vaporware; shipwreck dive

I just read an article, probably on Wired.com but I can't remember for sure, about the vaporware of the year awards - things that were promised, but never happened.  For me 'the Order' is vaporware for now, although I am writing down the rules, but it's just a one-member religious group for the time being.

My trip to West Virginia is also vaporware right now.  I wanted to go, and my mom said it might not be a good time right now for a couple of reasons, and I wanted to do some important things up here that I haven't had time for.  Mostly the reason was that I was having problems with fatigue - just another chemical sensitivity thing - and couldn't motivate myself to get up and make a trip.

I had to mention something about hackers:  Nowadays 'hackers' are something that I don't hate the way I used to, because I found out there are much worse things to worry about, and also, because not all hackers are the same.  (The library closes in only a few minutes - I didn't know it was only open till 6:00 today - so I'm rushing.)  Back during the time when I was focused only on problems with hackers, I didn't know that I was also being physically attacked with electronic weapons, and that was what made me feel much angrier than I otherwise would have felt.

Shipwreck:  Today I dived in to the storage unit and salvaged a couple of items that have been possibly destroyed by freezing.  Freezing them isn't as bad as heating them up and melting them, but still, they would have frozen and thawed many times and might have rusted or rotted from condensed water.

I salvaged my PC tower with the hard drive in it, and a box of cassette tapes, and a big box with computer disks - but not the ones I wanted to find - I found instead the video game boxes when I was actually looking for the small floppy disks and CDs with my own data on it, emails and all that stuff, my files.

I didn't store my stuff in a temperature-controlled storage unit because there were a lot of things I did in haste, since it was an emergency and because I have barely been able to function or think at all.  Choosing where to store my stuff was one of the hasty decisions.  I was being evicted and I was so sick I could barely even get up and move around and I couldn't even think.
I still need to find the computer monitor - I couldn't see it anywhere.  The boxes are stacked up very high and I couldn't get behind them.  I was in a hurry because I was cold, and also, the sun was setting, and my feet were wet and my toes were hurting.  It was just getting more and more difficult to move things around, and I was getting hit with small amounts of the drug residues and I was starting to go mentally numb, and just stood there staring into space, unable to move.

I think my laptop might be in the other storage closet which is here at my apartment in Bellefonte.  I looked in there, but again, I couldn't see behind the stuff piled in front.

The new thing with the enneagram is that for the last day or two, the voices have been telling me that I'm a Three, the achiever type, instead of a Seven.  I can't get on MySpace anyway to change whatever is written there, and it's dumb to keep changing  it over and over again.  I would have known what I was long ago, except for the fact that every time I try to mentally look within, understand myself, and ask questions, the murderers zap me and force me to fall asleep, see visions, have a dream, hear noises, and other things, instead of doing whatever I was trying to do.  It's impossible to know yourself when you are physically attacked every time you try to think.

They also were telling me that 'the hackers' were upset because I had written about wanting them to commit suicide.  That was a long time ago whenever I believed that 'hackers' were the only stalkers I had, and I didn't know about electronic harassment and I didn't know I was being physically attacked.  When somebody or something follows you around everywhere you go, causing you physical pain and suffering, and interfering with everything you do, it seems normal that you would get angry about it and hate them.  I would feel angry and enraged, but not know that it was because somebody was physically zapping me to cause me pain and make me angry, and I thought I was only angry because the computers were being messed with, and things like that.

The computer's being salvaged.  It will take a few days.  I won't have time limits if I get it working at my apartment...  I have to log out now.