Hanging in there

Taking a break and sitting down after mcd. When I look at c's pictures I feel this heavy weight on me, my whole body saying "no, I can't do this, I'm not needed, I'm not welcome here." they (voices/murderers/whoever) want me to give money to him. And I would do it if I could, but I am closed out of their life, and he won't answer direct questions. I can't get them to block me, or rather haven't yet.