Friday, November 26, 2010

chocolate probably makes anger worse

Two things: I was eating lots of chocolate yesterday, because I am trying to find out if it is enough of a stimulant to help my fatigue. Sometimes it seems to work, and other times it doesn't. I think it made me feel more enraged yesterday. The other thing is that I'm on my period and I have PMS right now. I know that PMS seems like a joke to a lot of people, but it's real, and it contributes to my rage.

All of a sudden, 'they' are making a new, forced, fake personality for me. So the words that I say are going to have a different tone for a while. They are actually putting every word in my mouth like a puppet, and it's not really me. It's because I've been reading about time management and scheduling, so they are creating a fake, artificial, enneagram Three persona and writing all my words through that fake persona. I can actually feel them putting every single word into this as I'm typing. And nobody gets to see the words that I would really say if I could speak.

I'm reading the website of Mark Forster. I'd like to see his books. I've never read his books before. I've read 'What Color Is Your Parachute?' and I've read 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,' and I've also read Nathaniel Branden's books on self-esteem. But I haven't seen Mark Forster before and I like what I'm seeing. He's talking about things that I'm familiar with, the feelings of anxiety that you get when you try to start working on a to-do list and all of a sudden a thousand new ideas come to you that you have to add to the list, and things like that. He talks about what to do when those things happen. So I'm reading his website and I probably will read his books eventually.

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