"Disappointed that you tried...?" No, I'm GRATEFUL that you tried.

Disappointed that you couldn't be like me?
Disappointed that you tried to be like me?

No, I'm grateful that you tried to be like me. Thank you for trying.

What's this all about?

I was thinking about the future of the Order.

What happens if I create the Order, but some of the members start to think they can do it better than I can? I see myself trying to start the Order, but some bossy people start thinking that THEY know what it's about, and I don't. They start complaining that I'm too extreme, that they don't want to follow this rule or that rule, but they like the other ideas. They like this, but they don't like that. They like the idea of getting a bunch of people together to cooperate with each other and help each other, or enjoy each other's company, or work together, or trade together, or do car pools together, or cook together, or have their own religion together. But one or two of my ideas are too extreme, and they just don't like that one particular thing, and they don't think we should be doing it.

Maybe they don't want us to be required to eat the same diet. Maybe they don't like the idea of not being allowed to cut our hair, or, the idea of losing status, losing compliance, if you do cut your hair while you're in the Order. There's always going to be something that they don't like. Some rule they don't want to follow. They joined this group thinking it was one thing, but actually it turned out to be something else, and it's not what they wanted.

What's my reaction to that?

I'm grateful that you tried.

They tried to be like me, but they couldn't. I'm disappointed that it didn't work out, but I'm glad they tried to do it. We can still be friends.

I encourage them to start their own group with their own name and their own reputation. People aren't competing to call themselves 'retmeishka.' That's a unique glossolalia name with no meaning. I didn't try to monopolize some really cool-sounding, meaningful name that everybody wants to have, for instance, 'The Free Will Order,' or something. I didn't take that name. I called myself a unique, meaningless name.

Somewhere down the road, in the future, after I die, people will struggle to follow the original intent of the Order. They will struggle to define the founder's original spirit. What would Nicole Binns do? What did she want for the Order? It's just like any other religion. After someone dies, people struggle to follow their spirit, without any guidance except their own interpretation of that person's writings, the memory of that person. They can only try. That person is gone, and that person can't tell them whether they're doing a good job or not. That person can't tell them whether they're accurately following the original intent, the original spirit, or not.

Sometime in the future, there will be a schism in the Order, just like there is with any religion. Someone will decide that the name retmeishka has been corrupted beyond repair. People are calling themselves retmeishka, but it no longer follows the original spirit of the founder. What do we do? Are we disappointed that you tried to be like me, and you failed?

No, I'm grateful that you tried. Both sides of the schism were trying to follow the original intent, the original spirit. They disagreed about what that spirit was. Thanks for trying.

And then, there are those people who aren't even TRYING to follow the original spirit. They're just making their own thing and naming it after themselves. What do I say about that? I say, go with my blessing. I WANT them to build their own groups. It's helpful for people to have a group to be in, even if that particular group is doing something we disagree with. Usually, for the most part, a different group with minor disagreements isn't doing anything really bad. Groups as such are helpful. They help people meet each other, work together, and cooperate. They support and guide people who don't know what to do. They give people something to rebel against, something to disagree with, something to question. It's better than having nothing at all.

So, sometime in the future, people will leave. They'll disagree about the original spirit that we're trying to follow, they'll say that one person or the other person isn't really following the original spirit. Or someone else will leave and create their own group, with their own spirit, and not even worry about what my original spirit was trying to do. Or they'll be inspired by bits and pieces of it, but they don't want the whole thing. They can all go with my blessing, and, thank you for trying. Thank you for trying to be like me, and, thank you for being yourself.

This is something that inevitably happens when you start an intentional community.