Sunday, June 29, 2008


long ago, in the old world, there was a phenomenon known as 'being honest.'

but it can only be done when one's mind has enough silence in it to perform introspection.

harry browne described this phenomenon in 'how i found freedom in an unfree world.' it's a book about creating personal freedom in your own life, in spite of the fact that the world around you is still unfree.

he said that you can prepare for situations you're afraid of, by imagining them before you have to do them in reality. you role-play the scenario in your mind, asking yourself what you're afraid of, imagining that the feared event actually occurs, confronting the worst-case scenario.

he also talked about being extremely honest, with everybody, as often as possible. he said he trained himself for periods of time, during which he observed his own statements looking for accidental or habitual dishonesty, and then looked inside himself for something more true. you don't do this in a judgmental way - you don't 'punish' yourself for being dishonest - but rather, in a calm, self-accepting way you simply look for whatever is true.

when you are afraid of telling the truth about something, you use both of the processes: watching yourself as you automatically, habitually lie, and also, role-playing the feared scenario in which you tell the truth and walk through the consequences, no matter what they are.

in the old world, you did this process entirely alone.

in the new world, no one knows what the real you would have discovered through your introspection. external participants step in to 'guide you in the right direction.' you can't just go ANY direction. you can't just go in the direction of the truth. it is no longer possible to be as truthful and honest as harry browne described. it is no longer possible to know or even to imagine the truth. discovering the truth requires total aloneness and silence. it requires a total absence of external intervention in your thought processes. because that intervention is there, it is no longer possible to really be who you are.

the truth is what you discover when you accept everything, good or bad, socially approved of or socially disapproved of. the truth is when you face reality, no matter how difficult. you see what's there, even if you don't like it. a problem may seem impossible or expensive to fix, but your only chance of fixing it is to really see clearly the actions necessary to fix it.

highly effective psychotronic shields will be expensive in the beginning. so it might be better to build small, permanent, shielded structures instead of selling or giving shields to individual victims. you can let people visit these small houses temporarily or rent them. individuals will still need to buy their own shielding, but a small permanent building should be available too.

in this house of solitude, a person can meditate and introspect to discover what is the truth, without the lies and distortions caused by people 'guiding you in the right direction.' a person can make a plan and prepare for action. a person can role-play scenarios in advance.

i can't be sure if an external shield will block everything - for instance, i don't know if something biological or nanotech is involved in the experiences of mind control victims. if that were the case, you would still have it in or on your body while behind the shield. if there is something biological or nanotech, something microscopic - and someday, in the future, there probably will be if there isn't already - we will still choose life, as well as we can.

i understand that everyone has their limits and everyone is mortal. it will require more research and more resources to fight something microscopic and it will be difficult. it will be harder to fight. it still needs to be done - we don't quit.

but even so, if something microscopic is involved, shielding will still be useful anyway, because the attackers still need to interact with you. you can at least reduce or change the phenomena by using a shield. it may help enough to make life bearable for the victims. so shields are still the very first step, the very highest priority task to do.

so we will make a house of solitude, a safe sleep area. when you enter it, you find that thinking thoughts is a lot easier than you ever imagined. you find that nothing's really wrong with you. you challenge your beliefs, assumptions, and habits, only to discover they weren't really yours. you experience your feelings and emotions, only to see that they are temporary and fleeting, and, once experienced, they pass through you and change into other feelings.

you can't imagine now how easy and natural it is to be a good, healthy person. you discover that you were never really evil or stupid or worthless or whatever they made you believe. you discover that you have amazing honesty, courage, strength, and wisdom - and that you just never used it before. and this can only be known when you are free of external intervention, interruptions, and attacks.

i have reasons why this subject is so important to me today. i'm thinking once again of how difficult it is to have honest relationships with other people when you cannot speak your own words, feel your own feelings, and tell the truth without being 'guided' towards the 'approved truth' instead of the real truth.

i read something about communities the other day. it said that the community around you determines, to some extent, which issues seem important. you then take a stance on those issues. this affects what you think about and where you direct your energy.

this is why people need introspection, why people need time alone. when you're alone, sometimes you see that there are other topics you haven't paid much attention to, topics that nobody else knows about or is thinking about. you see new ideas that just aren't out there anywhere. the popular, well-known issues might then seem less important to you. or you might view them differently.

when someone guides you to say or do certain things, this neglects all of that unknown, unpredicted, uncreated truth - the things nobody else thought of yet, the things nobody else did before.

you don't have to invent an entire scientific or philosophical system of thought. you don't have to create the theory of relativity or a new branch of mathematics. during introspection it is still very, very valuable to create new ideas about everyday, mundane things! you observe something new about yourself, about other people, about animals and living things, or about objects around you. it is those small observations that make life better in little ways for everybody.

i used to be able to do that. i feel very bitter that this mental process has been destroyed.

if i were able to know and tell the truth, i'd tell people exactly what i need in a relationship. i'd know what my goals are. i'd know what i want and why i want it. i'd know which things to compromise about. i'd know what to inform people about. i'd know what to ask for. i'd know what to give.

harry browne said that the only way to find YOUR people is to be as honest and open as possible. only if people can see you, can they find you.

Monday, June 23, 2008

The tinfoil hat club

the journey of a thousand years begins with the first tinfoil hat.

it won't be a hat, and it won't be tinfoil. chances are, i myself will use a large cardboard box, and wallpaper it with aluminum foil. i don't know if actual tinfoil is even available anymore.

if you ever want to feel ridiculous, helpless, and humiliated, try blocking out electronic harassment with aluminum foil. i know, because i tried it.

in 2003 i lived through a period of three days of sleep deprivation, during which i finally became aware that i was hearing voices, and i changed my interpretation of where they were coming from - outside me, from human beings using unknown devices.

but when you are going through hell, you do desperate things to try to survive.

i was being hit with something that gave me a zapping sensation and made my muscles twitch. it woke me up over and over again. i was going insane trying to sleep.

believe it or not, i think some of the sleep deprivation might have been an accident. it was actually made worse by something else i was doing at the time. i need to mention this because it could happen to other people - it's in the topic of 'obscure nutritional dangers that nobody ever warned you about.' like salicylate sensitivity, which is helped by the feingold diet. i love to gather obscure troubleshooting information in the subject of alternative medicine / holistic health.

vitamin C, ascorbic acid, is added to fruit juice to replace the natural vitamin C destroyed during pasteurization. this synthetic ascorbic acid is added in amounts that are much higher than what you need.

for the chemical sensitive, even nutrient supplements can cause unwanted symptoms, at doses not normally considered toxic.

for instance, if you eat synthetic vitamin-enriched breakfast cereals, it can worsen nasal allergies, so that you sneeze and get sinus problems much more severely. (i read it someplace years ago, and i've observed it myself, but so far i can't find the place where i read that article.) if you stop eating artificially enriched breakfast cereals, and read the labels of your food, and avoid ALL vitamin-enriched foods, chances are that your nasal allergies might improve very quickly. it's worth a shot. (then again, it could be the wheat that causes these problems too - i don't do very well when i eat whole wheat or any wheat cereals at all - i become very badly mentally unfocused.)

B vitamins can cause involuntary tremors. your hands will start trembling if you take B vitamins if you're chemical-sensitive. it'll happen if you eat those chewy nutrient bars, those things that taste like sand mixed with glue. i wonder how many synthetic nutrient supplement users are diagnosed with parkinson's disease or something because their hands tremble - and they eat EVEN MORE vitamins to try to cure the disease? (a reminder: pesticides will also cause trembling in the hands, so if anybody sprays for bugs around the house, or if you've used flea spray on your pets, you'll have that symptom then too. it doesn't bother everybody, but some people can't metabolize poisons as well as other people can.)

well, let's imagine that you bought a package of lemonade juice boxes, the kind with the convenient little straws attached. they have 100% vitamin C added to each box. imagine that you got addicted to those things and started drinking about six of them over a period of a couple hours. after all, they're not really that big. then you go out and buy another package and just keep drinking these things. that's exactly what i did. i just thought they were really good. for some reason, once i started drinking them, i got a craving for more of them.

so i ended up getting about 600 - 1000% of the RDA of vitamin C, every day, over a few days. and nobody really knows much about the content of that synthetic ascorbic acid, either. my nutrition teacher in college - one of the only classes that i really, really enjoyed and felt was useful - said that she thought it came from mushrooms. anytime you extract a chemical from something, you carry along a little bit of contamination, maybe a molecule or two. if you're allergic to that kind of mushroom, you could conceivably have a reaction - although i don't think that's what happened. it's in the 'conceivable' category. anyway, mushroom allergy isn't important here. i was just pointing out, this ascorbic acid is either synthetic, or derived from something, and it might be contaminated with something from the source chemicals, or might not be exactly the same as 'natural' ascorbic acid in every way. this applies to ALL synthetic vitamins and minerals.

whatever it was, it caused a pretty bad reaction. first, insomnia. i've replicated this experiment more than once, and it always takes a day or two for me to figure out what's going on - if i buy fruit juice and it has artificial vitamin C, i'll get insomnia if i drink too much of it. you lie there, and you just can't sleep.

if something already has given you insomnia, then your response to electronic attacks is made that much worse. every zap twitches your already-restless legs; your mood is already irritable, so you get into fights and conflicts with the voices; your muscles are already wiggly and uncomfortable and hyperactive. i think that's what happened.

i noticed that something was really, really wrong when my entire body, from head to toe, got covered in itchy red hives, over every square inch of skin.

i forget what it was, but something reminded me that it might be vitamin C toxicity. i had already been observing nutritional phenomena for several years and was vaguely aware of it. i looked in my book - and bingo, too much vitamin C causes insomnia and skin rash.

i started drinking lots of water, and stopped drinking the boxes of lemonade, and the rash went away immediately. the acute, severe insomnia also went away - although my sleep has never been normal or healthy or uninterrupted since the attacks began - i always wake up many times for no reason, nowadays, and the sleep is never restful. and it isn't MERELY because of apnea either - they try to convince me that they're just being nice, and helping to wake me if i have apnea. it's not really that straightforward - it's complicated.

well, during those days of unbearable insomnia (i must have been unemployed at the time - i went through a lot of periods of unemployment back then) i tried to block out the attacks. this is the 'ridiculous and humiliating' part of the story.

i lay down on the bed and wrapped my entire body in aluminum foil. believe me, this is not something i really wanted to do for the fun of it. foil is poky and sharp-edged. it makes rustly noises and it's hot. i don't really find it comfortable to wear. in a very bitter way, it's almost funny - and yet, with the suffering i experienced, it's not funny at all. people really die because of electronic attacks, if only because they commit the 's-word' out of desperation. so i had to survive.

after the foil was wrapped around me, i lay there and tried to relax. i was very uncomfortable, and i still had insomnia. (as i have said, it was made worse by the fruit juice.) and yet, with the foil on, i still felt each zap. the foil did nothing at all. i was trying vaguely to use the faraday cage concept, but it didn't work. the foil wrap was just so shoddy, so full of random openings and spaces, and so thin. it wouldn't stay on, and i had to remain perfectly still. i knew nothing at all about the nature of the attack. what frequency? what medium - was it sonic, electromagnetic, or something unknown? what else would i need to know about its details, in order to absorb, scatter, reflect, refract - to do SOMETHING to alter that energy, to change where it was going, to attenuate it - i knew nothing.

it could make me angry to remember this, but... the guy i was dating at the time, he came over to my apartment and tried to sleep there, one night.

and HE TOO - i can't even tell this story and remain calm. it's very painful when you KNOW you've demonstrated that you're not the ONLY ONE experiencing the problem. he too lay there, and twitched every couple minutes, jerked awake with a kick, rolled over, woke up, dozed off, twitched, and woke up.

after trying to lie there, after maybe an hour, he got angry. he stood up very suddenly and shouted, 'something here is keeping me awake!' and he said he had to leave. he blamed it on me, for some mysterious reason, and seemed to think it was my fault. he thought that maybe i was wiggling the bed or something while lying next to him. he and i - were we talking about this problem? were we discussing it at the time? i don't remember the exact period when this occurred - i don't remember the extent to which i had yet 'broken down.' i don't remember quite how desperate i was, how many people i had yet begged for help, i don't recall whether i had yet gone to the mental hospital. i don't know whether i had explicitly said to him, 'somebody is zapping me with a device and waking me up.' but anyway, this demonstrated to me that it happened merely by trying to sleep in my apartment, and i wasn't the only one.

people do things to enforce the taboo, in themselves. his denial - i don't blame him for protecting himself. if people go into denial, if they become afraid, if they freak out or panic about it, i don't want to keep pushing. you just have to let it go. pushing people to freak out is NOT the method i want to use to convince people that electronic harassment is real.

well, anyway, the aluminum foil didn't help, at least not for that particular incident.

there are various ways to interact with waves. here's a web page that talks about it: . just browse through some of the material listed here: . they also have stuff about nuclear energy there - i've skimmed through it before. start from this URL: if you get lost in that site, you end up on pages where they ask you to purchase a CD, which isn't the page you want to be on. unless you want to buy the CDs, of course. i guess if i had a lot of money and didn't want to waste time downloading all the stuff, i'd buy the CDs. it would be a convenient thing to have permanently on the computer.

that whole site is excellent. i love the 'schaum's outline' books because they make you do lots of exercises right away. this website goes into more detailed explanations, and doesn't emphasize the 'doing problems' as much. but still it's very practical. they do have a question-and-answer section in the chapters.

there's another great way to learn all about waves, carrier signals, modulation, oscillators, filters, voices, sounds, transmitting information, etc.: you can download a demo of propellerheads' music program, Reason, from that's how i learned a lot of the stuff i know. you can turn dials and plug in cables and fiddle around with it, and it doesn't take up any space, and it's all on your computer, and if you're using only the demo, it's free. make sure you also download the instruction manual, the help files. if the government knew how instructive and useful propellerheads reason is, they would outlaw it. shh, don't tell them. i got it because i sincerely desire to write music - if i had free time, and wasn't worried about money, and wasn't struggling with one horrible disaster after another, and had my health, i'd be writing lots of music. i'm unbearably frustrated with the music i find out in the world - it doesn't express the spirit that i feel, the spirit i want to hear, the spirit i've heard in bits and pieces in various songs over the years. but that is why i got Reason. i recommend it for anyone who needs to learn about HOW they're hearing voices. it gives you some background so that you can at least vaguely understand what they're talking about, when you read about radio waves, and carrier frequencies, and modulation. the jargon words will be familiar.

anyway, there is something you CAN do with foil. you can block your cell phone. put your cellphone inside a foil-covered small box. it can be sloppy and imperfect. try to call your phone from another phone. it won't work. i was able to do this with my phone. maybe it won't work for all of them.

this is actually useful. blocking or reducing ambient, non-conscious, unintentional electromagnetic fields, even if they aren't directed at you personally, could be a helpful thing to do. 'electromagnetic hypersensitivity' is another 'branch,' another route taken, by people who are investigating these problems in general.

eleanor white ( wrote that she refuses to talk about electromagnetic hypersensitivity because it directs the whole conversation the wrong way. it's like disinformation, arguing with people who distract you from the issue you're trying to talk about.

in my opinion, electromagnetic hypersensitivity IS a valid thing to research and talk about, but you must acknowledge BOTH sides of this phenomena. it isn't just outright disinformation, but it can be misleading. you need to acknowledge the overall big picture: that people react to UNINTENTIONAL or INTENTIONAL electromagnetic, sonic, or other phenomena. and they have both SHORT-TERM and LONG-TERM effects - you might get insomnia and hear voices, right this instant, and you might also be concerned about getting cancer or something, in the future.

please note, there are only certain things that cause cancer - we distinguish between ionizing and non-ionizing radiation, for instance - but i had to mention cancer because a lot of people are concerned that electrical power lines might cause cancer. based on what little i know, you aren't as likely to get cancer from many of the harassment attacks. that doesn't make them 'okay.' and i don't know much about it. harassment attacks DO cause permanent psychological damage, have permanently destructive effects on the pathways of people's lives, and permanently destroy relationships, cause job losses, waste money, and ruin human potential, and can trigger suicides and homicides - especially if they interact badly with drugs you're using or have used recently - or drugs somebody gave to you. those long-term effects are definitely real.

i must mention another phenomenon i experience. some of the voices i hear claim that they are observers, guardians, working to PROTECT people against the danger of committing suicide after antidepressant use. i have to acknowledge that. it's one of the many conflicting and controversial things that i must hear and understand every day. they don't always behave like enemies or attackers. they don't always behave like they want to hurt me. they often talk like they're trying to help.

however, this is a difficult and complicated issue. for one thing, you just need some SILENCE in order to relax, to think, to rest, to heal, to know yourself, to prepare for action - and you just CAN'T GET that badly needed silence. even though they're nice and they're trying to help, sometimes silent seclusion is the most helpful thing a person can get! you go to work all day long and have to interact and negotiate with people, you have to be friendly, you have to be polite, you have to take into consideration other people's needs - and then you come home and you just want nothing more than to be ALONE.

it's true, the particular content of the voices isn't always mean and cruel and evil. however, the sheer presence of voices AT ALL interrupts your individual thinking. you need to escape from it. this is especially true for introverted people, although it's probably true for everyone. that's why i'm not happy when i hear people saying that voices should be integrated as parts of the personality, or as friendly spirits trying to guide you. there are moments when you just don't want to be helped or guided by anybody at all, no matter how nice they might be. imagine how hard it is just to do ANYTHING if you hear voices constantly talking. you just can't concentrate.

and by the way, THIS IS IMPORTANT: if you hear a PARTICULAR PERSON'S voice, it DOESN'T MEAN that it's that person who is sitting out there pushing a button on a device and sending the voice to your head. 'they' are able to record one person's voice, transmit it to you, get your response, and transmit it back to the first person, and BOTH people in the conversation are helpless to control what's going on. it's a conversation that neither person chooses to participate in. you hear each other, and neither of you wants to hear the other. this happens to me ALL THE TIME. i hear nice people, friendly people, people i like, but i wish i could just be away from them for five minutes! that's true in ANY relationship. you can't know if it's really that person, or somebody else imitating them; you can't know if it's happening right this instant, or if it was pre-recorded at some earlier time. don't ever assume that the person you hear is the same one who's sitting out there pushing a button on some device. the person you hear might be just as much of a victim as you are. it's a war of disinformation.

so: things can be intentional or unintentional. someone could be shooting you with some device, or you could just be unlucky enough to live in a house that's right underneath a cell phone tower. both aspects of the problem are real. both need to be studied and talked about. both need solutions.

that's the reason why i'm serious about building a big foil-covered box, and sitting inside of it, to see what happens. if it can block your cell phone, then it's really able to reduce SOMETHING. i'll observe what i experience. does anything change? does anything improve? is anything reduced? do i feel better? it's cheap, it's easy, it's non-technical, it's simple, and it can be built in your home in a short period of time. you'll feel like an idiot, but you might be able to make useful observations.

there are devices for measuring electromagnetic fields. i've heard of a 'frequency counter' used by another victim - it was mentioned in somebody's blog when i did a casual survey of mind control weblogs. i myself own something called a CSD-18, which i purchased during that time period of hell - for a while, i believed that somebody had old-fashioned, conventional 'bugs' in my apartment, and the CSD-18 is made to detect bugs. i bought it from great southern security's website, back in a time when i still used credit cards, and i wasn't as poor as i am now. i could afford to get stuff like that. i was working for the temp agencies, employed in the bubble sectors of the economy - tech and manufacturing - the ones that do layoffs again and again every time the bubble bursts.

you could sit inside the box and use a detector to see what changes. that will be part of the testing. i'm postponing it for now - i have to get my house to be safer to live in. all my action energy is going into that. then i have to do some things to improve my physical health. the shielding project has to be delayed a bit.

shields will eventually be more effective, more affordable, more convenient, and more widely available, as the taboo breaks down, and as more people invest capital into building these things. eventually, it will be marketed and advertised so that victims can find it and buy it easily, instead of having to research obscure technical jargon that they don't know anything about.

i've imagined building something that could be kept in one place, a very small house or building, that was shielded, and i could just invite sufferers to go there and sleep or meditate there temporarily - you wouldn't have to actually buy a shield yourself and take it home. it could be cheaper for you to just rent out this little place or stay there as an act of charity, rather than purchasing the shields directly. you could go there to get work done without distraction. or you could spend time alone with a friend, a lover, a spouse - someone you want to know better, as a real person instead of a puppet. these safe houses are a high priority i have in mind, in my overall vision of what needs to be done and in what order.

why is effective shielding such an important priority in breaking the taboo?

because EVERYONE, including government employees, is vulnerable to electronic attacks. if you were a police officer, or a lawyer, or a detective, or a politician, would YOU feel comfortable publicly and openly talking about electronic harassment? what if someone attacked you, and your family, and your loved ones and friends, if you offended somebody, if you crossed the wrong person's path, if you made enemies? how can we ask the government to do anything to help us, when THEY are also victims? if you read the web pages of the very worst victims, they are most often people who used to work in the military or used to work in the NSA or some other government agency - former government employees seem to suffer even more dangerous and abusive attacks - i consider myself LUCKY when i read about some of the hell they've gone through. this is a war. everybody distrusts everybody else. you never know for certain the identity of your attackers. and government agents are just as vulnerable as the rest of us.

but yet, a lot of the victims who've written these web pages and blogs advocate that the government ought to do something to solve the problem. government agents are understandably reluctant to help you when they're too busy fearing for their own lives. do you ask them to sacrifice their own safety for you? i don't know how i feel asking other people to sacrifice themselves to protect me or help me. i would feel miserable if i asked somebody to go talk about electronic harassment publicly, and then i saw that person go home and get attacked, and his family and children got attacked, and his life was ruined because he tried to help me. this kind of thing seems especially likely to happen whenever the person talking is very knowledgeable about specific crimes committed by specific government agencies and individuals, and knows the exact details of the technology involved, and knows dates, times, places, and specific events, and openly 'betrays' the person or agency they used to work for. so now, i'm not sure what exactly the government SHOULD do about the phenomenon of electronic mind control attacks - that's a complicated issue and it overlaps with the 'are you a libertarian or an anarchist' question, and about asking people to risk themselves to help someone else. i haven't settled that whole thing yet.

it would have a huge impact if some important, famous politician openly talked about electronic mind control and harassment on mainstream television, for instance, since people believe what the authorities tell them on TV. i haven't seen politicians or government employees doing that. but they CAN.

i personally want to focus on the shields. there will be people who choose to talk about it on TV. the best way to help support those public figures is by making sure that, if they DO get attacked, somebody can help them to survive, by giving them someplace to hide when they need it.

people will feel better talking about it if they know that there's a safe place to run to when they get attacked.

there are conflicts in this area: what's to be done, in what order, and who's to do it? how dangerous is it? how much are you at risk if you speak out? what kinds of 'speaking out' are tolerated? what things can be done at the same time by different people? can some people 'talk about' the phenomena, while other people are actively 'doing something about' it by building shields and building these little safe houses? where does the money come from?

can people violate the taboo in the mainstream world, and meet real people locally? - i've imagined, for instance, putting up ads written on paper, and hanging them on various bulletin boards around town, the bulletin boards of local businesses, laundromats, etc., asking people to come in and talk and listen, asking for help and participation in projects. the ads would blatantly and openly violate the taboos, using the strongest language, the language that some people are debating about: phrases like 'mind control.' some people on the net were debating whether 'mind control' was a good phrase to use, because it has so many bad connotations and misleading stereotypes. sometimes it's best to just slap them with the worst possible taboo violation right away. hey everybody! someone's reading your mind and controlling you like a puppet! let's work together and do something about it! we're not going to be indirect about it. we're going to say the worst possible thing right at the beginning. MIND CONTROL: IT'S BAD. i laugh at that - i wouldn't literally use that exact sentence. but that's the general idea.

acknowledge that this phenomenon is here to stay - it's part of our past and our future. society and the human race aren't going to just drop dead in a big apocalypse right this very instant, and so, we have to face our problems. they're complicated and we don't know exactly what to do. but they're not going away. they said 'it's not going away, so get used to it.'

and even if you believe mind control hasn't begun YET, surely it's in the future. but i like to emphasize it's already here. it's not distant and vague and faraway. it's not merely possible or hypothetical. it's not just happening to someone else in a foreign country, in a rare, obscure scenario that hardly ever happens. it's happening all the time, here, right now, to YOU, in subtle ways that you haven't been taught how to notice.

your disclaimer is that when you join a group, your phenomena will change. new personas will be added to your voices. new types of attacks will begin. new phenomena will occur. it's overwhelming in the beginning for a short period of time. they will be very hostile and abusive as they 'get to know you.' you will be tested and questioned and tormented by suspicious, distrusting people who think the very worst of you from the beginning. you might get drugged and made into a puppet even worse than you were before. you'll hear people who assume you're guilty until proven innocent, inhuman until proven human, an untrustworthy rat whose sole purpose is to ruin everything, spread disinformation, and betray everybody. OF COURSE people will hesitate to join such a group! but you can't find them unless you invite them. but the disclaimer must say: we're not responsible for the things being done to you by those external people - it's not us. increasing your attacks is NOT what this group is explicitly intended to do. it is not our agenda. we don't yet have an easy way to prove exactly who is attacking you or how. something to the effect of: we still need your help and we ask that you stay with the group even though your phenomena are quite likely to get worse or change. people HAVE to be allowed to leave the group, and i don't want to keep everything 'secret.' i have read rumors about the terrible things that happen to 'perpetrators' who leave their stalker gangs. their own gang attacks them if they leave. i don't want anything like that to be part of this.

they've been saying something over and over again, and i find it a little bit amusing: every time i try to look into people's personalities, to wonder what 'types' they are, they're bombarding me with voices saying 'we're all peacemakers,' 'so-and-so is a peacemaker,' etc. that's like their name, rank, and serial number. everyone wants to appear non-threatening. everybody's innocent at shawshank. i think they're probably all Sixes.

in a group, people cooperate; people divide and specialize their labor and skills. sometimes they follow other people's instructions, and sometimes they make their own instructions. sometimes people do things they don't really like doing, because they're instructed to. the rules and responsibilities and goals will have to be clear and specific so that we know exactly what we're trying to do.

today's my day of rest. i'm worn out. i'm done with this essay for now.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Add steak seasoning!

If a former McDonald's employee comes through the drive-thru and tells you to add steak seasoning, DO IT, you @#$@#$ (*&*(&^ !@#$@!#$ teenage hoodlums! Undermine McDonald's profits on your OWN time! Not when I go through the drive-thru!

Let me explain this. I used to work for McDonald's. I know exactly how to prepare a breakfast steak bagel. Get the steak out of the freezer, put it on the grill, put some slivered onions down ('big' onions, not 'little' onions), make sure the platen is set to 'steak,' close the platen... wait a few minutes... Then when the platen opens, look up above the grill - you should see two salt shakers. One of them is regular grill seasoning - it's just salt and pepper - that's for hamburgers. The other one is filled with herbs and salt and balls of pepper that aren't ground up. The container has a little handle, at least at the store where I worked. That's the steak seasoning. Turn it upside-down once over the steak. Get the spatula, pull off the steak and onions with the spatula, and put it into a meat tray, or directly on the sandwich, if the sandwich has already been made.

I'm not going to tell you how to make the rest of the sandwich. The steak seasoning is the problem. The rest of the bagel is usually just fine. Without the salt, it has no flavor. I might as well stay home and cook a bunch of plain ground beef in a pan by myself. The seasoning is absolutely essential to the sandwich. I am sick and tired of telling people this same thing over and over again a thousand times! Season the meat! The seasonings are located directly above the grill! Know where they are and USE them!

I noticed the problem and went through the drive-thru AGAIN and asked them to add steak seasoning. But nobody knew what on earth I was talking about! I guess steak seasoning is so rarely used, so obscure, that nobody there even knows it exists. Apparently my request was miscommunicated, because they remade the sandwich again EXACTLY THE SAME WAY - NO SEASONING.

You people ruined my breakfast!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

The honorable government walkout


i'll clarify something.

in the post about religious people hearing voices, i said recently that you can't just remove a government, and leave behind 'nothing.' i've said that you have to create some kind of structure for people to move into, something to support them. otherwise, i said, they'll just create something worse to fill the space.

however, think of how the government shares this very same idea, in a horrible, distorted, insane way.

they think they have to stay in iraq, UNTIL they've somehow stabilized things.

i advocate that they leave right this instant, today, and leave NOTHING in their place.

no setup, no structure, no support.

if the government disappeared this very instant, today, from the entire country, leaving nothing in its place, WE WOULD INSTANTLY BE BETTER OFF.

so do not let my previous statements be distorted and misinterpreted.

when you devise an intentional community, starting from scratch, it is an entirely different thing. you must plan ahead for what you will do as people start attempting to govern you in the future. but this is a completely different situation, not at all the same as invading a country, destroying it, and then claiming that you're obligated to stay until things are settled.

i got this idea because of reading something scott adams wrote in 'economics of the war.' (hi scott! i recall that he has a google alert for people taking his name in vain on the internet. i don't remember exactly how to trigger the google alert.) he talks as though there might be some remote, conceivable possibility that our being in iraq and afghanistan could be helpful - that it might be possible or necessary to stabilize the countries we destroyed, or that it might prevent 'terrorist' attacks on our country.

i believe that the soldiers could simply walk out, get on an airplane, and go home right this instant, now, and iraq and afghanistan would immediately be better off because of it.

so what's the difference? what do my previous statements mean? what is the context? how can those statements be twisted to rationalize iraq?

i said you can't just have 'anarchy' right this very instant, merely by wishing it. but i say that FROM THE PERSPECTIVE of a helpless citizen, a victim of government, who DESIRES anarchy right this instant, and knows it's hopeless to expect the morons in government to actually do the right thing for once - shut down their computers, walk out of the building, drive away and never come back to work for the government - today, right now.

it is totally different when someone in the government says, from THEIR perspective, that you're not allowed to have anarchy right this instant, because they themselves are standing in your way, even though they are physically capable of leaving and could do it, by choice, and THEY are responsible for preventing the 'onset' of anarchy right now.

when you yourself are the one who has control over whether anarchy occurs or not, it's totally different from the viewpoint of the person who has no choice about it. i can sit here at home, knowing that i can't do a damn thing about the government, and so i say that anarchy can't happen right now, because the government is evil and stupid and they refuse to move. i have no power over them. but they have power over themselves. it doesn't make sense for THEM to say that they're not able to stop governing right now! all they have to do is leave. they are the ones controlling themselves. just like i myself could walk out of this room right now, or go take a walk, or go take a nap, or go read a book. i control those things. but i don't control the IRS agents who will take away my car if i don't pay my taxes.

you can't have something that depends on actions taken by OTHER PEOPLE who you have no control over. you can't have it right this instant merely by wishing it. other people control what the government does. we already know that complaining and writing letters, etc, is useless, and evil insane delusional moron puppets like george bush are just going to blindly keep mass murdering thousands of human beings without flinching or blinking an eye, and taxing us to death, and ruining our money. (harry browne - freedom in an unfree world - describes things you have control over, and things you don't, and what kinds of actions you take to deal with these things.)

all they have to do is merely turn off the lights, shut the doors, and walk out, and we would instantly be healed, right that very second. the recovery would be unimaginably rapid and dramatic. it is something that they can't conceive of. the government really doesn't know just how evil and wasteful government-as-such really is, and how quickly and instantly a great many problems would heal themselves right away - within DAYS. but they don't believe. they don't understand anarchy.

so when i say we can't have anarchy right this second merely by wishing it, it's because most people are too stupid, ignorant, brainwashed, and misguided to really imagine it. they won't stop governing and attacking people and stealing and killing and ruining lives. and i can't force them to understand.

so anarchism with a plan - that is why i am talking about anarchism with a specific plan. the words 'anarchy' and 'anarchism' are too vague. they have no direction.

by what means do we intend to remove ourselves from the world of government? and also, do we wish to dismantle the existing government, or abandon them all and survive alone ourselves, always welcoming new immigrants who come to us? the latter method was used by the people who, long ago, left europe and came to north america - although they fought and killed the natives, which is controversial to me - i am not sure how to settle that. (much of the death was caused by disease, and i believe it was MOSTLY accidental. i don't put much weight on the story of the 'smallpox-infected blanket' that was given to the natives. slaves are much more valuable than dead bodies. they would have gained much more by enslaving the natives than by mass-murdering them on purpose.)

what phases are in this plan - what order - what time frame? do you separate first, hide, and for a number of years build your wealth, and then do something to shut off the government's supercomputers, shut off their psychotronic satellites, shut off their spy network, turn off their electricity - how long until that? how much wealth is needed? what devices? what resources? what knowledge?

or, on the other hand, do you separate, and live for the sake of life, welcoming immigrants, perhaps seeking immigrants actively through your missionary outreach, inviting, always looking for new members, but doing nothing to change the evil of the outer world? let the evil be as it is, but make your world open to those sufferers born out there?

and focus on growing, and making your world much happier, much healthier, much more fulfilling and human and rewarding to live in - a world where people really feel free and happy and alive. it's a place where people really, really want to go. you don't waste your money trying to make any active dismantling plans at all, upon the outside world's evil. but you build passive defenses as strong as possible - you build your shields, you build your invisibility, you build your untraceability, you build all that's needed to merely evade the evil. there might be times when you need to destroy the machines in a specific, targeted way - it could be cheaper to blow up a psychotronic satellite, rather than try to build a large shield around your world.

they will always keep inventing new weapons and going through your shield. i think this evil will never end. but how do you direct your resources most effectively, when resources are always so limited? people's opinions will be strongly in conflict over this. different strategies will appear and different sects will fight against the government and against each other. i don't want to see wasted resources. everyone will disagree about how best to use the resources we have saved and developed.

there is such a thing as just wanting to live a good, happy life as soon as possible, before we die, because we are atheists and we do not wait for the afterlife. this is, actually, a great virtue of atheists! we are not interested in an afterlife. but we are, however, interested in the future world of our children. we care about that.

so there are indeed strongly conflicting differences in the overall strategy, the overall approach, of anarchism, or agorism, or whatever name we give it.

i tend to favor the approach of building a safe world, and inviting people into it, and using a passive defense and evasion as much as possible, staying out of reach. also, based on what i have observed, religious communities that live this way, without (for instance) 'hoarding weapons' in anticipation of an apocalypse, don't usually become the victims of government raids. the only exception was the fraudulent raid of the yearning for zion ranch in texas - i don't know if their community had any weapons or not - and that happened, possibly, because we had been theorizing that maybe polygamy ostracizes the rejected men, who MIGHT POSSIBLY tend to become 'terrorists' (an undefined word) - i have a feeling that this theory was a mistake. it was just a theory. it wasn't intended to be a specific recommendation for somebody to attack in order to prevent the undefinable 'terrorism.'

i think we should build our community, and demonstrate that anarchy is a happy and healthy world to live in, right now, in this lifetime, and in the future lives of our children. and we invite the sufferers to join us, always, while we also protect the rules and the culture of our community.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Separateness of the underground community

The whole concept of the agorist community is that they are going to be somewhat self-reliant. That's one reason why I don't usually worry about reconciling with the 'enemies' in government. If the government collapses, its employees can go live wherever they feel like living. The agorist communities will be surviving on their own. They need us, but we don't need them. They need slaves, but slaves don't need owners.

The 'Leave Us Alone' concept means: you don't bother us and we don't bother you. It means we aren't even interested in fighting against the government or doing anything to attack them.

People differ in the long-term plans they imagine for this kind of community. The government will always be paranoid that we're secretly plotting something against them, if they can't see what we're doing. I imagine a community that's physically hidden in such a way that they can't observe or interact with us. It's like Galt's Gulch in Atlas Shrugged, or Zion in The Matrix.

The community will gradually become wealthier and will need to decide what exactly to do with the wealth. They can build better passive defenses against the outside government, but not try to make that government collapse. Or they can use their wealth to do things that actively undermine the government.

If you have what you want, then you must ask yourself, What is the NEXT thing that I want? If you can successfully block out the government, and prevent it from attacking you, then what would you like to do next? If a community could successfully prevent the government, or the unknown attackers whoever they are, from physically attacking me at all hours of the day, then a great many other priorities would become important. I'd want to just live a happy life, enjoy my relationships, develop my skills and abilities, learn new things, have adventures... all of the wonderful things that have been taken away, all of the things that people want in their normal lives.

I wasn't really planning on writing much about this subject, but I was annoyed by some of the responses to the previous 'reconciling' post, so I felt I had to go into another viewpoint or approach to that question.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Gandhi and Satyagraha

You can read about Gandhi and the concept/practice of Satyagraha on the internet.


I had to mention Satyagraha because of the previous post. I want to do something similar to that, in many ways, although I might not go with every single rule exactly. Part of Satyagraha is that you do not attack people who are seen as 'the enemy.' The goal is to persuade and convert them. You treat the individual people with respect even if you oppose what they stand for.

Again, these rules won't be taken as a word-for-word plan of the community/revolution that I imagine, but they give some general ideas.

Government disclaimer

I'm required to give a disclaimer anytime I say things like 'the government is always your number one enemy.'

Individual employees of the government are human beings. Some of them are very good people. All members of government cannot be stereotyped together in a single group. All parts of the government are not the same. The government is an enormous institution with many different departments. Not all departments are directly responsible for, or even know about, activities done by other parts of the government.

Government in general, and some individual employees of government, can be described as wasteful, or ineffective, or incompetent. But other parts of government and other individuals might be more effective or more competent.

Harry Browne talks about this problem in 'Why Government Doesn't Work.' You can make a very general statement about the government not working, in spite of the fact that parts of it may have hardworking, competent people with good intentions.

I'd invite former government employees to work with me in a community, but I'd have to think about some kind of trustworthiness criteria. As the government gets larger, more and more people have no choice except to work for the government in small, petty, bureaucratic positions. They can't all be rejected merely because they once worked for the government. I'd have to think about what happens to people who worked in more important positions. If the government collapses there will be a need to reconcile with people formerly classified as 'the enemy' in general. If some group of people becomes more powerful financially or technologically than our existing government, I do NOT wish to see the old government 'punished' as a uniform group.

If there are real, visible signs that the government is actually collapsing, some people will betray it, abandon it, and join whatever group looks stronger. The stronger group might not be a good one. They may be worse than the previous government.

It would be nice if some people betrayed or turned away from a strong government even to join a weaker group of people. It would be nice if people joined an 'underdog' group even if they did not expect to get all the benefits they can get by working for the government. We would do our best to explain why one ideology is better than another one, why one way of life is better than another one, even if there is less money, less power, and less social status.

Revolutions bring more endless suffering if one group punishes another group, who then turns around and retaliates against them, over and over. Peaceful revolutions MUST reconcile and integrate former enemies somehow. I don't know how to do it.

Please note that until very, very recently, I actually called myself a libertarian and a minarchist, not an anarchist or agorist. Also, it was only relatively recently that I read the anti-federalist papers and started thinking seriously about totally shutting down the national government instead of trying to fix it. I used to believe that a national government was a required part of the 'system' and that it could not be shut down.

I have to give disclaimers like this because it's possible that some idiot will misinterpret my words to mean that it's okay to hurt government employees. I do not advocate hurting or killing individual people. Employees of government are people.

Instead, I advocate dismantling the system of government in a way that is peaceful, and I admit that I don't know the exact details of how this is to be done. I do not advocate violent revolution. I do not normally advocate destruction of property.

There might be exceptions to 'no destruction of property' but I would have to carefully think it through because it's something I don't have enough knowledge about - you would have to be very specific about what property was to be destroyed and why. For instance, if there were psychotronic satellites, I would probably advocate destroying them.

I'll say it again: I'm not the world's best independent thinker. I do best if I can refer to a trusted author who's already written about a subject thoroughly. I don't have many anarchist or agorist authors yet. Most of what I've read is on the internet, in essay form. So, right now I have many ideas that are inconsistent, vague, or uncertain.

There is a lot that I don't know about anarchism or agorism. I don't know a good plan for what to do and how to do it. I don't know how to peacefully undermine government and make it collapse. I don't know how to build strong communities afterwards. I don't know about common law or how to arbitrate disagreements and conflicts. I don't know the details of how people may use force against each other. My interpretation of agorism is a very vague, general idea, and the specifics could vary greatly. Different people could have drastically different visions of what constitutes agorism.

I'm giving my ideology a new name and not officially calling myself a libertarian anymore. Anarchism is so general and vague that my particular type of anarchism needs to be refined somehow. I might be calling myself an agorist, but this is not yet set in stone.

Reconciling with individual members of government is crucial for a peaceful revolution. I don't yet know how to trust, accept, or integrate former government employees into the community. There must be a way to decide who is accepted and who is rejected. There must be some useful work for people to do after long years of habitually working under the government mindset. Reconciliation is important and it will eventually have to be done. It must be part of the overall plan.

This issue comes up because some of the personas who talk to me claim to be government employees. Not all of them do. Some of them behave more like computers or random noises. They all have different personalities and come from different places. When I say 'government is the number one enemy,' the ones who claim to be government employees get anxious.

Anyway, that is the government disclaimer.

How do you convince religious people that the voices in their heads are NOT the voice of God, Jesus, Angels, etc.?

I feel like capitalizing my sentences today.

This essay is pretty rambling and disorganized. I haven't settled it yet.

I imagine a community. It's a subject I'll be writing about in more blogs, because the community has many aspects, and right now I have only about two hours to write.

But one question I've asked about this community is: How do we handle religion?

I'm an atheist myself. I'd like to have a small community where we shared the same religious beliefs and practices. This is important to me now that I've learned about electronic mind control. Religion used to be a more neutral issue for me personally. I could have had a community where people prayed however they wanted. But now, I know that people can 'listen to the voice of God' in their heads, and they can be misled and deceived by human beings playing the role of God. So it's no longer a neutral issue.

It's true, sometimes you can get information or suggestions that are helpful, from those voices. But I truly believe THEY SHOULD NOT BE THERE. Helpful or not, they don't belong in my head. If I had a CHOICE about it, it might be different. If I could choose to block them out whenever I wanted to be alone, and if I could choose what information I wanted to obtain, and if I could choose whom to associate with and whom to avoid, it might be different. But I can't choose those things. Not until I have technical knowledge and physical shielding.

When I picture people I'd invite into the community, I wonder just how to interact with their religious beliefs. I already know people from over the years, people who might be lonely enough, dissatisfied enough, people who don't fit in very well, people who aren't wealthy and happy in the normal world. You won't yank people out of a great government job with a lifetime pension. You won't yank people out of their mansions. But you might get people who just don't like the difficulties of the world we have now. If you find those people, you must incorporate their religions into your community.

Personality theories like the Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram teach us that different types of people contribute valuable, important things. And community members won't always be logical-minded, but we still really need them. So you just WON'T be able to make every single member stop believing in God altogether and become an official atheist.

But this community has important attributes. I can't just ignore them or skip them. I can't just leave out particular requirements. And it's VERY IMPORTANT that the new communities explicitly and openly talk about electronic mind control, explicitly talk about voices we hear in our heads, and other mental and physical phenomena that are currently taboo. We can't ignore those things anymore. In order to protect people in this new millennium, we MUST address mind control.

And this will cause a major conflict with sincerely religious people who really want to pray to the voices in their minds and sincerely feel comforted by the presence of a strong, reassuring, all-powerful deity character watching over them. A long time ago, there was nothing wrong with that. Perhaps praying felt different, centuries ago. Perhaps when they prayed, the voice of God never said anything back to them. Perhaps they heard only silence. That is what I imagine it was like, in the old world.

But nowadays, when you pray, God answers. He'll talk to you in words and sentences, and he'll tell you to do specific things. When you pray to God to make you rich, increase your sales, get an attractive person's attention, and buy you a new car, God OUGHT to ignore you! I've said it before: it seems blasphemous that people would pray for specific, worldly things, AND GET THEM. But if you read religious websites, you see this is happening to religious people every day. It's meant to be helpful, but when I see it, I feel that something is very, very wrong about it. Even if it's helpful, it bothers me to see this. Here's a typical example: 'My sister was dying of cancer, and I prayed to God to save her, and the next day, a total stranger walked up to me and told me about a book he read that contained all the information I needed to cure my sister's cancer! Now my sister is alive and well, thanks to God's helpful intervention.' When this kind of thing happens, I want to know: Who is spying on us, categorizing all that we do, labeling who we are, performing computer searches on us, and then puppeteering the 'right person' to go speak to another person at just the right moment? I can't stand the idea of it. And it's deceptive to make people think that 'God' is the one doing this. It's done by people - human beings who want to pat themselves on the back and say, 'I did a good deed!' Then they go home and tell themselves that God loves them and that they're going to heaven because they used a psychotronic system to force people to do things they wouldn't otherwise have done. And it's true, the lady's cancer got cured. But on the other hand, it's also true that I've spent years lying in bed unable to think a single thought without somebody zapping me and preventing me from thinking what I want, the way that I want, by using that exact same system.

I can't just filter out everybody but atheists. I agree with Julian Simon: the more the merrier. A larger number of people is better for a community: people divide and specialize their labor. Each unique person contributes some skill and plays some role. I can't just accept only the 'logical' people who might already agree about atheism. There are many people whose skills, abilities, and personalities are very, very valuable, but they're religious, and nothing will convince them to be otherwise. There are many people who are still badly needed even if they aren't 'geniuses.' Ordinary people are valuable. I hate to say words like 'ordinary people', because it always sounds insulting. But if I look for ONLY logical-minded geniuses that already agree with atheism and already know about electronic mind control, I might get a community with, like, fewer than ten people in it.

Not only that, but new children are born, and they differ from their parents. Very soon, the community will change from within. How do we cope with people who spontaneously start acting religious on their own? They will need some kind of structure to move into. The same goes for newborn people who spontaneously start initiating force against others and attempting to govern others through theft, lies, and force. They also need some social structure to move into. It won't be just one generation of people. So children's inevitable differences must be accounted for.

Here's one good thing about small, local communities: They don't have to be all-encompassing or perfect. When small communities are allowed to differ from each other, people can form 'sects' when they disagree. They can leave one community and move into another. This is how Amish communities work. Local Amish groups wear slightly different styles of clothing and disagree about which types of technology they allow or forbid.

My interpretation of 'what is anarchism?' is that it emphasizes smaller communities of people, instead of one huge government / money system controlling the whole planet or whole continent. The bigger, the worse. Small and medium-sized communities give people a chance to customize their lifestyles, to disagree, and yet to continue trading with one another, enjoying the benefits of a large marketplace, sharing the knowledge and skills of six billion people (or is it 6.5 billion now?), while still LIVING in a small, supportive group of people. Again, this fits with what Amish communities do. They DON'T block out the outside world. They buy and sell things from and to outsiders. They just filter some things out. And their communities are still small and supportive.

Suppose that I had shields that actually worked. They might not work perfectly - there's no such thing as a perfect shield. But what if you put a religious person inside the effective shield, and asked them to pray to God? The experience would be traumatic. God would no longer be there. God would disappear. God would be silent and inaccessible.

But if God is all-powerful, defying the laws of physics, then no shield can block him. You'd think that would prove it to a believer. You could say 'See? Those voices you usually hear aren't God. We blocked them out. If it were God, he could go through the shield.'

But it doesn't work that way. You don't merely convince someone to never believe in God again. Whenever they talk to you, they 'push a button' that says, 'Believe everything I say to you.' When they push the button of unconditional belief, the 'faith sensation,' you can't help yourself from believing they're God. When they lie to you, you believe - and it's not your fault. (I finally watched Good Will Hunting, a movie I've heard about and wondered about for a while now. It has a scene where Robin Williams says 'It's not your fault.' I really identify with that scene. It reminds me of the time when I decided, 'I'm not crazy.' People can't help getting screwed up when horrible things are done to them. It's something you have no control over.)

So the community must accommodate this somehow. People will always go back out into the world, and they'll hear God's voice talking to them again, and they'll believe what they're forced to believe.

Since I'm an atheist, I'm going to make a few assumptions. If I still hear voices inside the shield, I'm going to assume there's a 'leak,' or there's information I don't know about, something I've failed to consider, a problem I haven't solved yet. I will always assume this. I will always assume that nobody, nothing, anywhere, can violate the laws of physics. This is a permanent and unbreakable rule. If I hear voices inside the shield, I'm not going to give up and say, 'Oh well, that MUST be God, because he broke through my impenetrable shield.'

What do you do after demonstrating that your shield blocks out the voice of God?

In the community, we must have some kind of practices or teachings that fill in the structures of religion. People will always have religious habits and tendencies. You have to fill in that 'slot' in people's minds, fill it with something rather than just ignoring the problem. This is why I might call myself an 'anarchist' but still want something more specific - what are we anarchists to DO with ourselves while we sit around waiting for anarchy to happen? Agorism is one of the more specific 'routes' of anarchism. So it must be with religion. As it is with taking away government, you don't just take away religion and then fill in the blank with nothing. You substitute it with something that achieves goals that you think are better for your community. If you leave a void sitting there, then people will inevitably fill in the space with something even worse. A strong structure must be built that tells us what to do when people inevitably become religious or initiate force.

I might begin by requiring that people spend a little bit of time meditating inside the shield, but they're still permitted to pray in their normal way outside the shield. The shields are very small at first, because they're too expensive. People still live in an exposed, outdoor environment most of the time. Shielding is something you do as a short-term retreat, to recover from your daily bombardments of unavoidable outside attacks, interactions, random noise, and ambient electromagnetic fields.

I might have talks with people about what exactly the voices say to them, if they're able to remember.

It isn't always a voice. They also attack you with feelings, urges, sensory experiences, dreams, perceptions, hallucinations, and just about anything that the mind is capable of doing. It is very, very hard to distinguish what's real, what originates within YOU.

In Scientology, they have various levels of achievement. You learn new secrets when you reach higher levels. In my community I don't want things to revolve around 'secrets.' But there might still be various levels of meditative achievement or something. Levels of achievement occur in the mystical, meditative religions.

We might think of it as levels of RESPONSIBILITY, also, not just achievement. Levels of achievement and levels of responsibility. To what degree are you responsible for your own actions? To what degree are you held accountable? This is very, very hard to determine in a world of mind control. Who is accountable for what, when EVERY exposed human being is a puppet?

In one of his books, Edward de Bono said something about this issue. I forget which book it was. He said people argue about what to do when someone is accused of a crime, and they use some kind of insanity defense, or some other way of saying 'it wasn't my fault.' He said, sometimes it really wasn't your fault, but you have to go to jail anyway. I find this idea very unpleasant, and yet I see some truth in it: someone might have a range of skills and knowledge that make them an extremely dangerous 'puppet,' someone who's being manipulated to do terrible things, and even though it's not their fault, you have to lock them in a room to stop them from shooting at you - at least temporarily. This kind of thing happens all the time. It's especially bad because we have no technical understanding and no defenses against psychotronic manipulation.

Well, I'm running out of time here. There's no specific conclusion - it's just a bunch of musing.

Basically, I'm asking questions like 'What is a community?' 'What purposes does a community serve?' 'Why are communities breaking down, or nonexistent, in today's society?' 'What kinds of communities do exist and how do they function?'

I ask these things because right now, my community says there's no such thing as electronic mind control - and nobody's directing their capital into research and development aimed towards protecting us against it. The only people who DO spend money and capital on electronic mind control are the government and the military, who are only too happy to use it to spy on, attack, and control us, not to protect us. (I always say that random people and mafia also do these things... But I am reminded 'government itself is always your number one enemy.')

And nobody in my community gives social support, comfort, guidance, or protection of any kind to people afflicted with this kind of suffering. I reluctantly acknowledge, I've heard several times about the 'hearing voices network.' I haven't talked to them and I don't know if they're any good. From what little I read, I think they advocate that we try to make friends with, or integrate, the voices as though they are parts of our own personality. But I feel distrusting if anybody says that we should listen to good voices and not listen to bad voices... I'm not comfortable with hearing ANY voices telling me what to do. I just want to know what life is like without it!

Not only that, I don't just want to 'talk about it' to someone. I want to block it out - NOW. I want seclusion. I want to know who I am when I'm alone. I want to know what I want, what I care about, what I'm capable of. I want to know how it feels to be human.

Monday, June 16, 2008

roots growing deep underground

i had a bad contamination hit last night and it was very difficult to troubleshoot. i still don't entirely understand what the drug was or how it got to the location it was in. i was very sick for hours, with my heart pounding very badly. eventually i figured out the problem and fixed it, and afterwards i fell asleep pretty quickly.

something really weird happened this morning.

when i woke up, i knew i was definitely drugged - although it was probably my own stuff from the contamination - because i felt awake and motivated, which is extremely unusual. motivation is something that doesn't usually happen to me. if i fall asleep, and then wake up motivated and able to perform tasks, it usually means the drug was the old 'mellow' variety of st. john's wort, the one that acts as a sedative and makes you fall asleep.

well, anyway, i was motivated to do gardening. i had some pots that i wanted to fill with forest soil. i don't want to use the commercial vermiculite stuff with the N-P-K minerals. i think it doesn't have enough micronutrients, things like chromium and selenium. anyway, that's not important. what happened was, i went up to fill the pots and set them in the location i chose.

i had recently gone to visit my pot of st. john's wort, and found that it had been sprayed with herbicide. it's still alive, but a bunch of its leaves got splashed and they're all brown and spotty. other weeds nearby were also sprayed. it was an accident. i had it next to the maintenance road in a place that i thought wouldn't get sprayed. but apparently that spot was within the weeding area that they do. so i moved it up into the woods to a totally different place.

it's a spot under the power lines where a lot of trees are cut down and the sun shines through. it might get enough light there, and it shouldn't get sprayed by anybody, hopefully, although that's the same thing i thought last time.

i now have four pots up there. one: sjw from germany, a year old, in commercial vermiculite potting soil. two: new sjw seeds, germany, in forest soil. three: german chamomile, forest soil. four: roman chamomile, forest soil. chamomile is one of the mildest, safest herbal drugs. it's so mild, it's almost a placebo. it's so mild, it really doesn't even do very much. but i've only tried drinking chamomile tea, and i've never handled fresh growing chamomile. chances are, the fresh plants will be stronger. they will probably NOT be 'just like a placebo.' DON'T eat chamomile: it will cause an extremely severe, life-threatening allergic reaction that makes your throat close up and you stop breathing. you will go into anaphylactic shock. it's similar to other plants in that family, i think the daisy family, that people are allergic to. if you only just get a little of it, you'll just sneeze and have allergies. i started sneezing the first time i opened the seed packet, and apparently, some kind of powder got on my shirt, because i started sneezing every time i put on that shirt again (when the shirt hadn't been washed yet). and all i did was open the seed packet. this is a familiar phenomenon by now: merely handling seed packets, merely touching the envelopes they're in, is able to cause a contamination accident. if you ever grow herbs, you'd need a greenhouse or someplace elsewhere, away from your house, where the seeds could be delivered. it's extremely dangerous to handle any medicinal seeds at all in your own home! this is VERY IMPORTANT for all anarchists or any other people who are defying the government's war on drugs.

anyway, here's the weird thing. several nights ago i had a vision. i dismissed it as a 'metaphor' instead of a literal vision. everyone knows by now that i interpret these visions as being sent to me by a human being using some technological method.

so i had already put my pot of sjw up in the woods, and of course, i'm always cautious not to allow the plants to escape from the pot. it's a nuisance plant from europe and wasn't meant to grow in the usa. it's toxic to grazing livestock. they don't know any better, and they'll just eat an entire plant of sjw and then get extremely sick (if they're cows) or drop dead (if they're rabbits or anything small). you DON'T want to ever eat green leaves of sjw. i once ate a single leaf - just one - and thought i would have to go to the hospital. i never did that again. you don't even need to eat it. you can either inhale the vapors from one or two crushed leaves, or you can grind it up and mix it with oil - very very very very very very diluted! - so diluted, you'd think NOTHING was left in that oil - and then put a tiny, single drop of it on your skin. when you start feeling like you're about to throw up, then wipe off the oil with a disposable paper towel, and wash your skin.

(how odd, that years ago i strongly advocated no drugs at all. and the battle to convince me to try sjw - the battle i had, a long drawn-out battle with voices in my head, arguing with me, and eventually i was persuaded. and with great reluctance i found that that i could do things i wasn't able to do before. but the dangers are so severe, that if your life is going okay, if you aren't wallowing in total hopelessness like i was, unable to get anywhere, unable to accomplish anything at all, totally stuck, then you shouldn't use anything at all... and if you did, it would be important to know all of the knowledge and experience that i have about the dangers... and doctors won't bother telling you that stuff. and if you buy over-the-counter herbal pills, every brand name, and every batch, is different from every other. st. john's wort can either cause extreme insomnia, or hypersomnia (too much sleeping). it can either cause erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia, or it can cause nymphomania. and it all depends on the details of how the plants are handled, the particular drugs in them. and the bottles you buy don't tell you any details. if you try to grow your own, to guarantee that you get exactly what you want - which is why i started growing my own - then few people know about obscure, technical subjects, like volatile vapors settling on surfaces, and transdermal absorption. so i had absolutely NO WARNING that this might happen. and a contamination accident is SO HARD TO CLEAN UP that you have to throw away hundreds, or thousands, of dollars worth of your belongings after an accident, which is what i endured through all of 2007. it's the reason why i could not wash laundry - my house was so contaminated, all of my clothing would get toxic, and i had to simply throw it in the garbage, because washing it made it WORSE. clothes washers conserve water, so they just slosh the same toxic water all over the REST of your semi-clean clothes, ruining them all at once in one big batch. so i would purchase new clothes at goodwill (goodwill kicks ass! they're the best clothing store in the universe! 25 cents an item, during the summer. all the cool people shop at goodwill.) and wear them until they were toxic, and then throw them in the garbage and buy more. i needed disposable clothing made of paper. this is the worst disaster i have ever experienced in my whole life. this is why i can't do anything spontaneous - it's very difficult to obtain clean clothes. i usually have to go out and buy a new outfit if i want to go anywhere or do anything. my friends from work have tried to call me to hang out with them and they say it's like pulling teeth trying to get me to go anywhere.)

so i'm extremely paranoid that the plants might escape and start growing in the outside soil. to me, this would be a frightening disaster, because it would be very hard to eradicate the plant. and then anytime you walked through that area you'd get hit by it. innocent people wouldn't understand what was happening to them, because they don't know about transdermal herbal drugs or volatile vapors.

when someone is mowing the lawn and they suddenly drop dead of a heart attack or stroke, it might be because they mowed a poisonous weed, such as poison hemlock, or a cardiac glycoside plant, like foxglove, or butterfly weed, or milkweed. the mowed-down plant will spray vapors everywhere and the person won't have any idea what happened. they'd be walking around in it, possibly touching it directly, and breathing it. this would be especially bad if you were already on some other drug that interacted badly with the plant poison. everyone believes that person dropped dead because they were exercising too hard, but it was actually plant poison from weeds. these plants produce recognizable symptoms. when i handled butterfly weed, it made my heart pound hard, and it speeded up, and i had chest pains (angina).

so in this vision, i saw st. john's wort growing up in the woods, and it was free, not inside a pot. and i saw the roots going down way, way deep into the soil. i felt conflicting feelings. i was afraid, because i really want to avoid letting an invasive weed get loose. i didn't know if it was my fault. i also felt a kind of 'cheer for the underdog' feeling, like the plant was happy and free and natural, not stuck inside a pot like those other trapped plants. the way you'd feel if the fish inside a fish tank escaped back into the ocean, like in Finding Nemo. it's true, i feel sorry for potted plants, but you have to draw the line somewhere! if i felt sorry for every little thing, i could not take a step without squashing a piece of bacteria or something. so i tolerate potted plants. so this was a free plant of sjw, growing loose.

well, i took this as a metaphor. most of the images are not literal. they have double meanings, which are usually (but not always) insulting, or sexual. i believed that this image was something sexual, probably talking about pregnancy, like letting the plant grow outside and letting it reproduce out in the world is analogous to having children.

well, it was literal. when i was up there setting up my pots, arranging them in the beam of sunlight, i wandered over to a fallen tree, and started walking along it. i glanced down and there was a recognizable plant growing right underneath the fallen tree on the downhill side, in a bare patch of soil. it looked a little bit like a clover, but the leaves alternated in a right-angle cross shape. i always look for that familiar cross shape of clover-like leaves. two leaves 180 degrees apart on the stem, and underneath that, two more leaves 'phase-shifted' 90 degrees around the stem, and from above, it's a cross.

its shape was a little bit different from my plants. the leaves were slightly longer. the overall style was just a little bit different. but out of curiosity, i looked closer. (i was smart enough not to touch it.) a dry twig stuck up in the middle of the plant, which indicates that it was last year's dead stem, dried up and left over from wintertime. so it has been there since before winter. and it's flowering! i've never seen one flowering. sjw is a perennial that flowers in its second year. i was still skeptical - it had to be an ordinary weed of some kind that just happened to have a similar cross pattern. so i looked very, very closely at the leaves. and they were covered in black dots! those black dots are the 'perforations' that give this species the name 'hypericum perforatum.' the black dots are a unique, unmistakable, telltale feature. i just couldn't believe it.

i have never encountered wild-growing sjw before. my eyes are attuned to look for it at a glance. out of habit, my eyes skim the textures of weed leaves as i walk past them. i notice quickly if there's an unusual leaf pattern. i've always wondered if it appeared anywhere in pennsylvania, and i've read about places where it's a major problem, in livestock grazing areas, in places where the soil is ideal for that plant and it grows very strongly and is hard to eradicate. but i've never run across it.

i can't be responsible for that being there. i have never had any plants anywhere near that location. any plants that i grew were hundreds of feet away. i grew a pot of it on my porch a couple years ago, and then, this year, i've been growing a single pot of it way, way, way down the road, like a football field away from that location. it's been there at least all winter.

the plant can only result from human habitation. it doesn't live in the united states. it appears because of settlers from long ago, or from somebody recently planting it. but it's in such a weird, inconvenient spot, almost buried under the edge of the fallen tree. i can't imagine anybody putting a single plant there, all by itself, deliberately.

also, none of my plants ever flowered yet. i haven't been growing this for many years, and i had a batch that i accidentally killed. so i had to start over. so i can't say that maybe a bird swallowed one of the seeds and carried it up into the woods, because my plants didn't seed. i really have no explanation for its being there.

i assume that somebody else looked at that location and saw that plant, and sent me a message about it. maybe somebody knows who put it there. again, i don't understand the technology and physics behind these things. i know there is an explanation, and i also know that these explanations are very important. i know it's important to NEVER dismiss them as 'supernatural' or 'beyond our ability to understand.' everything that happens in the universe must obey the laws of physics. nothing can be above the laws of reality. that's my 'psychic phenomena' lecture for the day.

i read once that there is a technology used by the government to search for marijuana plants, or any other drug plant, hidden in messy places like forests. they fly over an area with a helicopter or something. they shine a special light down on it, or maybe all they do is analyze the normal light being reflected off the plants. i don't remember if it's infrared, or visible light, or something else. supposedly, each plant has a unique signature, and they interpret what they see. (oh no! i have poison ivy on my hand. damn it. i just noticed that. you want something REALLY fun and exciting? try a poison ivy contamination all over your house! i already did that quite a few years ago.) supposedly each plant reflects light at a particular frequency. or else, the light left over, after all the other light has been absorbed, is a particular frequency. each plant is unique. they can see a patch of specific plants surrounded by a big mess of other plants, even if it would be hard to notice them with the naked eye. it requires a computer to interpret the image. i don't recall any details of the technology.

well, i saw it with my own eyes - it's a wild-growing st. john's wort right near the place i chose for my pots. i think i will just leave the plant alone, and keep an eye on it. there were at least two sprigs of new growth, from runners, appearing underneath it. it will eventually spread out. but there isn't much chance of livestock grazing there anytime soon.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

how to do an RSS feed in the opera browser

i don't use internet explorer anymore, so i'm not sure how it works in there. but in opera, first you have to go to a webpage with an RSS feed. blogs at will do it. then, look up in the line where the URL is written. there's a little orange square button with white rounded lines on it. push that, and a popup menu asks if you want to add this. i don't know the difference between RSS and ATOM. choose either one. dialogue box: 'would you like to subscribe?' = yes. then a 'feeds' menu appears at the top, between widgets and tools. go click in that menu and that's where your RSS feeds are. i never used to know how to do that until just recently.

Regenerating lost body parts

i have receding gums because of having gotten orthodontic braces when i was in 4th-5th grade. i had no choice about getting braces because i was too young and just did whatever my parents told me. they removed teeth, and the remaining gums just sagged and stretched while the teeth were bent and moved to new positions. it's very bad for your gums. they also say that mercury can make your gums have problems too.

there's going to be a mercury poisoning when they remove the filling, but i won't use any chelators or added nutrients. i am just going to take it as is.

i think the braces caused me to get a cavity. i had perfectly healthy teeth, but the braces put this metal band around the very back tooth to hold the wires in place. because of that metal band, food would have caught in there and been impossible to brush out, for weeks and months and years at a time, causing a cavity. my teeth had no cavities at all until then.

i actually like the way my mouth looks BEFORE the braces better than the way it looks now! i look at the childhood photos, and i had a cute grin. now, my mouth is somehow set back deeper into my face, in a flattened way. back then, i had a little overbite, and it actually looked cuter than this new, unnatural, flattened face.

this type of thing is one reason why i want to have children. i won't do idiotic, permanent, stupid things to their bodies when they're too young to say no. it's a way of fixing the world, when you aren't able to undo the damage that was done to yourself. i'm not blaming my parents, because they're just as innocent and ignorant as everybody else. there are things we're taught that we're supposed to do, and everybody thinks they're good and okay and safe.

i still advocate stem cell research, or some other technology, to regrow lost body parts and make them as good as the originals. they will someday regrow teeth, foreskins, tonsils (unless they stop the idiotic practice of removing tonsils and adenoids when all they need is holistic troubleshooting of problems), appendices (does the plural of the bodily appendix also get a 'c'?), gallbladders, lost limbs, etc. anything that it's stupid to remove. they just love to remove irreplaceable body parts at the slightest difficulty. even if there aren't any problems at all.

removing sick organs, such as the appendix or gallbladder, isn't necessary. there are almost always other ways to fix the problem. gallstones shouldn't be an excuse to cut out the gallbladder. supposedly you can change things in the diet and it will get rid of gallstones. appendicitis is caused by a viral infection, as far as i know, and it can be fixed by draining the fluids and materials that threaten to rupture it. sometimes these diseases are caused by temporary factors, such as a medicine you're taking. there is always a specific cause for the problems, and often, you're able to get rid of the cause. but they give you a permanent 'solution' to this temporary problem by removing the organs.

something in your body isn't quite working properly? here's a solution: chop it out and kill it, so that it REALLY won't work ever again! we wouldn't want to be half-assed about anything. let's do a thorough job of destroying it altogether. i am totally against this point of view. i advocate troubleshooting, especially now that we have the internet and can easily get so much more medical information and patients' experiences than we could long ago.

when you remove those organs, there are harmful consequences. doctors are set on believing that we have all these useless 'vestige' organs that evolution forgot - organs we don't need, organs that have no function, organs that just sit around and do nothing because they came from some primitive time long ago when our ancestors actually used them. in reality, we still use all those archaic things. when you cut out those organs, you get more health problems. digestion gets permanently messed up after you remove the appendix or the gallbladder, yet they hastily, casually remove those every day and say that it will have no effect on you at all.

it's funny, i once found a little 'recipe' book that i wrote when i was a very young child. i liked pretending and i believed in magic. so i wrote a magic book with little recipes for doing various things. one recipe was made to 'regrow lost body parts.' you had to make a potion using 'berry crystals,' which were inspired by some little plastic beads that looked like clear blue crystalline raspberries. then, you had to recite a long list of rhyming words, where you only changed the first letter of the word. i forget how it went, but it was sort of like, 'afto, bafto, cafto, dafto, eafto, fafto...' through the whole alphabet. for some reason, i liked the idea that every single letter of the alphabet had to be used, and not a single letter could be left out. i was a perfectionistic collector of stuff - i had to 'collect 'em all,' when i got a favorite toy or anything - and i always wanted to feel like everything was included together and nothing was left out.

i think i was about nine years old when i wrote that magic book. that's back when i was playing dungeons and dragons outside with the two kids next door, in west virginia. we got our plastic swords and shields and ran around fighting invisible monsters. i was the magical healer, and i carried a medicine bag filled with plastic beads, little fragments of jewelry, interesting objects, shiny things, and anything that i could pretend was medicinal and magical. (nowadays, i have to fight REAL invisible monsters, like the fiat money system. my little magic bag of healing contains books and authors who explain everything to me.)

Friday, June 13, 2008

Don't use more than one drug

I forgot to mention: Combining drugs is EVEN WORSE. Don't ever use more than one drug at a time. I have found that even caffeine and theobromine (chocolate) interact with other drugs I've used.


I am not at all happy about something that has just occurred. People are using negative nicknames and negative adjectives to describe themselves and other people. Don't... Even... Go There. I can't figure out whether somebody said something out loud, or whether somebody just came up with the insulting language on their own. I don't ever use that kind of cruel language and I don't make up nicknames for people either. Whatever it is, not only is it FALSE, but also, it is probably something that I described as a good thing rather than a bad thing.

'Disinformation' has already occurred more than once in this situation. Sometimes that's also known as 'lying through their teeth.' It's quite possible that lying was involved. Again, I don't know the details of what occurred. I don't know whether anybody even said anything or whether someone came up with an insult on their own.

If it ever seems like I am using an insulting nickname, here is how it happens:

I wake up from sleep hearing voices discussing an idea with me. It's an idea for some new blog I'm supposed to write. The idea seems really interesting. So I sit there and figure out the idea and innocently send it out to post.

Later on it turns out that the essay contains 'double meanings' someplace that are only meaningful if you know what to look for. The double meanings are always insulting. Some word has meaning to this or that particular person; it's always some kind of petty, cruel, insulting joke.

Do you have any idea how sick of this I am? This is what I have put up with for YEARS, directed against ME. The nightmares ALWAYS have insulting double meanings and now they want to sneak insults into everything I write, insults towards other people, as well. I do not use insults myself. When they appear, they come from somebody other than me. And also, they're NOT TRUE. Whatever is implied by the various insults and nicknames and other ideas, it is always wrong, a lie, or a disgusting distortion of something which might actually be good.

This time, apparently it happened suddenly and unexpectedly and I didn't even say anything to anybody. It clearly wasn't me. So it definitely came from some other person or else the idea was given directly to the person in question, as though they thought of it themselves. Whatever it was, it was FALSE.

Also: I almost died from using, and even merely HANDLING, certain herbal drugs. A lot of drugs are deadly in even very small doses. You can't even imagine how small of a dose. You might think to yourself that you've taken the smallest dose you could possibly take, and it's still a toxic amount, and you have permanent, disabling side effects.

A long time ago, I was so extremely anti-drug that I actually went three years without even using CAFFEINE. I only reluctantly changed my mind to accepting drugs, and it was a terrible battle to convince me. The side effects, and the primary effects, of almost all drugs, including over-the-counter herbal drugs, are so severe that they have to be used in miniscule doses, and most people are better off using none at all. I wish I could give an absolute, total 'no' on using drugs, except I myself still haven't settled the issue about whether 'microdoses' might be helpful. I don't like when people say 'Do as I say, not as I do.' I'm still occasionally using my herbal St. John's Wort (antidepressant), and I drink caffeine and eat chocolate (stimulants).

My herbal antidepressant played a role in distorting and intensifying the strange, frightening, overwhelming events that began to occur sometime last month. The results were usually bad. Now I'm afraid to even use the drug for my own purposes, to achieve my own goals, for fear that it will cause more problems at the social level. If I lived in my own little world and didn't interact with people, the results of the drug wouldn't be so socially destructive. But as soon as you interact with people, your personality has changed and you're somehow not yourself, and you do things you wouldn't normally do, feel emotions you wouldn't normally feel, and so on. So I'm saying, JUST DON'T.

Antidepressants and other psychoactive drugs can cause SUICIDE, HOMICIDE, and DEATH. That includes herbal drugs as 'natural' and 'innocent' as St. John's Wort! A lot of other drugs will cause kidney failure, for instance, and it can happen very, very quickly - it doesn't only happen if you use it for years. With some drugs, the permanent damage happens when you use a drug for a couple DAYS.

Again, I don't even know what exactly happened. I included a lecture on drugs because I was 'told' that it was relevant somehow.

I don't want to hear insults or nicknames or negative adjectives used to describe people. Negative labels are extremely damaging. Usually it turns out that a negative nickname is actually based on a GOOD thing that other people are jealous about! This has been my own experience with insults and nicknames. It's not always true, but it does happen quite often, that people insult good attributes and make them look bad or disgusting or ridiculous.