in case anyone doesn't know me

Oh, I should have said at the end of that previous blog, '...before I die, seventy years from now.' I woke up this morning and was hearing 'them' worrying about whether my words could be twisted around in some way. I don't want to alarm people. Who knows, there could be new people reading my blog, and they don't know me well enough.

I've been stable for a long time with this situation. It began in 2003 - or, rather, that's when I became aware of it, hearing voices and experiencing electronic attacks. Then I realized that some of the phenomena had been going on for a while before that, but I hadn't noticed it. I don't want to make it sound like it's okay, because it isn't, but it is something that I endure. I have read blogs and web pages by other 'targeted individuals' experiencing electronic harassment, and some of them have a much worse time than I do.

I occasionally use an herbal antidepressant, St. John's Wort, which changes my moods, tends to make me more cheerful and friendly, and helps me get done things I need to get done. If you notice mood changes from day to day, or days when I suddenly start writing a lot, sometimes it's because of using sjw. But I don't use it constantly, because it causes me to sleep a lot. I had problems with fatigue long before I ever started using sjw, but then, sjw itself causes bouts of fatigue as well. But it helps greatly with doing things like household chores that I don't like to do. I used a little bit of it in the last couple days, so my moods and emotions might be somewhat strange.

I have projects going on... slowly and not very noticeably, but still there.

The current main projects are: wait a little longer until springtime, when I will feel physically much better, and then continue cleaning the house and removing as much of the herbal contamination as I can;

Get a second job so that I'm not always underemployed, and I'll work longer hours per day, on fewer days per week - hopefully just three days a week;

Find 'fellow sufferers' - so far, I have seen people writing in other blogs, but I have just glanced over them and haven't done a determined search yet, but I will continue that project and try to meet up with some of the other people experiencing electronic harassment;

And then, the overall project going on, above everything else, is that I want to find someone who will support me in trying to have children before I lose that opportunity. I postponed marrying and having children, and then my life started having one disaster after another. And then I also wondered, how could I have children knowing that they, and I, would be targeted by electronic harassment phenomena? So everything delayed this longer and longer. But I decided that I would try, in spite of my 'voices' and chronic fatigue, and other mental phenomena, and the attacks.

(I will be blunt about this... I am seeing someone, but #1, he has severe health problems, and #2, he is married. So I am not trying to marry him and raise children with him. He could father children, but he would not be able to help me financially in the long run.)

I can't do much of anything at all in the wintertime. During most of the winter, my whole body aches and I feel like I've been run over by a train (which is how I feel this morning), and I can barely even get out of bed in time to drag myself to work. So, not much gets done during this season.

There is also an artistic project, which is that I must get enough free time, when my chronic fatigue and aches and pains are not that bad. I want to continue working on writing music using Reason. That hobby will be supported whenever I get more financial help and participation from whoever chooses to join with me and/or donate money for the heck of it. (Money from people other than my parents.)

The point is that I am relatively stable and I'm focused on doing some projects that need to be done, and frustrated about how difficult the wintertime is and how little I can do right now. I just got worried about that because the previous blog ended with the phrase 'before I die,' and then I woke up this morning hearing 'them' worrying about whether I was okay.