Why did I make the name 'silent soul?'

2:56 AM 4/5/11

I can't sleep well, and I will need to take a shower - this time it is a reaction.

Why did I make the name 'silent soul?'

I am being attacked constantly. There is constant noise in my head. Some of the noise is probably 'ambient' background radio noise, from radio waves that aren't directed at me personally. They're being used for legitimate methods of communication. Other noises are directed at me personally, and they are an attack.

I wouldn't know about this if I hadn't ever experienced life differently. I would have nothing to compare it to. But I remember earlier in life, in other places and other times, when I did not have constant noise in my head.

I had a moment once with Joe, a guy who I dated briefly in college. Maybe this was real, and maybe it was an artificial, attack-induced experience. But we had a moment. He was reading his essay on Bartleby the Scrivener. He was a 41 year old married man, and I was 23. He was very intuitive and used words like 'confluence,' which I never forgot.

While he was reading his essay, as we sat at the bottom of the stairs in the cold, echoing college building, I looked into his eyes while he was reading. As I looked into his eyes, I felt as though I was looking into his soul. I felt his soul through his eyes.

I say it could have been an artificial attack, because they are able to cause you to have strange experiences like deja vu. They can cause you to enter altered mind states. But it felt like it was a naturally occurring event.

There is a desire to look in the eyes of a loved one and feel them and only them, to feel their soul, to be there and only there with them, to be yourself, to be alive. It can only be done in silence and solitude.

You live your life and the time passes by. You need to be alive and real during some of that time.

The rest of the time you are less alive and less real and less you. You go back to society, you do your work and you get paid, you buy your groceries, you ride the bus or your car, you hear the terrible music blaring on the radio, you talk to people you don't like much, you feel the background radiation constantly making noise in your head and your body, and you hear the external auditory noise as well.

RDL and his wife go into the mountains. Why do they go there? What are they trying to do? I couldn't ask them to come back and do something 'more important' to 'help the rest of the world.' They are in this other universe where they themselves are the only thing that exists and the only thing that matters. I have this pain and envy and unbearable longing. I want to be silent. I want to be alive.

I don't know if I really would escape the attacks by simply going far away. Other victims have said that they traveled all around the world and went to isolated islands and other very isolated places only to feel the attacks happening again. There are satellites covering every square foot of the globe, and not just covering it once, but double and triple and quadruple covering the same places. If those satellites send some kind of radio waves to the ground, and I don't know if they do, then you would be surrounded by manmade radio waves even if you went very far away. I don't know what all the satellites are doing and I don't know what kind of electromagnetic signals they send and receive. But I know I've seen maps where every square foot of the entire globe was underneath all the various satellites. They didn't skip a single spot.

The victims don't know how to explain what is being done to them. They can only make theories. They wonder if someone is physically following them on the ground, they wonder if satellites are attacking them, they wonder if flying objects are hovering over them everywhere they go. They don't know how to escape from something they don't understand.

I do know that when I went to West Virginia, the noise in my head was quieter. However, I still got attacked. There are a variety of different types of attacks and different phenomena.

If you never experience a moment of silence, then you don't know what it is to be alive. I have experienced silence in the past. Maybe someday as the world is covered more and more fully by the attack and control zones, no one will remember how to feel alive. They will be born in the zone and they will die in the zone and they will never experience a single moment of freedom in their entire lives.

I was born in the days when it wasn't as bad as it is now. Someday, all the older generations will be dead, and everyone will have forgotten that there was a time when your mind was silent, and you could feel your own soul, and look into the soul of another person, of your loved one. They will forget. No one will be there to tell them.

I don't know how many of the phenomena are caused by directed attacks, and how many are caused by ambient, legitimate, radio background noise from things like cell phones, which people agree to use. I realize that this doesn't address whether or not there are people who don't want to be surrounded by cell phones and radio towers either. I just mean that the noise isn't directed at them personally - it's an unwanted side effect of using radio to communicate.

On a side note, when I talk a lot about radio, I must also say that some attacks are caused by sound waves. I've been more focused on radio recently because I read that some of my phenomena are able to be caused by very low frequency radio waves, when I had formerly believed they had to be caused by sonic attacks. So I recently stopped focusing on sonic attacks as much. Still, sonic attacks do exist, and they are a separate category of attack, and different methods are used to detect them and block them.

I made the name silent soul because I wanted to express that I am still alive in here. Underneath the constant noise, under the attacks and the torture and the abuse, under the constant stream of language and whispers, I am alive. I exist. My silent soul is in here and it is still capable of being silent. The hours of my life go by, and my silent soul is waiting to be silent again.

I do not know the future. They ask me about it sometimes and I tell them what I know.

All I can tell you about the future is this: that you can't imagine just how much people will endure. People will endure and survive almost anything, and they will endure for a very, very, very long time. They will endure and survive unimaginably bad conditions and keep on living in spite of them. This is not a happy vision. I do not want the world to be living in a constant state of endurance, not for myself personally and not for the rest of the world.

The world changes. It does not stay the same. For that reason, there is hope. However, do not hope for an apocalypse. That is the easy way out, the easy solution, the quick way to get rid of people and change things. There is too much wishful thinking involved when people hope for an apocalypse. Some other method of changing the world must be found, some method other than hoping for apocalypse.

I know silence exists and I want to find it again.