The Order

Wearing a cloak, pretending to be an elf, doing experiments with hair and grooming, and planning (or postponing) a family - this is all part of my religion. Postponing the family - because I will not allow children and loved ones to enter a house that is contaminated with a transdermal poison.

I could get pregnant right now, or try to, but I want to remove the poisons that will harm my children - that includes the dental fillings. I don't want my children to be affected by bisphenol-A in the resin fillings. I am still getting the breast pain that only began when I got the new plastic fillings. When everything is ready, I will remove the fillings myself, by hand, and I will allow the teeth to be weakened and eventually cracked and broken, because they will have big holes in them that shouldn't be there, from being drilled. The cavities should have just been left alone, and not drilled into.

The bisphenol-A would affect the embryos as they developed, and I don't know what it would do to them, but if I myself can feel its effects, then my babies certainly will.

(This is all the self-preservation instinct - once again, they've tried to portray me as a sx/so, and things like that, which is probably wrong, because it's what they WANT me to be, because that's exciting and glamorous, and because I'm willing to do unconventional things with my hair. They want me to be some kind of big, charismatic, popular entertainer, able to start a social movement, and that's probably not who I am. My response to them is, if you want to do that, why don't you just do it yourself? I probably really am the quiet, non-charismatic sp/sx, unless I'm on drugs, and the drugs make me controllable, and I do whatever they force me to do, and say what they force me to say, and I become a false persona. So no wonder they think I'm something I'm not.)

This 'religion' thing started after Judith Swack's therapy. I rejected it because of a couple of things. First, she started telling me that I had to go to a psychiatrist and try some kind of drugs - even though her therapy advertises itself as a drug-free method. I no longer believed her after that, especially when she didn't say a single word of warning about psychiatric drugs, about murder-suicides, about the life-ruining side effects and withdrawal effects, or any of that. After I went to the psychiatrist, got Prozac, experienced all the life-ruining side effects, quit using it after only about a week and a half, and then, experienced the life-ruining WITHDRAWAL effects (after only brief use at a low dose, since I was breaking the pills in half and taking only a small portion) - I no longer took seriously a person who recommended that it was time for me to go to a psychiatrist and get some drugs, after advertising her methods as something that worked without drugs.

And THEN I started having the 'Bullshit God' experiences. I'd be lying in bed, and I would be meditating, and I'd have this 'God Feeling.' There would be this sensation of 'Powerful Light' and some other person being there, and it had a fake, cheesy, artificial feeling. Like some low-budget sci-fi movie with people dressed up as God. It was very badly done. The 'Bullshit God' experiences were supposed to be part of Judith Swack's therapy. I was supposed to believe that they were actually real and life-changing, and I was supposed to obey the low-budget actors dressed up as God, and then I was supposed to go give testimonials about how great Judith Swack's therapy was and how it had changed my life. (I received a couple of newsletters from her where other clients were doing those testimonials.)

I can't believe that there really are fools out there who fall for the Bullshit God experiences, and actually think that this really is God talking to them. However, I didn't know about electronic mind control being real, until the hackers started putting links to news articles on my pages, about radio frequency weapons. I started reading about it, and that stopped me from believing anything mystical about those experiences.

How did I find Judith Swack to begin with? It was a series of connections.

My brother John found Objectivism when he was in high school. He saw an ad for an essay contest about Individualism, and he already called himself a nonconformist interested in being himself, and individualism. So he read The Fountainhead and then shared it with other people, including me. He went through a judgmental phase where he kept telling me that I was irrational, but later on, he mellowed out and stopped doing that. I read her other books, including Atlas Shrugged, and then Nathaniel Branden's self-esteem books. (That's making a long story short.)

So, Objectivism was the official belief system, the background for everything else. Anybody associated with objectivism was 'approved of.'

Nathaniel Branden recommended a couple of other people, on his web page. He recommended Roger Callahan's Thought Field Therapy. I bought several of those videos. Later on, I found out that somebody had re-published the stuff for free and called it Emotional Freedom Techniques or Emotional Freedom Therapy (I forget which), EFT. I tried those things and found out that they are helpful, as long as you have realistic expectations about what they can and cannot do. If you are affected by drugs and poisons, they can't make you feel better. They can temporarily soothe you. But if you are relatively 'clean' or 'pure,' or if you are lucky enough to have the kind of metabolism that's able to process large amounts of drugs and poisons quickly and easily, then it will work well for you. I would say that anything similar, such as acupressure, will probably work too.

So after I tried Thought Field Therapy, I also read Judith Swack's web page, and was planning to someday try her therapy, but I didn't do it right away. I began having experiences of looking in the mirror and feeling like I was talking to Nathaniel Branden, asking myself questions and working on my problems. I also did telephone therapy with his wife, Devers Branden, very briefly, but it wasn't that helpful for me: my problems were mainly physical, chronic pain and fatigue, not psychological problems. I found later that metal dental fillings and food sensitivities were my biggest problems. Anyway, some of the talking-to-voices experiences began back then, but I had already had some experiences before that, too. That was in the early 2000s, actually maybe even 1998 or 1999.

I remember when I first moved to State College. I stayed at the townhouse at Cherry Lane, on Atherton Street, next to Blockbuster video. I was at John's apartment, but he was leaving. I think that might be when he moved to Boston - he's lived so many places, I can't remember where he was moving to. I used to play his video games. He had Twisted Metal 2. I never was able to beat Sweet Tooth. I played games addictively - once, I had a session lasting for at least thirteen hours straight, while I failed to beat Sweet Tooth, over and over. (I think I must have been playing other levels, though, during those thirteen hours, because I can't imagine doing just that one small area for that long. I don't remember enough about the game to explain it.)

Anyway, I discovered, after moving into his apartment, that 'all of a sudden' I was able to sit in a chair and meditate peacefully for a long time. I hadn't really understood that this was a problem, until then. I remembered being at my parents' house, in West Virginia, and Dad was hard of hearing, so he always had the television on and the volume was really, really loud all the time. I wanted to be in a quiet place where I could meditate. I thought that was the reason why I couldn't sit quietly and meditate. I remember how I liked the silence at John's apartment.

So that suggests that maybe I was already being attacked back then. Maybe it wasn't the loud television, but instead, the zapping, that made me unable to meditate.

The silence was temporary. I had a dream, which I wrote down, during that phase of my life when I was writing down the dreams I had at night. This was 1997, I think, the first year I came to State College. In the dream, a voice said, 'Socrates left us!' They were sad because my brother John, 'Socrates,' was moving away. He liked getting into philosophical arguments. I used to do that, too - I sometimes argued with people against the existence of God.

Well. That was supposed to be about how I found Judith Swack through the objectivist connection. I was still trying to do drug-free therapies. Back then, I was avoiding caffeine and chocolate, too. I didn't drink soda or coffee. I observed my own symptoms and wrote them down.

(My stomach is growling and my internet session will end soon.)

When I started getting harassed constantly by the computer hackers, as I went from job to job, during the phase when I was working for the temp agency, working in offices, doing data entry and typing on computers all day long, while the hackers did things to get my attention, not just on the computers, but also, telephone calls, prank calls, and turning the lights on and off, and cutting off our internet connection so that we could not send and receive email - during that time, I decided that I was going to change my name, get rid of my social security number, and leave the country, to get away from the hackers. I was researching how to do this. I was finding out the details, finding out that it would be difficult to do. I wanted to work at a job where there would be no way for them to find me. Nobody would have my social security number connecting me to the places where the hackers were watching. I wouldn't have telephone or electrical utilities with my name and numbers on them. I was going to live off the grid.

After the Judith Swack therapy, things got much worse and I learned that it wasn't just computer hackers, it was brain hackers, and that I had been a puppet all that time, being forced to say things, forced to do things, and that most of what I had written to the hackers was coming from somebody putting things into my mind. I was on drugs - I was experimenting with herbal medicine and had started using St. John's Wort, and I was also drinking lots of coffee and Coke while working. Everything I wrote to the hackers was entertaining enough that it encouraged them to keep doing what they were doing. I hated them and I wanted them to kill themselves, but I was also being forced to see them as my friends, the only people who understood me. There were years and years where I didn't know that I was a mind control puppet. Everything changed when I learned about that.

I have agreed that many of my beliefs are a personal religion and that this religion is valuable and it ought to be written down and given to others so that it will continue. Opposing mind control, protecting the true self and the soul against being changed, distorted, and controlled, made into something fake - that being who I am, my true self, is more important than anything I could 'gain' by allowing myself to be controlled - those are all part of the order, those are its purpose. (I don't have enough time now to write it all.)

We will tell our children that electronic mind control is real. We will build shields to protect ourselves against it. We will track down the sources of the attacks to understand who is doing it and how they are doing it. This is what I myself will do, with my own children.

It is an anti-apocalyptic belief system. We DO NOT believe there will be some kind of apocalypse, the end of the world, and we are planning instead for how we will live for thousands more years. That is why it must be an official religion, with the rules written down, so that many people can follow it for a long time into the future.

Unfortunately, I've got to disconnect now...