Monday, April 4, 2011

'Older posts' facebook creeper; pregnancy; I really f*cked it up this time, didn't I my dear?

I had to write this because it made me start laughing. I was thinking that I am a known 'facebook creeper.' I am one of those people who sneaks into your facebook wall and clicks 'older posts' again and again all the way back several years until it finally says 'so-and-so has joined Facebook.' This is the truth. It may take a long time of clicking 'older posts,' but I will get to the beginning eventually. I think I got almost all the way there, but I'm not sure. (My facebook here isn't very old. I shut down my previous facebook account and then got back on.)

So anyway, my being off dialup might be temporary. It's partly because I have things that are becoming more and more urgent, like FINISHING the project of getting a second job, finishing it all the way through until I am actually working somewhere and getting paid. I also need to finish sorting through my contaminated belongings, which is also very important, and it's getting 'urgent' as well as 'important' (yes, I read '7 Habits' long ago, so I know about urgent versus important), because I want to get rid of the drug residues before I get pregnant.

I have wanted to get pregnant for a long time now. I have so many opinions about it. I want to test my theories - will my child really be more beautiful and healthy than I am, if I eat a nutritious diet and avoid exposure to particular chemicals, to the best of my ability? Will the face really be fully formed, without any crooked teeth, without the weak jaw and the small, narrow, shrunken lower part of the face like I have? For my face looks EXACTLY like the pictures in Weston Price's books. I don't have my scanner hooked up, and am not looking forward to the hassle of hooking it up, but I could take a photo with my camera of the pictures in the book instead. If it was a high quality photo, I could use it here to show what the faces look like, and I could talk about the arguments for why he believes it's not genetic. I am totally convinced by the book, although the details of the diet need troubleshooting so that people won't have food poisoning and vomiting as they try to eat things like bone marrow without knowing how.

(Bone marrow wasn't strongly emphasized in the book. It was mentioned, and he mentioned cooking bones in soup stock, but it wasn't like he was talking constantly about bone marrow on every other page. Just once or twice. But Sally Fallon's cookbook does have a 'recipe' for bone marrow. One of the most suspicious parts of the recipe, in hindsight, is the fact that you're supposed to eat the marrow along with a bunch of parsley salad. It turns out that parsley is an anti-emetic - something to stop you from vomiting. Bone marrow recipes usually include parsley salad. Somehow, it seems suspicious in hindsight that the recipe for something includes large amounts of an anti-emetic.)

It's not only the Weston Price faces theory, it's also that I want to experience what will happen to my body when I get pregnant. Pregnancy is a very sexual thing. I've even read about people having orgasms while they were delivering the baby. I want to find out what it feels like to carry a baby inside my body for nine months and then breastfeed it. I want to watch the progress as my body changes over months and months. It will be an intimate bond with a special person who becomes part of me. I will see the face of my husband and my own face reborn in the child, and hopefully, our minds and spirits reborn too, as I imagine the child will be like us.

I have to get ready for work now.

A song I've liked on the radio: 'It was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really f*cked it up this time, didn't I my dear? didn't I my dear?' It's not the words so much as it is the background music. There was an exciting buildup of a guitar at one point. I've only heard the song two or three times, just a few fragments of it.

Off the net... then there won't be six or seven small to medium sized blog posts every single day... how strange...

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