I saw 'He's Just Not That Into You.' It seemed appropriate.

3:08 PM 7/6/10

I rented 'He's Just Not That Into You.' I was curious about that movie ever since I first heard of it, because I saw that it had something about people not returning phone calls and that kind of thing. I'd like to do a remake of this movie with a different concept, a conspiracy theory, where the people who are passionately in love with each other are prevented from communicating because an evil agency is out to destroy all love relationships and prevent people from meeting each other. The evil agency sabotages their electronic communications, while the in-person communications seem to say the opposite of whatever was said online.

Why would the evil agency want to sabotage love relationships? Maybe because people become stronger when they fall in love, and they can accomplish things they couldn't accomplish alone. They make their beliefs and ideas stronger. It might upset the status quo or change society or threaten the government if intellectuals and radicals and other 'dangerous' people fall in love.

Then again, the opposite might happen. A radical might calm down and focus on their family, instead of following the 'script' that someone has planned for them. It's your DUTY to change society, and if you get married and have kids, you'll worry about mundane things instead of doing your duty and following the script. You're SUPPOSED to be a radical, and your personal happiness doesn't matter.

'He's Just Not That Into You' - I liked it. I won't buy it and watch it a hundred times and memorize it, but I liked it enough for a rented movie that I watched once. I was confused through most of the movie because two of the main character guys looked alike enough that I thought it was the same guy. They both had black hair. The guy who didn't want to get married, who had a boat, and who was dating whats-her-name from 'Friends' for seven years, I got him confused with the 'alpha male' bartender guy who also had black hair. I don't remember any of their names and I can't remember the actors' names either, so I'm not much help on that. Near the end of the movie, like 3/4 of the way through, I finally figured out that they were two separate guys.

I liked the moment when the ... darn, I wish I could remember their names now. There's a 'cute' girl, the short-haired one, who's always confused and asking for advice about whether someone's going to call her back or not, and she's calling the bartender guy on the phone all the time - that one. I liked the moment when the happy-hour guy said 'The only thing "happy" about this hour is YOU,' and he took her phone number and then said 'I look forward to hearing from you,' and she actually stood up, and asked him to clarify whether he wanted her to call him, or whether he was going to call her. And she persisted until it became more and more clear that he didn't want to call and didn't want her to call him either.

I know how that feels, when you persistently ask someone to tell you the truth and be clear about it and get it over with. I want to hear the whole truth and I want to face it, even if it's painful. That doesn't mean that I 'want to be hurt' or that I'm a masochist. It means I want the truth, both good and bad, so that I can make realistic decisions and move on if I have to. It means I want to stop investing my energy in someone if they're not interested, so I need to *KNOW* if they're not interested, even if they're afraid of hurting my feelings. This obviously was relevant because of all the Curtis 'drama' going on right now.

(I never, ever would have even TRIED to contact him, or written him notes, or gotten his number and texted him. 'They' urged me to do those things that I would not have done on my own. I would have just enjoyed his company at work, and let him go, and grieved at his absence whenever he inevitably got fired or quit his job, because I already knew he would be impossible to contact and unable to communicate.)

I liked 'You're my exception' at the end. That was a good moment.

I already returned the movie, and I didn't watch it again. Usually I get a lot more depth out of movies, because I watch them several times and notice things I didn't see the first time. But I didn't do that, so it's only a shallow impression. The movie was good enough to not be a waste of money. I've seen movies that were awful, and this wasn't awful. It was okay.

I have to complain, of course, that all of the people were 'mainstream' and there weren't any 'weird' people anywhere in the movie. Hardly any weirdness anywhere to be found. The closest thing to a 'weird' person was the Wiccan who sat next to the 'Friends' lady at the wedding, or wherever that was, and started talking about the Wiccan religion. But that makes 'weird' people look bad. I don't like movies that make weird people look bad. It was the 'someone talking endlessly about a subject you're not at all interested in' phenomenon. This was a movie about normal people, and you have to be able to identify with normal people. I see them, I can see that they're sad or they're hurt or they're worried, these women in the movie, and I can feel sorry for them a little bit, but I also have this feeling that they wouldn't ever understand me or understand any of my problems - they could never relate to me. They would give me an 'ick' look if I ever tried to talk to them or tell them about the world that I live in. So I couldn't really feel emotionally involved in their problems as much as I would want to, watching a movie. If I watch movies about weird people who don't fit in, I feel more like I can relate to those people and they would like me in return. But these were all normal people who wouldn't like me.

Harry Potter's world is full of weird people who don't fit in, and they have to go to another secret community to find people like themselves. But even in the HP world there are weirder-than-usual people who don't fit in. So I always liked Luna Lovegood.

I don't remember if I blogged about this or not, but I also noticed that Kreacher the house-elf has some things in common with me. He mutters and mumbles mean, hateful, abusive 'bile' because he thinks no one can hear him. I've done that before. I used to do exactly that whenever I was writing to 'the hackers' by typing things and hoping that the keylogger would record what I typed. (A keylogger is a computer program that records every key you type, even if the letters don't appear on the screen and aren't saved in a word processing file. So it can collect passwords and other things you type.) I used to type things directed at whoever was reading the keystrokes. I typed hateful things to the hackers and they would respond by messing with the computer. I only do that if it seems like a real person can't hear me. But if I can see a real person responding to me, and showing hurt feelings, and giving me a real response, then I never, ever say hateful things to them. Not unless it happens by accident, like when I accidentally said 'Oh my God' when I saw Curtis with a cigar, because I had never seen him smoking one before, and it probably humiliated him, and I didn't mean to do that. Anyway that is how I could relate to Kreacher the house-elf.

I'm not sure what signals I use to decide that certain people are 'normal' and they wouldn't understand me. This is a social class thing, I think. In West Virginia, a lot of people have facial deformities, exactly as Weston Price described. People with facial deformities, the weak jaw and all that, are more likely to be in 'my class,' even if their beliefs are normal and mainstream. They're more likely to be nice to me and tolerant of me. They're more likely to be poorer and rural.

In Bellefonte, the people here are permanent residents, and I see a lot of semi-poor, semi-rural people, and everyone is a lot friendlier to strangers. You can be friendly to strangers if everyone around you is a permanent resident. In State College, however, you can't be friendly to strangers or make eye contact with strangers, because you'll never see them again. Most of State College's population is temporary. There are a huge number of college students, hotel guests, parents of students, people attending football games and other events, and other temporary visitors. If you make eye contact with strangers, you invest your feelings in someone who will disappear and hurt you. So as we walk around the grocery store and other public places, we don't make much eye contact with anyone. But in Bellefonte, total strangers will walk up to you and smile and start up a conversation, because they know we're all permanent residents and we're likely to bump into each other at this same store or restaurant next week.

These permanent residents of Bellefonte are more likely to be uglier, fatter, or have the facial deformities, and also 'bad' hairstyles. There are more long-haired men here, and a few women with very long hair like my own, hip-length hair, which I am always happy to see. These people are all friendlier to me. They don't necessarily UNDERSTAND me very well, and they might not be able to have an interesting conversation with me, or a 'deep' conversation. But they won't say 'ick.'

The college students in State College are less likely to have facial deformities, or they are less severe. They come from wealthier families, which means their parents probably had better nutrition while pregnant. They are more likely to give the 'ick' response to anyone who looks weird, non-mainstream, or has unusual grooming practices, dreadlocks, not wearing makeup, etc. They all have hair that ends at the upper mid-back or shorter, and almost never even reaches waist length. ('Waist' and 'hip': The waist is at the belly button level. Hip is 'butt' level, at the top of the legs. I say that, because in the past, I used the word 'waist' to describe the entire region of the body between the belly button and the thighs, so 'waist' and 'hip' were mostly the same thing. It just meant 'the lower middle region of the body.') For some unknown reason, they believe that hair can be 'too long.' It would seem that there would be an occasional person who, by random chance, would just decide to grow very long hip-length hair for the heck of it, but it never happens; therefore, there is some kind of 'rule' against it.

I could spend a lot of time writing about what I think those rules are, but I might not do that in this blog. I could write a separate blog some other time.

Anyway, the college students at PSU are more like the characters in 'Not That Into You.' They all look alike. And it's hard for me to have a conversation with them. (I wouldn't mind people all looking alike - in fact, the religious order requires everyone to follow the grooming rules - but they're looking alike in a way that I myself prefer, a look that I find attractive and beautiful for both sexes.)

About 'convincing people to believe.' Convincing the mainstream people that mind control is real, for instance. Or convincing them that in general, government intervention is harmful. Or convincing them that mainstream medicine is very dangerous and you shouldn't take all the drugs that the doctors will offer you. ('Healthy Normal' people don't need as many drugs as the unhealthy people do. They don't suffer from chronic fatigue as often and they don't catch every cold virus that goes around every week. So they're a lot older whenever they finally discover that mainstream medicine wants to give you lots and lots of dangerous drugs and can't really solve a lot of your problems.)

It's hard to convince 'healthy normal' people that something bad is going on in the world. The world that they see is a comfortable world that gives them everything they need, in general. They have problems, but they don't usually see those problems as being caused by a huge system in society, such as 'the government itself' and things like that. Problems are just individual, random events, something surprising and unusual.

Why would we want to convince them? Because there are a lot of projects that require money and knowledge from lots of people, for instance, building shields that work and that are affordable, so that electronic harassment victims can sleep at night and think their thoughts. And other projects like tracking down the attackers and stopping them. Or cleaning up drug residue contamination: I'm not the only one who has this, I'm just one of the few people who's aware of it, and if anybody else ever tried to clean up THEIR houses, they would see that it is an enormous, expensive, emotionally devastating disaster. It's so expensive, you can't even imagine how expensive it is, if you've got drug contamination on lots of nice, special, unique, heirloom furniture and antiques and things like that, things you can't just throw in the trash. Anyway I was saying we'd want to convince the 'healthy normal' people about things because we need help from them. This is the 'ultimate resource' concept: people are able to help you by sharing their knowledge and their resources and their labor. ('The Ultimate Resource' is a book by Julian Simon.) Expensive, difficult projects that require money and knowledge can be done if groups of people work together, but are almost impossible for one person to do alone.

(Today's focus is 'The Social Instinct,' as you can see. How do people benefit from being part of a group? How do people fit into a group?)

I'm looking at dating websites again. It is physically painful to imagine meeting a new person and starting all over again. Not only that, but now I am more aware than I ever was, long ago, that I really do like guys 'the skinnier the better.' Most of the men that I ever see are large, fully grown men. And they have short hair. I can look at fully grown men if they have long hair and beards - there's some texture, something soft that I can touch. You have to have something to pet with your hands, the same way you pet animals. Why would you want a bare-skinned dog or cat, so that you could stroke its bare skin? I like dogs and cats to have soft fur to touch. The same is true of humans. I run my fingers through and over a man's hair the same way I pet an animal. So even if a man has a body type that I don't like as much, he at least has a chance if he has long hair and a beard, because I can pet his hair. And I can look at it. It's more interesting than bare nothingness. It's SOMETHING instead of nothing. Hair has a texture and a sparkle and movement. It has multi-colors that shine in the sunlight. The people on the dating websites don't even have that.

There are some long-haired guys, but I am being prevented from going to them. There is this inhibition stopping me. It is partly because 'they' connected me with Curtis, bonded me with him, so that I am reluctant to go after any other guys until I know for sure that Curtis says 'no' and doesn't want to be with me at all, except as a 'temporary workplace friend,' a co-worker who doesn't matter very much, who will disappear whenever he quits or gets fired, and who will never speak to him again and it won't even matter. I'm assuming that that is what he thinks I am. That's how he sees me. For whatever reason, he wants to call me flattering names and occasionally show sexual interest, especially when I'm on the right drugs and I'm in 'aphrodisiac friendly' mode. But I can't get replies from any method of communication that I've used.

I'm not as pretty as his ex-girlfriend, his wife, for all practical purposes, since he's paying her child support. I feel like he's stepping down or something by being with me - I'm not as good as the one he was with before. She is very young, younger than he is. And she looks like Kira the Gelfling from 'The Dark Crystal.' That's the first thing I thought when I saw her for the first time.

I actually liked her. She worked at Weis very briefly. Then she had a random accident, and it was a terrible accident. Her son Caden knocked her tooth out by hitting her in the face with a toy - I assume by accident. (In other words I hope he wasn't hitting her because he was angry or something.) She had fragile, cavity-filled teeth, because she got pregnant as a very young teenager, around 14, I think, maybe 13, right at the time when your body is going through a growth spurt. So your own body is growing a lot at that time, and then it has to give minerals to the baby's body, too, so it takes all the minerals out of your bones and teeth, unless you are eating... you guessed it, the Weston Price diet. That is what happened to her. She then went to the dentist, and the dentist recommended... that she have all of her teeth removed and replaced with dentures or fake teeth. So she did. Curtis told me this story and I actually cried out loud, for real, because all of that is preventable if only people have enough money to buy healthy food. I don't know if she removed ALL her teeth. But she removed several. It's enough that she has a look, this puckered look to her mouth, when her mouth is closed. They weren't able to get her new teeth. So she took time off work because of this, and then they said they didn't want her to come back, unless she could get new teeth, because she was dealing with the public, as a cashier, and she would have to talk and smile to them. That made me angry. This is what Curtis told me.

The same thing is talked about in the Weston Price book. The natives all had healthy teeth, until and unless they started eating the white man's sugar and flour and white bread and jelly and canned foods. Then they got cavities immediately and had children with mild to severe facial deformities, narrow hips, and other deformities.  They talked about how it was considered 'normal' for most people to have all of their teeth removed and replaced with dentures.

If you believe that 'white teeth are better than yellow teeth,' think about what white teeth really are.  If your teeth are perfectly white, that means they're fake, probably porcelain or dentures.  I knew a lady who had porcelain teeth, and they were all perfectly blue-white, 'perfect' by the 'white teeth are better' standard.  Ivory yellow teeth are REAL teeth.  It means you haven't lost all your teeth and had them replaced with fake ones.  I've learned to appreciate the natural color of teeth the same way I've learned to appreciate other type of  'natural grooming,' like gray hair.  I LIKE real, imperfect, ivory-yellow teeth.  Now that I know about it, I've learned to actively dislike fake white teeth.  I'm not joking - sometimes I get 'voices' telling me they think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not.

(Note, every time I mention Weston Price, 'they' want me to remind people about eating bone marrow. Weston Price, and the WP website, and Sally Fallon, and other authors in this movement, along with many people on the internet, and even people I've spoken to, have all claimed that you can eat bone marrow, and it's good for you. I tried eating it, and it triggered the vomit reflex within a few minutes after eating it, and I also almost passed out and had horrible feelings that lasted for hours - actually for a whole day. For whatever reason, it wasn't edible. It can cause severe food poisoning and possibly even death. I don't know why some people claim they can eat it. There might be a different way of cooking it, perhaps cooking it at a very high temperature for a very long time, or something. I don't know. But I have to always give this warning that those books and websites talk about eating parts of the animals and organs that we don't usually eat, and if you try anything unfamiliar, it could be very dangerous, especially organs and glands that produce hormones. This is something that I want to test and troubleshoot, but I won't be doing it alone! I need to clarify WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENS when you eat the various organs and parts of the body of different animals and seafood. I know some of them are deadly, like certain parts of the puffer fish. So I must give a warning whenever I recommend the WP diet.)

That all came from talking about C's ex-girlfriend and her teeth. That was why she left Weis and isn't working there anymore. I only saw her a couple times, and I looked into her eyes, and I liked her right away. I can see why he loved her and why he'll never be 'neutral' towards her. She's always going to be part of his life.

I should post this - it's rambling a lot. I can write all afternoon because that's the easiest thing for me to do, but it doesn't mean that my writing quality is the best. This is my mediocre writing quality.

Oh - quick note. It was Vince who got his hair cut. He had slightly long very curly hair and he cut a couple inches off of it. I was watching to see how long he would grow it. He reached a difficult stage where it was starting to hang down over his eyes, and of course, it was long enough that I loved his hair, which is always when they cut it. That was the 'haircut complaint' that I was supposed to write about several days ago. He didn't shave it off completely though. I wish I could show people how to get through the 'transition stage', and I wish it was acceptable for guys to wear hair barrettes and other things that would make it easier for them to clip their hair back out of the way without cutting it, so it doesn't hang in their face during the difficult stage. Hair barrettes are about the only thing I can think of that would work with the medium-length hair that's still too short to put in a braid or ponytail. But oh well.