I talked on the phone to mom because she left a message on my machine. I told her that I'm planning to live in my car. Her response was as bad as I thought it would be. I typed her as probably an ISFJ years ago - ESI in socionics. So she is behaving very much like the asymmetrical relationship description says she would. She is much more worried about me than I am about myself, and I ignore her advice. I was reading about this in the forum, and they said it's because that person delivers advice through your ignoring function, which is Se for me. She told me to please rethink this, this is not a good idea, you haven't thought it through as much as you think you have, etc. It's true, I haven't found the specific location where I will take showers yet. I might spend a few weeks bathing out of the sink in a gas station bathroom. It's true that I don't know how much it costs yet to go to the YMCA to take showers, or that I don't have a specific person who will let me take showers at their house by arrangement. And I get parasites from bathing in the creek, and the creek is too cold in the winter. I know, I don't have specific plans yet. I'm just moving my stuff out, and I must, and I will. Mom didn't even want me to move my stuff into storage. She asked me why I had to do that, and I said that I must leave this apartment regardless of whether I live in my car or in an apartment. I'm sick of driving 20 minutes or longer to get anywhere. I'm not even as worried about the price of gas - I'm not even consciously thinking about the price of gas. I'm not specifically attributing this decision to the rising price of gas. It's because I can't take enough time off to sort through and get rid of all my contaminated belongings in storage, and there's no way I can take time off work when I have to pay $425 in rent and also buy fast food and also suffer from fatigue and mold poisoning and psychotronic attacks. I am too badly stuck and my situation is hopeless, and it's because of rent more than anything else including gas. Rent is the primary thing that's destroying my life, aside from the income taxes.
Mom also follows the request recipient pattern by offering to send me money, or actually sending it even if I say no. I would have to literally mail the checks back to her. But I gave up because the murderers forcibly prevented me from taking a stand on this issue - I tried years ago to resist getting checks in the mail from mom, but the murderers zapped me while I was trying to summon up the decision to say no to the money. The money will help me stagnate forever while I just sit back and get a free gift with no incentive to change. Mom doesn't know how bad my fatigue really is. It is sometimes totally incapacitating for weeks or months. The only thing to do is stop paying rent. Years ago the people controlling me took the position of "yeah! Take the money!" without understanding how harmful it was to me. They wouldn't let me take a stand. And I tried.
Mom gets even more upset when I try to tell her not to send me money. She says that the money is a sign of her belief that I am a good investment and I will do better in the future. And that is what I expect of myself too, but that doesn't mean I should just freely get money with no conditions or criteria to achieve. If someone invested in my future in a specific way by, for instance, buying me a factory tool that I needed when I already had a factory up and running and was already doing business, then that would be an investment. They would know I was already successful. They would know I was likely to use the money well. But this is just a free ride. Yay, I can just sit here and have problems and someone will pay for me forever!
Meanwhile there are unconventional solutions that would fix everything, but they don't want me to try the unconventional solutions, like living in my car. I want drastic and unconventional solutions, because the problem of high rents isn't going away. The government is going to keep destroying the country more and more. They will raise the debt limit and then go above it and raise it more. There is no debt limit for the government. It is only pretend. Rents will get higher and higher, farmers will go bankrupt more and more, food prices will go up, and this won't stop. It is going to get worse and worse and worse. I don't agree with peak oil, but I definitely believe in "peak government." That's a sloppy mixed metaphor, but still. Government, taxes, and the banking system are going to continue destroying all of our wealth for many more decades. I only WISH the government would reach a peak and then decline.
I was planning on sorting through the stuff in the bathroom today, but I haven't done it yet. I am glad I sorted through the other boxes and found my W2s. Maybe I have just enough energy left to go through the bathroom junk.
I decided I wanted to go online some more.
Last night I saw pirates of the Caribbean. I saw the first movie years ago and thought it was surprisingly good. Not the kind of movie that I love and buy on DVD, but good enough to see once or twice. I liked this recent one too. I liked the subplot with the Christian guy and the mermaid, but it has an uncertain ending. I stayed to the end of the credits hoping to see a resolution but the only thing that they showed was the lady on the desert island. That was after the credits. So I expect the Christian guy might be brought back in a future sequel, hopefully.
After seeing the first movie years ago, I googled "pie rats of the carob bean," and found that someone else on google had already made that joke before me.
I am finally understanding the difference between Ni and Ne. I've been reading wikisocion. Ni is focused on predicting how one particular situation will evolve, and Ne is more interested in how a lot of areas of knowledge fit together, and about how the entire world in general will evolve, rather than just one specific area.
I use Ni occasionally, and in the past, before the attacks, I used to use it to urge myself to take action. I would see the future scenarios and decide that I must take action or else the bad scenario will happen. I would see that the past pattern was continuing into the future.
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