No means no, and I am having a bad morning.

9:34 AM 5/13/11

I am having a battle against 'them' this morning. I am trying to explain to them that 'no means no.' This is something that THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND no matter how many times I tell it to them. They still don't understand it even now that I can explain it in socionic terms. They still believe that 'no means yes' and 'no means maybe' and 'no means I want you to stalk me.' They still see this as a 'power game.' They still want to put fake words in my mouth, so that I become a fake person that nobody likes, because the type of person they like is a person who would never, ever say those things, ever. They like a TOTALLY DIFFERENT TYPE OF PERSON. They like a person who would never, ever say those things, or do those things. If they liked that type of person, THEY WOULD BE MARRIED TO *YOU*!!! The fact that they are NOT married to YOU indicates that they don't like you, they don't like the type of things you say, they don't like the type of things you do, they don't like the feelings you feel, they don't like your strategies, your attitudes, your beliefs - everything about you, THEY DON'T LIKE!!! So why would someone like ME if YOU put YOUR puppet words into my mouth? Do you think it's just because you're 'too ugly' or something that nobody likes you? Don't you think maybe it has something to do with the fact that YOU'RE EVIL AND CRAZY!!!!?

This is one of those days when I know I am going to be fighting with the voices. It's been going on for days and days now, merely because Rick wrote a couple blogs, and 'he exists,' and now it's time for THEM to FORCE me to write emails and comments to him, and THEY will decide WHAT TOPICS I will write about, and THEY will decide WHAT STRATEGY I WILL USE, and THEY will decide WHAT FEELINGS I WILL EXPRESS, ALL OF WHICH ARE REPULSIVE TO HIM!!! If he wanted to be married to someone from THAT particular socionic quadrant, then he would already be! And I'm not naming any names, but it involves: 1. power games 2. domination and submission 3. 'no means something other than no' 4. humiliation and punishment 5. manipulation 6. stalking people and violating physical space and physical bodies by force... and the list goes on and on.

If he wanted to be married to that kind of person, then that is who he would be married to. Do you think that he's just NOT HAPPY in his marriage, and he wants something else? I know, let's give him someone VIOLENT AND ABUSIVE who gets what they want by FORCING people to give it to them!

When you hear a PUPPET talking to you, you can't tell which words are spoken by the person themselves, and which words they're being forced to say. I have NO FREE WILL AT ALL. I am completely controlled 24 hours a day. DO YOU THINK *ANYONE AT ALL* can see what kind of REAL PERSON I am??? Do you think anyone desires ME for ME? How can they if I can't speak a single word without having every single word WRITTEN FOR ME BY SOMEONE ELSE! Without every single second of every single interaction being controlled by someone who has ALL OF THE REPULSIVE ATTRIBUTES THAT WE ARE TRYING TO AVOID!!! Wouldn't you think that the person would HEAR that spirit in the words and the actions of the puppet? Wouldn't that puppet seem like an evil, crazy person to be avoided? This is a person who uses force, disrespects boundaries, humiliates and punishes and tortures people, tells lies, manipulates people, and has NO RESPECT AT ALL for anyone on earth! Don't you think they can HEAR that in all of the fake words and fake actions that I am forced to do! Or do you think he's just a moron and a bad judge of character and he's just too stupid to notice that this person is dangerous and harmful to him?

If you want me to meet people I HATE, and marry THOSE PEOPLE, then, by all means, continue forcing me to say fake words, and do fake things, that are not my own. By all means, continue to display YOUR STRATEGIES, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, and YOUR METHODS OF DOING THINGS, in all of my actions and all of my behavior. By all means continue, if you want me to marry someone WHO LIKES THOSE TYPES OF THINGS. But if you want me to marry someone *WHO I LOVE*, then it will be a person who, just like myself, *PASSIONATELY HATES ALL OF WHO YOU ARE AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR AND ALL OF YOUR SPIRIT*. That is the kind of person I want to marry.