(The 'Dozen Causes of Obesity' are actually at the very END of this post, not the beginning. I wrote a lot of 'diary' stuff first. So scroll to the bottom if you are reading about obesity.)
because of the yellowjackets under my apartment door, i have to plan my outings and errands so that i get everything done at once, instead of making separate errands after i forget something. this is an advantage, and a disadvantage, of living so close to town - that i have a short distance to anyplace i need to go shopping, so i don't care much if i forget something and then go back out again a little later to get it. i can't do that now. i bought a yellowjacket trap, and (even after i figured out how to set it up properly) they're totally ignoring the trap!
i haven't blogged much because: 1. i am focused on apartment-hunting, and 2. i haven't been exposed to drugs very many times lately, except in the past few days. drugs always make me talk a lot more. they change my personality at work, too, and i talk to people differently, and behave differently in social situations - not necessarily better. i think my personality changes in a way where it seems like i don't need anybody, like i don't need friends, and like i'm always happy and don't empathize with other people's emotions, when i'm on drugs. it's a fake happiness facade, sort of a coldness.
hair: still going with the no shampoo, dreadlocks experiment. originally, i was 'scrunching' the hair, wadding it up, crumpling it, the way i used to do when i had a perm and used mousse, long ago. now, i'm not doing that anymore. the scrunching was making these loops of hair, and i decided i wanted to see what would happen if i just let it be straight. i don't think my hair will form really strong dreadlocks on its own. unless i let the wind blow it really badly, but i don't really feel totally committed to dreadlocks yet. one thing i am doing now is checking for fluffy towel lint before taking photographs! the towel lint fluffs annoyed me so badly, i actually edited one of my pictures to remove them - and that's saying something, because editing a picture is something i associate with fakeness, artificial, made-up runway models in magazines who have perfect, airbrushed photos. i had one picture that i thought turned out really good, but all my eyes could see was the one bright white spot of towel fluff tangled in the hair, and i couldn't see anything else. 'just another discovery in the experiment,' is the idea - that this is one more thing i didn't know about when i started this.
martin: was 'let go,' which i guess means fired. i feel as though i will be able to see him again, but it won't be easy to do. 'they' tried to bond me with him in a long-lasting way, and 'they' made a big deal out of it, and they made me write these letters and things to him, which i'm assuming was part of what made him avoid me. i'm still going with the 'parallel universe theory,' somewhat, though - that he has tried to contact me, but can't. i've actually verified with somebody that they were trying to call my answering machine, left a message, and the answering machine said 'thank you for your message' and disconnected them, and i never got the recording. meanwhile, other people were able to leave messages, just not that person. however, it seemed like an artificial setup, like it was too easy to prove, just like the several incidents of email interference that were also 'too easy to prove.' so it seemed like i was 'supposed' to prove to myself that emails and phone calls were being intercepted. anyway, phone hacking, 'phreaking,' is part of the theory. but i have not tried to contact him recently. i am guessing that he will be back in the fall for another semester, but i won't know for sure until then, and i am just looking at his pictures to try to understand what he's doing.
west virginia: they have been reminding me that i never really wanted to live in state college. i moved here because i was young and i was not yet independent. i had never lived on my own before, didn't know how to pay bills, and that kind of thing. so i moved in with my brother, and had help from my parents, in the beginning. then, for one reason and another, i ended up staying here, but still did not really 'bond' with this place.
however, i have bonded with peter. and peter is married, and i can't participate much in the big decisions, such as his medical care, or where he will live. i can't take him away, because his son has friends here, and i don't want to uproot his son. i would actually invite him to come to west virginia with me.
i am remembering the fresh air in west virginia. the hills are very different there, topographically. they are lots of small lumps, very complicated, instead of these long, regular, huge mountains with huge valleys in between. these are the allegheny mountains, i think. the appalachian mountains are... like another planet. there's a reason why this matters. the fresh air thing - i often notice that when i go to the other side of the mountain, away from the town, the air is fresher over there, no auto exhaust. but in west virginia, i suspect (according to this theory) that the large number of irregular hills makes it easier to have places where the air is fresh, because the hills block the polluted air from blowing over that way. however, i lived in a rather rural area, too, and i might remember fresh air just because of that. also, there's a lot more forest in west virginia, instead of tilled agricultural land with no trees. (don't get me started on the subject of 'the reasons why people are doing corporate monocropping, and why it's always corn and soybeans,' from a libertarian-anarchist point of view. it has to do with property taxes, subsidies, laws, and stuff.)
i've decided that fresh air is very important to my happiness, and i want to raise children in a place that has fresh air. you don't know what it's like until you've been someplace where the air is very different, if you live in a city and you have auto exhaust around you all the time, and the smell of asphalt streets, a dry smell. in the fresh air, it's humid and smells like flowers and trees, and with every breath you feel a pleasant sensation instead of the yucky, sickening, auto-exhaust nausea that you feel in the city.
i'd like to go back to west virginia, except that peter is almost like a child to me, someone who i feel that i need to take care of. if i had a good, safe place in west virginia, if i owned land there and i was settled, then i'd invite peter and his family to move into my 'community.' i'm putting that in quotation marks, but i actually would like to start an intentional community for real.
the enneagram: i've been reading about instinctual subtypes. i knew about them a few years ago, but i hadn't read any more detailed information until recently. when i read more details, it became very useful. it explains a lot about different people's styles, their priorities. you don't need to know the enneagram at all to understand the instincts. the three instincts can be learned about on their own, separately from the enneagram.
i'm going to copy-paste:
***
Sexuals attract others without really trying. They also repel others in the same way, like an anti-pheromone. This works like a screening function in the mating process. People typically have a strong reaction one way or another towards Sx's, and vice versa.
Self Pres (self-preservation) people instinctively avoid certain foods and environments, and are likewise drawn to those things that nourish and sustain them. Sp's have a strong reaction against things that threaten to harm their comfort or health.
Social is driven towards gaining protection and empowerment within larger entities.
Soc's typically react strongly against things which would jeopardize or displace their position or reputation.
***
by the way, a guy named naranjo, who talked to ichazo, when they were developing the enneagram and the three instincts, this naranjo guy experienced some electronic mind control incidents exactly like some things that have happened to me. it's at a site which i think is called ocean-moonshine.net, info from the underground, in a link called 'the hidden lore of the enneagram' or something. i'm not connected to the internet at the moment so i can't look it up. (i'm offline.) he describes having a lot of weird physical sensations at one point, and also, some fake incidents of being urged to go to a particular location at a certain time, where he 'coincidentally' happened to meet somebody he was supposed to meet, and was told 'these things happen when you are on the path.' my answer to that: no, they don't. they happen when criminals push buttons on machines and force people to do things. the end. this is a crime. it is not a 'spiritual' event and has nothing to do with being on the path.
anyway, about the instincts. each person favors one of the instincts more than the others. that's their primary instinct, most strongly developed. then there is the next strongest one, then the weakest one. and you can understand a lot about their behavior, their style, if you understand that they are acting on their strongest instincts. they use abbreviations to show the strongest instinct, followed by the second strongest.
i've decided that i am probably this: myers-briggs ISTP, enneagram type seven, self-pres/sexual instinct (sp/sx). this is after many years of reading about personality types, and also having some suggestions from 'the voices' about what they thought i am. the sp/sx description fits me quite well, especially when i reread journals and fiction stories that i wrote a long time ago, as a teenager: they had a very mystical, mythical, pagan, folklore, fantasy style to them (sp/sx is described as 'the mystic, the mate, the quiet supporter') - not like the 'all business' style that you usually see with the other type, sp/so (self-pres/social). i always tend to focus on one or two very close, long-term friends, instead of a large social group. maintaining a large, impersonal social group is very difficult for me... and yet, i will be working on this after my life gets a little more settled.
the myers-briggs test is screwed up, and it tells everybody they're an intuitive, when they're not. lots of people are getting 'INTJ' and 'INTP' when they are actually SP artisans. the test needs to be redesigned. david keirsey has a 'temperament sorter' which helps a lot.
i took the myers-briggs test many times, back when i didn't understand it, and i got: INTP, INTJ, and INFP, after several different tests. those are wrong, and it was actually 'the voices' who talked with me and convinced me that i'm not an intuitive. i don't like using symbols, abstractions, metaphors, etc very often, but i'm capable of understanding them if i know that they're being used. but i don't like to use them myself. i had to struggle against the prejudice that 'sensors are bad/stupid, intuitives are good/smart,' which is a belief that you find in a lot of the forums.
obesity: i have been getting voices complaining to me about obesity. THEY'RE the ones who had me write about it in a previous post, where i was saying, what would the 'mainstream world' tell dennis he had to do in his 'makeover.' they always say, 'lose weight,' as though that's something a person can easily just choose to do, on a whim, just because they want to, as though it's their fault and as though they have control over it. 'lose weight' isn't part of MY makeover, but it might possibly happen as an accidental side effect (or not! some of the dietary changes might actually cause some people to GAIN weight).
so here is everything i have learned about obesity so far. i assume that obesity is *just barely* under your own control, but not very much. two people can sit side by side at the same table, eating exactly the same meal, in exactly the same quantities of the exact same foods, and one person will be very fat, and the other person will be very thin.
causes of obesity that i have learned about so far: (i will probably remember more of them after i've published this, which usually happens when i write a list of any kind. these are in *no particular order*, so they're not ordered by importance.)
*** A DOZEN POSSIBLE CAUSES OF OBESITY ***
1. bottle-feeding, infant formula. you MUST breastfeed babies. if you cannot breastfeed them, you must find a wet nurse, a substitute who will breastfeed them for you. *DO NOT* bottle-feed babies ANY kind of formula at all, and, in my opinion, that includes cow's milk, even if it's raw milk, even if it's the healthiest, organic, hormone-free cow's-milk that you milked that morning from your own cow at your own farm at home... although that's the 'best-case scenario' to choose from if you absolutely have to.
another thing, it's good to breastfeed children for a very long time, like until they're three years old, or even older than that. it's called 'extended breastfeeding.' in the united states, this is viewed as strange, creepy, taboo, something which is almost like pedophilia or child pornography, like having a sexual relationship with a child. it's also seen as encouraging immaturity and dependence instead of teaching children to 'be strong and stand on their own and not need mommy anymore.'
extended breastfeeding *doesn't* make children clingy and dependent - just the opposite, it makes them strong and trusting and socially open to other people. and breastfeeding is *not* a 'sexual relationship with a child,' not in a bad way, even though it's true, breasts and nipples are sexual, and the feelings and sensations of it are sexual. but this country was populated by PURITANS. does that tell you anything about our culture? we are the puritans. i'm not sure, i should read about the puritans - they're probably LESS anti-sexual than modern american culture, with its hypocrisy of blatantly encouraging sex on tv and movies, but being all secretive and forbidding about it at the same time, and valuing unnaturalness and artificial breast implants and shaving every inch of your body so you look like a plastic doll or a robot... don't get me started. anyway, breastfeeding older children is very healthy for them, and it is *not* an inappropriate relationship.
2. plastics? plastics might possibly affect child development. i won't let my babies use a pacifier. they can suck their thumbs the old-fashioned way. don't let them put plastic in their mouths. don't get dental fillings either, especially at a young age.
3. vaccines. vaccines do so many bad things to the body, i can't list them all. i don't know for sure, but i suspect that some of the newer vaccines might be worse than some of the old ones, or else it's because nowadays, they're vaccinating at a very, very young age, as early as two years old or younger. worst case scenario: a bottle-fed baby, on soy formula, who gets vaccinated before age two, will probably become obese and have health problems all of their life because the vaccines and the formula screwed up their development. they can also get severe ADHD, autism, allergies, etc.
fat isn't just a useless body tissue - it isn't just an extra unneeded thing that you should get rid of. fat is a tissue that actually does something. it produces hormones, among other things. it is an active, living body part, made of cells and blood vessels, just like any other organ or tissue. vaccines create auto-immunity problems in a lot of tissues, including the intestines and the nervous sytem tissues, and vaccines probably attack the adipose (fat) tissues too. obesity could be an autoimmune disorder of the adipose tissue.
4. drugs, including secondhand drugs. because of my experiences, i know that you don't even need to be *taking* any drugs. you just need to be exposed to somebody else who is using drugs, and they will go through your skin, or else you get them on your hands and then you touch your food when you pick it up. so if you know somebody who uses prescription drugs, you're sharing those drugs secondhand. i experienced temporary, short-term weight gain after contact with a person using a psychiatric drug that causes weight gain. but it's even worse if you are taking any drugs yourself. that even includes some natural, herbal drugs. i've noticed weight changes with st. john's wort sometimes.
a co-worker recently broke up with her boyfriend. she is a heavy person; but she told me, and showed me, that she had suddenly, drastically lost a lot of weight, and her clothes weren't fitting anymore, because she said she was too upset to eat much because of breaking up with her boyfriend. however, i think it isn't because she's 'too upset to eat.' i think her boyfriend has a prescription drug, but i'm not sure. by staying away from him, she is no longer getting secondhand drug exposure from him, and she is able to suddenly lose like twenty pounds, or whatever it was. i'm not kidding, it was a huge sudden weight loss in only like one month. and she wasn't even trying. she showed me how there was all this extra space in her old clothing (you know, like those advertisement photos where somebody pulls their pants waist out to the side to show how much extra space there is).
5. nutrient supplements. synthetic vitamins and minerals have been used more and more. they are everywhere. that includes weird things like amino acids and lots of other new supplements which aren't just vitamins or minerals. now they're in these sports drinks, which i won't touch. i wish i could find the article again, an article i read which said that using synthetic vitamins will trigger allergies. it's true, i started eating a breakfast cereal fortified with all those fake vitamins and right away started sneezing and having a runny nose, which hadn't happened to me in years - i have no nasal allergy problems at all, unless i go inhale the pollen of a couple specific types of flowers, but no big deal. anyway, don't take nutrient supplements while pregnant. don't give them to children. that includes fluoride. fluoridated drinking water is very bad for you. anyway, it is possible that synthetic nutrient supplements are contributing to obesity problems, which have been getting worse and worse in the past couple decades.
6. air pollution? some studies are connecting air pollution with obesity. i'm not sure about this. i think that air pollution does do a lot of bad things to you, but i think that people living in the cities tend to be the type where the mother and father both have jobs, and they leave their babies at the day care, where they get... bottle-feeding. instead of breastfeeding. living in the city is very expensive, so both parents have to work. they can't stay home and breastfeed. so air pollution may or may not be one of the causes of obesity. they noticed that obesity is associated with big cities that have air pollution. however, i still see a lot of obese people in areas that are 'rural poor,' where they don't have much air pollution. poverty seems to be the cause of it. poverty, once again, causes families to send both parents off to work, and the children are kept at day care, or with a babysitter, bottle-feeding them. i could write all about what causes poverty - the income tax, for instance, and property taxes, and 40-hour work week labor laws, which cause people to always be under-employed because nobody wants to pay overtime... don't get me started...
7. rbgh - recombinant bovine growth hormone. this is a synthetic hormone given to dairy cows. i have never gained weight more quickly and easily than when i was drinking a lot of milk. however, i read that rbgh was only created recently, in the mid-nineties, and i was in college, gaining weight (about 25 pounds: normally i range from 120-130, but in college, i went up to 135-145) and drinking a lot of whole milk, in the early nineties... although actually, i left school in 1997, so that kind of overlapped with the time period. i'm not sure. anyway, the hormone helps the cows produce a very large amount of milk... but the hormone comes out in the milk, and then it affects the humans who drink it, making them get fat and have other hormone problems. don't drink milk. just don't.
some people are switching to other kinds of milk, organic milk, raw milk, etc, making sure that it says it doesn't have any hormones - i assume that's okay. anyway i've noticed a problem happening when i eat butter in particular, or ice cream: my thighs and butt get slightly fatter, literally overnight. i wake up the next morning, and when i walk, my thighs will be rubbing together because they've gotten fatter. it can't be just from the amount of butter itself, because it happens even if i eat only a very small amount of butter. it has something in it which triggers a fat increase. and i swore it happened even when i ate butter imported from europe, where bovine growth hormone is illegal, and i was deliberately avoiding rbgh by buying that. so it might just be all dairy products. or pasteurized ones. i really don't know. that's why i'm not sure whether it will be helpful just to avoid rbgh, but still drink and eat dairy products.
8. microwave ovens, microwaved foods, ready-to-eat foods. i hesitate to say that, because i don't entirely agree. they say that the severe obesity epidemic began in america about the same time that microwave ovens became popular. it's true in some ways, but not the whole story. supposedly, the worst thing you can do is microwave foods that are in plastic containers. i don't know enough about this, especially about plastics and their estrogen-like effects. i know a lot about things which cause direct, immediate, observable effects ('i ate this food, and felt sick and restless within an hour' is observable). some of the effects of plastic are hard to observe. the only time i have seen problems with plastic is from my composite resin dental fillings, which gave me, and are still giving me, chronic breast pain. (i will be getting rid of those fillings before pregnancy.) i noticed it with a plastic retainer in my mouth, too, after i had braces - same thing, breast pain. so the microwaved foods might not all be bad, if they aren't in plastic containers. again, i don't know enough about this.
9. chemicals. unknown chemicals in food, or in your environment, your house, on the soil, in the air. i don't know enough to be specific. this includes pesticides and herbicides, and heavy metals. it can be in the paint in your house, in certain kinds of drywall that puts out fumes, anything that causes environmental illness can also affect obesity, but i don't know how much of an effect it has. lots of chemicals are hard to avoid, especially when you don't know about them until it's too late.
10. hormone disorders. hormone problems happen sometimes without a good explanation. but other times, hormone problems are caused by xenohormones, xenoestrogens - chemicals that behave like hormones when they get in your body. they can affect the thyroid too. i don't know the whole list of chemicals that do this. if anyone ever tells you that you have a hormone problem, you have to wonder what is *causing* the hormone problem. don't just assume that hormone problems happen for no reason. the doctor won't bother asking what's causing it. doctors will just prescribe hormone pills for you. doctors usually don't have any idea about the chemicals in foods and in the environment which can have hormone-like effects. their solution to everything is just 'prescribe a pill.' nutritional disorders can also affect the hormones. you can have nutrient deficiency, and nutrient excess or toxicity. i think that toxicity happens a lot more often than people think, because of the huge amounts of synthetic vitamins added to foods and drinks. they add WAYYYYY too much. and synthetic vitamins behave differently than natural vitamins, especially synthetic vitamin D added to milk. synthetic vitamin D excess will actually cause symptoms resembling deficiency. you'll think you're not getting ENOUGH vitamin D, when actually, you're getting too much of the FAKE vitamin D. so anyway, all those things can affect your hormones or behave like hormones.
11. plants and weeds. after my experiences with transdermal herbal oils, i know that you can have drug effects just by touching plants or inhaling the air around them. small quantities of plant drugs in your environment could affect you, depending on what kinds of local weeds and plants you live with. i read just recently about a couple of poisonous plants that can cause birth defects, such as cleft palate (harelip). all you have to do is walk next to them, walk through a patch of weeds, and if you are close enough to get this poisonous plant on you, it could cause birth defects, miscarriages, etc. the same thing could happen with obesity. that wouldn't explain the recent severe obesity epidemic in the past couple decades, though, because people have ALWAYS been surrounded by plants and weeds, for millions of years. however, the article i read did tell me about birth defects, which i would like to know. i forget which poisonous weed it was. something which we have in pennsylvania. lupine? i forget.
anyway, i think 'plants and weeds' are not very likely to be a major cause of obesity, but they can cause some strange, unpredictable symptoms in people if you don't know that they've been exposed to a poisonous or medicinal plant. and they can affect your sensitivity to other drugs, by interacting with them. i just have to mention it because this is my special area of expertise. view it as 'herbal medicine,' which isn't necessarily safe just because it's natural. natural herbs have side effects too, whether you eat them, drink them, take them in pills, or are simply living near them.
12. soybean oil, vegetable oil, hydrogenated oils, overcooked fats? these started being used in the twentieth century. the weston price website talks about how bad these are for you. they can explain it much better than i can. www.westonaprice.org. i think that's the right URL.
vegetable oils and hydrogenated oils are chemically different from natural saturated animal fats. the oils have been changed so much, they can't be used properly by the body. some of them, like soybeans, have hormone-like effects. it's probably worse when given to young children, or during pregnancy, where it drastically affects their development for the rest of their lives.
i am becoming interested in raw foods, but i haven't started trying to eat anything raw yet - but cooked fats might possibly be worse than raw fats. raw fats might be better for you. i want to avoid parasites, which can be deadly, like trichinellosis, so i want to learn a lot more about this before i try eating anything raw (other than fruits and vegetables). i mentioned raw foods (raw meat, and possibly insects) and raw fats because cooking foods can change the fats, too, but not as badly as hydrogenated vegetable oils. i'm still researching these diets to be safe before i try anything.
***
so i've listed a dozen possible causes of obesity (and as soon as i publish this, i'll recall a few more), other than 'you're eating too much.' the causes of obesity are more complicated than that. there has to be a reason why it's suddenly gotten very, very severe in the last couple decades, out of nowhere. people have ALWAYS eaten food! but in the old days, hardly anyone was fat, not like nowadays anyhow.
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