Hearing voices: why not go to a doctor?

I'm writing this post for entertainment purposes - what I mean is, this isn't the type of discussion that leads to me changing my mind and saying 'Yeah, I guess you're right - I WILL go to a doctor.'  It isn't something I'm changing my mind about, so I'm just talking to hear myself talk.

Why would I choose not to go to a doctor?  A couple of reasons.  I already have been to the doctors, several years ago.  This problem of hearing voices and experiencing electronic harassment has been going  on for a long time, but the worst of it began in about 2003-2004.  I've survived this long, and the worst abuse isn't happening anymore.

Doctors might look at it this way:  What drug can I give her so that she stops hearing voices?  That would mean I'd try one drug after another, having horrible effects from the drugs and the withdrawal from them.  I've already tried Prozac, and it was the worst, most poisonous thing that I have ever taken in my entire life.  The doctor didn't warn me ahead of time about the side effects, because, later on, he said that if he TOLD me I might experience those effects, then I WOULD experience them, merely because I 'expected' to have them.  This is a distorted version of the 'placebo effect' belief system, which is a misguided, harmful belief system based on a few fragments of truth.  People think that you can experience ANY imaginary symptoms at all, no matter how extreme - you can do ANYTHING to your body at all, if you only BELIEVE it will happen to you - I could grow a new pair of arms tomorrow if I take a sugar pill tonight that tells me that it will make me grow a new pair of arms, and I really, sincerely believe it will.

You can make yourself experience some things, with hypnosis or belief.  But those things are limited.  The extreme and terrible effects of drugs are so severe, you can't possibly make yourself experience those things merely by believing you will or imagining them.  When I used Prozac, my entire mind and body became so totally numb that I was an emotionless robot and I was also unable to have orgasms or any sexual feelings at all.

When I quit using it after about two weeks (not very long) I had the worst withdrawal symptoms of anything I had ever taken in my life.  I became uncontrollably terrified at night time as the daylight got darker and darker, as the sun set, as the shadows began to appear in my apartment.  I would turn on every light in the place and still feel that it wasn't bright enough, and I was terrified of an unknown entity hiding in the shadows there.  I had to leave the apartment and go visit my then-boyfriend at his brightly lit workplace (he was a night shift worker at a grocery store, and I could hang out nearby and chat with him).  The terror I felt was more extreme than any feelings of terror I have ever had, and it was directly caused by withdrawal from Prozac.  I could not have imagined any such extreme feelings merely by 'expecting' them.  And it took a long, long time to be able to have orgasms again - I thought that the drug had made me permanently impotent.  While in withdrawal, I also had sensations of electrical jolts shooting up and down my back and into my neck.  Again, something so extreme that I could not have merely imagined it or expected it.

I don't like even talking to doctors because of the Placebo Effect Belief System.  Personal anecdotes and experiences are dismissed immediately as being impossible.  If a double-blind, placebo-controlled scientific test didn't say it, it can't possibly be true.

We learn how to see, how to touch, how to taste, how to use all of our senses, by experiencing them directly.  Nobody did a double-blind placebo-controlled scientific study to find out whether the images that my eyes see are actually there.  We just assume that my senses are giving me correct information about the room that I'm in.  When I walk, when I take a step, I don't know for sure whether the floor will actually be there under my foot, and I might fall down into nothingness, because a double-blind, placebo-controlled test didn't PROVE that I can actually see a real object that I'm walking on.

The sensations inside the body are just as accurate as the five senses of sight, sound, hearing, touch, and taste.  There are many more senses than just those five.  There are many ways of gathering information about what's happening inside our bodies.  I believe that my observations are accurate and they tell me the truth about reality.

My computer was already being messed with back then, with web pages being changed and lots of other problems - it's a long story and I won't get into it here.  That had already been going on before the voices. When I was first attacked severely in 2003-2004, the computer hackers also gave me links to web pages for me to read, web pages about how radio frequency weapons work, and other electronic harassment technologies (such as ultrasonic devices).  I had never read about those things before.  I originally had been seeing it as something that came from within my own mind, or something 'psychic.'  After reading about those technologies, I decided that none of it was 'psychic' or 'spiritual' and it did not come from inside my own mind.

Not only that, but also, I had an incident where I traveled home to visit my parents in West Virginia.  Suddenly, all of the voices and the attacks stopped completely, and I slept a peaceful night without interruption.  The next night, however, a vehicle drove through our neighborhood with somebody screaming out the window, over and over again, and that night, the attacks began again.  I wasn't the only person who heard the vehicle - I was standing outside talking to a neighbor and we both heard it.  She said, 'Is that somebody SCREAMING?'  We were bewildered, because this was a quiet, private neighborhood far away from the city, in a rural area.  Neither of us did anything.  We just let the vehicle drive away.  And after that incident, I was never able to escape from the attacks by traveling or going home to my parents' house.

I have read enough of other bloggers who describe their experiences of electronic harassment.  They experience the same things I do.

I don't want the kind of 'help' that a doctor would try to give.  I am going to solve the problem my own way, by building shields to block out the attacks.  Right now I am still having other problems that are higher priority than this:  I have chronic fatigue and environmental illness, and that makes it very hard for me to get any real work done.  Writing blogs is the easiest thing for me to do, since doing real work is almost impossible sometimes.  Fixing my health problems and my money problems are higher priority than making the shield, since the attacks are at a tolerable level right now, not severe.

I've already been to doctors for other things, long ago.  They were never able to help.  They can't do anything but prescribe a pill.  They don't know how to troubleshoot.  They don't know how to even ask questions such as 'What have you been eating?' whenever I went to the doctor about a chronic digestive problem that had been going on for months.  They didn't even try to get me on a special diet to test which foods were triggering the problems.  They just wanted to sell me antacids and things like that.  That taught me that doctors aren't very knowledgeable and they don't see the big picture of what's going on.  They know a lot in very narrow, specific areas, but they don't know anything about environmental illness, and they don't try to find out about everything that's going on in your life that can contribute to the illness.

Also, the voices that I hear will often tell me the truth about information that I could not know.  I then go and find out that it's true.  They tell me specific details and secrets about people (no, I can't do it upon demand.  It only happens if they decide at their own whim to tell me something).  Then later on I find out that the secret information is correct.  It has happened often enough that I need an explanation other than 'the voices are just random noises that your brain is making because of a mental illness.'  How could random brain glitches give me correct information that I had no way of knowing?  If it's 'psychic power,' then how does psychic power work?  I still would need to answer that question, and a doctor can't answer that.

Anyway that's enough on that topic - I'm not going to a doctor.  I'm not at risk of suicide right now, but if I tried using the drugs that the doctors would prescribe, then I would be!  Avoiding doctors and drugs is the best way to keep myself safe.  Drugs cause suicide.  I don't want anything to do with psychiatrists ever again after the Prozac.