ephedra contamination, a VERY bad day

i am having a really, really bad day. i am sick of doubters and disbelievers. i want people to believe and agree with me whenever i say that my house is contaminated with the essential oils of medicinal herbs whose seeds i handled in 2007. you have to accept a bunch of assumptions, and i've written about this before. i experienced it, one incident after another, and proved all of my former assumptions wrong. (oh, they're only seeds - they couldn't have any active medicinal oils on them... oh, this stuff will gradually biodegrade over a few weeks - it won't linger... oh, there's hardly any of it - only a few small objects will be contaminated... oh, it should be easy to wash off... etc.) all of that was proven wrong.

dennis worked on my computer and he contaminated a bunch of stuff with ephedra. he laid objects on top of other objects and places that were contaminated, while he was working - he put some things on the floor. i had explained to him about the contamination, but i have already dealt with people who are doubting and disbelieving - i can see it on them immediately as i am explaining to them what happened. i could see immediately that dennis was a disbeliever about the contamination. he also told me that he was the opposite of chemical sensitive, a chemical tolerant person who needed large doses of drugs, and who could drink a lot of alcohol without getting drunk.

my blood pressure is high, and the ephedra interacted with some small amounts of chocolate that i ate earlier. i had tachycardia when i woke up. i was lucky to fall asleep at all, because in addition, i have had insomnia. and on top of that i have 'sexual dysfunction,' anorgasmia, again, from some of the other contamination. every time i put on new clothes from goodwill, they get contaminated again within a day, because i haven't really been able to clean up all the areas. there are two main problem areas: something around the computer, and something on my bed. the shower also needs to be cleaned again. i don't know how it got on the bed, except i do remember that the box with the zip drives in it was temporarily set on the bed (the futon, that is, with its vinyl cover over it).

people who disbelieve and doubt me make it so that i don't want to fight them and make them follow rules: don't put that object there, put it over here instead, don't touch the carpet, don't put things on the floor. i don't want to fight that and make them get angry while they're thinking i'm crazy and delusional. i just want to talk to someone who believes me RIGHT AWAY. i don't want to fight, argue, or convince them. i want them to believe me immediately.

my blood pressure is high and it's going to be like this for the rest of the day, and i can't calm down.

in addition to that, they still are putting voices telling me to talk to martin. they say he's hacking my computer, he knows everything that i'm writing, etc, etc, but, for some reason, i should also send him emails on facebook. but i don't get replies. i got a couple replies, but then they stopped. and he's not the only hacker on the planet, so the emails could be intercepted and be failing to reach him. for all i know, he is not getting anything that i say online at all. he could be totally disconnected - not able to reach my blog, not able to see emails, etc. i have no way to know if that's true or not. he wouldn't answer direct questions on the piece of paper i had cait give to him. when i send him an email and get no reply, that's no use to me - i have no way to know if i'm merely entertaining the hackers, while the real martin is off someplace else isolated and becoming more and more alone.

if he thinks i'm trying to 'trap' him by asking direct questions, well, today, they said that the answer to that is: i'm not trying to trap him - i'm trying to open up the trap that is already there. i am not going to just abandon him if he gives the 'wrong' answer to the questions. i want to understand what's happening. i angrily wrote, in a previous blog, that it would be a waste of time to continue communicating if he had stopped answering emails while still receiving the emails i was sending. they keep reminding me that i said that. they don't understand that i mean that in hindsight - in the real world - if nobody had forced me to do anything, i would have just said, 'he's not answering. what's the problem? screw this. goodbye.' and quit writing. but i was forced to keep writing.

so i don't send him emails - i don't even know if he's getting them. like i said, there's more than one computer hacker on this planet. he really MIGHT be hacking my computer, but that has to be done remotely, too, and somebody could interfere with the information being sent to him through his spyware, or whatever he uses. i have no way of knowing anything unless we speak in person. and when we do, we could still be puppets or be controlled, but there would be SOME certainty: i would know that i was speaking to his physical body at least, even if his brain wasn't able to answer me without being controlled.

but i keep getting voices telling me that he wants me to send him more emails, and just tolerate the silence.

my blood pressure is very uncomfortable. i am NOT going to have a good day.