A couple of dreams I had; descriptions of what happens when I hear voices; about social climbing in rural areas versus urban areas

7:44 AM 4/22/11

This morning they woke me up after a couple of dreams. I was looking for something in a backpack. I think I was looking for nutritious food in a backpack. The 'in a backpack' reference tells me this was about Rick, but I wasn't aware of that in the dream. I wasn't able to find the nutritious food I was looking for.

That reminds me of when I read about what kind of food he takes on his hikes. I'm not sure if they know about fats. He talks about protein, but not fat. He would not be likely to know about saturated fat in particular.

However, some of my own observations about saturated fat are part of the troubleshooting of the Weston Price diet. As always, it's more complicated than they make it seem. I have had a pounding heart feeling after eating it, but also, I have the plastic dental fillings which are said to cause heart problems, so this could be one of those things that happens when a combination of two factors are together. Saturated fat might affect modern people differently than it affected primitives if modern people have other factors that change how the body responds to fat.

I know that I get breast pain triggered by using St. John's Wort ONLY IF I have plastic dental fillings, but when I did not have plastic dental fillings, nothing at all gave me breast pain. (The breast pain was extremely obvious immediately after the fillings were put in.) So the sensation of a pounding heart after eating saturated fat might be similarly triggered by the combination of the two factors, dental fillings and saturated fat.

Also, my heart has been more sensitive in general after having been exposed to the transdermal drug residues for the past several years. I don't know if it would still be as sensitive if I were able to get rid of all of the contamination.

Saturated fat is not just one unififed concept. Not all saturated fat is the same. You can't just talk about saturated fat and be sure that you mean exactly the same thing. Fat differs depending on what kind of animal it came from, what the animal was eating, what nutrients it was getting, what poisons it was exposed to, and how the fat was handled during processing, as in, whether it oxidized or became rancid. There are many other factors that affect the quality of the fat. I have had problems with dried meats that contain saturated fat, but truthfully, I have noticed some reactions to all saturated fats; however, it isn't bad when I eat a small to moderate amount of it. And again, this might be because of my having the bisphenol-A from my dental fillings, which would affect the entire circulatory system, and cause it to behave differently. I don't know.

I actually drank Amish raw milk, and also ate some Amish swiss cheese made from raw milk, which came from cows that were grass fed and hormone free. This is supposedly the ideal situation. However, the cheese gave me the pounding heart feeling, so I didn't eat much of it. The milk tended to give me lots of 'lacrimation,' or crying, for no reason, and also, it made me constipated, which was obvious because I never have a problem with that, so this was very unusual. Once again, the diet is never straightforward, it is always complicated, and it always requires troubleshooting and deeper understanding.

Troubleshooting the symptoms caused by a diet is actually my special area of expertise. That seems to be what I was designed to do. After learning about introverted sensing, I understand that it's a great strength that not everyone has. I am able to see exactly what each food is doing to my body immediately after I eat it, just as I can see exactly what each drug does to my body.

Well, anyway. I am very interested in the diet, but I can't give universal recommendations about how to use it until I understand it better myself.

I remember reading long ago that if you ate a fat-free or low-fat diet while exploring Antarctica, you would very quickly get frostbite, but if you ate saturated fat, you were protected against frostbite.

So that was related to the dream about my hunting for healthy food in the backpack, and not finding it. I was digging around in all the different zipper compartments in the backpack looking for something.

Last night (in reality, not in the dream) I finally went to the grocery store and bought cereal. My fatigue has been so severe that I decided I will use synthetic vitamins, which are in the fortified cereal. I avoid taking pills, because the vitamin dosages are so high that they cause extremely dangerous side effects, such as permanent irreversible nerve damage (from B6 in particular). I actually knew a lady, a neighbor at another apartment, who had a permanent stutter and shaking hands because of vitamin B6. Too much vitamin C will cause a severe rash all over your body, and insomnia lasting for days and days (I got this from drinking too many boxes of juice, each of which had 100% of the RDA of vitamin C - it was ascorbic acid, which is either extracted from something - was it mushrooms? that's what I recall - or else it's manmade). Other vitamins cause weird symptoms - I took ONE vitamin E pill and a fish oil pill, and the next morning I woke up with bruises covering my entire body, and a weakness of all the muscles on one side of my body as though I had had a stroke. I walked with a limp that day.

After those experiences, I learned to avoid synthetic vitamin pills, and became suspicious of all synthetic vitamins, even the ones in cereal. I read an article which gave me one extremely important piece of information about synthetic vitamins. It said they either trigger the production of histamine, or else they contain a substance that resembles histamine and behaves like histamine in the body. Histamine is the substance that causes you to itch and have allergic reactions. All allergies are worsened by synthetic vitamins. I myself do not have allergies anymore, however, I had them when I was a kid. I got them again, all of a sudden, when I started eating fortified cereal after not eating any fortified cereal in years! All of a sudden I was sneezing all the time for no reason. So I learned that even the relatively low dosages of synthetic vitamins in fortified cereal can cause some mild problems such as allergies, although they are not likely to cause the extremely severe problems such as permanent irreversible nerve damage from B6, which happened when this lady was given extremely high dosages of that vitamin, all by itself without any other B vitamins, in pill form, for the purpose of treating menstrual cramps.

So I've avoided buying cereal too. But I'm desperate now - my fatigue is bad and I haven't been able to eat REAL healthy food in a while, so I'm going to eat some FAKE healthy food as a temporary crutch.

The other strange idea that they woke me up with this morning was: lead pipes. 'They' (the voice I woke up to) said that in the former Soviet Union, there were places that had too much lead in the water pipes. I read about the Roman Empire, where they supposedly used pipes made entirely of lead ('plumbium'), which is why the pipe mechanics were called plumbers. I've thought that those Roman lead pipes could have been entirely responsible for the decline of the Roman Empire, but that's just my opinion. The corruption of the money supply was another reason.

There would be reasons why the people in Ukraine are lethargic. It could be something toxic like lead in the pipes (the voice had said, 'The communist government was REALLY STUPID sometimes'), or it could be malnutrition from the mineral deficient soil in much of Ukraine, assuming that the people were eating food that was grown locally. Rick, and others, have said that the people in Ukraine are apathetic, and it might not be entirely cultural. In nutrition class in college, we saw a picture of a kid who had grown up with a zinc deficiency caused by eating foods grown entirely on zinc-poor soil in Ukraine, and he did not grow up to full size, and looked like a twelve year old even though he was an adult. (To me he looked more like an eight year old. He did not even look like a teenager.) So I always remembered Ukraine as 'The place where that zinc-deficient kid came from.' Ukraine and zinc deficiency were linked together in my memory.

The other dream I had was about dodging tornadoes. I'm not sure how to interpret that one. Tornadoes symbolize a couple different things in the fake dreams. Since the dreams are fake, they really do contain symbols. REAL dreams are not symbolic, although I guess they could be if you were a symbolically minded person while you were awake. Real dreams are really boring, like, I remember reading something in one of those horribly depressing books we were required to read a long time ago - it was probably The Grapes of Wrath, but I'm not sure - where the people were picking peas all day long, and then at night, they continued to dream about picking peas while they were asleep. It sounded horribly depressing, but that's what real dreams are like. You just recall something you were doing that day, some kind of repetitive activity, or else you just see random images, some of which can happen if your eyes are half-open while you sleep. I remember dreaming about whatever I was seeing when my eyes were open while sleeping. I would see the room around me, but be unable to wake up. Anyway, real dreams are not symbolic.

Some form of electronic harassment was occurring a surprisingly long time ago, and I can't explain how it was happening. It was happening early in the 20th century. People were writing about experiences that clearly and obviously were harassment, but which are only visible to someone who has experienced the harassment and knows how to recognize it. For instance, I found a book about dreams, which was written in the early 1900s or else the late 1800s, where someone was describing how, in the dream, they heard a person trying to say a particular word, but the word was inaudible and it was being misinterpreted as another word. Bad quality audio is one of the things that happens during an attack. Radio was indeed available back then, and the users of radio would have observed that radio caused physical symptoms, so somebody somewhere would have developed radio weapons that would deliberately trigger symptoms; and they already knew how to transmit voices over the radio at that time, so they would have used similar methods to transmit voices over the radio into the human body, but you can't do it in the exact same way that you do it with actual radios.

I believe that people did not 'hear voices' back in the old days at all, not like they do nowadays. I would like to do thorough research of old journals and diaries written by ordinary people, not just famous authors, but ordinary diaries, to find out whether anyone at all ever described an experience of actually 'hearing voices' as such. When I look at old books, I don't see that happening. This is a new phenomenon. Some people interpret the bible as having incidents where people actually hear voices, but when I read those bible passages, I do not see a literal description of literally hearing a voice talking to you inside your head. They say the voice of God spoke to them, or they had a dream, but their descriptions do not match my own experiences with hearing voices, and they are so vague that, for all I know, they could be just fraudulently claiming that God told them something.

Nobody ever describes in thorough detail the exact experience of lying in your bed, feeling a 'zap' sensation, hearing the sound of crackling static inside your head, hearing a crackling voice that sounds exactly like a badly tuned radio in between stations, and the 'zap' makes your whole body twitch involuntarily sometimes - you don't read any descriptions like that in the bible. That is introverted sensing. Every experience must be described in thorough detail. There is NOTHING like that in any of the old books, NOTHING. Introverted sensing personality types still existed back then, and they would have been describing the physical sensation of 'hearing a voice in your head.'

I also don't see anyone describing in thorough detail the OTHER methods of putting voices in someone's head. There are different methods and different media used to do it. There is something that happens to me which is hard to describe, and I have tried and tried to observe exactly where it is coming from. As I breathe, the air hisses through my sinuses. I can hear the hissing of my own breath as it goes through my nostrils, sinuses, and throat. Somewhere within those locations, a tiny whisper is created, an extremely quiet whisper, which seems to be similar to adding a modulator to a carrier signal: the hissing breath is already there, and an additional tiny noise is added on to it, which forms the sound of a whisper.

They also do big, obvious, loud buzzing attacks in my sinuses, loud snorts which are audible to other people, not just in my head, and I could record them on tape if I had a tape recorder accessible right now, but I am not obsessed with 'proving it' to anybody at this time, as I feel I have nothing to gain by wasting my energy on proving it. Those snorts happen when you are breathing in, and suddenly, something vibrates, and I don't know exactly which membrane or surface it is, and it happens spontaneously when your nose and throat are relaxed and have no reason to snort suddenly. Simultaneously, I usually hear a voice modulated into the hissing of the snort, although most of the time, it is inaudible. I can hear it most clearly if I am on drugs, as the drugs make me hear all of the voices more clearly. When I'm on drugs, the 'badly tuned radio' quality of the voices changes to 'crystal clear' instead. Isn't that wonderful? Most people think that drugs are supposed to make you STOP hearing voices, not make the voices perfectly clear when formerly they weren't.

Anyway, I can't tell whether the whispered voice is 'located within' the actual air hissing through my sinuses, or whether the whisper is a signal added on to the auditory signal in my auditory nerves. My auditory nerves would be perceiving the hissing sound, and if you used a radio frequency, you could modulate the existing nerve signal by inducing a slight change in the electrical current. It could either be an induced current in the auditory nerve or some other nerve, or else it could be an induced movement of the air itself, as they are obviously able to move physical objects when they make the loud snorts in my nose. Or it could be none of the above.

I used to think that they had to be using ultrasound to move physical objects - there is a site called hightechharassment.com, if I recall - however, I changed my mind about that when I read about very low frequency radio, which supposedly causes small objects to make clicking noises. The radio transduces directly into sound. I always thought you needed a mechanical, manmade transducer to change radio into mechanical movement, but supposedly, this transduction occurs by itself whenever a meteor is entering the atmosphere and crashing into the earth, and the pine needles on the ground were observed to be crackling and clicking (this is one of those strange observations that doesn't happen very often), and they decided that it was the result of the very low frequency radio signal coming from the meteor entering the atmosphere or something.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could find a reference for this? It was somewhere on wikipedia, but who knows if it's still in there, as everything in wikipedia is temporary, and everything in wikipedia is vulnerable to being edited out if the information is too helpful, too truthful, or too informative, as the paid disinformation agents love to comb through wikipedia removing anything that, for instance, makes drug companies look bad. It was FSK who observed this, when I was reading fskrealityguide. Anyway, you could look up 'very low frequency' radio on wikipedia.

They have tried to pinpoint the exact location where the sound comes from when people experience the snapping noises induced by radar. If you are standing next to something that generates radar, some people - not everyone! only some - will hear snapping noises inside their skull. They've tried to figure out which part of the head is actually making the clicking sound. It's hard to tell whether it's a physical movement inside the head, or else if it's an induction of current in the nerves. Some people think it is probably a physical expansion and contraction of a particular surface, but I don't recall what.

This is what gave some person the idea to try to modulate and control those snapping noises in such a way as to create recognizable voices, and they succeeded, because there are people in the world who are perfectly content to spend large amounts of time and money finding better ways to control and torture people, although they claimed that they were doing a good thing by making a method of helping soldiers find their way out of a burning building or whatever they claimed it would be used for. Supposedly they said they could use this method to helpfully command people who were in situations where they needed to receive a signal but, for whatever reason, didn't have an ordinary radio to receive a message on, so they would have to receive the message in their heads instead. How very thoughtful of them. So that is called 'voice to skull technology,' or V2K.

One of the barriers in convincing people that this is real is the belief that nobody would do such a thing. Just because you yourself wouldn't do it doesn't mean that other people wouldn't. There are people out there who physically murder and torture people. If you can believe that murder and torture actually exist, then you should believe that other less well known and more secretive forms of torture and control are real too. You have to understand that other people are different from yourself. There really are people out there who don't mind at all the idea of torturing and controlling and murdering people. It's hard for anyone to believe that someone could do such things, and that they could also invest huge amounts of money in it, and could invest decades and decades of research into it, and just keep going and going with it, and get away with it, and nobody stops them, for a very, very long time. That's unimaginable to almost everyone.

It makes people feel helpless and vulnerable whenever they discover that evil forces really exist out there, that they have huge amounts of money and power, and that they can get away with doing horribly evil things for years and years and years, and nobody can stop them.

Well, the other part of the dream this morning was - after the dodging tornadoes dream - did I finish telling that dream? I was with a bunch of young kids. We were looking up at the sky and running away from the tornadoes that were coming. There were lots of them. We were just on foot, running, hoping to get away fast enough. And as I said, I'm not sure what the tornadoes were symbolizing. It is often a sexual joke. But it is sometimes talking about potential total destruction of everything you own. Something unexpected could strike you and destroy all that you have.

I think that might have been the theme, because that is what's going on with me and Rick right now. I am an unexpected nuisance who came out of nowhere and told him that he is vulnerable to something, when he would have preferred to be open and trusting. His websites are inviting and open. This is often a conscious and deliberate policy of openness, in defiance of secrecy, as I myself value openness above secrecy. It is not merely ignorance or passivity. It is a conscious valuing of one type of world over another type of world. Now this mind-controlled puppet comes along and tells him that stalkers are able to comb through his websites and become obsessed with him. He now has an unwanted, inconvenient nuisance to deal with, some person who insists on talking to him.

I stepped into another part of the dream by stepping through a doorway and seeing that the tornadoes and the stormy skies were only in one area but not in the next area. (My face is covered in hives after eating my cereal this morning. At least I know that the synthetic vitamins are the cause.) I was in some grandmotherly lady's house. There was a cushion, and (warning, this is one of those 'jokes') on the cushion was a little stuffed dog. It seemed to be smoking. I touched the cushion, and the cushion was hot. I tried to tell the grandmother lady that this cushion was about to catch fire because for some reason, it was extremely hot. I lifted up the dog and found out that it was actually a cat, not a dog. The joke was 'they thought it was a dog, but it was actually a smoking hot cat.' Supposedly, that joke describes me, as Rick doesn't know what I look like. However, I don't call myself 'smoking hot.' I have a nice body, and an ugly face, and that is how I describe myself. Anyway, that was their joke.

'They' were talking to me about social status yesterday, as I had complained about Rick being a social climber. They said he comes from a family with several siblings. I don't know how many brothers and sisters he has. I only know, from reading facebook, that there are several people who have the same last name, and are in a similar age range, so they might be siblings. If you are a social climber in a family where other people are competing to do the same things you do, then you will want to leave and go find your own territory where you can be different from your siblings. Rick would want to distinguish himself from whichever family member had fallen into the debt trap.

Social climbing is less aggressive in rural areas. I noticed this last night when I bought my cereal at the Bellefonte Weis. At the Bellefonte grocery store, people behave VERY DIFFERENTLY than they do only a couple miles away in the State College grocery stores. In Bellefonte, there is a smaller, more rural population of permanent residents. When you get to know someone in Bellefonte, you can trust that they will stay there a long time and not leave. But most of the residents in State College are temporary college students and visitors. The other long-term residents are this group of people who I can't stand, the football-watchers who support Penn State and put little Nittany Lion paw print magnets on their cars, and wear blue and white clothing.

In State College, you can't trust anyone to stay a long time so that you can get to know them. So when you talk to people in the grocery store in State College, you don't know if you will ever see them again, as they could be one of the temporary visitors. You're much less friendly to people there. But in Bellefonte last night, the grocery store clerk was talking and chatting with me, commenting about how exhausted I looked, talking to me in a friendly way as though I was a human being. That would be unthinkable in State College, where people are 1. social climbers, and 2. temporary residents. Nobody is friendly, and nobody talks directly to you as though you're a human being.

I don't know which part of California Rick came from - I think it was California - I know it was the west coast somewhere. I don't know if he came from the city. Wherever he came from, he learned to be the type of social climber who views the friendly, direct, personal conversation style as being a dirty, disgusting, low class behavior. Meanwhile, I spent some of my childhood and all of my teenage years in West Virginia, where the friendly conversation style was normal. However, I never quite went down to the 'earthy' style of conversation, where people openly say to each other 'I gotta pee' in a perfectly relaxed, loud, comfortable voice - I myself still lower my voice and use euphemisms like 'I'll be right back' when I'm going to the restroom at work. Everyone just says 'Okay' when I quietly say 'I'll be right back,' as they understand that I'm going to the restroom. I'm not even really comfortable saying 'I'm going to the ladies room,' or 'the restroom.' Even those words are too earthy for me. I just don't want anyone to be thinking in their mind about the fact that I'm going to the bathroom.

Ugh, we used to have this very annoying, disgusting man who worked at McDonald's, at the other McDonald's, not the one where I am now. He was probably one of those babies who was raised according to the scheduling method, where you leave the baby lying in its crib, crying and screaming, and you ignore the cries for a very long time, until the clock strikes a particular time on the hour, at which point you give the baby a bottle feeding. You follow the schedule and only the schedule, to teach the baby how to be strong. This is the most insane and evil method of child rearing. I seem to recall something about Dr. Spock's method, Dr. Spock the author, not Mr. Spock from Star Trek - and I don't remember if he was the one who ENCOURAGED this scheduling method, or if he was the one who FOUGHT AGAINST this scheduling method and said that it was harmful. Either way, that used to be a popular method of torturing babies. I don't know the official 'name' for that method of childraising. ('Detachment parenting' maybe. Ha ha. The opposite of 'attachment parenting.')

So this guy behaved like that. He was totally obsessed with authority, and he had been in the military, and was the type of person who was totally incapable of functioning unless there was a set of strict rules to follow, and if he ever had to think on his own for even a second, he was totally helpless to make his own decisions, except in the realm of maliciously frightening other human beings, which he was very good at doing on his own. He told me a story once - he bragged to me - about how he was talking to an immigrant from China, a lady who was one of his neighbors, and how he was deliberately threatening and scaring her, telling her he knew everything about her background, knew where she came from, knew she was an illegal immigrant, and he could have her arrested if he felt like it. He was very proud of himself while telling me this story. I found him to be an utterly loathesome human being in almost every way imaginable.

Well, this guy, if you even let him get the slightest awareness that you were excusing yourself to go to the restroom, would get ALL EXCITED about your going to the bathroom. He would, for instance, make a sort of imitation crouching or squatting movement to signify peeing, and he would start excitedly talking about the phenomenon of peeing, talking about the fact that I myself was going to go pee, vividly imagining the fact that I was going to go pee, and wanting me to get involved in all the excitement about the process of peeing, which, to me, is rather mundane and not at all exciting in any way. (I can recall one time in the past when I saw someone peeing and I felt that it was exciting, but it was in a particular context, and he was a male, and I'm not going to tell the story right now. I don't feel excited about my own self peeing.) So, as I said, this guy was annoying, repulsive, loathesome, and unbearable in every way imaginable. If you were near him, you had to make sure that he didn't figure out that you were sneaking away to go to the restroom.

Some people, the social climbers, feel that ALL personal, intimate conversation is similar to talking about peeing with a loathesome person. It is low class and inferior. Rick behaves like that. I am sort of like that, but nowhere near as extreme about it, partly because of my being raised in West Virginia and being surrounded by people who talked in a trusting, intimate way to all strangers.

So anyway, that's what 'they' were talking to me about, with regard to Rick and the social climbing. They also mentioned Warren Farrell, the author who writes about masculism. They mentioned that being female gives you a social power that males do not have automatically. You already know if you are a female that you are able to find sexual partners. If you are a male, it's not as easy to find sexual partners. I don't mean HIGH QUALITY sexual partners, I just mean partners in general, anyone at all. If you are a male, there is a chance that nobody at all will want to have sex with you, but if you are a female, no matter how ugly you are, you are able to find SOMEONE who will consent to having sex with you. Males outnumber females in the population, as there are 105 men to 100 women in most places. When you get to the older age groups, men die sooner, so there are more old women. But that doesn't matter when you're young. When you're in your teens, twenties, and thirties, there are more men than women, and that's when people are most sexually active.

He said that male expatriates outnumbered women. That is one of the reasons why. They are trying to go find a place where they can have some kind of social status and also someplace where they can find women, when the competition for the women is too intense in the place they came from.

I think that's most of what I wanted to say. This is very long today. Anyway, Rick doesn't know anything about me at all, except that I am a group of words on a screen, and when I'm gone from the screen, it doesn't really matter. Sooner or later I will leave behind this particular crush and I will be glad when I do. However, this crush was helpful to me, as it helped me get away from having a crush on Curtis. It also helped inspire me to disconnect from the internet again, and it helped me learn to recognize a particular writing style to look for. He doesn't recognize my value as a human being and most likely never will, and I only have a very limited amount of patience to expend on trying to convince him, so I will give up this project very quickly and very soon.