Carrie emailed me and we're still talking, but Curtis is still in the background not speaking to me. And I changed my dating website profile to say something different, and hardly anyone is emailing me today. I am trying to talk about money without actually talking about it, and it's not working. I will fix it on my day off but for now I'm stuck going to work and doing nothing but that. With the way my body feels, with the despair and physical exhaustion, I don't know if I'll make it to weis all week. And if I'm still working a lot next week if my availability hasn't kicked in yet, then I doubt I'll make it another week like this. I'm not sleeping enough.
Im reading about rejection and grief and loss. Seeing myself objectively. I'm just in a stage that won't last forever. But the murderers force me to obsess and to keep trying. I will explain this to Carrie ASAP. I'd get over him sooner except for the murderers.
They're portraying him as enneagram three, a people pleaser, an approval junkie. He can't say no to me because that's emotionally painful and he can't deal with anything negative so he passively avoided the subject every time I tried to get him to talk with me about it. As for me, I love to talk openly and honestly if someone asks me to talk. That is who I am. I can't imagine avoiding it. But that's him. Avoid anything painful or difficult. He can't bear to hurt me. He sAid before that he didn't want to tell me that we were just friends because that would be too harsh. However, going to the extreme of ignoring dozens of letters, emails, and texts because you don't want to seem like a mean person - that's too much.
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