Friend

This is the last week that I'll be working this hard. Wow, typing on my iPod touch is so much faster Than typing on my phone with buttons to push. I've gotten really good at it. I thought I'd never be good at thumb typing.

So I got an email from Curtis finally and he said he didn't need my help and he could pay his child support himself. The voices told me to try to pay Kayla anyway. I don't know if I'll see her. This is one of those things where I am doing what 'they' tell me because it agrees with my own intuition. I wrote back to him and said, I'm not helping you, I'm paying you to be my friend. I said I wanted to see him once a week. I didn't check my mail yet for a reply, but then he made a friend request on facebook. Carrie had said , I hope you get everything you want for your birthday. It sounded ominous, and then I saw the friend request. I think she had convinced him to do it. I'm not sure if it was an acceptance of my paying to be his friend. This is where I'm following voices/intuition and going and doing it anyway. I'm not sure I'll have the gall to do it if I see Kayla, because it's always a surprise and I won't have time to prepare. They don't know me. Last time I saw her she turned her face away as she sat in the passenger seat as though she was hiding her feelings.

If I don't have the gall, this will be very difficult for me. I can't give anything directly to him. It has to be given to Kayla.