garbage, just like I have to throw blankets and clothing in the garbage when it gets contaminated and won't wash out.

I was trying to explain to someone recently that my life is really strange and it would be hard for me to live with a roommate even though I would love to save $200 a month on my rent by sharing it with someone. I would have to explain all the rules of contamination prevention, and trust my roommate to follow the rules. My car is still contaminated, so my shoes get contaminated, so shoes have to be taken off and left at the bottom of the stairs, for instance.

I have paper covering large areas of the floor. There have been a few tracking incidents where contaminated footprints have gotten on my carpet. I also have lots of garbage bags sitting in the kitchen, because I can't bear to take out the trash when it's this cold outside and I don't have a coat. Why don't I have a coat? Because they're expensive and I keep throwing them in the garbage. They're expensive even from Goodwill. They inevitably get contaminated in my car or when I handle other contaminated belongings.

There is another weird behavior which I could laugh about, because it would seem like a benefit, a good thing instead of a bad thing, about living with me. But it isn't done intentionally to be - I am going to have to wait until I log in again, I have only a minute left here.

Anyway, there is this thing I have tended to do for several years now, for various reasons, and it's not meant to be entertaining or seductive, but other people would think that it was. I usually go around naked all of the time. I am a nudist and I believe that nudity should be no big deal and it shouldn't be seen as explicitly sexual, but people are brainwashed to believe that nakedness is always sexual and this is a BIG DEAL and it's something to get freaked out about.

When I lived at the other apartment, there was a peeping tom who started sending me emails with pictures of naked women in exactly the same position I was in, doing exactly the same thing I had been doing. There were woods behind the house and this person was up in the woods looking in my window. This was someone who thought that naked women were a 'big deal' instead of something normal to take for granted. I hate that attitude. I hated the person who was doing that, and no, they were never arrested, and instead, I got sent to a mental hospital because of that person. This person was freaking out merely because I was naked.

Everybody should be 'allowed,' quote unquote (I don't use the word 'allowed' - it implies that there is some authority figure giving permission, and it implies that their authority is legitimate authority that I respect, instead of a NOT-legitimate authority that I DO NOT respect or accept. The so-called authorities who 'allow' or 'forbid' people to do things are actually murderers, and I do not accept their authority, their use of force, their electronic mind control and other tactics, and yes, it isn't only 'government' doing it, it is also individual murderers, and groups of murderers, and 'official' government murderers - it's not the same people all the time, but a variety of people.) to walk around naked whenever and wherever they want to, outdoors or indoors, in public or in private. It shouldn't be illegal. It shouldn't be shocking, or exciting, or arousing, because people would take it for granted that everybody was naked and it didn't mean anything.

So anyway, I now have more reasons to walk around my apartment naked. When you have to throw clothes in the garbage after they get contaminated, that's even more of an incentive not to wear clothes. I wear them when I leave the house. Contaminated clothes would make me have drug effects all day long, which I don't want to have happening. Also, clothes from Goodwill - and I love Goodwill - but, when you first buy them, they have cooties. Cooties, mange, scabies, the same thing. Itch mites, microscopic, too small to see. They burrow into the skin and cause scratch marks and dots on the skin. The clothes have to be washed before you can wear them. It's not lice. Lice are 'macroscopic.' You can see them. These mites are too small to see. They are also on toilet seats, and all public seats that other people are sitting on, and they are on coats and jackets shared by people at work. (This was funny, I agreed with Britney at Weis when somebody told her she should just use one of the Weis coats when she was taking out the trash with us, and she said, 'Ew!' 'Ew' is because the coats are all dirty, they're used by everybody, and they DO have cooties. I get itch mites on me every time I wear the coats, because everybody shares them.) On public toilets, I either use the toilet seat covers, or I put toilet paper down, or I just crouch above the seat without touching it. The mites get all over the back of your legs and your butt, and then you have to scratch yourself, which is awkward and embarrassing. I am so allergic to them that I will get big red scratches and scars all over the back of my thighs. It's gross and I would not want people seeing all the scratches all over my skin.

Everybody has mange, but only some people are extremely allergic to it. I am one of the people who reacts very badly to mange, and my cuts don't heal, and they get red and infected and turn into scars. So people wouldn't 'catch' mange by touching me, because everyone already has it and it's everywhere. I'm not the only person who has it. But I'm one of the people who breaks out into horrible bleeding cuts and scratches all over my skin because of the allergy and being unable to heal properly.

So this is another reason why I avoid wearing clothes at home. It means I would have to wash all of my Goodwill clothes, and doing laundry is one of the small household chores that I can't bring myself to do when it's ice cold outside, and I don't have a coat, and I'm working five days a week during my temporary-Wednesdays month, December, right now, to prepare for the time off I'm taking in January.

Some of the unconventional or gross behaviors are things that I am doing consciously and deliberately, on purpose. I don't wash or brush my hair anymore, and that's done intentionally. I haven't talked about the experiment that I'm doing with my teeth, because I'm kind of embarrassed about it, but I am doing a grooming experiment that involves teeth. This is based on the assumption: Plaque DOES NOT cause cavities. I am assuming, or testing, the belief that cavities are caused by odontoporosis, the destruction of teeth from within, which is exactly like osteoporosis.

Osteoporosis is caused by synthetic vitamin D which is required by government to be added to all milk products. Synthetic vitamin D is extremely toxic and it should be illegal (if I weren't a libertarian-anarchist and if I went around saying this or that should be illegal). But the government requires this toxic, poisonous substance to be added to our milk. It causes a wide range of health problems that resemble Vitamin D deficiency, when it is actually caused by TOO MUCH of the synthetic type of Vitamin D.

DO NOT EAT SYNTHETIC VITAMINS. 'The Order,' my religion, which doesn't exist yet, and which is temporarily called The Order Retmeishka because it's being described in my blog by that name, but that isn't the permanent name - the Order forbids the use of all synthetic vitamins and minerals added to food or taken in pills. All synthetic vitamins and minerals are forbidden. Yes, the Order is a real religion, and it has only one member, and that is me, and I am not yet compliant with the dietary rules because I don't have help with cooking for myself.

Another problem I'm seeing is iodine in salt. I have a reaction to touching the french fries at McDonald's. It gives me 'thyroid eyes.' My eyes become puffy and swollen in a particular way which is typical for hypothyroid disorders. If you touch french fries a lot, they are covered in iodized salt, and the iodine goes through your skin and messes up your thyroid, causing symptoms resembling hypothyroid disorders. I only eat non-iodized salts like sea salt or kosher salt. People need to know if their local soil contains iodine or not, and if you live in an iodine-poor area, you need to know whether you should CHOOSE to look for foods that contain extra iodine, but iodine SHOULD NOT be UNIVERSALLY added to everybody's salt everywhere, because too much iodine causes thyroid problems. When I work with the french fries for long periods of time at McDonald's - and I'm NOT eating them, I'm only touching them and the equipment, so it's going through my skin - I wake up the next morning with severely puffy eyes. It's not just the salt, it's the iodine also. Some might argue that the salt is going through my skin, and it's only the salt. But I am exhausted and all I do is sleep, which indicates a thyroid problem, and the SHAPE of the puffy eyes resembles myxedema, a thyroid symptom. They get puffy up above the upper lid, and you can push down on the puffiness and leave dents in it which stay dented after you push them (yes, it's disgusting). This thyroid problem is temporary and it only lasts a short time after I have been handling large amounts of salted french fries, like when I work at College Avenue and I am doing nothing but french fries all night long.

Peter's wife has those myxedema thyroid eyes, and my eyes temporarily become shaped exactly like hers. Her thyroid problem is POSSIBLY caused by transdermal exposure to Peter's thyroid drug, Synthroid, a synthetic thyroid hormone which probably causes symptoms of thyroid deficiency (it's only my theory). His son also has the thyroid eyes. According to this theory, their thyroid problems would disappear if she moved to a temporary decontamination house, wearing all new clothing that had never contacted Synthroid, with no carpets and no furniture that had ever touched Synthroid, and if she stopped touching french fries, iodized salt, or anything else that goes through the skin and affects the thyroid. This is only my theory, and if I were able to convince people that this was plausible, it would be so easy to test. All you have to do is test it yourself, for free, and observe the results. Does the thyroid problem disappear when you move to a clean, uncontaminated location and wear all new clothing? Does the myxedema go away and the eyes become less swollen?

With me, it's only the right eye. The left eye is less affected. This is because the right side of my face and the right side of my sinuses are affected by the bisphenol-A plastic dental fillings, which I am going to remove whenever I get some help preparing my own food, so I can eat a diet that won't hurt my cavities. My right sinus became permanently swollen after I got the plastic dental fillings, and my right eye is also now permanently swollen a little bit. It's the one that has the most noticeable myxedema when I get this problem. I also had something like a sty on that eyelid, but I don't know what a sty is and I forgot to research it. It went away on its own. Anyway, whenever I breathe, there is swelling in the sinus that I can hear and feel, above the plastic-fillings teeth. The Order - and yes, it isn't a joke, it's a real religion - is designed to prevent people from ever needing to get dental fillings of any kind at all, and it's designed to support you if you choose to remove your dental fillings or choose not to fill your existing cavities, but instead you choose to modify your diet so that you can tolerate the pain of the cavities and just leave them alone. It assumes that cavities are caused by breakdown from within, which is caused by poisons and malnutrition, although I still wonder about this because certain foods make my cavities get worse temporarily - orange juice, for instance - and then they gradually get better if I stop drinking the orange juice.

I don't know all there is to know about this yet, about how much is caused by destruction from outside versus destruction from inside. I am very, very grateful to Weston Price for observing that facial deformities and jaw deformities are caused by particular types of malnutrition and poisons. I want to prevent the jaw deformity in my children, if possible. It might work, and it might not, but I will try.

Well, that all came from talking about clothing, somehow. I have to read back and see where I got angry and started ranting, because I forget what I was talking about. Oh - I was talking about how strange it is to be my roommate, when you see my unconventional grooming, and how I am not brushing my teeth right now, and seeing what happens to them.

They wanted me to mention something that a co-worker at McDonald's was talking about, but I don't really think I should. It had to do with somebody not taking showers, and it wasn't about me, but someone else. Every time she talks about this, I am thinking to myself how horrified she would be if she knew about my grooming experiments and all the subjects that 'they,' the voices, had been interviewing me about in the past couple years having to do with grooming. Yes, I take showers, but that is because I get covered in transdermal drugs that make me sick or exhausted or affect my moods in various ways.

I am so used to living by a strange set of rules that it would be very hard to explicitly remember what all the rules are. You can't touch contaminated objects and then touch other objects, or the contamination will spread. That's something that I'm so used to by now that I am not even really aware of doing it. I just know that I can't touch my shoes to the carpet in the car, and then go walking around on the carpet in my house, because it will spread the drugs from place to place. That's only one example.

Anyway... My life outside work is very strange, very difficult, and very sad. It's not much fun. I don't watch television, either, and I don't do lots of fun things. I mostly work and save money and then I go read things and write on the internet. Sometimes I drive my car long distances because I love looking at the scenery and exploring places. Trying to explain how depressing and sad my life is, explain it to somebody who would be my roommate, is something that I haven't felt ready to do yet.

'I don't care.' Tommy Lee Jones said 'I don't care' to Harrison Ford just before HF jumped off the dam and fell to the river below, in The Fugitive, when Harrison Ford said 'I didn't kill my wife.' 'I don't care!' he says, and it turns out that he actually does care, and he ends up helping HF find the real killer in the end. (I can't remember the characters' names - it's been a while since I saw that movie.) I loved that 'I don't care,' because it sounds like the exact opposite of what it says.

I am still badly blocked about expressing my feelings.