Stalker blog, continued

This isn't about my stalkers, this is about me being the stalker, in case anyone was wondering.

I found Curtis. I didn't see him yet. I asked a co-worker if Curtis was working today. He said, "Curtis... Curtis... he's new, right? I think he might be working in grocery this evening but I'm not sure because the schedule doesn't say where he'll be." I knew right away when he started speaking that he knew who Curtis was. He didn't scowl or give a 'who the heck is that?' face.

He was at the store where I smelled him.

He's stocking shelves. That is the most boring, dead-end job on earth. I have stocked shelves before. True, it's "easy," quote unquote, but then, boring jobs aren't really easy. They're hard because they're boring. He has a job, and I'm sure he's glad to have a job, but I know he doesn't like it. I think he's in produce some of the time, but not always, because I asked the co-worker who was in produce and he knew him.

So now I know which store to stalk him at, and I have a vague idea of where and when he works. I won't waste any time at the other store anymore. I also won't waste time wondering if 1. he lied, or 2. the web page was fake.

I feel more settled and a little bit happier. However, I still don't know if the emails I got were really from him. The way of speaking wasn't like him, but then, he might have written while drunk, written them as a puppet, or written them with Carrie's help and suggestions of what to say. There were only two emails that I got from him. If I understand correctly, he usually has to type everything on his phone, and now that I'm using a mobile phone I know that's hard to do. He probably checks his email on his phone. He hasn't been using facebook much.

He had a twitter account but isn't using it much. Twitter isn't self-explanatory. All you see is a blank page and no suggestions. You have to search for something in order to get the 'chatroom' feeling of twitter. If you watch television, that's easy - you can always talk about the tv shows you're watching. I don't watch tv, so I have to search for some other topics besides tv shows. "What's going on right now" is always "what's on television right now" for most people.

So I don't know if he hasn't gotten my emails, or if it's too much trouble to read them and answer them from a mobile phone. "Promise me you won't give up," the voices say every time I get hurt and rejected and I try to let go. But I don't know what kind of a future this friendship, relationship, or love affair could have. I will try to reach him and say hello. I also have money that I would give him, but that might not happen if it feels wrong or if he says no to it.

At least I know where he is. That makes me feel better. Until he quits or loses this job, and that's inevitable, because I know something about how it is to live like that. I know how it is to keep a job for a year or two and then lose it. I know about instability and I know about having problems in your life. But he is there temporarily.

And Carrie wrote me back. I will have to tell her that I know where he's working. She offered, again, to tell me where he is. She *really is* offering to help me find him and say hello. She offered twice. I will tell her that I already know.