'All the good girls are home with broken hearts.' ('Freefalling.')

They wanted me to walk through town and see what it was like. I never go into town. I don't park my car there - I hate parking in town. Parallel parking is a struggle and you're always under pressure to do it quickly. Parking garages require money. I never remember the hours when parking meters are enforced. I never know how to find the shop or business I'm looking for, and I worry that I'll have an accident while my head is turned to read the signs. I'm afraid of crossing busy streets. Where I grew up, hours might go by without single car passing on the road.

They're wondering about 'peacemakers.' I'd say that all three of the withdrawn enneagram types, the Nine, the Four, and the Five, are probably similar to me in a lot of ways. All three of those types are described as being prone to schizophrenia-like problems (and I don't use the word 'schizophrenia' to describe this phenomenon, but that's how other people describe it) - for instance, hearing voices and being socially withdrawn. When you're figuring out which type you are, those three types are easy to mistake for one another.

I know they're upset about my plastic fillings. They said they were trying to help. Let me remind everyone that I myself attempted to get the metal filling taken out several years ago already. I just canceled the appointment because I couldn't decide what type of filling to replace it with. This is something I already wanted to do, and there's a chance that I would have tried it on my own.

From one point of view, there's no such thing as a fake emotion. They've been looking at people's emotions as though the feelings are fake, just something to accomplish a goal in 'the game.' I prefer to assume something slightly different. I assume that a lot of people don't express feelings automatically, for one thing. Also, this culture and our school system doesn't explicitly teach people social skills, and I think it ought to - not just by reading it out of a book, but by role-playing it - and not just in one brief class, but over a long period of time. This is why they are using the game instead. Or, rather, it's why the game is THE ONLY set of social rules they know.

'Fake emotions?' I sat on the sidewalk for a while, listening to see whether the music was any good at a nearby bar. The music was terrible, so I didn't spend the money to go in. (99.9% of all 'club' music is terrible, in my opinion, but that's another topic.) Instead of going in, I just listened to a nearby group of people who were explicitly talking about the game.

That surprised me. I didn't realize that the game was now such public knowledge that people talked about it openly and used the jargon. They were talking about 'alpha males' and some other words I recognized.

I know some people want me to learn how to play the game.

People are seeing the world as a place where somebody gets 'filtered' all the way up to the very top of a pyramid, through thousands of sorting transactions. But I don't think there is any such thing as 'the top of a pyramid.' There are numerous different 'pyramids' for one thing - nobody can be the best at every single skill or in every single attribute - you can't be the world's best piano player, while also growing the world's longest fingernails. Or, I should say, it's extremely unlikely.

This makes it more clear that if you have a hard time 'winning' the game, you might benefit by finding some other niche to compete in, instead of competing to do exactly the same things everybody else is doing. Niche markets can be extremely profitable even though they only have a small number of buyers. In fact, even if you're doing well at the game, you can still benefit by going to some other niche.

If I had not been the victim of this crime, if it were not possible to artificially project voices into people's heads, the game wouldn't have mattered to me so much. But all the time, I am in conflict with people who want me to say some particular thing, or do some particular thing, and it causes pain whenever they try to force me to do whatever it is. The pain is a very mild, vague, physical sensation. When I fight back against it, they tell me that I'm 'the winner,' even though I don't care about 'winning' and I'm not even trying to 'win' anything. There shouldn't have existed a conflict in the first place, because I hadn't voluntarily chosen to associate or interact with other human beings at that particular moment. People were intruding into my brain. The entire context of the interaction is wrong from the very beginning.

It doesn't matter whether the voices are real humans at that particular moment, or whether they're computer simulations. Both interact with me all day long - real people, and computer simulations of people. Neither a human, nor a simulation of a human, should be projecting voices into my head.

The entire phenomenon violates the right to freedom of association: the right to choose whom you associate with, and when you associate with them. I don't choose to associate with people all day and all night long. I would have preferred to have an entirely different type of mental experience, without any humans or human-like simulations in it. There are different ways of thinking that have nothing to do with constantly talking verbally, interacting with people, and fighting this battle to force someone to do something. Maybe if I associated with real people, I'd be playing the game. But all day long, when I'm in my house by myself, I shouldn't be playing the game. I should be doing whatever activities I choose to do instead. Those are solitary activities. Human interaction is irrelevant to those things.

When this began, or, rather, when I first became aware of it and was told that it was a technological phenomenon rather than merely my own 'mental illness,' the first things they were forcing me to do were extremely petty, trivial things. They wanted me to schedule a particular day when I would take out the garbage, and a particular day when I would wash the dishes, and a particular day when I would do the laundry. Someone drugged me with Prozac or something very similar to Prozac, and I only recognized it because I had very recently used that drug. When I was on the Prozac, it was easy for them to force me to do those things. When I tried to complain to the police that somebody was entering my house and force-drugging me, they threw me into a mental hospital. That was in 2003.

Back then, I had more money and I had credit cards, so I was able to afford to purchase a videocamera and VCR. I put this security camera on in my apartment at all times. I felt pretty sure that that ended the forced drugging incidents. However, at the beginning of 2007, they made me sell the camera, claiming that I was getting money back so that I could pay off my debts. Right after that, the ephedra incident destroyed my apartment and my life fell apart and I almost died of poisoning. Some people are wondering whether the entire house became toxic because I really did touch one object after another, spreading the contamination, or whether somebody actually entered the house and maybe sprayed something and deliberately contaminated objects. I honestly don't know. I can recall the order of contamination incidents - I remember how I touched various things after touching the ephedra, and I have theories and observations for how the St. John's Wort and the tobacco would have emitted fumes that landed on the floor near where they were placed - and I can still interpret the event as being an accidental contamination that I myself caused, by attempting to grow those herbs indoors.

However, since then, there have been a couple of incidents that I think WERE caused by intruders. The situation is complicated. boht intereprets mtuual exlcueseive

(nonverbal doesn't require every single word to be written. writing a note to remember the phrase 'mutually exclusive' doesn't require me to say it's NOT mutually exclusive. i merely have to remember 'something having to do with mutually exclusive,' and that's enough of a note. i wrote the note 'mutually exclusive,' and immediately, the attackers started fighting with me to figure out if i was saying that it WAS mutually exclusive, or WASN'T mutually exclusive. they couldn't recognize the physical sensation in my body that signifies the concept 'NOT.' they couldn't 'read' that physical sensation. they ought to know right away that i mean 'not mutually exclusive,' especially because i've talked about this subject many, many times in the past. and all of that fighting and arguing over 'exclusive or not?' is wasteful, physically painful, distracting, and inefficient. when my brain functions in the real world, in the semi-verbal manner, the way it used to before they attacked me and forced me to speak in complete, grammatical sentences while thinking, i didn't use every single word in the sentence. i used 'notes.' i mumbled words that were the most important words, and then in between the words, i used to feel physical sensations representing concepts like 'NOT.' it was much more efficient and more honest to think that way. nowadays, the thinking process is extremely wasteful, inefficient, and TOTALLY UNORIGINAL. there is no new observation added to it, no insight, no new concepts - it's all this verbal garbage that destroys real human observation. thinking verbally, in complete grammatical sentences, destroys the way that my brain was intended to function. it only serves the purpose of entertaining the people who listen to your subvocal speech and control it. they had trouble understanding what i was thinking about, back in the days when i used semi-verbal thoughts mixed with vague images, abstractions, concepts, emotions, and physical sensations. so they forced me to speak in complete sentences. i remember when that happened, and how painful and destructive it was - i remember lying on the floor, trying to sleep, during three days of insomnia, while they zapped me with a painful shock every time i tried to think in my natural manner, when they zapped me during every moment of nonverbal silence - i was lying on the floor under the table, when i lived in the other apartment, the one above me - they zapped me with painful shocks until and unless i thought my thoughts in complete, verbal, grammatical sentences without any nonverbal silences - they wouldn't let me fall asleep until a particular hour on the clock, when they would suddenly and immediately force me to fall asleep, at which point they forced me to have particular dreams and then suddenly awaken again at a particular time - it destroyed all of who i am, all of my creativity, all of my originality, all of my ability to take action, all of my self-understanding.)







(speaking in complete sentences should only be done whenever necessary to tell somebody something. the rest of the time, when you're thinking, when you're alone, you don't need language, or rather, you don't need that particular language. mine was a synesthetic language. they didn't like the synesthesia language.)

To them, apparently, taking out the garbage, and washing dishes and laundry, are of such life-or-death importance that it's worthwhile to use the resources of an entire psychotronic mind-control system to force somebody to do it.

I wonder what my life would be like if I were not constantly being attacked by these people. They've already got the answer: they've told me that I'd do nothing, all day long, but sit there staring into space or something. Or watching TV, or playing a video game, or reading a book. Without them and their constant attacks, they tell me, I'd be nothing and I'd do nothing. Then, after a long life of starving to death and watching TV, I'd die.

When's the last time they ever SAW a human who was free of constant, neverending assault and battery from psychotronic control systems? How do they know what it looks like?





I read more slowly than I used to. Whenever I was a little kid, I used to speedread. I read the words nonverbally, using only my eyes, without whispering them in my throat. But nowadays, they zap me if I do that. They zap me if I speedread words because it uses nonverbal, visual processing instead of spoken words. They physically attack me for using ANY of the thought processes that are more efficient, more creative, more effective, more intuitive, more observational, more kinesthetic - and all they want is spoken, whispered, subvocal speech. When I try to study and learn new concepts - for instance, when I studied bookkeeping, they fought constant battles with me because my way of learning was different from the way they wanted me to memorize things. I used vague visual images to put things into a location in space. But they kept fighting me, over and over again, to force me to whisper some verbal words as a way of memorizing things.

How did I get a FIVE on the Advanced Placement Calculus test if my way of thinking is so bad? Why couldn't the 'verbal memorizers' get fives on the AP Calculus test? Doesn't 'putting things into a location in space' work really well for things like calculus? Even though I couldn't memorize mathematical formulas because I have trouble remembering things, I still did just fine, because I used an alternative method to compensate for it: I rebuilt, re-derived, every formula from scratch whenever I needed it. I couldn't memorize the universal algebra solution: it's something like X=square root of, you know, a+b squared over something else. I never could remember it, so I used to re-derive the algebraic proof whenever I needed that formula. It was a good thing, because I used to get lots of practice re-deriving the algebraic proof! In fact, it made me BETTER at what I was doing!

In trigonometry class, I used to draw this little picture of a clock-like thing and I used to write down little angles on it, instead of remembering what exactly was the sine of this or that. I just re-calculated the sines and cosines by drawing those pictures. For whatever reason, I couldn't memorize things. But all of the tests and quizzes were really easy and I got A's on them.

And somehow, even though I procrastinated on all my homework, and didn't do the assignments, and ignored what the rest of the class was doing - I used to sit through my class, working slowly and carefully through the assignments that they had been given WEEKS ago - I used to be doing something totally irrelevant to what the rest of the class was doing - and then they'd ask me to come up to the chalkboard and solve a problem on today's assignment. I'd ask the teacher, 'Okay, how do I do this?' and she'd tell me a vague idea of what to do. I'd do a totally unfamiliar formula for the first time, using whatever method she told me, and I'd get it right. Some of the other students, who had been paying attention to the lecture all day, couldn't do it and were still struggling. I remember one person in particular who got irritated every time I did this - that person was a classic, textbook 'verbal memorizer.'





They frequently supply me with words whenever my memory fails me. I struggle to recall some difficult word. In my silence, in the struggle, the outsiders artificially plant the word in my head. I hear it. I can tell it's artificial and that it's coming from outside. They do the same thing to me when I struggle to talk to somebody out loud, in conversation, when I have no words to say. In the real world, I would struggle awkwardly to hold a conversation, and there'd be NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! I'd just be 'the strong silent type.' There's nothing wrong with being 'the strong silent type.'

What would happen if those verbal words failed to appear? Perhaps I'd just substitute some simpler word instead. I'd find some method of researching it, looking it up on the internet. Perhaps I'd locate some Google search, or some computer program somebody made, that helps you 'integrate' the word if you have the definition to begin with, moving upwards from the definition to the word. It's like integrals in calculus. Integrals were difficult because you couldn't know for sure what they were ahead of time. We didn't work on integrals long enough or often enough for me to develop a non-memorizing method of finding integrals. I probably would have found some way of recognizing what the formulas 'looked like' or something. But I think integrals were one of the last things we worked on, in that book, because it was only Calculus I. So I had very little experience with them.

And then when I went to college I did start taking a math class. But there was a problem. I think it might have been an algebra class, I'm not sure. It was a more advanced algebra class. The teacher had a thick accent and I couldn't understand a word he said. His handwriting was so terrible I couldn't read the tiny scrawls on the chalkboard. It was unbearably boring. I would have done much, much better if somebody had just handed me a Schaum's Outline of Algebra III (or whatever algebra it was) and said 'Here. Have fun with this. See ya in six months. Bye!' Chances are, I would have understood the algebra better than all the people who paid money to sit through that class.

So I dropped out of that class, along with various other classes. Some of the other classes I sat through, but failed them because of not doing the assignments. When the classes involved meaningless memorization of names and dates, with government brainwashing behind it, I was totally unable to do the work - that would be History class. However, I did enjoy another similar class, because it had an actual theory behind it, which was given to us explicitly at the beginning, and used to 'frame' or understand everything thereafter: it was some geography course, and the theory they gave us, the interpretation, was that your location on earth doesn't inevitably determine the exact culture that forms. I forget the details of it. However, I enjoyed that class and I did well in it.

In meteorology, I was one of the only people in the classroom who was able to explain the reason why humid air is lighter than dry air. You'd think that if there was a bunch of water in the air, that air would be really heavy, because you think of water as being something heavy that falls down. You see rain falling all the time and you imagine that moisture-filled air is something heavy.

It turns out, when I look back at it now, that some of the classes I failed were because of something I couldn't articulate. I failed the classes that had 'government brainwashing' behind them. Back then, I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't force myself to memorize everything that they wanted me to spit back out at them. I failed those classes because the classes were meaningless bullshit that couldn't be derived through some alternative thinking process. If I had truly understood what I was studying, I would have recognized that it was evil, or garbage, but I didn't have the philosophical tools back then to help me recognize the brainwashing behind it. I only felt that I couldn't bear to study this stuff, that I couldn't bear to waste time memorizing it, that it was boring, that I'd rather be doing something else instead. I couldn't explain why.

Again, if my manner of thinking is so bad, so desperately in need of 'fixing,' I would not have understood things so easily in school - in the math, science, and technical classes.



So when the attacks began, all they wanted was for me to speak in complete, grammatical sentences, and to do my laundry and dishes on a certain day. The end. And they wanted to make sure that I always said the 'appropriate' things during moments of awkward silence in a conversation. NO AWKWARDNESS ALLOWED!!! No feelings, no genuine closeness, no observation, no real empathic connection with people. Just words! Lots of words. And do your chores!




They want me to understand 'the game,' because the game is what everybody else is doing. The game is the reason why the government, and criminals, and unknown people, and other governments, have set up those electronic mind control systems. The game is why the United States is meddling in the Middle East, taking over their countries, stealing their oil, and killing their civilians. The game is what they're trying to accomplish, every hour of every day. They don't know how it feels to sit quietly and contemplate an image, or paint a painting, or build something, or enjoy a fiction story. To them, life is nothing but a constant, neverending competition to be better than somebody else and control somebody else and make them inferior. It's a 'climb' up a 'ladder' to the 'top' of a 'pyramid.' That entire concept is unfamiliar and irrelevant to my whole way of thinking and living - I find it repulsive. (That's why all those words are in quotes.)



I've been tested recently on walking around in public displaying my 'extreme hairstyle' and unconventional grooming practices. I used to do that in college - walk around wearing shorts, when I didn't shave. I probably talked about that before in a previous blog, I forget. In the past couple months I encountered some more 'user-friendly,' or 'target-friendly,' or 'victim-friendly' outsiders who interact with me in a way that's slightly more tolerable than some of the other attack systems have been. When you order somebody to do something they already enjoy doing, and are already doing well, and to do more of it, and take it to its logical extreme, there's more of a chance that they'll obey the order. Go tell somebody 'Do what you want to do!' Well, it's not really like that, actually. But kind of. Anyway, they noticed that I had already grown my hair all the way long, and that I already wasn't shaving. So they just encouraged me to do more things that were in the same spirit of that particular style. Some of the things they told me to do were things that I already had been doing, years ago, just before the 'Do your chores and speak in complete, grammatical sentences!' folks took over my life. So it wasn't that difficult to agree with the new people.

They are curious to see how I respond to the game, how I respond to people's reactions to me, whenever I walk in public places. Last night, I was mostly invisible - I had my hair up in a bun, and I just wore a t-shirt and cotton pants. People would not have really known how to categorize me. I looked kind of poor and shabby, I suppose. I wasn't dressed up for partying.

A few days ago I went shopping when my hair was oily and I hadn't showered. The lady at the cash register was very, very anxious and uncomfortable. She started making some uncomfortable jokes and wasn't really being 'nice,' but at the same time, she seemed confused, and wasn't being intentionally cruel either. She noticed that I was buying some onions and she said, 'I love the smell of onions... but I wouldn't want to wear them as perfume!' Then she said, 'You probably think I'm the strangest cashier you've ever had.' She was very anxious.

One tactic I use, one concept I have, is a kind of 'I'm rubber, you're glue' principle. I'm rubber, you're glue - whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you. If somebody makes me feel inferior, uncomfortable, or ashamed, I assume that it's more likely that this feeling isn't my own - that they're the ones feeling ashamed or inferior or anxious. ('In a way, I cease to exist during social interactions - I have no feelings of my own. I become whatever the other person is.' They told me to say that sentence... but I agreed with it. It was an artificial sentence. After I wrote it without objecting to it, they said, 'I'll take that as a "yes."' This is the type of thing that goes on all day long - artificial sentences are given to me, and if I write them or say them without much pain, without much fighting, then they say it's true.) That's an enneagram type Nine.

I'm trying to remember how exactly I was trained to take showers and wear deodorant. I was younger than ten years old. I remember an incident one day when my mom told me that I smelled. I had no idea that there was such a thing as 'body odor.' I wasn't aware of it. I didn't know it existed. She told me that it came from people's armpits but nobody really knew why. All we had to do was put on deodorant and get rid of it. The end. So I started doing that, until many years later, when my friend Rachael thought to ask a lot of questions and talk about it with me. Why do we do this? Why does it matter? Why is this bad?

In other countries, they aren't so paranoid about it as they are in the US. Other cultures don't shave as many parts of their bodies, and they don't shower every single day (or multiple times a day), and don't cover themselves with perfume. When 'westernization' takes over, they start plucking their eyebrows - one of the things they're fighting about in Iran. In Iran, there's a battle going on about the fact that Middle Eastern ethnic groups very frequently have the 'monobrow' or 'unibrow,' an eyebrow that goes all the way across the bridge of the nose. (Count Olaf had that in Lemony Snicket's books.) I remember back in school, people made fun of students who had that trait. In Caucasian groups, the unibrow doesn't happen very often, or is much less obvious. When western culture comes in, both the women and men both start plucking or shaving the bridge of the nose, to make two separate eyebrows instead of just one going all the way across. It's considered ridiculous, shameful, stupid-looking, contemptible - something to make fun of and laugh at instead of something to appreciate and value as a special ethnic attribute.

I really do agree with them when they complain that the 'western' culture is taking over the whole world, because of television and mass media. It destroys the types of beauty that are different and unique to some particular area. It gives people practices that are sometimes harmful to them, things that people shouldn't even be doing in the United States, like having contact with plastics and toxic chemicals and cosmetics. In some countries it's become popular to lighten your dark brown skin. This destroys the skin so badly that it never recovers. If you stop using the skin lightener, the skin develops very unnatural and different pigmentation that wasn't there before - I read that it becomes even blacker and blotchier and more uneven than it was to begin with. When you see your skin getting EVEN WORSE, with strange blotchy uneven black patches that are even darker than what you began with, then of course, you start using the skin lightener again! Once you've used it, you can never stop. I haven't seen this myself, but I believe it - it doesn't surprise me that people would do that.

Wooly African hair textures get straightened and flattened to look more like white people's hair. (Fortunately, I've been seeing more of a trend against this recently, at least in advertisements.) In countries where women traditionally had extremely long hair, like India, the women are cutting the hair off so that they can copy the styles of the US. And I already mentioned the unibrow. Every single non-Caucasian attribute is seen as disgusting, contemptible, and inferior.

'Trivial' things, like hairstyles and grooming practices, are one of the things that mind control systems are used for - even the 'expensive' mind control systems, the technological systems, the ones that aren't merely social. Most people, the people who don't know how it is, the people who think electronic mind control doesn't exist, will tell you, 'But nobody has a reason to spy on YOU 24 hours a day - you're nobody important!' They believe that electronic mind control would only be used to achieve really 'big,' 'important,' 'serious' purposes, things involving governments, and spying on really important, wealthy, influential celebrities who determined the fate of the entire world. They can't imagine that no, actually, electronic mind control is used to make sure you conform to Western standards of dressing, grooming, and chore-doing. It's used in conjunction with the old-fashioned social methods of control. I know from personal experience that when the attacks on me became obvious, in 2003, they immediately started fighting to change my hair and grooming practices.

Maybe other people don't take this kind of thing seriously, but I do. I sincerely value people's differences of appearance, so long as it's healthy - I don't enjoy seeing people who look physically ill. I just mean that healthy people who have different ethnic traits are a curiosity, something to say 'hmm' about rather than 'ew, gross' or 'you look like an idiot.'

(They want to know what happens when I see people who look ill or have a health problem.) When that happens, I occasionally go through a troubleshooting process, wondering if I know anything that could have caused their illness, wondering if I know anything that could help it. But I don't go up to them and say something out loud - I don't go tell them 'You should do so-and-so.'

(We're fighting over this. They disagree: they think that I DON'T do a 'troubleshooting process.' They think that lots of other people DO do a troubleshooting process, trying to solve the person's problem, and they're saying that normally, I don't. I never really paid attention to this, so I don't know. They're telling me that the sentence 'I do a troubleshooting process... etc' came out 'false' instead of 'true.' It must have been one of those artificial sentences that they give to you and you're supposed to say it while they observe the true/false result. - Note: Think of what the writing process would be like if that didn't happen. What would I have thought to talk about, on my own? What would I have spent my time doing? What would I have been thinking? If somebody's there, testing all your true/false sentences on you, it diverts you from some other thing that you would have been thinking and doing instead. I might have wanted to talk about (don't insert random words - they're symbols and I recognize them and they offend me) some random thing instead. If they insert supposedly 'random' words for you, they'll be offensive symbols instead of something truly random. I know why this is so bad right now - it's because it just turned 11:00. The new shift of attackers came on at 11:00. I heard a new person show up. That's why there's so much fighting.)

And if I have a conversation with somebody who has a real health problem, I try to ignore it and focus on whatever it is that they say, focus on what they need from me. I just look in their eyes and listen to what they say. I try to understand whatever they're telling me. I try to give them a respectful tone of voice. For instance, I have to interact with a lot of very old people, or people in wheelchairs or carts.

I don't normally interact with large numbers of people at work, because people only need things from me occasionally. I chose a slightly less sociable job, among the many jobs I could have had. Customer interaction happens less often.

I can't even write anymore without battling the people talking to me. This got worse partly because I just ate something containing natural salicylates. Natural salicylates are a chemical that is normally harmless to people, but some people (attention-deficit, chemical-sensitive people) don't produce enough copies of the enzyme used to metabolize it. Salicylates occur in some fruits and vegetables, which are normally considered to be good for you. Parents of hyperactive children, who are using the Feingold diet, observe that their children become more irritable and combative right after eating the 'trigger' foods.

This is not meant to imply that mind control, or voices put into my head, are 'okay.' They shouldn't be there at all. There wouldn't be any conflict or battle of any kind, if they simply weren't there. We only know that whenever the food sensitivities are triggered, the conflicts become much worse and cause more severe distractions. The distractions shouldn't have been there to begin with. This is the reason why electronic mind control is much more 'palatable' to the vast majority of people - it causes them no sensations of pain, or conflict, or discomfort, or cognitive dissonance whatsoever. They don't detect that a conflict is even occurring. The conflicts are only painful to people who are already 'rebellious' due to chemical-triggered hyperactivity. In other words, if it weren't for sick people, depressed/anxious people, autistic-like people, introverts, hyperactive kids, and anybody else who 'doesn't fit in,' we might not even be aware that the electronic mind control systems existed at all. Hooray for ADHD!

I always like to mention the drug Ecstasy as an example of this phenomenon. I haven't ever used Ecstasy, and I don't think I ever will. But there are some people who can't produce the enzyme needed to metabolize the drug. The first time they take Ecstasy, they drop dead within minutes - even if everybody around them is using exactly the same pills. (I THINK it's 'within minutes.' I don't know how quickly.) There are people who get phenylketonuria if they eat Nutrasweet, because they don't have the enzyme needed to process the amino acids in Nutrasweet. This is very similar to the food-sensitive, chemical-sensitive hyperactive kids who react to natural salicylates, perfumes, preservatives, wheat gluten, milk, and other chemicals. When the partially metabolized chemicals enter the bloodstream, the chemicals behave exactly like mind-altering drugs.

Anyway, this got off track - way off track. If it gets much more off track, I'll say 'This blog is too crappy to publish,' and I'll end up just keeping it in my notes - which happens a lot! That's why most of my blogs end up as rambling, wandering monologues that nobody ever sees.

I'll try to conclude this, but I don't have much of a conclusion. There's a good thing in here, which is the fact that I know about the existence of food sensitivities and how they affect me and other people. Without that information, I would have had no idea what to do, because the medical industry would NEVER have told me about the Feingold Diet.

Originally, they wanted to know more about the game, and about what I experienced when I went walking through town. They wanted to know how I differ from the people I saw. Not only do I dress and groom differently, but I also think and feel differently. Most of those people are boring to me, and the game they're playing is boring, and I feel like I have nothing valuable to gain by trying to play it. I know they want to convince me to learn it, and I'll read about it - however, I'm concerned that if I read about it, I won't be able to forget it. I'm concerned that I might learn it TOO WELL, and be unable to go back to being sincere. Actually, something similar happened when I was about thirteen years old and I read a book called 'When I Say No I Feel Guilty,' a book about assertiveness training. It was similar to the game. After I read it, I never saw conversations the same way again. It framed everything thereafter.

'The Game' is today's modern version of assertiveness training. It's a substitute for things like that. I think it's a less desirable substitute. (Oops! I just called the game 'inferior!' I must be seeking superiority!) Okay, the game is inferior! Find something better instead. Find REAL social skills. REAL communication skills. REAL emotional expression. There are plenty of other psychological systems out there that teach people ways to interact with each other. Assertiveness training. Nonviolent Communication. Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Harry Browne said that Toastmasters is really good at teaching people public speaking skills.

(These things ought to be taught in school, but instead, we memorize the reasons why the US government is our hero for taking over more and more of our lives.)

I might make another trip into town again and see what my impressions are. I think most of the people out there just don't know any other way of interacting with each other.