The Box

10:07 AM 6/3/10

Well, I put a couple more screws and braces on my Background Noise and Radio Reduction box. Over the past couple days they've had me assembling the box. I had bought the materials a few weeks ago, but hadn't put it together. Actually it's more like a few months now, because time is passing so quickly.

I bought ceiling tiles, because I was looking for materials that are able to reduce noise. I need materials to block out sound for a couple reasons. Sonic attacks are one of the two major categories of attacks that I know about. (The other main category is electromagnetic.)

I hear whispers that seem to be coming from the background noise that I hear around me. It's hard to tell where they come from. I can hear them whispering over the noise of my own breathing. I can hear them whispering over the blowing of a fan. In the old days, I could hear illusions of sound in the fan, but it wasn't like this, it was different. Anybody can hear weird noises in the sound of a fan blowing, but with me, there are constant whispers everywhere that seem to be connected with all background hissing noises, including fans.

I've used Propellerheads Reason, a computer program where you can write music on synthesizers. I learned all about it and did a lot of reading. I read the instruction manuals that explain how the different dials affect the sounds. I was able to understand most of it. Because of that, I learned things that apply to the electronic devices that make people hear voices, to how that works.

I had walked around Lowe's, looking in the aisle where you find 'insulation' materials. I was just wondering if anything could block out sound, if they had soundproofing materials. They didn't have anything that was designed to be made into a wall, but they did have ceiling tiles, and I read the description and it said they reduced noise by a certain percent.

This is only an informal theory, but it seems as though they are putting noises onto background noise, using the background noise as a 'carrier', while the signal that they send is the 'modulator.' They send something that adds on to the existing noise in a way that makes it sound like words. So that's one reason to reduce background noise - they won't have the carrier anymore.

These ideas, these theories, are so small, so helpless, so useless, so blind, but they are all that I have. I need to test and observe things, otherwise it is hopeless. I swore never to give up hope and I swore never to believe that it was impossible, or supernatural, or beyond human understanding. It might be really expensive, but it's possible.

I am also going to use light bulbs, but I'm not ready for that stage yet. The website that gave me that idea was www.hightechharassment.com (I need to check that URL), or ultrasonics.com, or something like that. (I wrote 'hypersonics' but that's wrong, I should look it up though.) Anyway, you would use light bulbs to build a soundproof shield because light bulbs contain a vaccuum, an empty space that sound cannot travel through. It can still travel through the glass of the light bulb, but it won't be going in a straight line anymore.

I think that the 'slips' are caused by sound lasers. That's only a theory. The slips are the little movements that happen when part of my body is pressed against a surface with friction. They also do things inside my body, like a tiny clicking noise in the bones of my neck, and painful, sickening buzzing gurgling sounds in the bubbles in my stomach and intestines, and snorts inside my sinuses. The snorts in my sinuses, and the other noises, usually carry audible words, but the words are somehow delayed, so first you hear a meaningless snort, and then a few seconds afterwards, you hear the whisper. I don't know how it works.

Anyway, most of that stuff seems like it would be easier to do by using sound waves, not electromagnetic waves. Moving physical objects around is something that we already know can be done by sound vibrations. But it would be hard to change electromagnetic energy into kinetic energy just by hitting it against a surface and expecting it to change right there without some kind of electronic device to change it. (A transducer.)

I looked up the word 'transducer' because I wanted to find out how one type of energy changes into another type of energy. They have to send some kind of beam over a long distance, and have it change into something else when it reaches its destination. It changes into a clicking noise or whatever. I think that this happens when one sound beam modulates another sound beam. The two beams hit each other, cross each other, and when they cross, they change into a different sound. It's like ghostbusters when they said 'don't cross the streams!' (I think it was 'streams,' not beams.)

The spirit of this box, the idea of it, the intention of it: It's a cheap, low-tech, testing and observation box. I will go inside it. The ends of it are loose, not connected, so I can't get locked inside. They are just laying against the ends of the box. What I mean is, the box is a tube that's open at both ends, and those ends will be covered by a loose panel just leaning against it with plenty of space for air to blow through, and I'll have my fan running outside it to blow air in. This isn't something where I can get stuck inside and suffocate to death. It's very flimsy.

The outside of the ceiling panels are being covered with aluminum foil. That hasn't been finished yet. The purpose of using foil is to block out background radio noise, ambient radio, the ordinary kind of radio that is everywhere all the time. That radio is the kind that isn't attacking anyone, or at least it shouldn't be. You can use foil to block out a cell phone. I tested this, I put my cell phone in a box and covered the box with foil, and I wasn't able to call the phone. So ordinary foil will block out the low-level ordinary radio that is all around us. If you go in there you shouldn't be able to pick up FM music stations either.

Why would I do that? The attackers are smart enough that if I blocked out their attacks, they would just turn up the volume higher, or whatever they needed to do to adapt. Well, the reason I would do that is so I can observe what happens when all that background radio noise is taken away. Will it make my ears stop ringing, for instance? Will they ring less? Will they ring differently? Will it change the way that the voices sound? Will they be softer or louder? Will they be clearer or blurrier? Whatever you do will have some kind of effect, some change, and I will observe those changes, no matter how small and trivial they are. Then I will have a better idea what the box will need so that it can work.

I also want to stop the burning sensations. I don't know what they're using to do that. I don't know if it's electromagnetic or sonic. I want to find out what happens to the burning sensations when I go in the box. Do they change at all? Are they reduced? Is there anything different that I can observe?

There are many different 'styles' of voices. Each voice comes from a different type of technology, a different method of putting voices in people's heads. Some of them are constant whispers, constant music playing. Other voices suddenly interrupt all of my thoughts, blanking out everything else, almost putting me to sleep, then waking me up again, and I have to think back to figure out what the voice said because I can't hear it while it happens, I can only understand it after it's finished. So they have to say short, brief things that you can remember, otherwise everything they said will be forgotten. That's a different type of attack using a different method. Will anything change with that particular method of attack when I go in the box?

I will try making changes to the box over time. I will do things like add more foil. Would thicker foil make any difference? Would it help to cover up the cracks and spaces more thoroughly? What if I try using a different kind of metal? Eventually, I'd like to try using copper sheets. I'm cautious about handling copper, especially inside my house, because I've had reactions from touching copper, so if I use that, it will probably be some time later in the future, not here. I just don't want to have another contamination incident. I'd have to buy copper from someone who sells sheet metal.

Everything that I add to the box will cost money. But that doesn't matter. For this experiment, money is no object. It is, but it isn't. It's something that I need to do so badly that it's worth whatever money I put into it. Like fixing my car. I just spent a little over $700 last week, and this week I spent over $300. It's about $1060 total. But my car is important enough that I will do that no matter what.

So the box will change gradually over time. Right now I can only reduce the ambient background noise, the constant hissing noise and birds chirping and equipment running and cars driving by, that noise. There is always some kind of high-pitched noise going on everywhere, and the ceiling tiles reduce that. They won't block out big noises like thumping noises or deep bass. They only reduce high noise.

So over the past week I put the ceiling tiles into a box shape and then screwed them together with little L-shaped metal braces. It's flimsy. It can't support weight. It would easily topple over. The ceiling tiles are crumbly and they will break quickly. I am also having some kind of reaction when I handle them - there is some kind of dust in those tiles, and I don't know if it came from the ceiling tiles themselves, or the drug residues in the back of my car, where the tiles were. I had them piled up on my tarp that's covering the floor of the trunk, but the tarp might not have been enough to keep them clean if they slid against the edges of the trunk or something. The dust from them, I could feel it in my nose, throat, and lungs, and my heart was pounding faster, and I became very exhausted. So I will eventually cover up the tiles with something else, maybe just paper for now, to block out the dust.

I was lucky I wasn't on too many drugs today, because when I stuck my head inside the box after I put it together, they immediately attacked the back of my neck, making the neck bones click. If I were on drugs, I would have been enraged. Or they would have forced me to feel rage, either way. It's easier to force someone to become enraged when they are on drugs. I know that the murderers will always taunt me to show me that the shield isn't working, or if it actually works, they will turn up the volume, or change the method of attack to another method.

Why would it be worth doing, if they will just respond to it, adapt, turn up the volume, or change their methods? Because the more things I block out, the more obvious their attacks become. I block out more and more random background noises, more and more types of attack, and when they turn up the volume or change the methods used, they will stick out like a sore thumb. I can then use detectors to find out which direction they're coming from. I can also show it to someone else to prove that it's happening, although I really don't care as much about 'proving it to someone' as I do about simply blocking it out altogether. I want results more than I want 'proof.' I want the box to successfully block something out so that I can actually USE the box for its purpose.

When the box finally works, I want to go inside it and think a thought without being interrupted, and feel my own feelings, and look into the future and make plans and decisions. I want to think about what really matters to me, what I really care about, what I really want. I want to understand things. I want to write something without anybody putting words in my head - that will be interesting - what would I ever have to talk about if people weren't putting words in my head and telling me what to say? What would my writing style be like? Would I have any creative ideas? Would I be able to write a fiction story? Would I write nonfiction? Would my sentences be clearer and easier to understand? Would I be able to tell the truth? Would I have more wisdom and better understanding? Would my ideas be more profound and insightful?

If I am an ISFP, then my writing inside the box will become more like an ISFP. I will really look like my Myers-Briggs type. If I write a story, it will be a story like an Artisan type would write.

I used to write stories. I used material from my dreams at night. I used to have dreams that were more exciting, interesting, fascinating, and beautiful than my dreams nowadays, the evil and disgusting dreams that I have now. I used to have adventure dreams with strange images and magical things happening. Now that I know what I know, I believe all those dreams were fake, too. Somebody wrote them and put them into my brain, because I was born into this system.

And it might have started because of my best friend Rachael. Rachael's family has connections to somebody who came from Iran. Her mother was temporarily married to a man from Iran, and they adopted a son who came from that man and his other wife, if I understand correctly. If the government spies on and harasses people from Iran, then they would also spy on the friends and family connected with them. Because I don't really remember having a lot of interesting dreams when I was younger before I met Rachael. They became different when I was a teenager, and that was after I met Rachael. Rachael used to hear voices too, and her sister Lindsay is a slave of the voices she hears in her head - she has written to me that she has a constant self-critical voice trying to make her be a perfectionist about everything, but she thinks that the voice comes from within and represents part of herself. So she is an unknowing slave too. Rachael heard voices when she tried to sleep, and the voices said horrible, disgusting things to her. And if they were doing that to her it was because her family knew someone from Iran. That is my theory. Then again it might also be because her mother, and Rachael herself, were Myers-Briggs intuitives, NF Idealists, a scarce and hard-to-find personality type, a type that evil scientists (INTJ and ENTJ) would fall in love with, and stalk, and try to control. That's another theory. That would seem laughable, of course. But evil sociopaths are drawn to the NF Idealists. I can only make theories. There is no way to know for sure who's attacking us and why they're doing it.

(Note:  This is for anybody who has actually met an INTJ or ENTJ and says that they're nice, wonderful people.  Some of them are.  However, the top-level leaders who built the systems and the devices and are running the corporations and agencies that do this to people, those top-level leaders are going to be ENTJs and INTJs.  Somebody out there REALLY IS an evil scientist - otherwise, these things wouldn't be happening to innocent people.  Evil sociopaths really do exist, and THESE evil sociopaths are running a large organization, it seems, because they follow the victims everywhere they go, using some kind of a system.  It isn't something small that one person could build and do all by themselves.  I can't know that for sure, and neither can any of the other victims, but all the victims report the experience of being followed everywhere they go, no matter how far of a distance, and that would be very hard for just one small person to do to you even if they had lots and lots of equipment of their own.  So we all assume that it's being done by groups of people using large amounts of money, and somebody out there has to be the leader of the group.)

Anyway, most of the stories I wrote were based on the dreams that I had at night. In fact, almost everything was. I used to read fantasy stories and horror stories, people like Steven King, and other mystical fantasy stories. I didn't like science fiction as much as my brother did - it was too 'cold' for me. I don't like a world of asphalt and concrete. My brother doesn't mind that kind of world, asphalt and concrete, but I need to see grass, and trees, and water, and good food, and simple people - so when I read a book or watch a movie, I want to see things like the town of Hobbiton in the Shire, and I want to see the Weasley family in the Burrow - images of happiness and health in a rural setting. So I didn't go for a dystopian, Matrix-like, metropolitan, urban, cold, sci-fi style of book. I don't watch The Matrix over and over endlessly the way I watch Harry Potter. I also like images of young children, and I read children's fantasy books, not just adults - the Matrix doesn't feature children. There is no fertility in the Matrix. There isn't any good food in the Matrix. There's nothing warm to love in the Matrix. That movie is much darker and less happy than movies like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

I watched 'The Neverending Story' in fifth grade. At the time, it was the best movie I had ever seen in my life. It is one of the small number of videotapes that I own and watch over and over. That movie represents a spirit that I still believe in. It's a rebellion against hopelessness, against death, against depression, against a world without any imagination.

After I watched that movie, I created a world called Darcon. That was the place where all of my drawings and all of my stories went. So if I ever lost or ruined any pieces of paper that I drew pictures on, it didn't matter, because the images were sent to Darcon to become real, just like Fantasia in the movie, which is the place where all human fantasies become real.

Darcon took a lot of images that came from my dreams at night. There is something I saw in the 'His Dark Materials' books that I'm reading right now, an idea that there are many 'worlds' overlapping each other, and that you can somehow cut through from one world into another world that is slightly different from your own. I've read that idea in other fantasy books in the past, and it happened on Darcon too. There was a gigantic cylindrical room where the walls were covered with lit candles, and a million different tunnels ended in that room, and each tunnel went to a different world. It was a crossroads where you could get to any of the worlds from one place. And I think that cylindrical area was something I saw in a dream.

It's strange to think that even back then, when I thought my dreams were my own, they were probably being created by someone else and given to me. It reminds me of something they said in the Matrix - they were riding in the car on the way to see the Oracle, and Neo saw a restaurant where he used to eat. He used to love going to that restaurant. They had really good noodles. And he wondered what it meant, if none of that was real. Trinity said it means that the Matrix cannot tell you who you are. That applies here. All those dreams I had at night were 'really good noodles.' I enjoyed them, and I used them to write my stories, (yes, it's someone else talking and using metaphors, don't worry), but if those stories weren't really 'me,' that's reality. It means I don't know what kind of stories I would have written on my own. It means I have to accept the real me, whoever she is. It means that I might write stories that are more boring and less creative and less beautiful than that, and I have to accept that if it happens. It means that if I write something that isn't as good, it's still good because that's who I am. It's an expression of the real me, even if it turns out to be boring.

I think about books that were written long ago, like in the 1800s, after they made the printing press and more books started being published. They had books like Journey to the Center of the Earth (I don't know what year that was written - it probably wasn't in the 1800s, it may have been later, I don't know, I'll have to look it up - YES!  It was in the 1800s.). I used to think that those books sounded like they would be stupid and boring and uncreative. I looked at some of those old books. I thought they seemed unimaginative. But what would you write if nobody was putting ideas in your head? What would you write if you had to think up a fiction story all by yourself, and you had never seen lots of amazing things, on television, on the internet, in video games, in other people's stories, at a time when there weren't many books that had ever been written, because we didn't have printing presses until now? Of course they would be boring and unimaginative. They didn't have any other people giving them ideas. They were the first ones to ever do this.

That's how I want to write. I want to write something that might seem simple and boring and unimaginative, because nobody else is giving me ideas. Whatever it is, it will come from my true self.

Why aren't there any TV shows like the original Twilight Zone nowadays? The Twilight Zone was cheap and low-tech. But they asked strange questions and imagined bizarre possibilities. I remember one episode where a guy shrank and became really small and - I don't even remember what happened, actually. But imagine nowadays trying to make a show about a guy who became really small and was running around doing things as a small person. We have 'Honey, I Shrunk The Kids' and it's a big budget movie. And it's got a different spirit than The Twilight Zone. The Twilight Zone was asking, 'What if this "rule" was changed?' Like what if the law of gravity was different. How would that change the world? What if you changed some other 'rule' that we all take for granted? What ARE the 'rules,' anyway? I don't see many TV shows questioning the 'rules' nowadays, the assumptions that we all take for granted. What if something we all thought was true, wasn't true? What if something we thought was normal, was changed so that something else was taken as normal? They asked a lot of interesting questions in The Twilight Zone.

If I could write stories from inside a box where people didn't interfere with my mind, could I ask questions like that too?

I think I've said most of what I wanted to say. The basic idea is that I have been a mind-slave for so long, I don't remember what my own thoughts are like anymore. If the attacks ended and I could be myself again, what kinds of things would I say, feel, think, and do? What stories would I write? What words would I say in a conversation? How would it feel to love someone and be myself instead of being a fake person created by the attackers, being forced to do what they told me to do?  How does it feel to be a real person?