the books are mostly moved out now.

i got the last of my bookshelf books down in the car, but i haven't put them in the storage unit yet. i have a few books left, but they are in a pile which i know is 'suspected contamination.' they were on the floor in the area where i set down something that was contaminated, and the carpet is contaminated in that spot. i had a reaction to some of the books while handling them later on, but wasn't sure which ones, so they will all be labeled.

an unimaginable hell that i have lived through, since 2007 when this began. there is some work to do, getting rid of some stuff. but this won't happen again - not like this. if i ever get contaminated with anything again, it will be small and contained, since i know about it now. i know what to expect.

i make predictions, and i feel that this is the end of the contamination time period... 'they' become anxious when i predict that this episode is over - they think someone will threaten me, someone will cause another contamination incident or chemical incident deliberately. i don't think so, and i am betting not. i realize that there are some of 'them' who are really, seriously messed-up people - i know that because of the nightmares. there is a certain recognizable 'style' of nightmare which is from a particular person, a murderer, someone who is NOT benign. there are times when i *hate* that person. strangely, i do not even believe that that particular person is going to try to do some other kind of contamination incident, not like this.

i am also going to have a videocamera again, to make sure i don't do anything strange while sleeping.

i am getting hit with drugs or something while handling the books - it is making me feel that i'm in a very, very bad mood. some of it is probably flea powder from long ago. the books are dusty.

i am sick of this, tired of every day being like this. i will know when it's time to feel better - when i am living in a new place, and i can walk on the carpet without having a reaction. (there shouldn't be any carpets at all, but i don't have a choice, because of the stupidity of this culture that *has* to have carpets everywhere for some reason, even though a lot of people have problems with them, such as allergies to dust mites.)

i am in such a bad mood right now that nothing makes me feel better. i keep getting the urge to write an email to martin, but i already know from experience that he doesn't answer direct questions. i hate them for forcing me to say the things i said to him. he was never able to trust me again after they started playing the little 'i see all and know all and i am omniscient' game with him. that is not what i would have done by myself. now he can never trust me again because he knows i am a puppet, and i could say one of those evil things at any moment, and he can't just trust me to be myself.