continuing caffeine withdrawal... I hope this lasts.

11:20 AM 5/9/11

This is my third day of caffeine withdrawal. I would like to completely quit again. There is always a reason why I start using caffeine again after having quit it. It's usually something like this: I'll be doing fine off caffeine for a couple of weeks until the maintenance people spray pesticides all around the area. Then all of a sudden I am completely incapacitated with total exhaustion and I can't even get up in the morning to go to work.

I usually do better quitting caffeine in the summertime than I do in the wintertime. In the winter, my whole body hurts, and caffeine is the only thing that soothes it so that I can move. Also, every apartment that I live in has moldy air, although it's been worse in some places than in others. The moldy air is trapped inside in the winter and it makes me more exhausted.

When I'm off caffeine, I tolerate bad music better than usual. I can endure listening to music that I dislike, when I'm off caffeine. I am less impatient with it.

I also am more depressed. Coffee cheers me up. It seems to be an antidepressant. When I use the vivarin pills, they don't have the same antidepressant effect that coffee has, not as strongly, so it's one of those other chemicals in coffee that does it.

I am more relaxed, but I am not sleeping better, for several reasons. One, I am still attacked and forced to fall asleep and forced to wake up when some murderer someplace pushes a button on a machine. So quitting caffeine hasn't helped me get any better sleep. Two, I still am having reactions to the other drug residues on all my stuff, and I actually notice them much more when I'm off caffeine. I can clearly feel each reaction I'm having because I'm not already on any stimulants, so I notice a big difference when I get hit with ephedra or whatever.

I seem to be slightly more willing to do household chores, as right now I'm washing the McDonald's uniform, but I'm not sure if I'll stay that way. That's also mostly because of the warm weather.

I'll see how it goes as I go through the work week. After a couple days of work, I will most likely be dead exhausted and will be drinking coffee again.