This reminds me of the grammar guy

I've been eating weird foods that I don't usually eat today, and they are 'not Feingold,' and so I am more agitated than usual. Not only that, but I have 'visitors' in my mind who are trying to communicate and they haven't settled in yet. I've been eating these pretzel cracker things and dipping them in ... EVERY TIME I SEARCH FOR A WORD, I get bombarded with an attack that says the wrong word in my head! This is a very bad day. I can't remember the name of the stuff, it's a couple feet away in my refrigerator, and I want to recall the word without getting up and looking in the fridge. But 'they' are bombarding me with the word 'tahini' every time I look in my mind for the word. A mix of sesame seeds, garbanzo beans, 'tahini,' and it has a name. It's called hummus. I got up and looked at it. I am not amused. I literally am hearing a voice in my head every time I focus my mind to try to recall a word, and the voice interrupts my mental focus with a disruptive bombardment, loudly saying the wrong word instead of the word that I am looking for.

Anyway this reminds me of the grammar guy. I was reading about the Texas shooter, Jared Loughner, who killed some people in a grocery store or wherever they were. They think that some of his interest in grammar might have come from David Wynn Miller at http://dwmlc.com/. When I look at that website, I see nonsense, but I can tell that it has meaning to somebody if you know how to read it.

I am having a similar problem. In my mind, there are vague feelings like 'good' and 'bad.' These are not very specific, so I try to find specific words to express the exact nuances of how it is good or bad. When I was writing about frames, it was like talking through a primitive caveman who can't speak English. 'Frames good! Frames bad!' (And yes, I said I was having 'visitors' in my mind who haven't settled in yet. Usually after a while I get used to the other characters in my mind and we work out ways to communicate with each other.) But when I try to look for more subtle ways to express things, I get bombarded with either obvious attacks, like a voice loudly saying the wrong word over and over every time I try to think, or else a more general sensation of interference that never stops, which was greatly reduced when I traveled to West Virginia to visit my parents, in a place where there is less cell phone coverage. This might be an attack or it might be electromagnetic pollution.

I need to go out and eat some normal food. If I keep eating (they said the word 'tahini' loudly in my mind again just as I was searching for the word) hummus and pretzel chips I will probably keep being disorganized or get worse. I was eating that because of a stomach virus and I wanted to eat dry crackers. Hummus is an oily food and technically I 'shouldn't' have tried to eat anything containing fat, according to the conventional wisdom, but that was what I was trying to eat while recovering from the virus. If I was able to eat that then I should have been able to eat any other fat-containing food (except rancid fats).

This is a bad day. But I only have a short work day. So it's good for that reason. But I won't get enough money... and 'they' won't let me do the mental process I need to self-motivate. I need to focus, meditate, plan, decide, and motivate myself to go look for a second job. But I haven't gotten anything done on that project yet, and the only thing that got done was ONE SMALL TASK which they FORCED me to do while I was on St. John's Wort: I filled out ONE application for one job, and they haven't called me back.

'They' don't like it when I work on my projects or tasks without having taken SJW first, because SJW makes it easier for them to control me. Then they force me to do very specific, limited things, and I can only do what they force me to do, and I cannot do anything that they do not force me to do... this is a very bad day.... I think pretzel crisps and hummus are on the list of forbidden foods now. Not Feingold. www.feingold.org

I was just looking at a news article with Jared Loughner's videos on it. I didn't watch the videos yet because I don't have enough time. I just saw the first frame of one of the videos. It was a black screen with white text that said

"If I define sleepwalking, then sleepwalking is the act or state of walking, eating, or performing other motor acts while asleep, of which one is unaware upon awakening.

"I define sleepwalking.

"Thus, sleepwalking is the act or state of walking, eating, or performing other motor acts while asleep, of which one is unaware upon awakening.

"I'm a sleepwalker - who turns off the alarm clock."

****
I read this and suddenly burst out into uncontrollable sobbing. I felt so sorry for him. I saw that he wrote the same thing twice in a row, that he forgot that he had written it already, that he was struggling to express something and was trying to get on with it but kept getting interrupted and losing it. And now he's shot some people and probably didn't do it. He's probably innocent.

I should go out and get some food... come back and write later when I'm less agitated.

The creatures in the movie 'Avatar' were called sleepwalkers, weren't they? Something like that. Dreamwalkers?