Pest control was done yesterday

10:53 AM 2/11/11

I have had a bad month and I think I know why now. I have been tired the past few weeks and have been using TONS of caffeine.

The landlady distibutes a monthly newsletter telling us about things that are going to happen and about other things that she thinks are worth knowing about. She mentioned in this month's newsletter that there would be a pest control treatment February 10th. So I knew that on February 10th I would probably have a fatigue attack. I am, actually, extremely tired today, but I don't know if it's just a coincidence. If it goes on and on and on for days, I will know. I don't know WHERE they do the pest control or what kind of pest control they are doing. I know that I have always gotten sick when pesticides were sprayed in my apartment in the past, but I don't know if they are actually entering the apartments - I had the impression that they only sprayed outside somewhere. She didn't say anything about getting the apartments ready for people to come inside.

Anyway I happened to pick up last month's newsletter and saw that there was another pest control treatment on January 13th, which I had not known about. That would explain why I have been using so much caffeine and have been so totally exhausted the last few weeks. Pesticides have ruined my attempts to quit caffeine several times in the past.

What kind of pest control could they possibly do in the middle of winter? There are no bugs, nothing at all.

It doesn't matter. I have no control over this. I was lucky with my previous landlord - he agreed not to spray anything inside my apartment, but he still had to spray around the outside of the house and in other people's apartments. The only way I can control this is by buying my own trailer or house, or moving someplace where they explicitly agree never to spray pesticides. I also need to make sure that I am not next to a farm that sprays pesticides or other chemicals on the fields. I also need to think about neighbors who might spray herbicides on their lawns. I need to find a safe place to live before I get married and start having children.

I am looking for friends right now. I need moral support, people who believe me. Being believed by someone is something I need very badly. I want to be able to tell someone why I do things, tell them about the problems I have, and be believed. I want them to enter my world without getting trapped there - this means, I want them to see the way I see the world, but not feel as hopeless, helpless, overwhelmed, and miserable as I feel about it. They can turn off the movie and go home to their own life.

I have a few 'interest clusters' and I need to find people who share those interests or at least respect them and believe them.

self-reliance, survival, living off the grid
nutrition
raising a family
chemical sensitivity, chemical dangers
an anti-government attitude
electronic harassment and electromagnetic pollution
intentional communities

I'm sure I could think of a few more things but I am getting ready to go to work and I don't have a lot of time.

I mentioned 'nudism' a few weeks ago and got a comment from someone who had a link to a good site about naturism. I read it and it made me believe even more strongly something that I already believed halfheartedly. Now I believe in it wholeheartedly. So I'm grateful for that. That's included in my 'intentional communities' interest, because many intentional communities want to live in a place that allows nudism. I've gotten the impression that tolerance for nudity is actually much more common than I used to imagine. Poll results show that people are more offended by the violence on television than they are by the nudity, but violence is allowed and nudity is forbidden on TV.

Anyway... not much time today.

I have been so exhausted and miserable that I haven't even been able to bring myself to write on the forum. There are these unfinished questions hanging there and I feel anxious when I think about them. I am glad that spring is on the way - I always feel better when it gets warm outside.