probably using SJW tomorrow; symbol users; the whispers

1:35 PM 12/12/10

In a few minutes I'm going to get ready for work, so this blog will be rather short. I tried to get up this morning, but I couldn't do much at all, and yes, I used caffeine again. Tomorrow morning, I will probably use some of the St. John's Wort, because even though it's less effective when the pills aren't fresh anymore, it's still a little bit effective. I've gotten into 'stuck' mode again, and the SJW helps with that.

The rain is falling and it's beautiful in a cold, sad way. The drops are hanging from the bare tree branches. In a few days, it will be the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. After that, the days will get longer again, although the weather will still get colder. I always feel hopeful after the winter solstice, and I like to see the daylight again.

I said in the previous blog something like 'I hate people who communicate by using symbols.' That's not true, and it was probably a puppet statement, something they made me say by putting words in my mouth. I don't hate people who use symbols. I *DO* hate people who use symbols, and then use electronic devices to force me to dream about their stupid symbols, the same stupid bullshit night after night after night.

Lately, they've been giving me 'falling' images, the panic of falling, with a feeling of terror. They said 'this whole ship is falling' a few days ago, and I was on a ship that was falling out of the sky with everyone on it. And today there was an image of someone falling with a parachute, and the other person clung to the one who was attached to the parachute, and held on because they didn't have their own parachute.

Sometimes they try to convince me that they are up in space, in a satellite or a ship, with zero gravity (free fall, the 'whole ship is falling) and they can't get down, and they are slaves, forced to spy on me and read my mind. This is like Vernor Vinge's book, 'A Deepness in the Sky,' where the Focused people were slaves and they couldn't help watching and controlling everything all of the time.

Sometimes it's a metaphor. Our financial system might be collapsing, and only a few people have parachutes, only a few people understand how to protect themselves against economic collapse. Sometimes it's one individual person whose life is falling apart. I never know how to interpret their images. It could mean many different things.

Like I said, I don't hate people who use symbols. My old best friend Rachael was an ENFP. She loved symbols. Everything was meaningful to her. She saw events and coincidences as being part of the synchronicity of the universe. Conversations with her were always fascinating, but I never had as many interesting things to say as she did. She had insights and ideas and interpretations.

I tried to 'negotiate' a visit to Curtis, but wasn't able to. They want me to bring something with me this time. I visited him with nothing, no notes, no gifts, just me. They are insisting that I should bring something. They are waking me up at the wrong time and making it impossible for me to get up early enough to go visit him, and they won't motivate me to do it, and if I try to motivate myself to do ANYTHING at all, no matter how trivial, I am constantly being attacked and it is impossible.

There is a quiet bombardment that goes on constantly. It's like static in my brain. There are voices and whispers in it. Sometimes it fades and sometimes it gets stronger. I thought that I observed it getting stronger once when I drove my car around a large mountain into an area with several radio towers, where I would have been mostly shielded from the radio, and then suddenly exposed to a lot of it. The whispers also seem to get louder when there is background noise, like a fan running - they put themselves over top of the fan noise. And it isn't just an illusion. I know what it sounds like when there are auditory illusions over top of fans running, and that kind of thing. I've heard it before. My hearing frequencies change when I'm on drugs. My ears ring, and they become sensitive to certain frequencies, and it makes me hear things over the sound of the fan. This isn't like that. It's a constant whisper wherever I go, but it becomes clearer if there's a background noise.

That constant bombardment seems to be the surveillance field. It is constantly watching my mind state. If I hypnotize myself, if I sit quietly and think and meditate, if I use Callahan's Thought Field Therapy, or acupressure, to tap certain parts of my body to relax and focus, I get buzzed and zapped. I am constantly being watched, and it never stops. It was slightly reduced when I went to West Virginia, but it is still constant there too, just not as intense. It may depend on background radio, the ordinary radio from things like cell phone towers. Those might possibly be getting hacked into and forced to generate a frequency that affects human beings.

One time, I heard a guy saying the same words that I had been hearing repetitively in my head. I was walking through State College, in the main part of town, and he was talking loudly at some tables next to one of the bars, in a group of people. He was saying something that I can't remember. There are words and phrases that the whispers say, and they go in and out of 'fashion,' for a few months, you'll hear this one phrase over and over again, and it gradually changes to some other phrase. It's usually nonsense. They insert lots of nonsense and garbage into your speech, and this guy was saying the exact nonsense garbage phrases that I myself had been hearing in my head. I wish I could remember the exact words. I'm trying to think of examples, but they force you to forget it after it 'goes out of fashion.' I remember them saying things like 'Point taken.' For a while, I was hearing the words 'shift,' and 'feces shift.' This guy that was talking, he was saying something like, 'It could be, it could be, it could be,' something he repeated several times. That wasn't it, but it was something like that.

So it's like the whispers aren't just directed at me personally. They might be broadcast over a very large area, and lots of people can hear them, but only a small number of people realize that it's an electronic attack and that it shouldn't be happening and that the voices come from outside you, not within, and that it's not 'psychic,' it's electronic and manmade, and it's a bad thing.

I need to go get ready for work. I will probably use SJW tomorrow.