mania continuing; song fragments and remakes; bookkeeping is a miracle and I'm going to do it

10:38 PM 3/31/11

I'm still having a reaction, but it's not to the stuff that was on Chris. This is my McD uniform. Some parts of it still have SJW on them and need to either be washed again very thoroughly, or replaced. For the past couple days it's been a combination of something like ovulation and mania at the same time.

I was singing 'Baby you're a firework' at the top of my voice on the way home in the car. It came on just as I was almost home. I was flipping through the stations. I don't listen to the radio because I like what's on the radio. I listen to it because I have to change the song that 'they' are forcing me to hear in my head for hours and hours and hours, and it's often a song that I hate, and they play it because it has a line or two with a 'meaning' that is relevant to something going on. They were playing, over and over again, something about 'all my secrets,' and it's one of those songs where I can't hear the words and don't want to, because the melody is annoying and I don't want to waste my time with it. This was supposedly because I had written to RDL and told him 'all my secrets' or some other stupid thing like that, so I had to hear some song playing in my head all day long that I hated. So that is usually the reason why I turn on the radio, to make the song go away that they are playing in my head over and over. Songs do not get stuck in your head naturally. It is an electronic attack.

Anyway my mania feels like that song. I loved that song the first time I heard it. There is a suspected LSI co-worker (female) who said, 'I'm so sick of hearing that song,' and I said to the guy next to me, (while the LSI girl could hear me) 'How could anybody not like that song?' because he had just said he liked it. I don't usually say anything rude or judgmental like that, but I blurted it out. I don't want to put her down, and that was definitely a put down, and it was not like me. I had been in a bad mood that day. It was shortly after, or during, the Curtis incident from a few weeks ago.

I became even more manic at work today. There was a specific reason why. Not only was I having a reaction for hours and hours because of my uniform, but also, during the slow time when there weren't any orders, I started googling something on my iPod. I was researching the fees that bookkeepers charge.

It turns out that bookkeeping is one of those secret miracles that I wish I had known about a couple decades ago. Why don't they teach this in school? It should be taught to everybody. I mistakenly viewed it as an LSI job for years and years (back when I was calling it an ISTJ instead of LSI), and then only recently found out it is an SLI job (I'm sure LSI's can do it, but I thought it was a job that specifically ONLY THE LSI could do, and that was the mistake. I thought everyone else would find it unbearable, especially an ISTP.). Not only is there a web page saying that they have actually found ISTPs doing bookkeeping in the real world (this was a website where they wrote down types of jobs that real people were doing, according to their personality type), but also, I have done it myself, and it is extremely easy and enjoyable, and I can do it for hours and hours and hours. Bookkeeping is a job where you can start doing it with no education except a Schaum's Outline, and then, they have some free certifications online (that was part of what cranked up the mania), and then, you can charge like $50 an hour to do it, to do an easy job that's extremely fun and satisfying, like playing a computer game, which requires only minimal basic math skills. You can do it from home, and there is no infrastructure and no overhead cost, except for simply paying the rent on the place where you already live.

And it is something that the world needs an infinite amount of. Wherever there is money, there is bookkeeping. Wherever there is profit and loss, there is bookkeeping. It might seem like a competitive job that lots of people are doing, instead of a unique, scarce market niche, but it's not like that. The job is so valuable and so badly needed that it doesn't matter that everyone else has already figured out that bookkeeping jobs are a miracle, and you're the last one to figure this out (the last one to get on the gravy train, lol - actually, it probably won't be as much of a miraculous gravy train as I'm imagining - this is the mania talking), and everyone else has already taken all the clients from you.

I am going to start in an informal way, by doing something simple like helping Grandma balance her checkbook and pay her bills. I am not going to be helping a business to do anything complicated yet, although I do know how to do some of that stuff. I am going to start small. 'Helping Grandma' is just my mental image of which kind of person I will be working with. (I don't have any living grandmothers.) I'm sure there are little old ladies out there who don't know how to balance the checkbook after their husband dies, because my mom told me that, when my grandfather died, my grandmother didn't know how to do the checkbook by herself. I'm sure this happens to other people. There will also be young people and people of all ages who don't know how to do it, don't like math, don't have time, or whatever.

So I am not even going to officially do 'real' bookkeeping in the beginning. I am just going to gain confidence by helping ordinary neighbors do very small tasks, while I also keep on learning how to do more stuff. And I was excited to find the free online certification for bookkeeping. I'll get that. 'Bookkeeping' and 'accounting' are not the same thing. Accounting is the one that requires a license and college education and all that. Bookkeeping is the low-level stuff that anybody can do and you don't need to have a license to call yourself a bookkeeper. Anybody can call themselves a bookkeeper without getting in trouble for it. It's the same as not needing a license to call yourself a secretary, or something. A bookkeeper is nothing. And yet, for 'nothing,' it's an extremely valuable, high-paying service that an SLI can enjoy doing.

That was what cranked up the mania even more while I was at work. I was excitedly looking at the rates that bookkeepers usually charge, and the free online certification (which would help me feel confident, and find out if there were any areas of knowledge that I needed to learn more about).

I wanted to remake 'Firework' by transposing it down to my lower singing range, and I would have all the instruments be acoustic instead of electronic. I sometimes say that I can't sing, but I *kind of* can sing, it's just not very pleasant when I sing at higher pitches and my voice is dry, wispy, and nasal, instead of rich and strong. My voice is much richer when I sing alto, not soprano. The other thing is that I have high standards of what is a 'good' singing voice, whereas, on the radio, lots of mediocre singers are getting away with it (especially when they do rap, ugh).

So I was fantasizing that I could work from home and also start writing music again and I'd buy 'Record' from Propellerheads (because I already have Reason, although not the latest version, but I have enough), and then I'd record my own songs. Then, after getting more money, I'd write songs for acoustic instruments and have them recorded in a good place instead of a junky little home studio (which doesn't exist yet). It doesn't matter if I can sing or not, because I would happily hire someone else to do the singing. I just want them to sing the songs that I've written. I don't write words. It would just be wordless sounds. I could cooperate with someone else who was able to write words for songs. If I were working from home and making lots of money, and cutting back my hours at my 'real' job (though I would stay, because I like the social environment and the people), then I'd be able to write lots of music for real. I wouldn't have a bunch of unfinished song fragments sitting around the way I do now.