random notes: revenge, consensus, chemicals, and mange

the concept of 'revenge' and 'justice' (justice in the sense of 'punishment' WITHOUT the goal of consensus/healing) -

consensus can only happen if people:
1. share the same mission statement and agree on that mission
2. have equal access to power
3. have been explicitly trained in consensus

sociocracy - word of the day. similar to the consensus technique, but developed in netherlands, slightly different from consensus. saw it in the book 'finding community,' near the very end of the book. i'm going to google that word and read about it - they only mentioned it without explaining it. i don't know anything about it yet.

when people are in the random anarchy of mainstream society, their mission statements are all random. they don't agree. some people think 'my mission is to kill as many ragheads as i can before they kill me,' which is NOT MY mission. so i'm not going to EVER reach consensus with somebody who has that as their mission; however, we can reach consensus on issues that are general, universal, things that we have in common. diplomats and mediators are skilled at looking for universal needs and rights and things we have in common.

revenge is something that i just didn't ever 'get.' i never had the urge to get revenge on people. i don't know why. there is such a thing as self-defense. but not 'revenge.' revenge means that you aren't protecting yourself against an immediate threat. instead, the goal is to 'punish' someone and make them suffer, and watch them while they suffer. the goal is to cause pain and suffering, but not to protect yourself against a direct threat.

maybe the goal is to waste somebody's resources, their money, their spirit, their energy, to destroy them and break them so that they remain alive but become harmless. i have been the victim of that myself. (most TIs would agree with that. it's a whole big topic to talk about the ALTERNATIVES to getting revenge on people, and how people can cooperate better in society - that's why i'm reading diana leafe christian's books, which i am enjoying so much that i'm advertising them every chance i get.) i think that a lot of the urges to use and/or handle chemicals were triggered by them:

(**note, the OTHER incident i'm thinking of is: my decision to try to grow herbs inside the house MIGHT POSSIBLY have been 'their idea' instead of my own free will. that's why i am suggesting that my contamination might have been the result of something they suggested for me to do. i know for certain that the plastic dental fillings were their idea... however, the mercury-silver amalgam filling that i had was bad enough that... it's controversial whose 'fault' the plastic dental fillings were. i wrote that story on my other blog: long story short, i had one metallic filling, and wanted to get rid of it, for years. but i hesitated, because during my research i saw that ALL the alternative types of fillings WERE ALSO dangerous in different ways, so i felt safer keeping it the way i had it. but the summer of 2008, 'THEY,' and it was *definitely* their idea, 'they' decided that i would just 'leap without looking' and switch the filling to plastic, even though i had hesitated and wasn't sure whether that was safe/effective/durable enough. meanwhile, the dentist told me i had a new cavity on another tooth, so i ended up with two plastic fillings; the result? months of extremely severe fibrocystic breast pain, which began THE VERY DAY AFTER i got the plastic fillings. bisphenol-a, a type of xenoestrogen.**)

(*warning, this is a gross, medical, body-related topic*)

for instance, i sprayed the toilet seat with bleach because one morning, i woke up with mange on my butt (actually, i don't think i woke up with it, i got it after going to the bathroom), which can ONLY happen if you sit down directly on a mange-infested toilet seat or car seat or some other chair, like the barstool when i went to the bar that one time (which i wrote on my retmeishka blog several months ago). it gives you mange on the underside of your back legs and your butt. i woke up one morning with mange on my butt and no explanation for how it got there. this is a big, obvious piece of evidence suggesting that either some outsider sat on my toilet, or else i was forced to go someplace with somebody while sleeping. so 'they' FREAKED OUT and forced me to get up and spray the toilet with bleach as soon as i recognized that my butt was itching with mange that nobody could account for. and as a result, my house is full of bleach/ammonia fumes. and this has directly led to the ruining and wasting of several months of my life as i have been incapacitated by various forms of indoor air pollution during a season when i cannot open the windows without freaking out the landlord.

(*it was kind of an accident. however, i would not have sprayed bleach on the toilet seat of my own free will. i would have probably wiped it off with something, or used some chemical other than bleach. it was my tilex or lysol or whatever, that stuff that is made for bathrooms, and it said it contained bleach. the 'urge' to go do that was a fake urge, and i knew that it was fake when it happened, and i remember being connected with 'them' whenever i was urged to go do that.*)

mange: you become accustomed to YOUR OWN mange, but highly allergic to OTHER PEOPLE'S mange. when i get mange from animals, it is very allergenic in the beginning, and i get big, obvious scratches on my butt, arms, shoulders, etc. i cannot wear the shared coat at work, or sit on the office chair at the desk in the back of the deli, or sit on any chairs in the break room, or any chairs anywhere, or bus seats, or bar stools, or restaurant chairs, without getting mange on my butt. for toilet seats, i put down toilet paper all over the seat first.

(*warning... more gross stuff about skin parasites!*)

but after the mange has been on you for a few days, you sort of scratch them off, and whatever remains, you tolerate. you do, literally, scratch them off your skin - they say that when people get scabies while they're in a coma in a hospital, they don't scratch, and the scabies gets really bad. if you can't reach it or can't scratch it, you can't remove the mites. you do, successfully, remove the mites when you scratch and dig at them, but it damages the skin and causes scarring. I BELIEVE that the scarring and the skin damage is present BEFORE you scratch it off with your fingernails (i'm not sure of that, it's only slightly damaged prior to scratching, and yeah, the scratch does cause more damage, but i'm saying, it's okay to scratch, it's necessary, it's helpful, and it IS ABSOLUTELY *NOT* A DELUSION OR 'BAD HABIT' OR 'SELF-DESTRUCTIVE/SELF-HARMING' BEHAVIOR). people mistakenly believe 'don't scratch' is good advice, because they think that scratching CAUSES the scarring and damage. but, the MITES THEMSELVES are digging tunnels, which causes damage and scarring. BEFORE you scratch. however, the pattern looks a little different - you will see more circuluar dots of 'rash' if you haven't scratched it, but when you scratched it, you will leave a linear scrape in the direction that your fingernail was moving; however, this successfully digs the mites and the eggs out of the skin and drops them on the floor or wherever. it really does remove the mites, and scratching is necessary.

(*psychotronic harassment issue: every time there's a REAL medical problem, i get psychotronics people who then try to demonstrate to me that 'they' are able to cause that same symptom by using their technology, such as itching: some TIs experience itching as one of their attacks. but it's a mistake to think that ALL symptoms are nothing but criminal attacks. medical problems are REAL, and they exist WITH OR WITHOUT electronic harassment. medical problems are part of the 'real world.' just because someone CAN imitate a particular symptom, by using an electronic weapon, DOES NOT IMPLY that this symptom is ALWAYS caused by an attack. for instance, restless leg syndrome is real - it's caused by eating certain foods such as wheat, dairy, salicylates in fruits and vegetables, or artificial flavors and colors. (see 'feingold diet' or 'failsafe diet.') but it is ALSO caused by criminal attacks, and it might also be caused by non-sentient, ambient, accidental electromagnetic fields that you're hypersensitive to. there is a lot of overlap between real medical problems, and things that make you hypersensitive to anything at all, and criminal attacks which become more severe/less tolerable if you are already sick/sensitive/on drugs/off drugs/in withdrawal, etc. i can usually tell the difference between food-induced restless legs, versus assault-induced restless legs. it feels different and has a different pattern.*)

mange is real. dermatologists don't know what it is, and don't believe it exists. (they will call it 'eczema' or something, i know because i already went to the doctor about it years ago and they told me that it can't possibly be scabies, because scabies only has a particular pattern - they say scabies only appears on the hands and fingers, or in a couple other specific places. well then, my answer is: so it's SOME OTHER parasite instead of the typical scabies, but it is definitely a mange-like, scabies-like parasitic mite, which moves between humans and animals, and which survives on carpets and seats and toilets. animals show symptoms too: they started scratching whenever the big mange outbreak began in my town several years ago.)

i used to be fighting that taboo, except then i was distracted by other taboos that were more important (such as electronic mind control), so i stopped worrying about mange. plus, it got better when i stopped visiting eric's house. eric had cats, and i love cats and i want to have them again someday, but you MUST vacuum the carpets and the furniture. and the cats need a way to remove mange without ivermectin, because ivermectin can kill you, and i had been planning to use it on myself, and i'm glad i didn't. i used flea powder all over my carpet, and as a result, was poisoned, and had chronic fatigue for most of .... 2004? 2003? and couldn't work. and i mean, extremely severe and totally incapacitating chronic fatigue.

snipe had mange really badly, and it was the typical, classic, obvious cat mange. a veterinarian would have been able to diagnose it and recognize it as mange. it was obvious. he had it all over his face and he was losing the fur, and it was bloody and scratched looking. snipe also had something wrong with his mouth, and had difficulty chewing, like there was a broken tooth or cavity.

and he also had greasy fur. greasy fur on cats (and dogs) is a sign of overall ill health. that's why i'm interested in greasy hair on humans: it could be a symptom of malnutrition, such as not eating enough raw foods or raw fats, and eating the wrong kinds of fats, eating cooked fats, or something: there might actually be a reason why people have greasy hair. so, if you shampoo your hair, you might be hiding or removing a symptom that provides you with important information about your health. i don't know for sure. greasy hair might just be inevitable for certain racial groups. according to what i've read, caucasians and some other groups, like mediterraneans, get greasy faces and greasy hair, and africans don't. africans could probably never wash their hair at all, and not notice a thing, partly because the natural afro texture (which i love) stands up instead of lying down flat. (i haven't written much about this here, but i love racial and ethnic genetic variety, and i actively favor racial mixing.) i'm not sure of this, because it's based on reading, instead of my own observations.

this whole topic came about because of the incident where i woke up and sat on the toilet and got mange from it, as though somebody else had been sitting on the toilet. it was a goldilocks moment. the three bears came home and said 'somebody's been sitting on my toilet.' if only it were a humorous situation - but it isn't, it's an electronic mind control/stalking/house break-in incident. (at least, a *suspected* incident. i really did find it unusual to have such an intense allergic reaction to the mange on the toilet that morning, when it had been fine the night before, and i hadn't noticed any scratching at all.)

(*apologies for mentioning goldilocks. 'they' put those kinds of images in people's heads sometimes - or else they make you see offensive advertisements on tv or on the internet - and then they 'button-push' a fake 'traumatized' emotion/sensation to go along with it, trying (and failing) to connect the fake trauma with the images. if you figure out that the emotion is fake, you can teach yourself to disconnect the fake feelings from whatever they wanted to 'trigger' it with. you can at least try to - it's hard to do sometimes. recognizing fake emotions as fake was helpful for me - i'm not the one who's angry, it's a fake feeling of rage/rape/violation/disgust/loathing/hatred, etc.*)

but the mange-from-somebody-else causes intense itching, whereas your own mange doesn't. you don't get horrible scratches from sitting on the toilet if you're the only person who sat there.

so i woke up and complained about the mange, and whoever was listening to me, they freaked out, and forced me to go spray bleach on the toilet. i'm wondering if they freaked out merely because they enjoy the aesthetic beauty of the skin on my butt, and didn't want me to get more of the horrible scars that i already have, or whether they freaked out because the mange on the toilet was an obvious piece of incriminating evidence that somebody was in my house. either way, the bleach on the toilet triggered the fumes. or it seems to have done that.

i still don't completely understand the source of the fumes in the bathroom. it still seems to be a chemical mix, but it might even be rising up out of the drains, which isn't supposed to happen, because they have a 'u-bend' for that reason, to prevent gases from rising up. maybe it could rise up from ABOVE the u-bend, instead of below.

whoaa.... holy crap, i was connected to the internet the whole time i was writing this!!! i thought i was offline. crap, i've been on for over an hour without surfing. oh well.