3:27 PM 11/25/10
I am home from work because it's Thanksgiving, but I am not going anywhere to eat dinner. I'm invited to go with my aunts and cousins, and also Peter and Tammy invited me, but I'm going to just stay home and rest. Rest is what I want more than anything else. Trying to have fun on a holiday isn't usually much fun for me. Sometime in the future, it might be, but right now no.
The air is fresh and sweet outside today. I went out to get some bottled water out of my car and the sweetness of the air surprised me. It was cold and silent and full of rainfall. It often feels that way on holidays. I think maybe there aren't as many cars driving on holidays, and that's why the air is sweet.
I saw Curtis yesterday. I went looking for him, when I was finally able to get up and out of bed. I didn't see him in the store, so I bought a couple of small things and left. As I was walking towards the door, he came out of a small room nearby and looked right at me. So we walked outside together and sat on the bench where he had a cigarette. He said he was off work and waiting for his ride to pick him up.
I didn't have a panic attack, and I didn't start crying either. I was only a little nervous at first. I hope that I can get used to visiting him. It was something that I did on purpose, as a duty, an obligation.
I sat, like, three feet away from him on the bench, leaving him plenty of space. I didn't touch him at all. We talked for a few minutes about Christmas and some other things and then he finished his cigarette. I let him go back inside, and I said goodbye and went to my car.
I am glad I got to see him. And he mentioned again that I hadn't written much on facebook. It's true, I didn't bombard him with letters, because I was trying to take it easy after he and I had a couple days of big, long letters back and forth to each other, and I thought, he can't possibly like this, and I thought that I talk too much. But no, he wanted me to write to him again. I thought I had to give him a break for a couple of days, and I didn't want to push my luck. So after I got home I sent him another letter and I showed him two photos where he and his son Caden were in the same position and making the same face and they looked exactly alike. He even has Curtis's ears. They are the same shape and they stick out at exactly the same angle. I love his ears, so this is a good thing. He has both ears double pierced and I always stare at them when we're talking.
As of right now, it's my official duty to try to see him once every other week. If I could, I'd see him like three times a week or something, and I would be all over him hugging and kissing and snuggling, but instead I am going to give him a lot of space and try to act like an ordinary friend instead of the 'friend who adores you and wants to have sex with you even though you have a girlfriend and you guys are getting married sometime.' So I have to be an ordinary friend. I'm not even touching him yet, not even a little bit. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable enough to do that. But like I said, I didn't cry or have a panic attack, so I am feeling a little more trusting and comfortable now.
In case you are a new reader who doesn't know what's going on, Curtis and I used to work together, but he lost his job, and I wanted to keep visiting him at his new job, and I was devastated that I couldn't see him at work anymore. So every time I went looking for him, I was crying and upset because I missed him and he was gone from my life. That's making a long story short. It took a while before I could actually FIND him at his new job, and I spent a few weeks sending letters to him begging him to tell me to quit stalking him, because I was scared that he didn't want to see me and that sooner or later he would have me arrested for stalking. But actually he wants to see me, or at least, he is able to tolerate it.
****
'They' think that the reason the Harry Potter and Hermione dance scene affected me so strongly was because I myself am in a position of being attracted to someone who is loyal to his real girlfriend. Every time I saw that scene in the movie, the voice whispered the word 'letdown' after it was over, and now they said 'letdown' after I walked away from Curtis without touching him. I checked the book when I was at Barnes & Noble. It wasn't in the book. It was added to the movie. The scene does resemble how he and I are together: we've been friends for a long time, I've always been attracted to him, and we've enjoyed being together, and we have had fun together, but he is loyal to his girlfriend and he probably would stop me if I tried to do anything that went beyond being friendly. I don't know. He always tolerated it when I touched him, but I was doing things like patting him on the back. And he wasn't always with his girlfriend during the time when we worked together, and he was more open to me when he wasn't dating anybody.
Anyway, I saw him, and I plan to see him again.
Another good thing: I am going to try again to get a second job. My bank account has been quickly draining down, which always happens when I have only one job. My rent is too high, and I need a roommate, but I can't have one unless I clean up the drug residue on the carpet, and I've already talked about that too much in my blog. I need to get that fixed. But I want to have a secure income first before I do anything else. I had tons of money when I was working at Weis and McDonald's, and then I quit Weis and I quickly used up the money I had. I'm ready to fill out job applications again, and so, yesterday, I picked up a couple when I was in town, when I went to visit Curtis.
I feel like everybody already knows this, but, I am an anarchist, and before I called myself an anarchist, I started out as a Libertarian and Objectivist, after reading the books of Ayn Rand. I decided to go all the way to 'anarchist' after I learned that the hackers are controlling the computers where they record the numbers of our votes. It isn't the electronic voting machines that we have to worry about, although there are some problems with those too. But they are a red herring, a distraction from the real problem. The real problem is that our votes get counted, and then the numbers get sent to an ordinary, insecure, internet-connected computer with a plain old Excel spreadsheet on it, and then, the hackers change the numbers in the cells on the spreadsheet. It's so easy to do, a script kiddie could do it. You don't even have to be an expert hacker. You don't have to do anything that requires a lot of knowledge or expertise. So our votes don't matter at all. It's all fake. So I am an anarchist, because our votes have no connection to the results of the election.
After the election of George Bush Jr., there was an article written called 'Evidence Mounts that the Vote Was Hacked.' Or it might have been called 'Evidence Mounts that the Vote Has Been Hacked.' It's on the internet. It's the only article that I ever saw that was written about this, but I knew it was the truth. I had been getting harassed by computer hackers since about the year 2000, so I already knew that they were everywhere. Reading that article was the last straw. I decided that voting was completely and totally hopeless. At first I had thought that voting was just difficult, but not impossible. I thought that there might be SOME hope of changing the government by voting. But now I don't think so anymore. The entire voting system is completely and totally corrupt and fake, and there is no connection at all between our votes and who gets elected - NONE.
Oh... why was I talking about anarchism? Because I was going to say, I hate the labor laws. I shouldn't have to get a second job if I want to work more than forty hours a week. But employers can't afford to pay overtime pay. If you work more than 40 hours, then they have to pay you 1.5 times your usual wage for every hour over 40. So if I work 50 hours, then 10 of those hours are overtime. If I usually made $5 an hour, then I would be making $7.50 an hour during those 10 hours of overtime. Instead of doing that, businesses always just hire extra people, and they make sure that nobody ever works more than 40 hours a week. The end.
So nobody can make enough money. There is an upper limit on how much money you are allowed to make in one week. If you are only allowed to work 40 hours, and you make $5 an hour, then $200 is the maximum amount of money that you are allowed to make in one week. This law is insanely stupid and it needs to be repealed. But the best we can hope for is that maybe, someday, the government will allow you to voluntarily opt out of the law - that you might be allowed to say to your employer, 'I don't want to get paid overtime pay. I want to work at my normal wage even if I'm working 50 hours a week.' Then, of course, all of the other ignorant people will get mad at you, because they believe they're ENTITLED to get overtime pay, and they believe it's bad and evil and wrong to NOT get paid overtime pay, and they'll be jealous of you and they'll say they wish they could do that too, but at the same time they don't think it's right. So you'll have conflicts with your co-workers if you have any co-workers who are brainwashed more than most people. (Usually, when I talk about this, some of the people kind of agree with me, but there's always some brainwashed person who insists that overtime pay is a good thing, and they're always mad at the employers when the employers refuse to let them work more than 40 hours a week and get overtime pay.)
The only way to get more than that 'upper limit' of money is to get a second job. It's pointless, inconvenient, harmful, and stupid. This law is the #1 most stupid and most obvious law that I would change immediately if I had the power to change a law. It would make so many people's lives easier if they could simply keep working extra hours at one job to go above the 'upper limit' that they can get if they work 40 hours.
They might think that it's easy to get a second job. But it's hard to schedule it. At least one of your jobs has to have flexible scheduling. McDonald's is well known for having flexible scheduling, and I read in a magazine that McDonald's was listed as one of the top ten best places to work, partly because of their flexible schedules, and I agree with that - I like this job for a lot of reasons, and I like it a lot more than other places I've worked, and I can work whatever hours I need to work, at whatever time I want. When you get two jobs, at least one of them needs to let you start work after your other job ends. And you have to be able to limit your availability at both jobs. You have to work in the morning at one, and the evening at the other. Or work overnight at one, and evening at the other. And so on. You can't have one of your jobs say, 'Your schedule has to be totally open, and you have to be available anytime we want you to come in.' If they say that to you, then you're screwed. It means you can't get a second job, because you are going to have unpredictable scheduling, and so you're stuck making that 'upper limit' amount of money for only 40 hours a week at your one job, unless they let you work overtime, which is unusual.
I HATE THIS LAW.
There are other laws that the libertarians and anarchists hate, but a lot of those laws affect other people, so we can't see them directly. But we have direct personal experience with the overtime pay law. I can see it and I can see how it directly affects my life. I can see how much easier and simpler my life would be without that law. This law is visible to millions of ordinary people, and LOTS of those people believe that the law is stupid and harmful.
There are lots of other laws I hate. I hate paying income taxes. I hate fiat money. I hate the banking system. I can't list all the laws I hate.
There are some laws that I disagree with, but it's not a big issue for me, although it is for some people. For instance, I don't think it should be illegal to go outside naked. You shouldn't get arrested for nudity. However, I really don't care that much about that law, most of the time. My quality of life isn't that badly affected by this. I can tolerate this law. But the income taxes, THEY have a big effect on my life. Because of the taxes, I have to work thousands and thousands of extra hours, to pay for *NOTHING*. Or pay for things I don't want, like, pay the soldiers to go kill people in other countries, which I don't want them to do. My money is used for that.
This is why I'm interested in intentional communities. I can't control the government at all because of the vote hackers. The only thing I can do is join with like-minded people to work together and build a new culture.
I don't usually talk about this subject (anarchism), because so many other authors have already written about it, and they've explained it so much better than I can. I'm just agreeing with them.
I called myself a 'minarchist' for a couple of years while I still believed in voting. It means that I believed in SMALL government, minimal, as little as possible. But now I am totally disconnected from the government, and I call myself an anarchist, and I only obey them so that I don't get thrown in jail. (I'm thinking of Curtis, who drove his car without a license, after he lost his license for drunk driving, and he got arrested again and lost his license again for another whole year. Originally it was nine months. So he will have gone 21 months without a license.)
Anyway... I'll just post this for now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment