looking in his eyes

I googled "octopus garden" (because it was on Carrie's page) and found lots and lots of beautiful artwork. I had to read the lyrics to the song. I don't know why she was talking about that.

I couldn't look him in the eye very much when I stalked him the other day. I did, a little bit, for a few fractions of a second. (The voices have been singing the line from 'Show Me Heaven,' the song I downloaded recently: 'I'm frightened as much as you,' that line. They are trying to tell me that he is as scared of me as I am of him.) Mostly, I looked down at his shirt and his apron, noticing that he's in a different uniform now, not the Weis uniform that I always saw him in.

I can't look in his eyes, when we are standing close to each other, because I feel intensely excited, almost orgasmic, looking in his eyes. It's like there are no boundaries between us and he can see everything that I'm feeling, he can see how vulnerable I am, how desperately I need him. I knew he was at work, I knew he had to get back to work, I knew his co-workers could see us standing there, so it seemed like the wrong moment to merge with his soul and do all the things that I wanted to do with him. So I didn't look in his eyes much.

When I'm on drugs, I can do it. I'm able to look in his eyes and not be terrified.