sympathy

The census takers are ringing my doorbell again.  And I am home from work, and home from reading at the bookstore, and I'm not feeling well.  McDonald's called me to ask if I wanted to come in and work, even though I wasn't scheduled, because other people called off.  I think I have whatever they have because I feel like crap, and I don't want to go in either.

I am looking for sympathy from myself, for myself, because I'm having a rough time.  The chronic fatigue is keeping me from doing anything useful at all - writing blogs isn't useful.  Damn it, that would be the census person, I am not answering, this is - go away.  This is frightening.  They're ringing the doorbell right now.

***

And no, he isn't my boyfriend.  I know he isn't going to be.  Being stuck here with chronic fatigue, and with voices making me think about things I have no control over, is causing the obsession.

I had a rough day at work.  I went to Weis and had to work with a lady who I have some conflicts with.  Usually I work alone.  I actually stood up to her, but she is going to tattle to the manager, and I know they are going to tell me about it when the manager sees me, and he will tell me that I'm doing it the wrong way.  They will break my spirit and I will quit trying to fight them, but right now, there will be a few days of resisting them until I give up.  I hate everything about the way they run my department, and I usually avoided it all by working in the evenings where I didn't have to prepare food - I just cleaned, alone.

I tried going to Lowe's, but I was sick, and I think I was being attacked while I tried to walk around the store.  Sometimes, something happens which isn't an attack - it used to happen when I went in to Best Buy, and it was because they had these big TV sets with subsonic bass playing, or something - every time I went near them I got sick.

I am going to get through this - I've had periods of chronic fatigue before, and I couldn't always explain it or control it, and I haven't been able to fix this one.  It still keeps happening.  I've had to keep drinking coffee every day.  Everything is postponed until I can get out of this.