not a metaphor

ever since i wrote the post about neda soltan, i have been hearing voices that want me to elaborate on something or explain something which people were making fun of or joking about. when i talk about a gun going off, it is NOT a 'sexual metaphor.' it is a literal fact, i am talking about a literal gun and it is not a joke. my awareness of computer hacking began whenever i used to talk to a particular person in a chatroom, many years ago, and he was always making sexual metaphors that i took literally, and this guy really was a mentally ill person who enjoyed hurting and humiliating other people. i didn't know how mentally ill he was until much later. but one of the things that he did to humiliate people was take advantage of somebody who didn't understand the metaphors that he was saying. so, partly because of him, i strongly dislike those kinds of metaphors.

people apparently are making fun of the theory that i said, about how it's possible to force somebody to shoot somebody else. i said it was only a theory. i have no information about what happened or why he did it. i haven't read anything other than 'i didn't want to kill her.' that can be interpreted in a lot of ways. he might not have even been aiming the gun at her at all, and it happened to go off accidentally while he was moving around, or something, and it just happened to go directly through someone's heart. it could have happened in a million different ways.

but i just wanted to warn people about that 'finger-flick' effect that i and other TIs experience. every time i experience that forced finger movement, i imagine, what if somebody were holding a gun when that happened? if you wanted to force somebody to kill someone, it would be easy to do if you took advantage of their fantasizing about killing someone. if they were 'only pretending,' and they didn't know about how it's possible to force someone's finger to twitch, you could make them kill somebody else or themselves. people really do these things. real people might aim a gun at someone, just pretending that they would shoot it, but they aren't planning to do it for real. they don't intend to shoot it. and, as i said, i and other TIs experience forced hand movements and finger movements every day.

so, anytime i hear anybody claim that they really didn't mean to kill somebody, they didn't want to do it, then i wonder how they might have been forced to do it accidentally. sometimes, accidents really are nothing but accidents, but other times, people are forced to do things and they don't know they were forced.

but apparently that theory was being made fun of or joked about or viewed as a sexual metaphor, when it isn't. it is meant literally.

not only that, but also, ever since i wrote that, i have been hearing voices talking about sexual domination. that subject has been taboo for several years now. i just don't talk about it. it makes the attackers behave even worse than they were behaving originally - the attacks are more abusive and intolerable whenever i have been talking about that subject. 'the illusion of consent.' this is a topic that requires a lot of explaining and i am not going to get into it today. to make a long story short, they brainwash victims into believing that they've 'consented' to being abused, when in fact they have not.

and i usually don't use the word 'abused,' either, because 'abused' implies that there is a relationship between the attacker and the victim. you can't 'abuse' something unless you have some kind of privilege to abuse. a parent can abuse their child; a supervisor in the workplace can abuse an employee; but a total stranger, far away and invisible, an unknown person, cannot 'abuse' another total stranger that they have no relationship with. random total strangers cannot 'abuse' each other, so i avoid using that word. they have to have some kind of relationship. the criminal assaults a victim, but it is not 'abuse' because they don't have any kind of relationship with each other.

i have been having a very difficult couple of days, fighting with them and being in a worse mood than usual. it's worse than usual because i have to make plans, schedule my day, and do things in a short period of time, but whenever i am forced awake when i should be sleeping, i don't want to just gladly, happily wake up and say, 'yippee! i'm awake! i'll joyfully start my day, jump out of bed, and start running around doing things!' instead i try to imagine what i would have been doing if they had not woken me up. i am under stress because of moving out of the apartment, which has been the focus of my life the past couple months, and now it's even worse because there isn't much time left and i'm in a hurry. being in a hurry, and writing to-do lists, and plans, means that there is a lot of fighting, because i get 'rewarded' for being 'good' whenever i do things on the to-do list, and i get 'punished' for being 'bad' whenever i do anything they don't want me to do, and it matters a lot more when something is going on that's urgent which really does require me to hurry. in the real world, in the old world, i would have dealt with this problem just fine on my own, without external criminals trying to reward and punish and control every detail of my behavior.