Avoiding Fear, Pain, Loss, and Guilt

Whenever I first started to learn that the electronic mind control system was real, it made everything seem hopeless and I could not imagine continuing to live in a world like that. However, I picked a few belief systems and books and authors that made me feel safe, secure, and optimistic in spite of these unbearable experiences, and I clung to those books and I still do. A lot of them are mentioned on my myspace page.

And every day, I am aware that I do not have my freedom. I cannot think a thought in silence. I can't use my brain the way I want to. I get urges to do things that I would not have otherwise done. I still choose life, and I found belief systems that made me feel like there were still reasons to live and hope for the future.

However, whenever you are still finding out something you don't want to know, seeing something you don't want to see, then your response is to try to survive however you can. You chose to ignore me and avoid me. I don't know what is going to happen in the future between us, but even if you are avoiding me, I still would like to know what's going on in your life and hear from you once in a while, because I am not rejecting *you*. You are trying to protect yourself and if I were you I would probably be doing the same thing. You are afraid that something terrible will happen and I can only guess about various possibilities that you could be afraid of. And I accept who you are and I am not trying to hurt you, but it's true that I cannot control the things that 'the voices' say and do, and that is not my fault.

I changed my mind about a lot of things over the past ten years. If you think of me ten years from now, you are still welcome in my life. If you think of me sooner than that and want to talk, I am still here.