disrespectful conversations

i'm having a problem today with voices telling me that somebody said something to somebody else, and it's insulting, degrading, or disrespectful towards me.  i don't know if the particular thing is true.  they want me to blog about it for the purpose of saying 'i know all about everything you're doing and it's not a secret.'  they want me to quote specifically what was said, and by whom.  it is, indeed, disrespectful.  i am resisting the urge to quote what was said.  i don't know if it was true, for one thing.

i am taking the 'i'm above that' attitude.  i don't believe in eavesdropping.  if i were able to listen to telephone conversations, using technology, - i am not interested in doing that, and i don't want to learn how.  so why is it any different when 'the voices' tell me that somebody said something about me to somebody else?  they can say what they want to say.

maybe we should say:  we are all on the same planet, fighting the same battle, and even when i dislike somebody, and they say something disrespectful about me, in some way we are 'fellow sufferers' even though it doesn't feel that way.  they want me to write about what was said to whom, to threaten them and prove that i know everything they're saying about me and that it's not a secret.

there is a temptation to say, 'well, whenever my community is built, you won't be invited to join.'  however, the 'community' right now is very ad hoc and informal and temporary. whenever somebody has a more wealthy, powerful, well-developed, functioning community, with lots of resources, it's possible to include people who disagree with the overall spirit of the community.  but in the beginning, intentional communities are vulnerable, and have to be filled with like-minded people cooperating with consensus, who all share the same mission.  if the community were stronger, it could withstand the behavior of untrustworthy people talking in a disrespectful way about other members of the community.  as i said, i'm nowhere near that stage of community development.

the message is:  take me seriously.  i usually accept this kind of disrespect with a quiet resignation - i used to avoid all human contact because of people like you, saying things like that (assuming it really happened, instead of being disinformation from the voices).  they are angry about the fact that it was said.  i do not want to be specific about what it was or who it involved.

if i can gain anything from it, it is only:  that person might not be trustworthy, and i'm inclined to believe the best of people.  but right now, trust isn't a crucial issue, because i'm not doing anything illegal.  but in the future, when i'm a prostitute smoking pot that i paid for with my untaxed income, with all my illegal immigrant buddies back in the woods, we won't tell you our exact location, and you won't be invited, because we don't trust you.  so there.