Sunday, March 27, 2011

Jealousy and mania

There is also jealousy going on. All are males except me. My hyperactive manic babbling, laughing, and playfulness is being taken personally and responded to in a "she's mine" kind of way. The IEE was pretending to bang the table loudly with his hands to make me hurry up, and it was a semi joking thing but I had the "I'm gonna cry" feeling, which I received from him. So I sort of smirked and looked down at the ground and avoided him.

We often look into each other's eyes and he looks at me with a calm unsmiling face. I have always done the magnetic attraction thing when he talks. But why haven't I had sexual feelings yet - several reasons. I usually turn off sexual attraction at work and don't want to date co workers. Second, he has a girlfriend, but that usually either encourages me even more or at least doesn't stop me from liking a guy. It's mostly because he isn't the physical type that I am sexually attracted to. But I often want to hug him and put my arms around him.

He started acting obnoxious to me because I was laughing and joking playfully with the SLI. So when I went on lunch break he continued the obnoxious attitude and said loudly "go! Get out of here! Go,go, go!" One of the manager guys up front was surprised by the "attitude" and commented about it. It's all happening because this drug residue lowers my inhibitions and I say everything and fool around more than usual. So we are having a sort of not good day too.

The dual attraction is very strong even though he is not the physical type that I like most. I have always reacted to him strongly but I figured he wasn't likely to be an IEE because I wasn't accustomed to recognizing them. They are always "showing everybody something interesting."

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