bonobos and bisexuality

8:21 AM 6/19/10

The Bonobo Taboo

By the way, yes, I am having a major drug residue outbreak. It's in my work uniforms. I've been having tachycardia, a fast heartbeat, many times in the past couple weeks. I opened up a new Weis uniform that I had kept wrapped in the original plastic all this time, but that one already got contaminated, and I need to buy new ones. I requested new uniforms at McDonald's, but my store manager has to order them... and I don't trust him. I think that he isn't ordering anything, because if you order things and repair things, that's an expense, and it makes his profits look bad. He wants to skip doing any repairs, because his profits go down. I don't trust him at all. I 'like' him, as in, when he's around, being charismatic and friendly, I 'like' him as a co-worker and a guy, but I don't trust him at all as a store manager. I think he's a liar and he's incompetent and he puts on a superficial appearance of everything being wonderful, while underneath he's hiding things and, for instance, not repairing a really important piece of broken equipment for months. I distrust him so much that I am actually thinking about transferring to another store, except that he probably will be fired sooner or later if I just wait. A lot of store managers step down or get fired. I don't know, for now I'm just waiting it out. I don't trust him at all. So anyway, they say they ordered new uniforms for me, but it might be six months before I get them. I am going to have to get 'fake' McD uniforms by just buying a white shirt that resembles it but doesn't have the McD logo embroidered on it.

I woke up with voices talking to me about sexual orientation and giving me an 'uncertain' feeling. That's because his FB profile originally said something about liking men and then it disappeared, it changed, and it wasn't written there anymore. That happened when I became his friend. I had written that I felt insecure at the idea of his being bisexual, because I've read that, a lot of times, people call themselves bisexual when they actually are homosexual and just haven't really admitted it yet. It's something I've read. I haven't talked to lots of bisexuals to ask them if they really do like having sex with both men and women, or if they just decided later that they were gay/lesbian.

Anyway, I said that I would feel envy, and hurt, and left out, if he liked guys more than he liked me, because I can never, never be a guy. An ugly woman is still a woman. Sometimes a man might be desperate enough to get with an ugly woman, even though he'd rather have a pretty woman. The ugly woman is still a woman. So she always has some hope. But a man is something totally different from me, and I can never, ever be that, so there is no hope at all.

This is a moment when I could talk about Ichazo's instinctual types, the self-preservation, social, and sexual instincts. If you have a very strong self-preservation instinct, you will probably go marry and have babies with someone of the opposite sex, even if you're gay. But if your strongest instinct is the sexual instinct, you are going to ask questions like 'What do I really want? Who do I want to fall in love with? Who do I feel the strongest feelings for? Who do I feel closest to emotionally?'

Anybody can google bonobos and read about them, so there's no point in having me tell all the details of bonobos and what they do. Do I have an opinion, or interpretation, about bonobos? That would be different from just repeating the same things that you can google and read for yourself.

But I have to tell about them anyway. Bonobos are a type of ape, and they are the closest to the humans of all the apes. We are their closest relative, and they are our closest relative. This is hard to explain, but, bonobos are more like us than they are like the gorillas. I read that in the library in a book about bonobos. Even though we look at them and we think that they're all grouped together with the rest of the apes, because they have fur all over their bodies, they're actually more like us than they are like any other apes. No other ape is closer to us, genetically.

Bonobos are not very well known. Why don't we know about bonobos? Why don't we see them on TV? Why did I never even hear the word 'bonobo' in school, growing up, and I only learned that they existed when I grew up and found them mentioned on the internet somewhere?

You don't see them in zoos very often. They say zoos don't want them because the bonobos are having sex all the time, and that would offend the Christian prudes. And it would offend all the other human prudes who take their children to the zoos and they're too ashamed to teach their kids about sex, even if they aren't Christian. (Sorry, to anyone out there who's Christian and isn't anti-sexual. Some Christians DO want their kids to know about sex.)

Bonobos really do have sex ALL the time. They have brief, casual little sexual encounters, many times a day, for social reasons, to say hello, to settle arguments about food, and to release any other kind of stress or tension, and just to have fun. Are they pregnant all the time? Do they have high fertility? No. Somehow, bonobos have a baby only every few years. They have some natural way of not getting pregnant all the time. They nurse a baby for many years, like four years, and some people nowadays are advocating that humans should also nurse their children to an older age, instead of weaning them early.

Bonobos are bisexual. Well, I can't say that. Bonobos have sexual contact with both sexes, every day. But who do they FALL IN LOVE with? They are probably mostly heterosexual when they fall in love, but I'm not sure. Everything that you think about humans is questioned, so I can talk about animals falling in love with each other, and this is perfectly normal to me. Some people are horribly offfended at the idea that any other animal could be similar to a human, could feel feelings, and fall in love.

About bonobo families: Bonobos seem to live in a group - but that could be wrong. They might possibly have family groups as well. But they all live together, outdoors, and they don't build their own little closed houses to block out everybody else, the way humans do. A human builds a house with walls, and only the family can live in that house. Bonobos don't. So it isn't as obvious that a 'family' is living together, when you look at the bonobos. But they might sleep side by side. They might spend more time with each other.

I was offended by something, I was sure it was wrong, when I read it in the library book. They showed a picture of a male bonobo 'talking to', and I shouldn't even put that in quotes, he really was talking to a baby bonobo. He was talking to a baby bonobo, and the caption under the picture said that this baby was probably his son, but the males 'had no way of recognizing' which children were theirs. I was shocked and offended by that. No way of recognizing? Can't they observe that they were the one having sex with the female when she got pregnant? Are the 'too stupid' to notice that? Can't they look at the recognizable face of a baby, and say, 'I see my...' I just said oops. They don't have mirrors. They don't know what they themselves look like. If you don't have a mirror, and don't know what you look like, you can't look at a baby and recognize your own eyes. But they probably have other ways to know themselves. And the mother is able to recognize them, and all the other apes are able to recognize them, and say, 'He looks like you.' They talk to each other, in bonobo language. And I will NOT argue about whether they are just 'making random noises' or whether they are talking. They're talking. The end. The bonobos sit together and 'make random noises' while doing nothing. So, they're able to tell the father, 'My baby looks like you.'

Bonobos are so peaceful that they could be integrated into human society. We could cooperate with them, teach them to do manual labor in exchange for food and housing. We could work with them economically, voluntarily, instead of using them as slaves. Other animals don't really know how to cooperate with us, or they aren't able to because they don't have hands. A plow horse isn't able to pick up the harness and put the harness onto its own back to show that it's 'voluntarily' pulling the plow for us, to cooperate. Dogs hunt for us and do other work for us, and with dogs, it DOES seem to be done voluntarily, out of love and trust. They don't really seem like slaves. Dogs will follow a group of humans around, and lurk near them, and eat their food, and they let you pet them and touch them and look in their eyes, and they act like they love you.

Bonobos are human enough that they could be taught to do certain kinds of labor, and we could give them money or food in exchange, and actually, a bonobo might be able to understand money better than a mentally retarded person. I can never remember the word I'm looking for - mongoloid, retarded, there's a word for this. Down's Syndrome, that's it. A Down's Syndrome person is probably less intelligent than a bonobo.

But about bisexuality. Females have sex with females very often. It's a social friendly thing. They don't make a big deal out of it. And I see female humans doing this too, but I can't do it. I am too shy and a prude and socially awkward to do it. However, I know lots of females who call other females their 'wifey,' and that's somebody specific that I'm referring to, and everybody sees this and thinks it's normal. And I see other females at McD shaking their boobs at other females, and females responding by grabbing their boobs, and this is normal. I call them 'females,' I should call them 'girls,' that would be easier. I saw a girl at Lykens talking to a female co-worker and calling her 'lover' in a casual way, when it seemed like they were just friends. It's very common for girls to do things that seem sexual, with other girls, in a careless, casual, easygoing way, without being serious about it.

Bonobos are like that too, but even more. Female bonobos actually do 'genital-genital rubbing.' They rub against each other, but since there is no penis, it's only external rubbing without penetration. This is the most common type of 'social' sex that the bonobos do.

Males also do genital-genital rubbing with other males. It happens in stressful situations. An example in the book was, two males had been separated from each other for a long time, but they remembered each other. The one male came back, and saw his old friend. They stood there and looked at each other and were talking to each other, and both had erections, and after a few minutes they finally embraced and rubbed against each other, and after that, they were calmed down. They don't ejaculate every time, they just rub. Or at least, I don't THINK that they ejaculate every time. I don't know, the book didn't really say that.

So I get the impression, from everything I've read, that the 'sex' bonobos are having is just something quick, without orgasms. They enjoy it, and they SOMETIMES have orgasmic sex, but probably less often than the brief rubbing type of sex. And again, I haven't read a lot about them, and it's hard to find information about them, so I don't know.

Everything that the bonobos do, humans do too, except a lot of it is forbidden with humans. Men probably get erections when they see a long-lost friend, but I wouldn't know. It's possible. They wouldn't talk about it if they did.

Bonobos also let the children and babies crawl up to them and watch while they're having sex. The children touch the adults' bodies and touch their genitals and actually are curious about it. There is a picture of a child touching the genitals of one of the adults when they were having sex. The book also says that the adults have sex with the children too. I don't see photos of that in the book. Maybe I read that on the net. That's another taboo, because they don't want to encourage human adults to think they can have sex with children. However, 'sex' might mean brief, casual rubbing without orgasm. People hug each other all the time, but we're dressed in clothing, so we can't see whether somebody has an erection, and we can't see whether their genitals are touching each other or not.

I don't know about bonobos falling passionately in love with the opposite sex, or having crushes. I'm sure they do, but I've never watched them. They say that when you look into the eyes of a bonobo, you feel a kindred spirit. You see a living soul in there, someone who understands you - another human, but with fur all over them.

I think the only reason we don't talk to them is because it's hard to imitate their voices. Their voices might be higher-pitched than ours. I've never heard the voice of a bonobo, because I'm on dialup, so it's always a hassle to try to listen to MP3 files. They can make noises we can't make. So we'd need a machine or device to imitate bonobo noises.

They only live in one small place in Africa, and how many people get to go visit Africa, and avoid the wars, and the diseases? I could talk about the wars, about how the United States is contributing to almost every war around the world - anytime somebody is having a constant war, the USA has something to do with it. But that's another subject. You don't get to go visit Africa and go into the woods and meet the real bonobos in the wild, in their groups. In the zoos, they are unnatural and enclosed. They are slaves, in jail. It's like going to jail for no reason, and staying there till you die, even though you didn't commit a crime. It's not like a 'house' because they aren't allowed to leave and go walk the streets.

We've read about incidents with pet chimpanzees that became violent and killed people. The drug Xanax was involved, that's all I have to say. It proves even more that those drugs cause murder and suicide, when it's done by a non-human animal.

Bonobos are nonviolent. Chimps probably are less violent than we think they are, in the right circumstances, but I don't know. Bonobos are the most peaceful, and we could safely let them walk the streets. They would probably return home to the most familiar place if they felt safe there, if we gave them food.

I was horrified and disgusted to see that they were giving the bonobos 'vitamins' when they had a bonobo sanctuary in Africa. There was an enclosed area of woods, and they were partially feeding the bonobos. Vitamins are very bad for you. I will make a slight exception, that a vitamin pill might be better than nothing at all, if you had no other way to get any vitamins. But they are very toxic and should not even be used by humans, but they were giving Flintstone vitamins or something to the bonobos. Bonobos need the 'Weston Price Diet for Bonobos.' They eat meat sometimes, raw meat - they catch and kill wild pigs (or is it a type of small deer? I forget. It's called a 'duiker.' Maybe it's a small deer). Other apes do too. They eat other animals. If we integrated bonobos into society, we would need to grow the special types of native vegetation that they are eating in the jungles of Africa. We should not get them into the human diet, the diet that's so bad that even WE shouldn't be eating it.

Animals in captivity become sick and infertile because of the artificial diets we feed them. Wild animals are healthier, although they might have more parasites. They need their native diets.

Anyway, to make a long story short, bonobos make you question everything you ever thought about sex and social life. It's normal for females to rub against females sexually, and also do it with males, and also for the males to do it with each other, and adults with children. And again, since I'm on dialup, and since I don't want to do this in the public library, I can't watch online videos of all the different ways that bonobos have sex.

The point is, it's probably normal to be somewhat bisexual. Probably more than we think.

The human social life has some difficulties. We have as our number one enemy, a hostile gang of people in a faraway city, a gang called 'government.' They steal our money from us, and they put us in jail. So, everything we do in our lives is done to avoid making the gang put us in jail. We pay tributes to the gang so they won't put us in jail.

So when we fall in love, we worry. Can I raise a child, buy food, and have a house, without angering the hostile gang in the faraway city? I'm not allowed to just build a hut out of mud and sticks, in my backyard, because that will anger the hostile gang, who will say something about 'zoning laws.' So instead of building a cheap house out of mud and sticks, I have to 'buy' an extremely expensive house and go into debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars, because the zoning laws require me to. This is a HUGE demand on human life. It changes everything. All of our life is centered around doing things to please the hostile gang and avoid going to jail. 'Buy' a house is in quotation marks, because FSKrealityguide pointed out that you never really own your property if you have to pay a 'tax,' also known as 'rent,' on that land forever and ever. It doesn't matter what name you call it - paying property tax is the same as paying rent. If you don't pay the 'rent,' you will get 'evicted' from your land. So you don't own it, you rent it.

So we worry about things when we want to start a family, when we want to fall in love. Will I be safe from the hostile gang? Does my spouse make enough money to pay for the food that we have to buy? We can't just go hunting for food outdoors, because wild food doesn't grow in the city, and the zoning laws say we can't hunt anywhere we please, so we have to buy grocery store food, using the type of money that the hostile gang wants us to use.

All of that makes us worry about things like bisexuality. Is this going to disrupt my family? Is this going to make the gang attack me? Will my spouse be spending more time with their 'other' friends, instead of me? Will they keep on paying money to me? I can't just hunt for food myself. The bonobos can hunt for their own food. A husband doesn't have to pay for the wife's food. (Bonobos DO pay for things, with sex. They do argue over food, and they have sex to settle the disagreements. Males usually lose those arguments, and the females get the most food. It's a matriarchal society, with the women in a superior role.) Still, everyone can hunt for their own food, and get enough. So a husband doesn't have to become a money-slave to his wife who is a prostitute, getting paid to have sex with him and only him. The monogamous prostitute. You get paid to have sex with only one man. We do that because it isn't easy to hunt for our own food, and if we go wandering outdoors, building our own mud huts, hunting and foraging on other people's 'land' that they 'own,' then the hostile gang will attack us and put us in jail.

(That's why they call me an anarchist.)

Who do you pay for? If you aren't afraid of the hostile gang, if you live in a place that lets you marry the same sex, would you marry the same sex, spend most of your time with that person, and try to raise adopted kids, or surrogate-parent kids, with that person, and divide the household labor with that person?

It's who do you want to spend the most time with. Who do you feel most curious about. When you want to get to know someone, who is it. People have sexual fantasies, and when I was a kid, when I was in nursery school, I had fantasies about kissing boys, so I call myself heterosexual. But if you are a guy, and you spend a lot of time fantasizing about kissing guys, and you really want to, and feel frustrated because you can't, then that tells you something. I have occasionally seen a girl in one of my classes in college, or in a place where I worked, and I would think that this girl seemed interesting or attractive somehow, and I would pay more attention to her, but that was as far as it went. I wouldn't go home and fantasize about her, I would go home and forget about it. When I went home, I'd think about the boys, not the girls.

Drugs strongly affect this. I've had days when I am in an extremely sexual mood, from drugs, or from anything that enhances fertility, like the time I ate caviar and then ovulated very strongly, more than I have in years. On that day or two when I was very fertile, I was looking at both men and women, and looking in people's eyes, including a woman at McD who is probably a lesbian. I look at all of their bodies in a sexual way. This is a temporary feeling and it greatly decreases when I go back to my 'normal' level of fertility, when the drugs and hormones wear off, or whatever.

I can't explain how I get crushes on guys. I feel excited when the guy is close to me. I don't feel that way with women.

It might be a different level of intensity. Maybe you feel excitement with both sexes, but one of them lasts longer, happens more often, or is more intense. Again, I've never really been bisexual, or homosexual, so I don't know how it feels.

Anyway, that's what they were asking me about this morning.

Now that I think about it, I am probably selective and picky about who my friends are. I would probably have 'bonobo-style' sex with another female if I found someone who I deeply trusted and felt very comfortable with, and if I knew, at the same time, that my boyfriend wouldn't mind. (I love the song 'I kissed a girl and I liked it,' and I just thought of that because the song says 'hope my boyfriend don't mind it,' or something like that.) I'm just antisocial and I have hardly any friends, and my sex drive is usually low unless I'm on drugs or have something else that affects my hormones. I don't feel much desire to rub against the bodies of other females. But if I had a strong sex drive and lots of hormones, I might.

Actually, I tend to like females who call themselves lesbians or bisexuals. I can think of three women at McD who are lesbian/bi, and I like all of them. It makes me feel like I'm needed. A heterosexual woman doesn't really care about me that much and isn't that interested in me as a human. She's a competitor, and she will be hostile towards me - I am a threat to her. I might 'steal' the men she wants. I like to feel as though somebody desires me, cares about me, and is interested in me. All three of the lesbian/bi women at McD are people who I enjoy talking to. I sort of reciprocate the feeling, but I don't act on it, because like I said, I'm selective and I'm antisocial, so I don't spend any time with these people outside of work. I don't spend time with ANYBODY outside of work. Only a few minutes with Peter a couple times a week.

I am attacked by voices all day long. That destroys my social energy. If I weren't being attacked all day, I would be more sociable, I would become lonely, I would be able to sleep and rest and withdraw, then be ready to go back to my social life. But I can never withdraw, I can never rest, ever - I never rest, at all, 24 hours a day. The attacks are constant. Who knows how social I would be if I were able to rest.

Now that I think about it, I don't see the female-female casual sexuality happening on television. The most they might do is kiss each other on the cheeks, on TV. But it's normal for me to see things like girls shaking their boobs at someone else and that person grabbing their boobs, and they still call themselves heterosexual, and they still chase after guys. I don't see that happening on TV shows. So apparently, this is normal in the real world, but on TV, it's taboo. I hate mainstream television. I hate the taboo on sex.

They get anxious doing it in front of me, because I am socially awkward, and they see that I'm uncomfortable. I envy them for being so relaxed and for not worrying about it. I can't act that way. I don't know anyone I feel comfortable enough with to be able to touch other women like that. So I laugh when I see them doing it. People probably don't like it that I laugh at everything.

Anyway that's enough for now on that. I'll think of more stuff later after I publish this.