Still connected; reading about taxes; the attacks have been worse than usual today; I'm happy to be learning something again; IRS employees are human.

10:30 AM 5/11/11

I'm still able to connect this morning.

After I woke up and ate breakfast, I started reading a big document that I printed out from the IRS website. I found it through Wikipedia's page about tax deductions. It was easier to find pages on the IRS website by looking in Wikipedia than it was to find them by looking at the IRS page itself. The categories on the IRS page are weird and I can't understand them at all. How on earth would I know which category to look in for some obscure, specific thing that I've never looked at before? Maybe after using the website over and over again I would get used to it and I would remember which categories led to what, but the first time you look at it, it's total gibberish.

So I was reading this big document about taxes for small businesses. And I was enjoying it. I actually enjoyed carefully reading this document, underlining some words with a pen, writing a question in the margin. I have known people who talked the way those people write. There's a particular lady who I used to work with who I think was an LSI and she talked that way. I respected her but didn't really 'like' her personally. Actually, she could have been an LSE, too. I wouldn't have known well enough back then. I'm trying to recognize the LSI style of writing, and I'm assuming that the IRS is largely an LSI realm.

Anyway the feeling was that, when I was reading this, these people seemed human. I always say that the individual people who are employed in government are not the ones to blame for it. And I don't know what to do to dismantle the government - I've thought about it on and off for years since becoming a libertarian (and I call myself an anarchist now).

I'm reading this to prepare for working with my bookkeeping job's tax deductible items. I'm not going to just say 'I can't do it.' It's true that I can't do it right this instant. There is a ton of stuff that I don't know. I made him aware of that from the beginning.

I think he picked me because he saw my advertisement at just the right moment. He had a mess when he brought his stuff to H&R Block to do his taxes, and he was getting overwhelmed with work in general, and somebody told him, 'You need a bookkeeper.' So he saw my ad, saw the word 'bookkeeper,' and ripped off a tab from the paper and wrote to me. My ad actually said that I was a novice and I wanted an opportunity to learn. I did not claim that I was experienced - instead I actually wrote on the ad that I had done my own bookkeeping at home, and I didn't have experience in a business environment, and wanted to get it.

Whatever I can or can't do, I can at least help a little bit. He has a big pile of receipts and something needs to be done with them. That will be the place where I start.

The more I read, the more questions I keep thinking of. I'm not sure how we're going to do particular things.

I'm feeling okay off caffeine for now. I will probably be okay until there's a big pesticide incident or something like that - it's always something that I have no control over, something I have no choice about. It's almost always the pesticides that totally destroy my life whenever I'm doing okay. I am living in apartments, and all apartments are treated with pesticides. It would be hard to find one that wasn't. That would have to be my priority above all else while looking for an apartment. It would have to not have any mold and no pesticides. But 'where am I going to live' is a separate issue right now. I've been thinking I want to live in my car.

The manager at work got my vacation request. I talked to him yesterday. He's going to schedule it in as soon as he can. I'm allowed to do a two week vacation.

I like learning something again. It's been a while since I studied bookkeeping. I would have continued doing it, but everything in my apartment gets contaminated, and the bookkeeping stuff does too. There was an incident, and I don't want to talk about it because it makes me angry. I had a bunch of stuff on the floor in a particular place and it got ephedra all over it. I had originally kept all the ephedra footprints down at the bottom of the steps, but somehow someone tracked it up the steps.

(The murderers are being worse than usual this morning, and they harassed me as soon as I felt angry a second ago while remembering this incident. They say phrases that are intended to provoke rage, to make me even more angry than I already am. I am reluctant to say what it was they said, because people might think that it's funny. But what they said was, 'Niiiiiiice kitty,' like it's a joke. They often call me a 'tiger' whenever I get angry, and 'tiger' is one of the trigger words that provokes rage and makes me even more angry if I am already angry - not if REAL people say it, but if the voices say it. Their jokes are never funny. I don't know why they are worse than usual today.)

The people entering my apartment were the maintenance people and the landlady. I also had one incident where I myself might possibly have tracked it up the stairs. Anyway after that, the footprints got all over the area where I had been keeping the books and papers on the floor, and everything was ruined. It is impossible to sit there touching papers and reading books when ephedra goes through your skin - it gives you an intolerable, unbearable sensation.

So nothing in my apartment, nothing in my possession, is safe, as long as I have any drug residue contamination at all. That is the reason why I haven't tried again to continue studying bookkeeping.

I will get a two week vacation. I hope to go through a large number of my belongings and get rid of as much as I can. I don't know how long it will take. Realistically, I'm guessing that I will get less than 1/10th of the project finished in two weeks. I'll be lucky if I even get 1/20th of the project done. The rule is 'Everything takes longer and costs more.' That is true. (It's something people say.) Still, the tiny bit that I get done will be more than I've gotten done in all this time while working.

(I googled 'everything takes longer and costs more,' without the quotes, and found some of Murphy's Laws. I started laughing when I got to #10, 11, and 12, about documents that should exist, but don't. I liked a couple others too - #41 made me laugh.... I'm still reading - I'll just assume a whole bunch of other ones will make me laugh.)

http://www.theotherpages.org/quote-15.html

If nothing happens to force me to get exhausted and start using caffeine again, then hopefully I will be healthy and energetic enough to do it. I do feel better in some ways while being off coffee. Coffee works extremely well the first and second time I use it, after not having used it at all. Then it works less and less well, and finally, it's just there to reduce the withdrawal symptoms from the previous cup of coffee, and it hardly gives you any energy at all. And it's been giving me mental energy but not physical energy, not productive energy.

The murderers were much more laid back whenever I visited West Virginia. A large number of the different types of attacks were not happening. Some attacks still happened, but they were fewer and less severe. I'm guessing it will be like that in rural, less populated areas, and I'm also guessing that the background noise from cell phone towers is one of the things adding to the overall stress, and that they are involved in the attacks somehow. I don't know where the attacks come from, and I won't know until I get some kind of detection equipment, and I can't get any equipment of any kind until I am able to earn more money than I spend, and not be forced against my will to waste it on useless things that I don't want.

Anyway, like I said, it feels good to be learning something again. I really love learning. If I didn't have to work all these hours and be physically and mentally exhausted, I would have just kept on learning things, all this time, all these years. I would have learned millions of things by now if I hadn't always been exhausted from working. And also, from being attacked. If I could sleep every night all the way through without the murderers zapping me awake and without their giving me fake dreams, if my brain were allowed to freely dream whatever it needs to dream, so that it can process information and heal itself and do whatever dreams do, then I would have kept on studying and I would have continued doing creative things like writing music. I would do so many things if I had free time. Chronic fatigue takes away all of your free time.

I will get back to reading now, but I wanted to express that feeling, that I love learning, and I'm happy to be reading that document, even though it seems like it would be the worst and most unpleasant thing to read - how could anybody feel happy while reading about TAXES? But I do. I'm going to be the person who does that for someone else. Everyone hates taxes and bookkeeping. And I also had to express the feeling that the people at the IRS are human, because sometimes, I imagine them to be evil monsters, during the times when I hate the system. The whole system, it's true, it's doing evil, in so many ways, but most of the employees of the government are just people doing their jobs and they don't have control over what the whole system is being used for.