I wish that I could express my feelings without being forced to say evil puppet things. I do not say those things voluntarily.

My long-term plan is 1. to build a shield, or locate a place that is already somewhat shielded - I am wondering if caves work for that, and 2. to get, or build, forensic equipment to find the sources of the attacks and to understand how the system works.

All of it has been based on real feelings, all this time, but the particular words, phrases, and topics that I've talked about have been forced, and probably designed to cause distrust and to destroy my reputation.

I always felt a desire for friendship, a sense of cameraderie or what I might call brotherhood, a physical attraction, protectiveness towards and from this person, enjoyment of his company, and gratitude for every conversation we've had. It is frustrating that I can't express feelings in the normal way by being with him, talking with him and learning about him.