Misinterpreting Feelings

I have to write this because I'm describing incidents that happened with my friend, or ex-friend, or co-worker.  I don't know what he is yet.

This blog is a little bit garbled.  I feel like somebody else is writing it, and they don't speak English very well.

When I see his facial expressions, and take a picture in my mind, and write it down later, it often gives me this false hope, that he showed a happy expression or seemed glad to see me, so I can imagine that he is attracted to me.  That is not necessarily true.

I myself have shown happy expressions with people, even if I'm not attracted to them.  It happens most when I'm on drugs.  I act like I'm glad to see someone, I act like I'm delighted, I act friendly, but in reality, my feelings towards them are neutral.  I'm not attracted, I'm not interested in them in a sexual way, but if you looked at my facial expressions, you might think that I'm reacting positively and therefore I must be attracted to them.

So that is why it's hard for me to talk about what I saw, when I describe my friend, my co-worker who de-friended me - when I say that he looked excited, or delighted, or any other positive feelings - it's hard for me to talk about that, because actually, I could be getting my hopes up when in reality he responds that way to everyone, because he's friendly and he likes people in general, or because it was innocent playfulness, and that kind of thing.

He shows positive reactions to me, many times, and I remember those times, but that might just be friendliness, and he acts that way with everyone.  That's why I am very hesitant when I try to describe what he did or how he reacted to me.

Not only that, but I am wondering if he's afraid to be friends with me, because he got attacked.  They forced a deer to jump in front of his car, while they gave him a 'feeling that he was about to hit a deer.'  He might believe that he is in danger if he becomes friends with me.  I don't think that's it, but it's possible.  Chances are, it really is an ordinary, mundane 'creepiness' thing, because I hear voices, and have chemical sensitivity, and non-mainstream grooming practices, along with being unhappy and having lots of problems in general.

Anyway, this is why I'm cautious about how I interpret his feelings.  Yes, I see lots of positive reactions, but he could react that way to everybody.