bad day. a different kind of support wanted...

i've been thinking something unusual today, and it might have been a 'planted notion.' but still i am starting to understand (sentence stem: 'i am starting/beginning to understand...' complete the sentence. how would my sentences be structured without those stems? i don't know, but i'm sure i'd like my writing a lot better.) ... what diana leafe christian said. she said, when you join a community, reach out to the same-gender people first, and avoid sexual relationships in the beginning. whenever you are working solely for economic/physical/financial/social support, it should be platonic.

and i didn't like the idea of having anything to do with women at all, for a long time. but i can imagine myself having a female roommate, or several female roommates, all of whom need a place to live while they raise their children. they could be single mothers. economic cooperation would be the purpose.

it's the feeling that 'all men want is sex.' i can't get them to focus on economic cooperation, how we can help each other do chores - for instance, if i imagine a 'house husband' or a protected/adopted male who stays in the house, does chores and projects, and lives there rent-free, and i buy the food - i can't get them to even think about doing that. it's inconceivable or undesirable or unimportant to them. they just want to know, 'is there sex?' that's the very first thing they want to know.

'what i need right now is...' (sentence stem. i am having tobacco withdrawal from a contamination incident, and it's triggering rage every time they put words in my head.) economic cooperation, someone to do chores, someone to give support for the tasks that need done, besides sex.

on the dating sites, the idea is 'find a sperm donor.' i have infinity potential sperm donors and they are the EASIEST PART of building a family! merely acquiring a sperm donor is the LAST item on the list of things to do. that is a couple of brief encounters without a condom, and the task is done. it's easy, it's quick, it's almost effortless (as long as i'm healthy enough to be fertile and there aren't any problems). that's the EASIEST part. and everybody wants to jump directly to the easy part! the LAST item on the to-do list: conceive the child. that's what's on their mind when they contact me. that's the top of the list of things they're thinking about.

i am getting impatient with that and it's a distraction from the goals i need to achieve on the way towards the conception of the child, such as making the house safe enough to replace the carpet and leave it uncontaminated for the next tenant. and planning a permanent place to live, deciding what sort of environment it will be, and doing other long-term projects, such as the 'wouldn't it be nice to have a mind control shield on a day like this?' project. when i'm angry, sick, and in pain, and in tobacco withdrawal from an accidental tobacco contamination incident. when every 'interaction' with the whispers triggers rage.