every love is different

Whole raw milk really does cause crying. I stopped buying it for a couple weeks. Then I bought some again last week, and I've been using it in cereal. I haven't eaten cereal in years. (It's a long story, but I had reasons why I wasn't eating it.) Now I've started crying easily and spontaneously at small things, again, just like I was doing the last time I was drinking whole raw milk. I got it from the Amish. It's over a week old, and there's not the slightest hint of sourness or spoilage.

Today, I started singing a song that 'they' put into my head. I had just eaten my cereal and I started singing, out of nowhere, 'I found a picture of you.... those were the happiest days of my life.' And I suddenly burst into tears and I kneeled down on the bed and cried for a minute. It is that line of the song that triggers me to cry. I'm still crying easily right now. It's that milk. I never weep this easily. I feel sad, or I feel pain and hurt, but I don't start weeping easily unless I'm drinking this milk. I didn't take my St. John's Wort this morning. That's because I started my period and I was exhausted and I didn't get up early to do housework, I slept in instead, and I only use the SJW when I'm trying to get up early and do housework. I cry when I'm on my period too, but not always, and not this easily. It isn't because of that. It's definitely the milk.

I gave Curtis a gift. However, I don't know if he opened it. It was in an envelope, and the envelope was sealed shut, with a letter inside. He might have thought it was only a letter, and he might not have opened it yet. He might have set it aside for later. It was an expensive gift. I am going to try to get more gifts like that one. It was the second successful stalking incident. I don't have time to write about it now. I'm getting ready for work. I would like to keep giving them. That is the idea that 'they' are urging me to do. I am agreeing with the idea. It came from them, but I agree.

I was having a panic attack when I was talking to him, so I only saw him for a few seconds, gave him the note, and left. We didn't talk except for a few words. I was panicking too much to even warn him that there was something in the envelope besides just a note.

I learned something. Every love is different. That is my phrase. It's because, long ago, I didn't allow myself to say 'I love you' or use the word 'love' to describe the feelings I had for various people, unless they were 'The ONE.' If you're not 'The ONE,' then I couldn't call it love. That USED to be the rule. I changed that rule. Now I'm allowed to call it 'love' even if they're not 'the ONE.' I can say that I love each person differently, in different ways, for different reasons, and it doesn't have to be perfect or ideal love. So I love Curtis.