'My life sucks, and this is why: blah, blah, blah, and blah.'

8:11 AM 4/1/11

Today's discussion is whether I am a So/Sp or a Sp/So. I might go read 'info from the underground' again... and now that I think about it, I'm curious to look more closely at that website and the people who used to have their discussion forum there years ago.

RDL has talked about non-socionic factors in relationships. He was writing about that and somebody replied, 'Some of that stuff can just be explained by the enneagram and the instinctual stackings.' However, RDL hasn't resorted to calling it 'the enneagram' or 'the instinctual stackings,' but instead talks about it directly as though it is his own observation (and I don't mean to imply that it ISN'T his own observation). He directly describes the behaviors or attitudes, and of course there is a background somewhere that suggested the observation to him, but I get the feeling that he wants it to be seen as slightly different from 'the enneagram' and 'the instinctual stackings.' The observations may or may not be the same as those things. He doesn't call it the enneagram or the instinctual stackings because it isn't exactly the same, it's different.

He said some of the non-socionic factors that would make people different, when they had the same socionic types, were things like 'are they an emotional, physical, or mental type of person,' (reminds me of the three centers: heart, instinctive/gut, and head, from the enneagram, and he would have read Gurdjieff, which I haven't - I've read Riso and Hudson's enneagram books) body type (ecto, meso, endomorph - when I look at this, I am saying things like 'has the Weston Price jaw deformities' as opposed to 'fully formed healthy bone and facial structures,' which includes the structure of the brain, as the brain is also affected by the deformities), how socially aggressive they were (reminds me of the instinctual stackings, but he might want to give it a different emphasis). He looks for opportunities to be slightly different than what has already been done.

Another interpretation is that that's what it means to have introverted logic in the vulnerable position - it said they don't like to explicitly say, 'This is the name of my belief system, and I got it from so-and-so,' because they are not comfortable talking about, and being challenged directly on, the logical rules of their beliefs.

'The brain is also affected by the deformities.' It's in Nutrition and Physical Degeneration. The stereotype of 'the slack-jawed yokel,' and I always forget his name, the guy on The Simpsons - I googled him recently. That stereotype is actually true. There is a type of person who has a lower than average IQ and who also has the severe facial deformities, and it results from either prenatal poisoning or prenatal malnutrition, and I don't know which of those two factors is more important. It's associated with geographic areas that have poor soil with mineral deficiencies, and it's associated also with pesticides (so you see a lot of it in farmers and their children, and in the southeast USA, where they have poor soil AND the presence of pesticides from farming). You see tons of the deformities in farmers and their families as they are covered in pesticides from the fields and they live with that poison surrounding them constantly, on their skin, in their lungs, on the food that they touch when they eat it with pesticide-covered hands - then they get pregnant and have children with extremely deformed necks and jaws and faces and brains. (Other parts of the body are deformed too - WP observed things like shoulders and hips.)

It causes the face, neck, brain, teeth, and the entire head to fail to develop properly, and it DOES affect the IQ and the personality. Weston Price noted that in the places with the fewest deformities they also had well adjusted people and almost no crime. The criminals were people living in the towns and cities, people who had extremely severe deformities, worse than average. You can see the deformities almost everywhere, but they are usually mild. There really is a connection between visible appearance of the face, and the personality and the intelligence. The brain itself is physically misshapen and unable to develop fully.

Also, the jaw, sinus, neck, and throat deformities will cause some people to have obstructive sleep apnea, which will cause all of the side effects that sleep apnea is known to be associated with, such as lower IQ and poorer functioning overall.

(I forgot to mention that some of this comes from heavy metal poisoning, too. So you can get it from, for instance, drinking tap water from lead pipes. The ancient Romans started using water pipes made from lead, and I got the impression that they were made with A LOT of lead, not just a little bit of lead here and there on a mostly lead-free pipe. The people in Rome would have suffered from constant lead poisoning from their water pipes. It isn't as bad with pipes today, but there are other metals, and there is lead here and there. Other metals are still not good for you, but less toxic than lead.)

Weston Price said that they found the deformities in the skulls of SOME of the primitive groups from long ago in certain areas because of mineral-deficient soil. In the primitive times, they would not have imported foods from other areas, so they would have eaten ONLY local food and NOTHING BUT local food. This is one reason why it's still a good idea to have SOME of your food imported from elsewhere, especially if you live in a place that has mineral deficient soil. That's a way to get minerals that aren't in the soil in your area. I believe in growing local food, and I don't like the government and economic forces that cause people to get all their food from 'factory farms,' however there is still a need to deliberately try to get food that comes from places that have the highest mineral content in their soil, or from the sea. It doesn't have to be all the food, it just has to be a supplement.

I don't advocate taking pill supplements for vitamins and minerals. The synthetic vitamins cause unwanted side effects and can be dangerous. Synthetic vitamins cause symptoms of allergies because some of the chemicals in the vitamins are similar to histamine (or else they trigger your body to produce its own histamine - I forget), the chemical that your body produces as part of an allergic reaction - this is why they give you antihistamines for allergies. I want to find the reference to this - I think the phrase was 'induces histamine production' or something like that. Mineral pills are bad too, because they are in an inorganic form, usually, and if you take magnesium, for instance, you can have heart symptoms like palpitations and heart fluttering, and panicking, and other heart problems.

If you have lots of allergies to miscellaneous things, a quick way to troubleshoot that is: stop taking ALL vitamin and mineral pills. The allergies will disappear instantly within a day or two. I have observed that when I am eating cereal, just plain old ordinary cereal, the stuff that's 'fortified with such-and-such vitamins and minerals,' plain old cereal that I always ate when I was a kid - it causes me to become more allergic and hypersensitive to everything, and I have lots of allergies that I don't usually have, such as allergies to dust, and I sneeze frequently. So you have to stop taking synthetic vitamins that are hidden in your foods, too, and it's usually in vitamin-fortified cereals.

The vitamins are manufactured from chemical processes. Who knows what residues of unreacted reagents are left over afterwards? The chemical precursors to the synthetic vitamins could be toxic chemicals, but they reassure us by saying 'Oh, that stuff's all gone by the time the vitamin is made,' but they can't promise that every single molecule of the reagents have been used up. Only the LIMITING reagents have been used up completely! The other reagents will still be in excess. The resulting substance is X% pure. There will be some impurities, and some of those impurities are unreacted reagents and precursors. (I guess the word 'precursor' is the wrong word here. 'Precursor' usually refers to a naturally occurring substance in the body that forms into something else in the body. It usually doesn't refer to manmade chemicals.)

Synthetic vitamins are manmade chemicals. To live a chemical-free lifestyle, you have to get rid of synthetic vitamins and minerals. However, synthetic vitamins and minerals are better than NOTHING AT ALL. If you have a truly horrible diet and are not eating any nutritious foods at all, then you will be better off if you eat some foods that are supplemented with synthetic vitamins and minerals.

Some examples of places: zinc in Ukraine - my nutrition teacher in college mentioned Ukraine as having some areas with soil that didn't have enough zinc (and I swear I don't know how or why I remembered that, but I did), and if the people there ate nothing but local foods from local soil, they would fail to mature fully and grow to full size, because of zinc deficiency. In Mexico, there are areas with calcium deficiency in the soil, so people don't grow to full size there either. The problem doesn't happen if you import just a little bit of food from elsewhere, and if you eat seafood, you usually get a wide variety of minerals (although seafood is low in zinc if I recall - zinc is said to be something that is found in land animals more than in seafood). So, eating fish in Ukraine might not be enough to get zinc. I could be remembering this wrong and would need to check on it.

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social instinct: I want to be 'THE PERSON WHO...' For instance RDL is 'the guru of socionics' amongst two or three or four other gurus of socionics, people who are known for making websites that bring socionics to the English speaking world. He's enough of an 'important guy' that Wikipedia mentions him with socionics.

I myself am: that lady who hears voices and writes about it. So I am sort of the guru of hearing voices and of electronic harassment, but I don't specialize in the technical knowledge of how the devices work. There are other people out there who write about the weapons themselves. And I'm the guru of transdermal poisons and drug residues (whether or not I *WANT* to be that guru is another story!!! I didn't choose to be the guru of transdermal poisoning and herbal drug residues!).

I'm also the guru of natural dreadlocks and natural grooming. If, for some reason, somebody wants people with authentic, natural, primitive hairstyles, I am the person to ask. I can tell you all about how bad it is to pluck your eyebrows, and that kind of thing. I am different from lots of other people writing about natural hairstyles, because many of them are not following the 'unified principles' of 'do the same thing everywhere.' That would mislead some people to think that I am a 'white square,' introverted logic, but it is something that I got by hearing voices. I didn't think of the principles myself.

Anyway, most other people talking about hair will have inconsistencies, like they will make movies about primitive tribes where everyone has dreadlocks, but the women all still have plucked, arched eyebrows that have been painted on with makeup to make them look thicker, but they will still clearly be perfectly shaped and perfectly outlined (as I complained about after watching '10,000 BC' when my neighbor lent it to me). I couldn't *STAND* the fake painted-on 'thick eyebrows' in that movie and it drove me crazy to see them looking primitive and modern at the same time. And when I get annoyed about it, I'm not thinking to myself 'That violates a principle! The principle says that you should be consistent with your primitiveness!' Instead, I'm thinking to myself, 'You're following stupid rules!' I'm not upset at the mere idea that 'somebody did something which was logically inconsistent and broke a rule.' It's more focused on being upset that they are continuing to follow stupid rules that they shouldn't be following. I'm complaining because 'the rules' are still there, when they shouldn't be.

(I'm talking about this because I keep hearing voices that are wondering about my use of introverted logic. I am trying to describe what I experience when I talk about getting mad over a rule being broken. But most of the rules are an attempt to remove and get rid of other rules that shouldn't be there. It's like making a constitution to create a limited government, and the rule says that you're not allowed to make tons and tons of rules. The rule dismantles other rules that already exist but shouldn't be there. For instance there's an anti-circumcision rule, because circumcision is a 'bad rule' that destroys people's bodies. I'm getting this idea about 'rules' from reading lots of people in forums talking about 'what is introverted logic.')

Strange... it's about rules and inconsistency, but it's a rule that says you must not follow any rules. They give you stupid rules, and I am telling you to get rid of the stupid rules, and the new rule is 'do nothing, and do it consistently.' I'm trying to explain what it is that bothers me about 'violating this principle' and how it connects to introverted logic. It's like the movie (10,000 BC) was supposed to portray what the world was like before we had the stupid rules. But it failed to portray that. They still had the stupid rules in the movie. Even if you're living in a primitive tribe 10,000 years ago, before they invented stainless-steel eyebrow-plucking tweezers, you are STILL required to have perfectly shaped, perfectly arched female eyebrows, no matter what price you have to pay to get them. You still are expected to look in a mirror and make your eyebrows look a certain way by using some kind of tool. And it was obvious that they tool they used to create the 'perfectly arched, primitive-looking thick eyebrows' was: a whole lot of dark brown paint. Some kind of MAKEUP was applied to that lady's eyebrows. I'm not exaggerating, it was extremely visible, they were very obviously 'painted on,' and it drove me crazy while watching this movie. I learned to ignore it after a few minutes, but the annoyance was still there in the background.

The other functions are supposed to 'serve the needs of' the base functions. (It sounded kind of scary when the socionics quadras were described as 'They want to create a world where these particular functions are expressed, while the other functions are made to serve the needs of those functions' or something - I want to go see the exact phrasing again.) This serves the needs of sensing. If you have ever seen people with unplucked eyebrows, you then look at everyone else afterwards and you see that 'something is missing which ought to be there.' It's like seeing people without a nose, or without an arm, or without a foreskin, or appendix, or gallbladder, or wisdom teeth (okay, I can think of lots of examples of real things that our society likes to chop off and then throw in the garbage) or some other body part. You see that something could be there, but it's gone.

(don't get me started on how they chop off and throw in the garbage lots of your essential body organs when you get cancer - for instance, the lymph nodes of the arm next to the breast that had cancer, when there's nothing wrong with those lymph nodes, and you still NEED those lymph nodes - and the cancer was caused by drugs that you were taking, such as hormone replacement therapy after menopause, but nobody tells you that hormone replacements will give you cancer. don't get me started... and what about birth control pills? believe me they have side effects. I became physically violent when I was on birth control pills years ago.)

If you are a hair lover and animal-petter like I am, then you know how pleasant it is to kiss someone's eyebrows, and how can you kiss those disgusting ripped-off eyebrows that are all 'perfectly arched' so that there's a line that's only one hair row thick, or perhaps, all gone, and painted on with a pencil. There is nothing there to tickle your lips.

Kissing the eyebrows over the bridge of the nose is the same way, in fact, even better, because there is a highly sensitive area on the bridge of the nose - it's one of Callahan's Thought Field Therapy tapping points, an acupressure point, the place that you're touching when you do a 'facepalm' and put your hand over your brow to express and reduce an intense emotional reaction. (Roger Callahan observed these self-touching gestures, wondered what their purpose was, and connected it to acupressure, touching particular parts of the skin to give yourself pleasant feelings and relieve stress. He then made this into an official system that you would do deliberately. If you want to get the information for free instead of buying his videotapes, look up 'emotional freedom techniques,' a copycat of TFT.) It's the point that causes you to scowl. Those muscle movements are connected to the sensation that you feel in that acupressure point. It happens when you are feeling emotions, and it also happens when you have physical sensations such as hunger and thirst and tiredness, and also drug use and withdrawal.

Well, this is the kind of thing that I write about when I am in withdrawal from a previous day's sjw residue mania, and have gotten up and had a cup of coffee but no breakfast yet. Hair-and-grooming-obsessed blogs usually happen during that time. Hunger and thirst can manifest as kissing and licking behaviors, while trying to nurse, a pseudo-sexual behavior, which is how I troubleshoot it when it's trying to obtain something it needs by obsessing about people instead of just going and eating something. ('It?')

With me it's strongly connected to the St. John's Wort exposures, because even when I eat and drink, the obsession can still keep going. I have to get either new clothes to wear to work or I will have to wash them extremely thoroughly a bunch of times. If I had my own washer in my house, this wouldn't be a problem. But the washer is outside, down the sidewalk, in a separate building, and it's cold outside and I have to get dressed, which means I have to put on some OTHER clothing that is going to cause a bad reaction (since I don't have anything clean right now), and I hate putting on clothes just to go outside and do something for a couple of minutes. (Introverted sensing: cannot force themselves to do something painful = can't go out and do the laundry during the wintertime. I can only force myself to run out to my car and go to work, because there will be very bad consequences if I fail to show up for work every day.)

Putting on clothes is actually a very big problem because of the reactions I have to the residues on them. If I put on my clothes, I will have to take a decontamination shower afterwards. The clothes that I have right now aren't THAT severely bad, but they have been at times in the past. I've had times when I would develop tachycardia a few minutes after putting my clothes on because there was ephedra residue or some of the other herbal drug residues on the clothes, and I sometimes had tachycardia as high as 150 beats per minute, which would go back to normal as soon as I did a thorough decontamination shower and took off my clothes.

Some of the symptoms go away after only a few minutes. But some of them linger for hours after one small exposure. After you remove ephedra from your skin, the body takes about four hours to metabolize the poison, so, for instance, if you have insomnia, you will still lie there awake for four more hours after you've taken the decontamination shower, and this is a VERY BIG PROBLEM whenever you are trying to go to sleep and get up for work the next day!

It's not just a 'big problem,' it's a 'life-ruining disaster.' The ephedra reactions are so life-ruining, you have to decontaminate everything simultaneously - if you take a shower, you have to make sure that the washcloth and towels are clean - so I went for a long time using disposable paper towels to wash in the shower - yes, they do rip apart a little bit, but not as badly as you might think - and then dry off with paper towels afterwards. Then you have to walk across the floor where the residue footprints are. They are impossible to shampoo out of the rug. So you can do what I did, and cover the carpet with big areas of cardboard, but some accident will usually happen and the cardboard will quickly get ruined. So I put on shoes and socks when I walk across the floor. The socks have to be clean also. If shoes get ruined, then they ruin every pair of socks you put into them.

YOU CAN'T IMAGINE IT UNLESS IT HAPPENS TO YOU. If anyone wants to see for themselves whether or not it's true that ephedra seeds will cause an extremely severe outbreak of residue contamination that NEVER GOES AWAY after YEARS AND YEARS, then feel free to google the natural medicinal herbal seed companies that I bought my ephedra sinica seeds from. As far as I know, they are still legal.

Here is a summary of the chain of events that led to my buying the ephedra seeds: 1. Severe chronic fatigue. I know NOW what was causing it, but I didn't know then. So I wanted to grow my own stimulant drugs. I was already interested in growing medicinal herbs. 2. I read an article talking about how you can't buy Sudafed anymore because the government was cracking down on meth labs and people who used ephedrine and pseudoephedrine for anything, so I thought that if I was going to acquire ephedra seeds, I should do it now because they would soon be illegal. 3. I mistakenly believed that I would be safe from the dangers of ephedra, if only I used an extremely small dose, which would be taken orally (eaten). I didn't know that you don't even have to EAT ephedra. You 'take a dose' of ephedra merely by touching the seeds with your hands. It goes directly through your skin. And ephedrine never decays. It is still an active drug decades and decades later.

Want to try it for yourself? Go order the ephedra seeds from an online seller. It will be delivered to your mailbox. Your mailbox will become contaminated with ephedra residues after the envelope touches the insides of your mailbox. Every piece of mail in that batch of letters will be contaminated with ephedra residue from the envelope that the seeds are in. Every new piece of mail delivered to you, thereafter, will touch the sides of the mailbox and pick up the residues, until and unless you wipe out the mailbox.

The mail will then be taken into your house - you'll touch the doorknob with ephedra-covered hands - you'll touch the sides of the door and whatever door surfaces that your hands must push or pull on to open the door - the ephedra residue handprints will sit there on the surfaces of your door, waiting to be touched again the next day - your hands may have also touched your own clothing somewhere between your mailbox and your door - and you might be holding the batch of mail pressed against your body, against your sleeves and arms, against your side - however you carry the mail.

You bring the mail in, and you put it somewhere - on a table? in a pile on the floor? in a box? wherever you put the mail. If you put it on the floor, as I did, you will leave a spot of ephedra residue on your carpet. If you notice later, as I did, that there is a spot of ephedra residue there on the floor (it's invisible - you can only notice it if you touch the spot and then notice that you have neverending, incurable insomnia for three or four days in a row until you almost drop dead or have a car wreck - if you can remember WHICH SPOT YOU TOUCHED just before you went into those three or four days of constant insomnia, and if your brain can make the connection to remember that there used to be an envelope from the mail, sitting on that spot), and then try to use a rug shampooer to remove it, you will succeed in spreading a thin layer of ephedra residue over EVERY SQUARE FOOT of the carpet that gets touched by the rug shampooer, because it doesn't completely remove every molecule, it just spreads it more thinly over a larger area.

Normally, you wouldn't notice this when you use a rug shampooer, because 'dirt' is nothing, 'dirt' is harmless, 'dirt' doesn't really matter at all, 'dirt' doesn't cause any life-threatening health problems... so you really don't care that much if the thin layer of dirt gets spread around so that the brown dirt color is slightly paler than before. It's only dirt. Dirt is nothing. You can pretend to yourself that the carpet is now 'clean' because you used a rug shampooer, because dirt is nothing. But ephedra is something. A couple molecules of ephedra will give you life-ruining insomnia that never, ever, ever goes away.

Don't believe me? Want to try it? Ephedra sinica seeds are really cheap and you can order them online. Have fun with that. Have fun throwing away *every piece of clothing you own* after you wash them together in the washer, only to discover that, like the rug shampooer, a washing machine merely spreads a thinner layer of 'dirt' over a larger area of clothing so that it's less visible - it doesn't actually remove all the 'dirt.' It spreads everything in there over every piece of clothing you own, and then contaminates the inside of the washer so that it gets on your NEXT batch of clothing, too. Have fun with that!

Have fun throwing away all of your expensive belongings, into the garbage, because you are too good of a person to try *selling* them to other unsuspecting victims who won't know that there is ephedra residue on this item. If you can't bear it in your conscience to sell things that are going to poison other people, then the only thing to do is throw them in the garbage, and not get any money back from them.

So have fun losing huge amounts of money by throwing your things in the dumpster instead of selling them on Craigslist the way you wish you could do, because you feel responsible for protecting other people against invisible ephedra residues, even though those are the very same people who will tell you you're crazy - you're still protecting them anyway, because your conscience tells you that you're right and they're wrong, and they can't know what they're talking about, they're ignorant, they haven't been through what you've been through, and you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy, and you remember the words that Nathaniel Branden wrote in his self-esteem books and you remind yourself about it: 'It's not what they think, it's what you know.' So you tell yourself not to worry about the ignorant people and what they think, because you know the truth - ephedra residues are real, and they will destroy the lives of other people if you sell your belongings to them, or if you let them move into your apartment with its ephedra-covered rug. So you protect the very people who call you crazy, you protect them in their ignorance, as they will hopefully never experience an ephedra residue contamination that ruins their home and their life.

My house is like a meth lab. The federal employees who go investigate meth labs will know that you have to wear a hazmat suit to go walking around in a meth lab because of things like ephedrine which goes through the skin.

It's not as bad as it was a few years ago (I wonder how the people living in my previous apartment are doing - the rug would have been shampooed after I moved out - but there was nothing I could do - everybody thought that I was crazy, including the landlord and my family, so nobody would listen to me when I told them that the house was not safe for anyone to live in), but there are still some drug residues around, like on the floor of my car, and some of them DO give me insomnia and tachycardia.

(I was adding a bunch of new paragraphs while rereading this... so it finally got back around to the subject of nudity.) After hundreds of traumatic experiences with getting ephedra exposures lasting for hours and hours, I have learned that the safest thing to do is just wear as few clothes as possible. But this makes it hard to go outside, because I live in a stupid culture with stupid rules, a culture that is ignorant about the experiences that I've had with poison-contaminated clothing.

I was already a nudist out of sheer laziness, not on principle, when I was in my own house, but after the problems with drug residue reactions, I became an even more hardcore nudist and I keep the blinds closed all the time and just never wear any clothes when I am at home.

I should probably finish this up, and post it, and go eat something instead of blogging. I blog because I'm hungry. I blog because I have an internet connection. I'm still on the brink of quitting my internet connection by just not paying the bill for it. It's Copper.net, at $11.95 a month, dialup, and I can just not pay the bill for it and wait for it to be disconnected, which will break me of my constant blogging habit... I've been thinking about doing this... it will happen sometime soon... I will then have to blog from the library, which means less frequently. So I can't write a blog post every single day, three or four times a day, saying 'My life sucks, and these are the 200 reasons why it sucks.' I won't be able to post blogs on the spur of the moment about every little tiny detail of every little thought that goes through my mind.

I've been getting ready to do this for a while now... off the net... it would help a lot... I had an excuse, that I was supposed to use the net to research shielding and mind control... but that's not been the reality of what I do. I don't have a choice about what my mind obsesses over, when there are voices in my head telling me what to think about and what to talk about and what to focus on and what to google-search on my next impulse to google something. I've been using the net merely for the purpose of blogging about every little detail of how my life sucks. I still do need to use it to do research, but in reality, that hasn't been happening, and until and unless it really happens, I am just wasting all of this time complaining and blogging. I'll still be able to do that from the library. Just less often. Not three or four blogs a day anymore. 'My life sucks, and this is why: blah, blah, blah, and blah.' I really might just not bother to send that check to copper.net this month...