the 'Nice Dreadlocks' incident

I have done this several times in the past and I haven't yet learned to stop doing it.  Every once in a while, I get approached by a total stranger for something random.  An incident like this happens every few years, or maybe about once a year.  Trying to be 'nice' and 'friendly,' I tolerate this stranger talking to me, and they ask for my phone number and try to get me to go out on a date, but I already know that I'm not attracted to them.  There were times in the past when I remembered my assertiveness training and was able to say no, but many other times, I have let myself be vulnerable and I am lucky nothing bad ever happened.

So, here is the incident.  I was walking around Bellefonte because I am practicing eating in restaurants.  I haven't eaten in restaurants for years.  My stomach problems began in 1999, and when that started, I began having a hard time swallowing food, especially if it was hot food that was sitting around for too long, like something on a buffet.  I became hypersensitive to food quality, especially fats.

Anyway, now that I'm not drinking any coffee, I'm trying to eat in restaurants again, because I've noticed that drinking coffee usually makes the stomach problems worse.  So I've gone to a few different restaurants now, and I'm able to eat there relatively well.

So I was coming out of a restaurant in Bellefonte and a guy on the sidewalk complimented me on my dreadlocks.  Then he started talking with me and asking me if I was dating anyone and if I wanted to be with him.  Another girl was with him, but she said she was only a friend.  The three of us walked along, as I was going back to my car.  Then the girl went home and the guy walked to my car with me.  He asked for a ride up to a different street, and I took him up there and dropped him off.  I am ashamed to even admit that I did that, but I did.

I ended up giving him my phone number.  I haven't practiced my assertiveness training in such a long time, I was weak.  I knew I didn't want to get into a relationship with this person.  I am not going out with random strangers.  Instead I am trying to meet a focused group of people who are interested in certain subjects, and if I am trying to date anyone, it's someone who I have known for a while, not a random stranger.

So he rang my cell phone before I had even gotten home to my apartment.  I was still driving, and the phone was connected to a string on my belt loop.  The string is too short, and I need to get another string that's longer, because it's not quite long enough to reach my ear while being hooked to the belt loop.  So I couldn't answer the phone.  I just kept driving and then got out and went home.

Then I wanted to go to sleep because I had to go to work that night.  But after I laid down to sleep, the phone started ringing repeatedly, both the cell phone and the landline phone.  He left a couple messages.  Then, he also gave my number to a friend of his, apparently telling this guy that I was 1. a prostitute, or 2. a nice lady who wants to date random strangers.  So this friend of his gave me a couple calls, too.  I had something like 7 or 8 different phone calls by the end of that evening, maybe more than that.  It might have even been about 10 calls.

I never answered the phone but instead turned off the ringer and tried to sleep.

Every time something like this happens, I get frustrated with myself for being weak and not protecting myself.  In the past, I was able to harshly reject people whenever it was necessary - I practiced the assertiveness training and I was able to coldly say no to people instead of being nice.  Maybe then I should read assertiveness training books again, after I finish Harry Potter - no joke, I probably will look around for those books again, to at least refresh my memory.