Complaints about the enneagram personality type system

1:52 PM 12/7/10

I'm taking a break from whatever I was doing, and writing a blog instead. This is a form of entertainment. It's not really useful. I am in the to-do list mode right now.

I went through some old mail and garbage that was piled on the floor. The most helpful thing that I've been doing has been to think and plan about what's causing this backlog of junk to pile up. I've been writing in my notebook my thoughts about what's causing it and what needs to be done.

There's also a bunch of contaminated laundry and I need to make decisions about how to prevent this in the future. It's not just an ordinary pile of laundry. It has drug residues on it, and when I wear the contaminated clothes, I have symptoms, like insomnia, or fatigue, or swelling in my face, for instance. If I wash the clothes, the residue spreads around to the other items in the laundry, and instead of being a small spot on one item, it becomes a total coverage thin film over the inside and outside surfaces of all items, because the washers don't use fresh water constantly, they reuse and recycle the dirty water around and around for most of the wash.

Ideally, I'd like to wash the clothes in a running stream, except that would make them all mud stained, and I wouldn't be comfortable using soap in a stream and then watching the soap foam just float away down the stream. It would have to be some kind of environmentally nontoxic soap, I guess. I don't happen to live next to a running stream the way I used to. And that stream was full of duck parasites and snail parasites anyway. I used to get them crawling into the skin of my legs every time I went by the duckpond. It took a long time for me to figure out what it was and where it was coming from. I don't want parasites in all my laundry.

I need a secretary. The secretary will do the routines, once I've set up a system for doing them, and rules about what to do. I sort of emailed one of the people who responded to my craigslist ad, but she went home for thanksgiving, and then I started working on the pile of trash by myself, with encouragement from 'the voices.' Then I felt like I didn't really want to ask for help anymore, because I was doing it myself. The severe chronic fatigue was reduced, because I guess the rain might have washed away the pesticides outside the apartment. That's my theory. For whatever reason, the extremely severe fatigue has been reduced, and I am able to do a little bit of work by myself again.

The secretary should give me a permanent division of labor. There is stuff that doesn't require my judgment, my special knowledge, or my opinions about things, or my sentimental feelings (for instance, nobody could decide for me which contaminated objects I should throw away, and which I should keep, because I'm keeping sentimental items from childhood even if they're contaminated, and I'll work on them, somehow, later). The stuff that doesn't require much judgment, where you can do it by following rules, should be done by somebody else, to save my time for things that require my thinking. The secretary is a household servant, too, if I'm only hiring one person, because she will have to do the laundry too. If I could afford to hire a bunch of people then I'd have someone cook my special diet foods for me, too. That's postponed for now.

It would be really nice to know that the brainless routines are all being done by somebody that I'm paying to do them. I would feel much less anxious when I needed to think about long-term plans and goals and other things that can only be done by me.

(Yes, I'm definitely in 'Three Mode' right now.)

Oh, about the enneagram and trying to overlay other personality typing systems onto it, I have an example. Some other psychologist observed that children could form a connected, disconnected, or ambivalent relationship with their parents. In the back of one of the Riso and Hudson enneagram books, they overlay that system onto the enneagram, making nine combinations that fit into the system. I'm going to show how that can be questioned.

They made nine combinations of connected, disconnected, and ambivalent.

One: disconnected from protective figure
Two: ambivalent to protective figure
Three: connected to nurturing figure
Four: disconnected from both parents
Five: ambivalent to both parents
Six: connected to protective figure
Seven: disconnected from nurturing figure
Eight: ambivalent to nurturing figure
Nine: connected to both parents

Well, this is an obvious question that I thought of the first time I ever read this. Why doesn't EVERYONE have some kind of relationship with BOTH parents? Why do some of them focus on only one parent, and not both?

Maybe you could argue that Threes, for instance, always have a connected relationship to 'that which is nurturing,' an abstraction, no matter who it comes from. So you would look at both your father and mother, and you would pay attention to all of those things which had to do with nurturing, and you would connect to those things, no matter who they came from, no matter where they came from. You would look for nurturing from both your father and your mother, and also, all of society, and all of your friends, and everyone you knew. 'That which is nurturing' is an abstraction.

How do you define 'nurturing?' I define this as things like teaching, giving things, feeding, loving, and understanding feelings. That's based on my understanding of what I've read. Give something positive.

There's 'positive' and there's 'negative'. Give something valuable. Avoid something harmful. The nurturing figure gives that which is good and valuable, and the protective figure helps you avoid things that are harmful. These are 'functions' and they are also an abstraction.

Still, even if you say that 'the Three only focuses on that which is nurturing, no matter who it comes from,' I disagree. I focus on things that are protective, too. I'm interested in protecting myself and others against danger.

You could make combinations where everybody has some kind of relationship with both the nurturing and protective figures.

Imagine that this is a Three, and it has to always be strongly connected to nurturing. Here are the possible combinations.

A. connected strongly to nurturing, connected strongly to protective (this is the 'connected to both' category described by Riso & Hudson) (This fits with 'disintegrating towards Nine.')
B. connected strongly to nurturing, connected weakly to protective (this fits with 'integrating to Six.')
C. connected strongly to nurturing, disconnected from protective (this kind of fits with 'Three with a Four Wing,' but not perfectly. Technically, to be a Four, you have to be disconnected from BOTH. This technically would be more like a 'Three with a One Wing.' Or 'integrating to One,' or 'disintegrating to One,' or whatever someone would want to call it.)
D. connected strongly to nurturing, ambivalent to protective (this fits with 'Three with a Two Wing.')

That's assuming that they have a strong relationship with one figure, and the relationship with the second figure is weak or temporary or unstable somehow.

But instead, you could assume that they have a 'strong' relationship with both figures. After all, what does the word 'strong' or 'weak' really mean? How would you define that? It might become meaningless if you look at it too closely. All of this becomes very complicated, or meaningless, when you examine it very closely. Sooner or later, it's more useful to look at the real world instead of these abstractions.

That's where the nine types originally came from. Somebody somewhere, long ago, OBSERVED nine types of people. It just happened to be nine, and I don't know why. Some other people observed FOUR types of people, some other people observed THREE types of people, and so on, but they all were observing something by looking at the real world and then drawing some kind of abstraction or category from it. That's not easy to do. It's much easier to sit in your monastery, or at your computer, or with your notebook in your room, and draw lines on top of the symbol and try to explain how they might mean something, or use a 'mathematical' approach and make 'combinations' of all the different possible types so that it matches up with your nine types, and their 'wings', and their 'directions of integration and disintegration.'

You can do that with all nine of the types, and I'm guessing that you will probably cover the 'wings' and the 'directions of int/disintegration' for all of them that way. But I'm not even saying that's legitimate, I'm just saying that it can be done. I'm not saying that I approve of it. Actually, I don't. I think somebody should do some more work on this by looking at the real world instead.

You can see by now that I don't like the idea of 'wings,' and I don't like the idea of 'direction of integration / disintegration.' I think that those are ideas that came from taking abstractions too far from reality, without looking directly at reality. It's pretty and it's cool to draw lines connecting the numbers together in the symbol. Somebody did that, and said, 'This is so cool, it HAS to be true.' Coolness doesn't mean something is true. Somebody said, 'Truth is beauty, beauty truth,' (or maybe it was 'beauty is truth, truth beauty?') and they thought that connecting the numbers in a special pattern was beautiful, so it had to mean something.

That's how they invented the direction of integration and disintegration. They found ways to make all the numbers connect together in the line drawing. It didn't come from directly observing people and then saying, 'Hey, what an amazing coincidence, if you record all of these observations onto the symbol itself, it JUST SO HAPPENS to connect all the numbers together in this really cool, beautiful way!' No, somebody made a line drawing, and then said, 'How can I look at reality and imagine that these lines exist in the real world, so that I can justify drawing these pretty lines on the symbol and justify why it feels so meaningful and important and exciting?' And then they interpreted the real world according to the lines in the drawing.

The 'wings' are like that too. Somebody said that you 'blend in' with the types next to you, like the colors on a color chart. It looks cool when you draw it visually on the symbol. Anything that visually looks cool MUST be true in the real world, because beauty is truth. It HAS to really mean something! (they think.) But actually, I think that any number could be next to any other number, and you could perceive that person 'blending in' with any other type at all. You could say that a Three is sometimes blending in with the characteristics of an Eight, even though it's on the opposite side of the symbol and is nowhere near it, because sometimes, a Three might resemble an Eight, act like an Eight, or have attributes in common with an Eight. (Here's an example: Threes and Eights are both 'aggressive' types, along with the Seven. So shouldn't they all be side by side blending in with each other and sharing some of the characteristics of each?) But no, the ONLY types that you can 'blend' with are the two on either side of you. As a Three, I could blend with the type Two or the type Four. I'm not allowed to blend with a Five or anything that's out of reach.

Meanwhile, Helen Palmer or whatever her name is, one of the authors who has a different writing style than Riso and Hudson, said that everybody sometimes shows behaviors and attitudes of every other type in the enneagram, because every enneagram type is doing something that all humans universally need to do! We don't do ONLY our one, small, limited little thing. Sometimes we need to worry about the basic fears and basic desires of all the other types, too. ('Basic fear' and 'basic desire' for all the types is listed in the back of Riso and Hudson's orange book. That's in the Levels of Development chart.) You can temporarily do something that resembles some other type, however, you will primarily, most of the time, tend to behave like your own type. That's much simpler than all this stuff about directions of integration, and wings.

So I don't believe in the existence of 'Wings' or 'Direction of integration or disintegration.' I think that those are misleading ideas. They might have SOME connection to reality, but I'm not convinced, and I want to see a better explanation that comes directly from reality itself, not from lines on the drawing or an analogy to a color chart. It would actually be nice to just FORGET that I ever LEARNED all that stuff about integration, disintegration, and wings. 'They,' the voices, are always using that stuff when they are forcing me to think their fake, unoriginal thoughts, to prevent me from thinking or observing or originating or understanding anything on my own. It's almost as harmful as when they force me to have a song running through my head. It distracts me and prevents from thinking and seeing anything in the real world.

It would be better to describe something as an 'unexplained variant.' Some Threes are different from other Threes, for unexplained reasons. Leaving something 'unexplained' is cumbersome, and people don't like to do it, but it prevents you from making up false explanations that sound good and mislead people. Some people's enneagram type is so obvious to everyone that you can look at them and you know right away that they're a type One, or whatever. Other people are so hard to tell, that they can go months or years around and around the enneagram, 'trying on' every single type to see which one fits, and never really know for sure. They are an 'unexplained variant.' For whatever reason, it's hard to recognize them. Further knowledge is needed.

Anytime I make a mental list of possibilities, I always include a category called 'Other' or 'none of the above' or 'unknown,' something like that. It's the catch-all category for everything that's hard to explain, everything that doesn't easily fit into the main categories. No matter how sure you are, no matter how 'logical' something is, I still think you should always have an 'other' category, just in case.

Let's give an example. You could talk about material reality. Objects either 'exist' or 'don't exist.' They are real, or not real. That seems logical, doesn't it? Everything has to fall into those two categories. That's all that there can possibly be, right? But no, I'd like to add 'other' to those categories, just in case. Perhaps that category includes 'unsure' things. It could include 'hypothetical' things. And so on. So there's 'real,' 'unreal,' and 'everything else that's hard to put into the first two categories.' 'Other' should always be a category even if you don't put anything into it.

I'm just writing this for my own entertainment. If I wanted to fight about it, I could go to an enneagram forum. Rude people in forums annoy me. There will be some know-it-all who answers me and says that this question has already been dealt with, blah blah.

That's what happened when somebody, an unknown person using the same screen name that Curtis uses, who might or might not have been Curtis, went to a mythbusters forum and made a comment about Indiana Jones, who climbed inside an old refrigerator to hide from a nuclear blast. I saw that movie too, and I thought the refrigerator thing was unbelievable. Well, Curtis, or someone who happened to have the same screen name that he uses, made that comment, and then somebody answered him right away with a 'You are a moron for asking this question' type of attitude, and I was very annoyed about that. The person said, 'This has probably been asked a thousand times, go search for it in the other forums, blah blah.' I don't like people who are mean to people in forums. (And yes, I know, I used to be mean to people in chatrooms, long ago. That's true.) But anyway I could go fight with trolls like that in the forums if I wanted to.

I think that 'paid disinformation agents' really exist, and also, people who are unwitting, unknowing puppets who serve the purpose of spreading disinformation, without being paid to do it. Probably, anyone with new, original insights into psychology is being suppressed, in places like internet forums, because 'they' don't want people to understand their own minds, and use the knowledge to fight back against mind control, and recognize their own selves and distinguish them from the outsiders. 'They' don't want people to have the power to control themselves. I haven't seen much original work in psychology in the past few decades. I've seen garbage like 'The Secret,' where if you wish for something, pray for it, and visualize it, then the magical synchronicity of the universe (the puppeteers controlling other people) will make it happen, and you'll start to see amazing coincidences. ('I was just thinking last night about a long-lost friend from high school who I haven't spoken to in decades, and the very next day, she called me on the phone!')

Oh, and I haven't refilled my Straight Talk phone (and I actually have two different phones, and have to decide which one I like more and will use) this month, and the voices are bugging me about it, saying that Curtis is trying to text me. I doubt that Curtis has been trying to text me. However, he wrote his cell phone number on Facebook in a place where I was able to see it if I snooped around and read the conversations that he was having with other people.

So I found that, and felt a sick, terrified anxiety and excitement in my stomach - I have this information, but I shouldn't, and I 'stole' it, but he allowed me to be his facebook friend, which means that technically I'm allowed to see it.

Text message conversations and phone calls haven't gone very well so far - some of the text conversations we had in the past have caused some problems and some distrust and hurt feelings. And he doesn't usually answer my messages, and also, 'they' force me to write him these long, emotional, puppet text messages, and a while ago I was using a phone that allowed me to write a five-page message as a single message, and since I wasn't familiar with how texting works, I didn't realize that it was going to send him these five-page messages as FIVE SEPARATE TEXTS instead of one long text. So I always sent him these really long messages, not realizing that on his end, he was going to get 'buzzzzzz.... buzzzzzz..... buzzzzzzzz..... buzzzzzzzz... buzzzzzzzzz...' five separate times, one after another. It annoyed me very much when I found out about that. I thought I was sending only one five-page letter. So that caused one of the hurt-feelings incidents to happen, because he sent me back an annoyed reply telling me to stop, and of course, I was being forced to do this on a day when something really bad was going on with him and Carrie's family, when her grandmother died, so it was the worst possible time to be spamming his phone and bothering him. That's the kind of thing I want to avoid, so I haven't asked him for his phone number again, but now, I saw it and I collected it - AGAIN, even though I've wanted to prevent myself from having that information.

So I am afraid to try texting. But that's the easiest way to reach him, especially since Facebook has been changing so that it no longer works AT ALL in my browser - either the hackers are screwing it up and it would be fixed if I cleaned up my computer, or else Facebook itself is reprogramming their site so that it's less and less compatible with non-microsoft browsers. Either way, it doesn't work at all anymore, and I can't even see anything written on the page AT ALL, I just see a blank page for everything I try to view on facebook, and no links, and no way to send an email, or anything like that. That actually started with something that I suspected was a hacking incident. Fixing the computer is on my to-do list, but of course, it's being postponed, like EVERYTHING on my list, because other things are more life-or-death than that.

That's it for now... Maybe I'll read for a while, or try to go do something, instead of griping and complaining about the enneagram and other things just to hear myself talk.

How To Save The Great Apes: Give Them Reading and Writing

The great apes already have their own language. We don't need to give them that. They speak to each other, in the wild, as they go through their daily lives.

But they don't have reading and writing. They don't have a calendar, either, a way of recording and expressing time in years. (As far as I know.)

I want the great apes, the bonobos, the chimps, the gorillas, and any other apes that are able to do it - I want these apes to write and read their own histories. I want them to record their own culture in books. It will be written in ape language. It will have their myths, their memories, their genealogy, their history, their ideas, their names, everything, just like a human history book would have.

It will be just as boring, and just as necessary and important, as a human history book. It might be hard to read. It might be mundane. It might not be wise and full of insight. But still it is necessary.

I like to imagine that somewhere in the jungles, the scientists have built a room underground with the apes' books already in it, protected. I imagine they've been working with the apes all these years to get their history recorded. All those researchers spending years and years in the jungle observing them, I hope they're doing something useful. I'd like to imagine that's what they've been doing all this time. An ape-written history would be useful. Not just history, but whatever else the apes want to write. Ape fiction, ape how-to books, ape philosophy, ape myths. All of it.

We could also give them a money system. Of course, I'd want it to be a good one, like gold and silver. Not fiat money. The bonobos already understand how to use sex as a way of trading for favors and food, so they'll be the first to understand money. But I'm sure the other great apes can too. They understand language.

(Why 'they' wanted me to write about this today, I don't know. There's probably a reason. It's almost always a 'joke' of some kind. But me, I'm not joking, I'm serious. I literally want to see the (non-human) great apes' reading and writing.)

a handwritten note; dreams; random topics; electronic harassment - ultrasonic attacks

8:42 PM 8/23/10

curtis - no phone, nickname, note, dream
new tables?
watching movies - a substitute for socializing
feeling optimistic, which means sjw exposure
not trying to do online dating now
flat tire
new refrigerator
dreadlocks progress

I'm not sure if I have enough mental focus to write a blog today. I have a few different things to say. I could tell the dreams first. The dreams are always fun to write about. There were a couple of sexual dreams. This happened because I gave Curtis a handwritten note. I told him that I had texted him a bunch of times the other day. He was shocked and surprised. He didn't get any of them, and he didn't get the voice mail message I left either. 'Maybe they shut my phone off already,' he said, as though he had been using it up till now and thought it was okay. His phone is being shut off temporarily because he didn't pay the bill this month. He hasn't worked enough hours to make enough money. So that was why I decided to give him a handwritten note. He told me he also doesn't have internet right now, so he's not getting his emails.

I gave him a note which didn't ask him to *do* anything specific. I told him, 'Humor me,' and handed him the note. 'Don't worry about it - it's just a reminder,' I said. In the note, I summed up all of the things which I've said to him again and again, many times, in various notes and text messages and emails that he hasn't gotten. The note's theme was, 'I always say the same things.' I always tell him that someone's blocking my emails and phone calls, so I worry about how I will reach him if he, or I, leave our jobs for any reason. I always tell him that I want to be friends with him away from work, and that I'd like to be friends with him a long time, not just temporarily. Sometimes I tell him that I love him and that I want to touch him but I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

Later that day - after he probably read the note - I walked past him, while he was standing with a bunch of people, and he was watching me with big, big, wide eyes.  I don't know whether that emotion was fear, excitement, shock, or whatever, he was just wide-eyed.  That is something I love about him, how his face, and his whole body, express his feelings in a dramatic, visible, obvious way.

He has always responded positively to my notes and to my touch. He keeps coming back and calling me pet names. He doesn't avoid me or act grossed out. In fact, several times when I've given him notes in the past, the name-calling started happening even more than ever before. I looked at his girlfriend, and I decided, yes, I'm ugly, but she's ugly too, and he's marrying her. So he's able to tolerate ugly girls.

Well, since I gave him that note, I had dreams that night. In the first dream, I was kissing a very little boy, a prepubescent child. I didn't expect to kiss him. I was just leaning over close to him and he started kissing me, if I remember correctly. Then he started rubbing against me and he had an orgasm. It was sort of unrealistic. He ejaculated a clear liquid and it sprayed up between us. Then a voice said, 'You didn't expect him to get hard.'

Then there was another dream the next day, in the morning sometime. This was a 'symbolic' dream that the voices explained to me after they woke me up. It's complicated, so I'll just tell what happened and then explain the symbolic interpretation. My ex-boyfriend Eric and I went over to 'John's' house (my brother). We were playing video games on his computer because I had a problem with my own computer at home. It was a role-playing game, something like dungeons and dragons. The character in the game was controlling an animal using magic. I couldn't tell what the animal was, from the image, but the voices told me it was a goat. It was standing up on legs and walking, so it didn't look like a normal goat - it must have been an anthropomorphic goat. That's when they woke me up, and then they proudly explained to me the interpretation of their dream.

John (my brother) = I moved into John's apartment because I was kicked out of my parents' house, so John = Carrie, Curtis's girlfriend, because Curtis moved into her house after getting kicked out of his parents' house. John represents Carrie.

Eric represents me. Eric was my 'older' boyfriend. Now I'm the older one.

I was Curtis in the dream.

(Yes, every person was somebody other than themselves, in a different role.)

We were playing a 'role playing game.' Every person was in a new role this time. The game was a sexual game, and the animal was a goat - the goat represents a penis. I had to use this computer at my brother's house, without asking his permission, because I had a computer problem at home - they told me that I would be on Curtis and Carrie's bed (the 'computer'), without Carrie's permission, instead of my own bed, because I don't really have a bed here at my apartment. And we were afraid that 'John' (Carrie) would find out that we were using this 'computer' (the bed) to play 'role-playing games' on. And the voices got even more complicated with their explanation, saying that I was controlling the goat without touching it, by magic. I'm not sure what that meant. I couldn't see what the video game character was doing to magically control the goat, because that's when they woke me up.

It's complicated when I look at what I've written. My brother John was Carrie; I was Curtis; my older-than-me ex-boyfriend Eric was me.

Those dreams weren't quite as cute as the furry black bull dream, but they were okay.

********

I can't stand to do online dating right now. There is this inhibition stopping me.

*******

My life seems to go nowhere, because the attackers constantly prevent me from thinking. I could meditate and get a perspective on my situation and quickly decide what is the best thing to do, and then do it. But I can't do that. I get zapped every time I think. They were doing it the other day, and if it were possible to kill them, I would have done it that day. I was trying to think about finding a REAL husband, not a young guy who's extremely attractive but can't be reached and already has another girlfriend that he'll be marrying. They kept forcing me to fall asleep *EVERY TIME* I tried to think about the real husband. Curtis isn't going to be my husband. He is someone else's husband. The most I could be is an extramarital affair, if that.

****
The nickname: He must have received the BAD text message (but not the good ones), because he acted like he'd gotten the message that I had sent him, telling him not to call me that name anymore. Then again, it might have also been because he called me the name in front of Stan, and I responded by acting hurt and then saying, in a slightly angry voice, 'Yeah, THAT'S ME,' and then walking away. Anyway, he either got the text message or he didn't. Regardless, he changed what he was doing. He started calling EVERYONE the nickname, at least the adjective part of it. (I wrote a blog a week or two ago saying, pretend the nickname was 'my fair-skinned beauty,' and he started calling everyone 'fair-skinned'. It's like that. It's an unusual adjective that you wouldn't use in an everyday sentence.)

He saw me walk into the back room, where I went to write a department transfer, and he was drunk on Dayquil that day, since he had a bad cold. (It was so bad, he went to the hospital the next day. I don't know how exactly he was sick, or why he needed to go to the hospital, but he did, and he said they gave him two shots, in his butt. He was limping the next day. What kind of shots do they give someone who has a cold? I hate mainstream medicine and its placebos.) So he was acting even more talkative and friendly than usual, being drunk on Dayquil, and when I went back to do the transfer, he said, 'Is that my fair-skinned.... Orry? I thought you were fair-skinned Orry.' (Yes, I'm substituting the adjective.) I said, 'Yeah, he's about the same size as me.' (Orry is short and small, but I don't find him attractive merely because of that. He's not a competitor. I'm not helplessly attracted to *ALL* small guys.)

So whatever I did, I got him to start calling everybody the adjective. He might possibly not need to do that anymore. We sat together and talked a bit one day - I already wrote about that. Then he sat next to me again when I was on my lunch break and getting ready to go back in, and I stayed out there five minutes later than I was supposed to, because I decided that spending five extra minutes with him was more important than getting back to work on time. He is still being friendly to me, after all of this. He still acts trusting instead of afraid or 'weirded out.'

I'm not being extremely aggressive or pushy. I'm not putting deadlines on it. I'm not directly asking him to go out with me at a specific time. ('Go out' is the wrong phrase to use. I don't want to 'go out' with him. I want to spend time together with him, doing anything at all.) I'm just reminding him that I exist and that I care about him and that I want to continue being his friend even though I can't reliably get emails or text messages or phone calls to him.

*******

I had an extremely flat tire today. I had noticed it was getting flatter over the past few weeks. Today I checked it. It's supposed to be 32 psi. It was 10! It was 1/3 of the pressure it was supposed to be. It was so flat, the sides were bulging out at the bottom. I'm lucky to be alive. It could have failed while I was driving down the highway and I would have gone straight into the oncoming lane. I refilled it, and I will keep an eye on it. If it keeps getting flat, I will have to get a new tire or something.

New refrigerator? I was talking to the maintenance guy today. He mentioned that an energy efficiency inspector would be coming over, and that we were all going to get new refrigerators for all the apartments, no matter what. That's nice for me, because I still don't feel safe using the fridge after the bone marrow vapors. There's just a tiny bit left, and I don't want to ruin any food or drinks I put in there.

Dreadlocks: I started the no-shampoo experiment in January, 2009. I wrote about it in this blog. My hair gradually formed natural dreadlocks. In the beginning, I had a couple of badly formed monster locks that were too big and in a bad position. They were pulling the hair in a bad way, and it hurt, and it was hard to lie down on that part of my head when I slept. Now, they have gradually moved and mellowed out a little bit, and they're not really pulling anymore. Some of the roots connected to the monster locks have fallen out, so that the lock isn't connected to as many roots as it was in the beginning. The locks are moving to different positions on the scalp, instead of staying in just one place. But I still have a bald spot on the right top side, where there is hardly any hair, and a big empty space in between the locks. It's not 'bald,' it's just thin.

Tables: I got rid of my tables that I had at the other apartment, because they were contaminated along with everything else. I am thinking of getting new ones and putting cardboard on them (so that it's easy to clean up if they get contaminated again), and under them, so that I can set up my computer table and use it more easily to do computer projects and anything else.

Curtis said he's been watching a lot of movies, since he's disconnected from cable TV right now. I've been watching movies too. I rented Twilight - New Moon, and watched it again, and it didn't suck as much, now that I understand what's going on, and now that I've seen the first movie and read some of the first book. Movies are my substitute for socializing. I am not spending time with real people. I am watching imaginary people without having to interact with them, and they're pretty to look at, and people have a real need to look at beautiful people. I think it's natural to need to see beautiful people. That's why I'm interested in Weston Price's studies of the primitive diets and the facial deformities that make us ugly. We don't have to be ugly. An ugly person can have beautiful children if they use the diet. That is what I am hoping to do.

I think I'll post this now.

The murderers are enraging me while I wait for this blog page to load. I have been hit with St. John's Wort recently and so they are able to trigger rage. My elbow is leaning on the cardboard box where my computer keyboard is, and the murderers are shooting sonic bullets, or whatever it is that they use, to slowly make the computer keyboard slip downwards under my elbow, a fraction of a millimeter at a time, over and over, while triggering the feeling of rage. I don't know why they do the slips. It makes me want to kill them. AJH at tiworld.blogspot.com knows about this. He has the same thing happen. Clicking, snapping noises on objects near me, and my body parts 'slipping' down against a surface, without moving at all, or slowly moving, when there is, in reality, enough friction to hold them still, and they shouldn't be moving, and when it slips, it emits an extremely high-pitched, painful noise above the level of human hearing, but it's audible enough to cause me physical pain, and rage. I usually hear voices at the same moment that it slips, or just afterwards. It's like the sonic bullets are being used to 'deliver' the voices. Sometimes I think the sonic bullets are taking snapshots of an image, the image of me sitting here. Sometimes when they do this, I punch something and hurt my hand. I try not to do that, and it mostly happens if I'm having a St. John's Wort reaction.