I talked on the phone to this new guy

seroquel & klonopin

I had a drug residue exposure in my shoes because I went to Fisherman's Paradise today and there was some water on the path that I walked through. My feet got wet, and the residue is always in or on my shoes because it is on the floor of the car. So it went through my feet. After I went home I was in the St. John's Wort mode, and they suggested that I send another email to RDL asking him about JK Rowling.

However, they, or someone else, redirected me, as I have been afraid that I would start getting forced to send large numbers of letters, or inappropriately intimate letters, to RDL, and I would get hurt.

I contacted the Indigo guy who had responded to my ad. I focused the communications on him today. I hadn't talked to him on the phone yet.

I was also reading about introverted ethics, and it looks like Jo Rowling was using that instead of extraverted ethics. I read all about it on Wikisocion. I am finding more and more things connected to RDL's websites, as one thing leads to another, and he's written parts of Wikisocion, but other people have written other parts of it, and I'm not sure which parts are his.

About Jo Rowling:

1. She planned the books years ahead, and stuck with the plan, foreseeing everything that would happen.

2. She says she is like Hermione, that Hermione is a caricature of herself in the story. Hermione is a scheduling person who wrote homework schedules for Harry and Ron. Hermione is a little bit bossy, bookish, and goody-two-shoes: follow the rules, don't get in trouble, be good, and so on.

3. The books are using introverted ethics almost constantly. (If I'm correct about which kind of ethics it is.)

I could be wrong, but I think she's an EII. That's my current theory. 'They' tried to urge me to write to RDL and ask him about which kind of ethics it was, but I looked at Wikisocion instead, as I am trying not to abuse the privilege of emailing him and getting answers, and it would be very easy to abuse that privilege. He would feel guilty for hurting me if I became connected to him and he had to put up a barrier between us. I have to restrain myself instead of doing anything that would cause him to protect himself. So today I directed the communications at someone else.

I ended up calling this guy on the phone this evening. We had had trouble reaching each other and were having some problems, because I am in the middle of a crisis. I am trying to focus everything on getting this second job. I still have a car, and I might want to live out of my car. I need to get it fixed before May, if I recall, for the inspection. I wanted to live out of my car for a long time now. But I need to prepare everything. That probably won't happen for a while because I need to get rid of a lot of my contaminated items and go through everything in the storage unit and get rid of as much as I can.

When I called him on the phone - this is the Indigo guy that I said had an incompatible belief system - he answered and he started telling me right away about a computer problem he was in the middle of working on. I could feel his thought process. There was this feeling of helplessness, bewilderment, and anxiety. It was a feeling of thought processes wandering around or floundering.

I knew exactly what he was talking about because I've gotten pretty deep into my computer too. I've gotten into the BIOS and I've opened up the case and I've seen the BIOS battery and other things. I took an online A+ certification course from the vo-tech school. I've formatted my own hard drive so many times I've lost count (six or seven times now?), and reinstalled Windows and all the drivers. So I understood. But I couldn't solve his particular problem this time, and he was also skillful with computers and he couldn't solve it. He was trying to get someone else to help.

He then began to tell me about the past few years of his life. He has been on dozens of different poisonous drugs and almost committed suicide because of them. He has wrecked four different cars because of the drugs. He was taking those sleeping pills that make you do stuff while sleepwalking, like you'll wake up and find that you're eating some weird food or something inedible, or you drive your car while you're asleep.

He lost everything he had, got divorced, lost his Domino's pizza franchise. People he used to talk to are no longer communicating with him.

The only thing that I'm not sure about is whether I can fix his problem with sleeping. I asked him about when he was ever able to sleep. He said that he wasn't able to sleep very much even when he was a little kid. The Feingold Diet helps with sleep, and when I was a toddler, I never went to sleep, and I would scream and fight and physically push the door open while my mother physically pushed all of her weight on the door from the other side trying to hold me back. My mom said that I acted exactly like the little girl on The Exorcist. I behaved that way every single night until I was four years old, and then they saw a Donohue show on TV that talked about the Feingold Diet for hyperactive kids. So they put my on the Feingold Diet, and I slept through the night peacefully for the first time in my entire life.

I am not sure whether the Feingold Diet would work for this guy or not. I asked him if he had ever tried any special diets. The only thing he tried was a diet that was mostly vegan, with whey protein or something as a source of protein. That's not the same as the Feingold Diet. Not all problems are easy to troubleshoot with the Feingold Diet. He could still have some form of mania that I don't know how to fix. Or he could have vaccine damage, or a genetic or metabolic abnormality, and I don't know all there is to know about those things. Sometimes I think I do, but I don't. I want him to sleep through the night. I know the reason why I myself am not sleeping. But it doesn't explain why he wasn't sleeping when he was a young child.

This was the first time we had ever talked on the phone, but the instant he picked up and started telling me about his computer problem, it was like we had just left off a previous conversation and had been merely briefly interrupted. It was better than any of the previous people I had talked to yet. The one guy I had talked to on the phone, I didn't feel right with. The other guy, I never got so far as to talk on the phone - we emailed and then stopped emailing as I went into my crisis and dropped everything and everybody. (And then there were a few more people who never got beyond a couple of emails.) This crisis was also vaguely connected with RDL as I was feeling that I liked him more than the people I was emailing, but couldn't have him, as he is too far away and he is married and I can't offer him much more than what his wife is already giving him.

It isn't much use if I can simply take him back to where he was as a child, but can't fix the original sleep problem. I don't know if I can do that.

He is still on two drugs. I won't be able to touch him. One of the drugs is an extremely nasty one with a terrible reputation for being addictive, and he said that indeed he is addicted to it, and that's why he's still on that one. This particular drug is a drug from hell when you are trying to break your addiction to it. I will be having reactions and withdrawals if I touch him or touch any of his belongings. I will be severely affected.

On the 'plus' side, if this could ever be called a 'plus,' he has seen the darkness, he knows about it, and he has experienced almost everything that I myself have also experienced, in almost exactly the same way - being poisoned by drugs for years as doctors don't know how to solve your problem; losing everything you own; believing in the existence of mysterious psychic forces that control you (except with me, they're button-pushing live humans instead of psychic forces). I am afraid to get near him, afraid of the poisons and the horrible reactions that I will have to them: and I KNOW I WILL HAVE REACTIONS. And I will go into benzodiazepine withdrawal. He said he was on Clonipin or something, and I'm not sure how to spell it, and he said it was a benzodiazepine.

He is actually in a similar position to my own position, trying to get off drugs but not being entirely off them, but realizing that they are bad and that they are a cause of problems. My drug residues are similar to his 'negative energies' and he might be able to understand what I'm talking about if I explain. I am still reluctant to explain to him about drug residues. I also don't want to have any false hopes about whether the Feingold Diet can help with his insomnia that he's had since childhood. It especially won't help when he and I are both being attacked by murderers who push buttons to wake you up and then burn you so that you become physically unable to go back to sleep.

Joining with this person is joining with another sick person, a fellow sufferer. He understands me, but he is also a danger to me, and we are both drowning at the same time. That is why I was also looking across the ocean at RDL and seeing him as something healthy and untouched by sickness. But I do not want to bring anything bad to him. The guy that I was on the phone with is in about the same level of 'purification' that I myself am in right now. I won't feel like I am making his situation much worse than it already is. If I bonded with RDL, I would be flooding him with brand new darkness and misery that he had never seen before.

With grim resignation I am trying to focus on the person that I talked to on the phone tonight. I have to do whatever I have to do, such as getting rid of a large part of my belongings that are contaminated, and looking for a second job.

I expect to have reactions if I touch him. This is an extremely severe problem and it will cause a very major barrier in our relationship. His drugs will be the foulest, most evil drugs that I have ever been exposed to in all my life. He has been on dozens and dozens of them over the years. All of that residue is in his belongings, and it spreads to everything he touches, everywhere. Even now he is on 'only' two different drugs, but I will get them from his skin and clothing. I am in severe danger from touching him. I am going to read about the symptoms and the withdrawal from the two drugs he told me he was on.

Even just cleaning up the drugs won't be enough, as he originally had difficulty sleeping to begin with, as a child, long before the drugs, and I am not sure whether the Feingold Diet will help with that or not. It helped me, but some people have sleep problems for other reasons. There are a lot of medical conditions that I don't know about, as much as I think I know everything. I don't REALLY know everything there is to know about medicine.

Meanwhile, he said there is a snowstorm coming, and I hadn't known about it. I'm not ready for it. I don't have any food in the fridge except one or two small things. Although, I do have a big bag of nuts and dried fruits that I bought today, so I can have a snack until they get the roads plowed. And actually the things in my fridge will make a couple of small meals.