faith

9:43 PM 6/13/10

I saw my beloved friend for a few miserable moments today. I met him outside when I was on my way in. I asked him if he sent me the email on MySpace. He was depressed, miserable, numb, and sullen when I spoke to him, and he said, 'MySpace? No, I haven't been on MySpace in, like, months.' So for a minute I felt like he was lying to me. I said, 'You sent an email and it said something that was... not really nice.' But then, it didn't matter, and so I said, 'Okay, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.' So I walked away, and I went and punched in. He did not stand by the statement that was made in the email.

I can give my reasons for my unshaken faith in him. I can describe the moments that I have spent with him. I wrote many of them down from memory, in my journal. I still choose faith even now. I am hurt and I am afraid and I am distrusting, but I choose faith. This is not easy for someone who has been convicted of harassment and thrown in a mental hospital because I kept trying to send letters to a particular guy a few years ago. It is terrifying. So with everything I do, I will be careful.

He did not stand by that statement. He looked miserable. I did not get a chance to tell him the details of what happened. I assume right now that he's not reading my blog, and it's pointless to try to use my blog to explain what happened. I would have to talk to him in person about it.