My car inspection: Very expensive

I got a second opinion.  They called me and told me exactly the same things the other place told me.  I wouldn't be able to pay for it except that my mom has been sending me money every month to help me pay the rent, and because my life is a mess, I haven't even been able to save money (make profits) while getting extra money from my parents.  But my bank account does have a little bit of money in it, enough that I can pay for this repair.

I've dropped off my car at Lohr's Garage on North Atherton Street in State College.  That's the place my brother recommended years and years ago.  Then I took a walk down the street, all the way to Schlow Library in town.  I haven't walked that far in a long time, so my muscles will be sore tomorrow, and I'll have a sunburn.

I got a chance to see trees, flowers, houses, cars, and the sky, and also sunlight (I don't go out much in the daytime).  I didn't pass many people walking on the sidewalk.  My too-big Goodwill pants were hanging around my hips and showing the band of my underwear, and even though that's the 'in' thing nowadays, it looks dumb when I do it, especially since I'm not doing it on purpose.  The pants were all crooked because I had heavy objects in my pockets - the cell phone in one pocket and the keys and a checkbook in the other.  So I felt a little bit self-conscious at first.  But there was only one person rude enough to honk at me, and that was when I first left the garage and started walking.  After that, everyone was quiet.  In a college town, I don't look that strange.

I was also being attacked while I walked.  'They' forced me to feel fake feelings of shame and embarrassment.  I felt constantly ashamed, as though everyone was looking at me and thinking I was ugly or funny-looking or there was something wrong with the way I was dressed, or they could see through my shirt because I don't wear a bra.  In the old days, I always used to walk around wearing even less than I had on today, like wearing shorts in public while I don't shave, and I survived that, so there was no reason to feel ashamed today.  When I became aware of the feeling of shame (or, when they forced me to become aware of it), 'they' admitted that the feeling was fake, and they turned off the fake feeling and stopped forcing me to feel that way.  'She's a nudist,' somebody said, 'there's no reason for her to feel ashamed.'  They shut off the attack and they let me walk without worrying about what people think of me.

I can't look at the scenery while I drive a car, so I enjoyed getting to see it while walking.

I said 'yes' to the repairs when my phone buzzed me in the library.  It has to be done.  I'm not happy about it.  I want to save money, without getting money from my parents.  I want my savings to constantly increase.  That is the way it's supposed to be.  I want some of the savings to be set aside for problems and emergencies.  I want to foresee those emergencies in advance as possibilities.  I want some of the savings to be untouchable - I will live off those savings when I'm too old to work, in the distant future.  I want to save for other large purchases, like a trailer, and car repairs or a new car.  I want to save so I can take time off work.

This is a bad day to feel sick.  I'm at the library right now and wondering if I should try to go home.  My stomach and intestines have something wrong with them - I am nauseated, having intestinal cramps, and wondering if I have a virus.  Being trapped someplace away from home, without a car, while I feel sick, is scary.  I want to go someplace comfortable when I feel sick.

I would have wanted to ride a bus home, but I'm getting uncomfortable enough that I might just take a cab and go home as soon as I can.  I don't know how long I'll have to wait for a bus that will go to Bellefonte.