request recipient

I am having an intense reaction to someone who is my socionic request recipient, if I have identified that person correctly. I didn't realize that my schedule change would cause pain to that person, but it did. I've changed my schedule back somewhat and will be seeing that person more often. Now I am feeling an intense desire to bond with him or make up for it somehow, but I am also aware of this feeling that the slightest bond at all is a lifetime bond. I don't know how to balance that and express it, while at the same time, knowing that we aren't duals, and our relationship will have some strain, but nevertheless there are intense feelings that I want to express, and I am picking up feelings from him as well. It is not necessarily sexual, but yet, it is in some ways. It is intensely emotional. And I have that feeling that there are things I want to tell him about, and I have this desire to make sure that he is happy and he gets what he wants in life, especially in love. I want to tell him that I know what kind of woman he is looking for. I even feel a desire to help him find her.

I know if we spent a lot of time together, we would feel the strain after a while. I can feel it when we work together for long periods of time, but in the beginning, when we first see each other, we feel refreshed and have intense feelings and a desire to connect. I would want to have a conversation and tell him things, but I would also need a boundary to make sure that we do not exhaust ourselves in a conversation that goes on for too long without any restrictions. I don't want our interactions to become an unpleasant burden that we both dread. I want us to know our limitations.

This is one of those times when I feel like reading about touch deprivation again. There are cultures where physical contact is much more acceptable than it is here. I could express most of my feelings if only I could touch him easily and have it not be seen as inappropriate. It doesn't necessarily even feel sexual. It feels like emotional torture. And it was unintentional, and I didn't realize that I would be hurting him at all. But he responded intensely and I could not help noticing it, several times. As soon as I understood what was happening, I wanted very much to fix it. I will be spending more time with him now, as I was before. I did not know that he valued me.